‘I am sorry.’
He said:
‘Don’t be sorry. There is nothing to be sorry about. I am glad
I met you. My life was very empty before I met you. It can never
be so empty again.’
And I felt suddenly:
‘What is this I am doing? What am I pushing away?’ I felt that
it was wonderful to be wanted like that—and that Hugo did not
want me—and I said: ‘Forgive me. I will marry you if you want
me.’
It was funny, I think, that I said, ‘Forgive me.’ I didn’t know
then why I said it—I just heard myself saying it.
Walter came up to me and kissed me. He did it awkwardly—very
stiffly, as if he did not know how—and I thought how Hugo did
not kiss me on the night of Guy’s party, at Yearsly by the Jasmine
Gate. And I knew as he was kissing me that I had made a mistake.
I felt very cold, and I shivered—perhaps because I had shivered
with Hugo at the Jasmine Gate. But that had been different, quite.
Walter said:
‘Don’t be afraid, my precious. I will try to be what you want.’
And I thought:
‘Does he understand after all? How much does he understand?’