‘Supposing I were a soldier going back to the War.’
And I felt ashamed, but I did not dread it less. Cousin Delia
too did not want to let me go. She said that I ought to have
more help at home, a better maid, who would help me with the
children; I said I would try to get one.
I dismissed the little girl I had, and got a good maid, who took
the children out in the afternoons for me. It was much better
while she stayed, and she stayed for about a year. Then the Air
Raids began, and made her nervous, and then she went away.
Walter had been for his ten days’ holiday while I was at Yearsly.
He went to the Roman Wall again, and walked about it by himself.
He came back refreshed, and more cheerful for a time.
The battle of the Somme was in progress at this time. Guy got
a D.S.O., and Freddy Furze was killed.
In September, two Zeppelins were brought down on the East Coast.
Prices were rising fast; food, and clothes, and wages. Coal was
expensive too; it became more and more difficult to manage with
the money we had. I tried to manage; I kept accounts of all I
spent; I tried having herrings for lunch, and tea instead of
coffee for breakfast I tried jam instead of butter; but it seemed
to make no difference.
I had no new clothes this autumn, and Walter had none. He didn’t
mind about it, but I did. I darned and mended, and it took me
a long time; but Eleanor needed new clothes, and I had no time
to make them when the mending was all done; it never was done.
I had to help Ada with the housework, as she helped me with the
children. I was tired all the time, and that upset Rachel. I
had not milk enough, and she began to flag. She slept badly at
night, waking and screaming at four, at three, at two o’clock.
Then I weaned her, and the interminable business of prepared
foods began. It seemed to me that I spent hours in the day measuring
and mixing milk, and cream, and water. No food suited Rachel.
She lost weight, she was cross, she was sick. I grew anxious
about her, and then frightened. I began to think she would die.
At last the food was right, and she recovered; but she was always
a more restless child than Eleanor had been. She would not lie
still in her cot when she was awake, but cried to be picked up.
Since the gardener left off coming, the garden had got untidy.
I tried to cope with it, but there was so little time. The grass
grew long and ragged, and we had no mowing machine. Walter said
we could not buy one, till after the War.
I tried to cut the lawn with shears, but it was not a success.
They would not cut it properly, and the stooping made my back
ache. It ached very often now, and my feet ached and my head.