Of confession of our infirmity and of the miseries of this life
_I will acknowledge my sin unto Thee;_(1) I will confess to Thee, Lord,
my infirmity. It is often a small thing which casteth me down and
maketh me sad. I resolve that I will act bravely, but when a little
temptation cometh, immediately I am in a great strait. Wonderfully
small sometimes is the matter whence a grievous temptation cometh, and
whilst I imagine myself safe for a little space; when I am not
considering, I find myself often almost overcome by a little puff of
wind.
2. Behold, therefore, O Lord, my humility and my frailty, which is
altogether known to Thee. Be merciful unto me, and _draw me out of the
mire that I sink not_,(2) lest I ever remain cast down. This is what
frequently throweth me backward and confoundeth me before Thee, that I
am so liable to fall, so weak to resist my passions. And though their
assault is not altogether according to my will, it is violent and
grievous, and it altogether wearieth me to live thus daily in conflict.
Herein is my infirmity made known to me, that hateful fancies always
rush in far more easily than they depart.
3. Oh that Thou, most mighty God of Israel, Lover of all faithful
souls, wouldst look upon the labour and sorrow of Thy servant, and give
him help in all things whereunto he striveth. Strengthen me with
heavenly fortitude, lest the old man, this miserable flesh, not being
yet fully subdued to the spirit, prevail to rule over me; against which
I ought to strive so long as I remain in this most miserable life. Oh
what a life is this, where tribulations and miseries cease not, where
all things are full of snares and of enemies, for when one tribulation
or temptation goeth, another cometh, yea, while the former conflict is
yet raging others come more in number and unexpected.
4. And how can the life of man be loved, seeing that it hath so many
bitter things, that it is subjected to so many calamities and miseries.
How can it be even called life, when it produces so many deaths and
plagues? The world is often reproached because it is deceitful and
vain, yet notwithstanding it is not easily given up, because the lusts
of the flesh have too much rule over it. Some draw us to love, some to
hate. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of
life, these draw to love of the world; but the punishments and miseries
which righteously follow these things, bring forth hatred of the world
and weariness.
5. But, alas! an evil desire conquereth a mind given to the world, and
thinketh it happiness to be under the nettles(3) because it savoureth
not nor perceiveth the sweetness of God nor the inward gracefulness of
virtue. But they who perfectly despise the world and strive to live
unto God in holy discipline, these are not ignorant of the divine
sweetness promised to all who truly deny themselves and see clearly how
grievously the world erreth, and in how many ways it is deceived.
(1) Psalm xxxii. 5. (2) Psalm lxix. 14. (3) Job xxx. 7.