The Denial of St. Peter
At the moment when Jesus uttered the words, 'Thou hast said it,' and
the High Priest rent his garment, the whole room resounded with
tumultuous cries. Peter and John, who had suffered intensely during the
scene which had just been enacted, and which they had been obliged to
witness in silence, could bear the sight no longer. Peter therefore got
up to leave the room, and John followed soon after. The latter went to
the Blessed Virgin, who was in the house of Martha with the holy women,
but Peter's love for Jesus was so great, that he could not make up his
mind to leave him; his heart was bursting, and he wept bitterly,
although he endeavoured to restrain and hide his tears. It was
impossible for him to remain in the tribunal, as his deep emotion at
the sight of his beloved Master's sufferings would have betrayed him;
therefore he went into the vestibule and approached the fire, around
which soldiers and common people were sitting and talking in the most
heartless and disgusting manner concerning the sufferings of Jesus, and
relating all that they themselves had done to him. Peter was silent,
but his silence and dejected demeanour made the bystanders suspect
something. The portress came up to the fire in the midst of the
conversation, cast a bold glance at Peter and said, 'Thou also wast with
Jesus the Galilean.' These words startled and alarmed Peter; he trembled
as to what might ensue if he owned the truth before his brutal
companions, and therefore answered quickly, 'Woman, I know him not,' got
up, and left the vestibule. At this moment the cock crowed somewhere in
the outskirts of the town. I do not remember hearing it, but I felt
that is was crowing. As he went out, another maid-servant looked at
him, and said to those who were with her, 'This man was also with him,' and
the persons she addressed immediately demanded of Peter whether her
words were true, saying, 'Art thou not one of this man's disciples?' Peter
was even more alarmed than before, and renewed his denial in these
words, 'I am not; I know not the man.'
He left the inner court, and entered the exterior court; he was
weeping, and so great was his anxiety and grief, that he did not
reflect in the least on the words he had just uttered. The exterior
court was quite filled with persons, and some had climbed on to the top
of the wall to listen to what was going on in the inner court which
they were forbidden to enter. A few of the disciples were likewise
there, for their anxiety concerning Jesus was so great that they could
not make up their minds to remain concealed in the caves of Hinnom.
They came up to Peter, and with many tears questioned him concerning
their loved Master, but he was so unnerved and so fearful of betraying
himself, that he briefly recommended them to go away, as it was
dangerous to remain, and left them instantly. He continued to indulge
his violent grief, while they hastened to leave the town. I recognised
among these disciples, who were about sixteen in number, Bartholomew,
Nathaniel, Saturninus, Judas Barsabeas, Simon, who was afterwards
bishop of Jerusalem, Zacheus, and Manahem, the man who was born blind
and cured by our Lord.
Peter could not rest anywhere, and his love for Jesus prompted him
to return to the inner court, which he was allowed to enter, because
Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus had, in the first instance, taken him
in. He did not re-enter the vestibule, but turned to the right and went
towards the round room which was behind the tribunal, and in which
Jesus was undergoing every possible insult and ignominy from his cruel
enemies. Peter walked timidly up to the door, and although perfectly
conscious that he was suspected by all present of being a partisan of
Jesus, yet he could not remain outside; his love for his Master
impelled him forward; he entered the room, advanced, and soon stood in
the very midst of the brutal throng who were feasting their cruel eyes
on the sufferings of Jesus. They were at that moment dragging him
ignominiously backwards and forwards with the crown of straw upon his
head; he cast a sorrowful and even severe glance upon Peter, which cut
him to the heart, but as he was still much alarmed, and at that moment
heard some of the bystanders call out, 'Who is that man?' he went back
again into the court, and seeing that the persons in the vestibule were
watching him, came up to the fire and remained before it for some time.
Several persons who had observed his anxious troubled countenance began
to speak in opprobrious terms of Jesus, and one of them said to him,
'Thou also art one of his disciples; thou also art a Galilean; thy very
speech betrays thee.' Peter got up, intending to leave the room, when a
brother of Malchus came up to him and said, 'Did I not see thee in the
garden with him? Didst thou not cut off my brother's ear?'
Peter became almost beside himself with terror; he began to curse
and to swear 'that he knew not the man,' and ran out of the vestibule into
the outer court; the cock then crowed again, and Jesus, who at that
moment was led across the court, cast a look of mingled compassion and
grief upon his Apostle. This look of our Lord pierced Peter to the very
heart,--it recalled to his mind in the most forcible and terrible manner
the words addressed to him by our Lord on the previous evening: 'Before
the cock crows twice, thou shalt thrice deny me.' He had forgotten all
his promises and protestations to our Lord, that he would die rather
than deny him--he had forgotten the warning given to him by our Lord;--but
when Jesus looked at him, he felt the enormity of his fault, and his
heart was nigh bursting with grief. He had denied his Lord, when that
beloved Master was outraged, insulted, delivered up into the hands of
unjust judges,--when he was suffering all in patience and in silence. His
feelings of remorse were beyond expression; he returned to the exterior
court, covered his face and wept bitterly; all fear of being recognised
was over;--he was ready to proclaim to the whole universe both his fault
and his repentance.
What man will dare assert that he would have shown more courage than
Peter if, with his quick and ardent temperament, he were exposed to
such danger, trouble, and sorrow, at a moment, too, when completely
unnerved between fear and grief, and exhausted by the sufferings of
this sad night? Our Lord left Peter to his own strength, and he was
weak; like all who forget the words: 'Watch and pray, that ye enter not
into temptation.'