How a desolate man ought to commit himself into the hands of God
O Lord, Holy Father, be Thou blessed now and evermore; because as Thou
wilt so it is done, and what Thou doest is good. Let Thy servant
rejoice in Thee, not in himself, nor in any other; because Thou alone
art the true joy, Thou art my hope and my crown, Thou art my joy and my
honour, O Lord. What hath Thy servant, which he received not from Thee,
even without merit of his own? Thine are all things which Thou hast
given, and which Thou hast made. I am poor and in misery even from my
youth up,(1) and my soul is sorrowful unto tears, sometimes also it is
disquieted within itself, because of the sufferings which are coming
upon it.
2. I long after the joy of peace; for the peace of Thy children do I
beseech, for in the light of Thy comfort they are fed by Thee. If Thou
give peace, if Thou pour into me holy joy, the soul of Thy servant
shall be full of melody, and devout in Thy praise. But if Thou withdraw
Thyself as too often Thou art wont, he will not be able to run in the
way of Thy commandments, but rather he will smite his breast and will
bow his knees; because it is not with him as yesterday and the day
before, when _Thy candle shined upon his head_,(2) and _he walked under
the shadow of Thy wings_,(3) from the temptations which beset him.
3. O Father, righteous and ever to be praised, the hour cometh when Thy
servant is to be proved. O beloved Father, it is well that in this hour
Thy servant suffer somewhat for Thy sake. O Father, evermore to be
adored, as the hour cometh which Thou foreknewest from everlasting,
when for a little while Thy servant should outwardly bow down, but
always live inwardly with Thee; when for a little while he should be
little regarded, humbled, and fail in the eyes of men; should be wasted
with sufferings and weaknesses, to rise again with Thee in the dawn of
the new light, and be glorified in the heavenly places. O Holy Father,
thou hast ordained it so, and so hast willed it; and that is done which
Thou Thyself hast commanded.
4. For this is Thy favour to Thy friend, that he should suffer and be
troubled in the world for Thy love’s sake, how often soever, and by
whomsoever and whosoever Thou hast suffered it to be done. Without Thy
counsel and providence, and without cause, nothing cometh to pass on
the earth. It is good for me, Lord, that I had been in trouble, that I
may learn Thy statutes,(4) and may cast away all pride of heart and
presumption. It is profitable for me that confusion hath covered my
face, that I may seek to Thee for consolation rather than unto men. By
this also I have learned to dread Thine unsearchable judgment, who
afflictest the just with the wicked, but not without equity and
justice.
5. Thanks be unto Thee, because Thou hast not spared my sins, but hast
beaten me with stripes of love, inflicting pains, and sending troubles
upon me without and within. There is none who can console me, of all
things which are under heaven, but Thou only, O Lord my God, Thou
heavenly Physician of souls, who dost scourge and hast mercy, who
leadest down to hell and bringest up again.(5) Thy discipline over me,
and Thy rod itself shall teach me.
6. Behold, O beloved Father, I am in Thy hands, I bow myself under the
rod of Thy correction. Smite my back and my neck that I may bend my
crookedness to Thy will. Make me a pious and lowly disciple, as Thou
wert wont to be kind, that I may walk according to every nod of Thine.
To Thee I commend myself and all that I have for correction; better is
it to be punished here than hereafter. Thou knowest all things and each
of them; and nothing remaineth hid from Thee in man’s conscience.
Before they are, thou knowest that they will be, and Thou needest not
that any man teach Thee or admonish Thee concerning the things which
are done upon the earth. Thou knowest what is expedient for my profit,
and how greatly trouble serveth unto the scrubbing off the rust of sin.
Do with me according to Thy desired good pleasure, and despise not my
life which is full of sin, known to none so entirely and fully as to
Thee alone.
7. Grant me, O Lord, to know that which ought to be known; to love that
which ought to be loved; to praise that which pleaseth Thee most, to
esteem that which is precious in Thy sight, to blame that which is vile
in Thine eyes. Suffer me not to judge according to the sight of bodily
eyes, nor to give sentence according to the hearing of the ears of
ignorant men; but to discern in true judgment between visible and
spiritual things, and above all things to be ever seeking after the
will of Thy good pleasure.
8. Oftentimes the senses of men are deceived in judging; the lovers of
the world also are deceived in that they love only visible things. What
is a man better because by man he is reckoned very great? The deceiver
deceiveth the deceiver, the vain man the vain, the blind man the blind,
the weak man the weak, when they exalt one another; and in truth they
rather put to shame, while they foolishly praise. For as humble St.
Francis saith, “What each one is in Thine eyes, so much he is, and no
more.”
(1) Psalm lxxxviii. 15. (2) Job xxix. 3. (3) Psalm xvii. 8. (4) Psalm
cxix. 71. (5) Job xiii. 2.