Gloria Hanford opened her apartment door, made a double take when she
saw the living room lights were on, toted up the list of unexpected
guests, and assessed the situation in one brief moment. She stopped
short on one high heel, pivoted, and said to her escort, "Not tonight,
Joseph!"
"But--"
"I've guests," she said, placing a hand flat on her escort's chest.
"But--"
"My guests mean trouble," she finished, shoving. Her escort
disappeared--walking backward and still trying to protest.
Gloria closed the living room door with a gesture of finality, then
turned to lean back against it. She faced her unexpected guests with an
air of exasperated patience, as if by her silence she was inviting them
to hurl the first bolt and by her attitude confident that she could
turn it aside with ease.
She did not have long to wait.
They all started to talk at once. The resulting babble was
unintelligible and the sound of the others' voices made each one of
them stop without finishing. Silence fell again, and in the calm,
Scholar Ross spoke up:
"Under the circumstances, Miss Hanford, I think we have the right to
ask that you explain your actions."
Mr. Harrison grunted. "I say this is a waste of time. Let's get along
with it."
Mrs. Harrison added, "Yes indeed, Scholar Ross. If you'll call the
authorities, we'll sign the complaint."
Mrs. Hanford snapped, "I resent the implication that my daughter is
wholly and solely in the wrong."
Mr. Hanford said, "In my opinion, Bertram Harrison isn't bright enough
to come in out of the rain, let alone being smart enough to know what's
good for him. Now--"
Mr. Harrison growled, "We come calling this evening and find our son
deep under the influence of tranquilizers and the catalytic action of
the mood music prescribed for this philandering young hussy--"
"I'm no philanderer!" cried Gloria. "I'm not married to your cold lump
of lard!"
Scholar Ross spread out his hands in a gesture of supplication, as if
he were pleading with the gods for a return to sanity. "Stop it!" he
cried. "Stop it!"
* * * * *
He turned to Mrs. Hanford with a shake of the head. "I am sorry.
Your resentment of the fact that this affair is your daughter's
responsibility is not going to change it."
"But he's--"
"Please, Mrs. Hanford. This engagement is not a matter of the personal
choice of the participants. It gravely concerns Society. Now, insofar
as the Department of Domestic Tranquility is concerned, it is the
excitable, headstrong, unruly, willful personality that is dangerous
to social stability. The calm and placid ones do not commit acts of
violence. Indeed, Mrs. Hanford, were it not for the quiet, phlegmatic
personality like Bertram Harrison, we in genetics would have a hard
time finding a useful niche for belligerents such as your daughter
Gloria."
Gloria Hanford said something under her breath. Scholar Ross eyed her
suspiciously and demanded that she repeat.
"Cliche Sixteen," she retorted. "It pertains to the problem of leading
horses to water."
He nodded. "Yes. The horse is laudably exercising as much free will
as his equine position permits him. The same platitude can also be
employed to point out that blind stubbornness may prevent him from
doing something that is really a good idea even if someone else did
think of it first."
"I say enough of this nonsense!" snapped Mr. Harrison. "Let's get this
debate over with!"
"Now, just a moment," said Scholar Ross. "You have no legal standing.
Miss Hanford is Bertram Harrison's affianced wife. Under law, any
difficulties between them are strictly a civic matter. Bluntly, sir,
only the party being damaged can sign a complaint, and after making a
complaint it is up to the complaining party to prove that he is being
damaged at the will of the accused."
"Scholar Ross, you and your Department of Domestic Tranquility may know
how you hope to maintain a calm and stable social structure, but you
don't know much about the law," said Mr. Harrison slowly and carefully.
"One only need go back to the early days of common law to find a rather
terse discussion of the proposition of maintaining an attractive
nuisance. The owner of the attractive nuisance has a responsibility to
the gullible citizens who are attracted."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning," said Mr. Harrison, "that Miss Hanford in this pre-marriage
apartment did maintain a series of attractive nuisances. Tranquilizer
pills. Soothing mood music. A person of calm tendencies would find them
most attractive. It was therefore her responsibility to protect the
other party. Now--when Bertram has been properly treated and is able
to testify--I think we'll find that Miss Hanford not only failed to
protect Bertram, but indeed encouraged him to help himself to her pills
and sleep in her bedroom under the soothing influence of the mood music
prescribed for her."
* * * * *
Mr. Hanford snapped, "If this attractive nuisance is as you say,
Harrison, why can't we charge that Bertram did little to protect Gloria
from his own therapy?"
Scholar Ross raised a hand. "Permit me," he said, "to reiterate that
it is the hypertonic, overactive personalities that create social
troubles. A Bertram Harrison lulled into a semi-cataleptic state by the
wiles of a Gloria Hanford would hardly be expected to rise in a sudden
burst of strength."
"So no matter what I do, I'm wrong?" the girl asked.
"Not at all," said Scholar Ross. "It is your direct
responsibilty--your _duty_--to do everything you can to establish a
firm and stable family unit here with Bertram Harrison--"
"Sorry, Scholar Ross," said Mr. Harrison icily. "You haven't really
heard me. Your notion that this affair is a civil argument between an
affianced couple is not true. You imply that no laws have been broken.
You are wrong. I am willing to sign a complaint right now that Miss
Gloria Hanford deliberately induced my son to indulge in her therapy.
It was her means of lulling him into a state of mind that would permit
her to go gallivanting off on a date with another man."
"I am not married to Berty yet!" snapped Gloria. "Dating's still my
right!"
"Oh," snarled Mr. Harrison angrily, "shut up or I'll sign a complaint
that you administered medical treatment without a license! Insofar as
the Harrison family is concerned, this engagement shall be terminated
unfavorably. Come!" he said to his wife. She rose to follow.
Gloria stepped aside, but paused to ask, "Aren't you going to take
Bertie with you?"
Mrs. Hanford said coldly, "He's already been taken to the hospital for
treatment to bring him out of the trance you got him into. And so, Miss
Hanford, will you please step aside and let me pass?"
And Mr. Harrison's parting shot was, "I shall sign my complaints in
the morning--or if he is able, we'll make it thoroughly legal and have
Bertram sign them."
He closed the door firmly.