That a man ought not to reckon himself worthy of consolation, but more
worthy of chastisement
O Lord, I am not worthy of Thy consolation, nor of any spiritual
visitation; and therefore Thou dealest justly with me, when Thou
leavest me poor and desolate. For if I were able to pour forth tears
like the sea, still should I not be worthy of Thy consolation.
Therefore am I nothing worthy save to be scourged and punished, because
I have grievously and many a time offended Thee, and in many things
have greatly sinned. Therefore, true account being taken, I am not
worthy even of the least of Thy consolations. But Thou, gracious and
merciful God, who willest not that Thy works should perish, to show
forth the riches of Thy mercy upon the vessels of mercy,(1) vouchsafest
even beyond all his own deserving, to comfort Thy servant above the
measure of mankind. For Thy consolations are not like unto the
discoursings of men.
2. What have I done, O Lord, that Thou shouldst bestow any heavenly
comfort upon me? I remember not that I have done any good, but have
been ever prone to sin and slow to amendment. It is true and I cannot
deny it. If I should say otherwise, Thou wouldst rise up against me,
and there would be none to defend me. What have I deserved for my sins
but hell and everlasting fire? In very truth I confess that I am worthy
of all scorn and contempt, nor is it fit that I should be remembered
among Thy faithful servants. And although I be unwilling to hear this,
nevertheless I will for the Truth’s sake, accuse myself of my sins,
that the more readily I may prevail to be accounted worthy of Thy
mercy.
3. What shall I say, guilty that I am and filled with confusion? I have
no mouth to utter, unless it be this word alone, “I have sinned, Lord,
I have sinned; have mercy upon me, forgive me.” Let me alone, that I
may take comfort a little before I go whence I shall not return even to
the land of darkness and the shadow of death.(2) What dost Thou so much
require of a guilty and miserable sinner, as that he be contrite, and
humble himself for his sins? In true contrition and humiliation of
heart is begotten the hope of pardon, the troubled conscience is
reconciled, lost grace is recovered, a man is preserved from the wrath
to come, and God and the penitent soul hasten to meet each other with a
holy kiss.(3)
4. The humble contrition of sinners is an acceptable sacrifice unto
Thee, O Lord, sending forth a smell sweeter far in Thy sight than the
incense. This also is that pleasant ointment which Thou wouldst have
poured upon Thy sacred feet, for a broken and contrite heart Thou hast
never despised.(4) There is the place of refuge from the wrathful
countenance of the enemy. There is amended and washed away whatsoever
evil hath elsewhere been contracted.
(1) Romans ix. 23. (2) Job x. 20, 21. (3) Luke xv. 20. (4) Psalm li.
17.