HILDA
The argument came up at breakfast two days before Thanksgiving. It was
a hot argument. Jean beat her little hands upon the table. Hilda's
hands were still, but it was an irritating stillness.
"What do you think, Daddy?"
"Hilda is right. There is no reason why we should go to extremes."
"But a turkey--."
"Nobody has said that we shouldn't have a turkey on Thanksgiving--not
even Hoover." Hilda's voice was as irritating as her hands.
"Well, we have consciences, Hilda. And a turkey would choke me."
"You make so much of little things."
"Is it a little thing to sacrifice our appetites?"
"I don't think it is a very big thing." The office bell rang, and
Hilda rose. "If I felt as you do I should sacrifice something more
than things to eat. I'd go over there and nurse the wounded. I could
be of real service. But you couldn't. With all your big ideas of
patriotism you couldn't do one single practical thing."
It was true, and Jean knew that it was true, but she fired one more
shot. "Then why don't you go?" she demanded fiercely.
"I may," Hilda said slowly. "I have been thinking about it. I haven't
made up my mind."
Dr. McKenzie glanced at her in surprise. "I didn't dream you felt that
way."
"I don't think I do mean it in the way you mean. I should go because
there was something worth doing--not as a grandstand play."
She went out of the room. Jean stared after her.
The Doctor laughed. "She got you there, girlie."
"Yes, she did. Do you really think she intends to go, Daddy?"
"It is news to me."
"Good news?"
He shook his head. "She is a very valuable nurse. I should hate to
lose her." He sat for a moment in silence, then stood up. "I
shouldn't hold out for a turkeyless Thanksgiving if I were you. It
isn't necessary."
"Are you taking Hilda's part, Daddy?"
"No, my dear, of course not." He came over and kissed her. "Will you
ride with me this morning?"
"Oh, yes--how soon?"
"In ten minutes. After I see this patient."
In less time than that she was ready and waiting for him in her
squirrel coat and hat and her little muff.
Her father surveyed her. "Such a lovely lady."
"Do you like me, Daddy?"
"What a question--I love you."
Safe in the car, with the glass screen shutting away the chauffeur,
Jean returned to the point of attack.
"Hilda makes me furious, Daddy. I came to talk about her."
"I thought you came because you wanted to ride with me."
"Well, I did. But for this, too."
Over her muff, her stormy eyes surveyed him. "You think I am
unreasonable about meatless and wheatless days. But you don't know.
Hilda ignores them, Daddy--you should see the breadbox. And the other
day she ordered a steak for dinner, one of those big thick ones--and it
was Tuesday, and I happened to go down to the kitchen and saw it--and I
told the cook that we wouldn't have it, and when I came up I told
Hilda, and she laughed and said that I was silly.
"And I said that if she had that steak cooked I would not eat it, and I
should ask you not to eat it, and she just stood with her hands flat on
your desk, you know the way she does--I hate her hands--and she said
that of course if I was going to make a fuss about it she wouldn't have
the steak, but that it was simply a thing she couldn't understand. The
steak was there, why not eat it? And I said it was because of the
psychological effect on other people. And she said we were having too
much psychology and not enough common sense in this war!
"Well, after that, I went to my Red Cross meeting at the church. I
expected to have lunch there, but I changed my mind and came home.
Hilda was at the table alone, and, Daddy, she was eating the steak, the
whole of it--." She paused to note the effect of her revelation.
"Well?"
"She was eating it when all the world needs food! She made me think of
those dreadful creatures in the fairy books. She's--she's a ghoul--"
"My dear."
"A ghoul. You should have seen her, with great chunks of bread and
butter."
"Hilda has a healthy appetite."
"Of course you defend her."
"My dear child--"
"Oh you do, Daddy, always, against me--and I'm your daughter--"
She wept a tear or two into her muff, then raised her eyes to find him
regarding her quizzically. "Are you going to spoil my ride?"
"You are spoiling mine."
"We won't quarrel about it. And we'll stop at Small's. Shall it be
roses or violets, to-day, my dear?"
She chose violets, as more in accord with her pensive mood, lighting
the bunch, however, with one red rose. The question of Hilda was not
settled, but she yielded as many an older woman has yielded--to the
sweetness of tribute--to man's impulse to make things right not by
justice but by the bestowal of his bounty.
From the florist's, they went to Huyler's old shop on F Street, where
the same girl had served Jean with ice-cream sodas and hot chocolate
for fifteen years. Administrations might come and administrations go,
but these pleasant clerks had been cup-bearers to them all--Presidents'
daughters and diplomats' sons--the sturdy children of plain
Congressmen, the scions of noble families across the seas.
It was while Jean sat on a high stool beside her father, the sunshine
shining on her through the wide window, that Derry Drake, coming down
Twelfth, saw her!
Well, he wanted a lemonade. And the fact that she was there in a gray
squirrel coat and bunch of violets with her copper-colored hair shining
over her ears wasn't going to leave him thirsty!
He went in. He bowed to the Doctor and received a smile in return.
Jean's eyes were cold above her chocolate. Derry bought his check,
went to a little table on the raised platform at the back of the room,
drank his lemonade and hurried out.
"A nice fellow," said the Doctor, watching him through the window. "I
wonder why he didn't stop and speak to us?"
"I'm glad he didn't."
"My dear, why?"
"I've found out things--"
"What things?"
"That he's a--coward," with tense earnestness. "He won't fight."
"Who told you that?"
"Everybody's saying it."
"Everybody is dead wrong."
"What do you mean, Daddy?"
"What I have just said. Everybody is dead wrong."
"How do you know?"
"A doctor knows a great many things which he is not permitted to tell.
I am rather bound not to tell in this case."
"Oh, but you could tell me."
"Hardly--it was given in confidence."
"Did he? Oh, Daddy, did he tell you?"
"Yes."
"And he isn't a slacker?"
"No."
"I knew it--."
"You didn't. You thought he was a coward."
"Well, I ought to have known better. He looks brave, doesn't he?"
"I shouldn't call him exactly a heroic figure."
"Shouldn't you?"
She finished her chocolate in silence, and followed him in silence to
his car. They sped up F Street, gay with its morning crowd.
Then at last it came. "Isn't it a wonderful day, Daddy?"
He smiled down at her. "There you go."
"Well, it is wonderful." She fell again into silence, then again
bestowed upon him her raptures. "Wouldn't it be dreadful if we had
loveless days, Daddy, as well as meatless ones and wheatless?"
That night, after Jean had gone to bed, the Doctor, having dismissed
his last patient, came out of his inner office. Hilda, in her white
nurse's costume, was busy with the books. He stood beside her desk.
His eyes were dancing. "Jean told me about the steak."
"I knew she would--I suppose it was an awful thing to do. But I was
hungry, and I hate fish--" She smiled at him lazily, then laughed.
He laughed back. He felt that it would be unbearable for Hilda to go
hungry, to spoil her red and white with abstinence.
"My dear girl," he said, "what did you mean when you spoke of going
away?"
"Haven't you been thinking of going?"
The color came up in his cheeks. "Yes, but how did you know it?"
"Well, a woman knows. Why don't you make up your mind?"
"There's Jean to think of."
"Emily Bridges could take care of her. And you ought to go. Men are
seeing things over there that they'll never see again. And women are."
"If my country needs me--"
Hilda was cold. "I shouldn't go for that. As I told Jean, I am not
making any grand stand plays. I should go for all that I get out of
it, the experience, the adventure--."
He looked at her with some curiosity. Jean's words of the afternoon
recurred to him. "She's a ghoul--"
Yet there was something almost fascinating in her frankness. She tore
aside ruthlessly the curtain of self-deception, revealing her motives,
as if she challenged him to call them less worthy than his own.
"If I go, it will be because I want to become a better nurse. I like
it here, but your practice is necessarily limited. I should get a
wider view of things. So would you. There would be new worlds of
disease, men in all conditions of nervous shock."
"I know. But I'd hate to think I was going merely for selfish ends."
She shrugged. "Why not that as well as any other?"
He had a smouldering sense of irritation.
"When I am with Jean she makes me feel rather big and fine; when I am
with you--" He paused.
"I make you see yourself as you are, a man. She thinks you are more
than that."
All his laughter left ham. "It is something to be a hero to one's
daughter. Perhaps some day I shall be a little better for her thinking
so."
She saw that she had gone too far. "You mustn't take the things I say
too seriously."
The bell of the telephone at her elbow whirred. She put the receiver
to her ear. "It is General Drake's man; he thinks you'd better come
over before you go to bed."
"I was afraid I might have to go. He is in rather bad shape, Hilda."
She packed his bag for him competently, and telephoned for his car.
"I'll have a cup of coffee ready for you when you get back," she said,
as she stood in the door. "It is going to be a dreadful night."
The streets were icy and the sleet falling. "You'd better have your
overshoes," Hilda decided, and went for them.
As he put them on, she stood under the hall light, smiling. "Have you
forgiven me?" she asked as he straightened up.
"For telling me the truth? Of course. You take such good care of me,
Hilda."
Upstairs in her own room Jean was writing a letter. It was a very
pretty room, very fresh and frilly with white dimity and with much pink
and pale lavender. The night-light which shone through the rose
taffeta petticoats of a porcelain lady was supplemented at the moment
by a bed-side lamp which flung a ring of gold beyond Jean's blotter to
the edge of the lace spread. For Jean was writing in bed. All day her
mind had been revolving around this letter, but she had had no time to
write. She had spent the afternoon in the Toy Shop with Emily, and in
the evening there had been a Red Cross sale. She had gone to the sale
with Ralph Witherspoon and his mother. She had not been able to get
out of going. All the time she had talked to Ralph she had thought of
Derry. She had rather hoped that he might be there, but he wasn't.
The letter required much thought. She tore up, extravagantly, several
sheets of note-paper with tiny embossed thistles at the top. Doctor
McKenzie was intensely Scotch, and he was entitled to a crest, but he
was also intensely American, and would have none of it. He had
designed Jean's note-paper, and it was lovely. But it was also
expensive, and it was a shame to waste so much of it on Derry Drake.
The note when it was finished seemed very simple. Just one page in
Jean's firm, clear script:
"Dear Mr. Drake:--
"Could you spare me one little minute tomorrow? I shall be at home at
four. It is very important--to me at least. Perhaps when you hear
what I have to say, it will seem important to you. I hope it may.
"Very sincerely yours,
"JEAN MCKENZIE."
She read it over several times. It seemed very stiff and inadequate.
She sealed it and stamped it, then in a panic tore it open for a
re-reading. She was oppressed by doubts. Did nice girls ask men to
come and see them? Didn't they wait and weary like Mariana of the
Moated Grange--? "He cometh not, she said?"
New times! New manners! She had branded a man as a coward. She had
condemned him unheard. She had slighted him, she had listened while
others slandered--why should she care what other women had done? Would
do? Her way was clear. She owed an apology to Derry Drake, and she
would make it.
So with a new envelope, a new stamp, the note was again sealed.
It had to be posted that night. She felt that under no circumstance
could she stand the suspense of another day.
She had heard her father go out. Hilda was coming up, the maids were
asleep. She waited until Hilda's door was shut, then she slipped out
of bed, tucked her toes into a pair of sandals, threw a furry motor
coat around her, and sped silently down the stairs. She shrank back as
she opened the front door. The sleet rattled on the steps, the
pavements were covered with white.
The mail-box was in front of the house. She made a rush for it,
dropped in the precious letter, and gained once more the haven of the
warm hall.
She was glad to get back to her room. As she settled down among her
pillows, she had a great sense of adventure, as if she had travelled
far in a few moments.
As a matter of fact, she had made her first real excursion into the
land of romance. She found her thoughts galloping.
At the foot of the bed her silver Persian, Polly Ann, lay curled on her
own gray blanket.
"Polly Ann," Jean said, "if he doesn't come, I shall hate myself for
writing that note."
Polly Ann surveyed her sleepily.
"But it would serve me right if he didn't, Polly Ann."
She turned off the light and tried to sleep. Downstairs the telephone
rang. It rang, too, in Hilda's room. Hilda's door opened and shut.
She came across the hall and tapped on Jean's door. "May I come in?"
"Yes."
"Your father has just telephoned," Hilda said from the threshold, "that
General Drake's nurse is not well, and will have to be taken off the
case. I shall have to go in her place. There is a great shortage at
the hospital. Will you be afraid to stay alone, or shall I wake up
Ellen and have her sleep on the couch in your dressing room?"
"Of course I am not afraid, Hilda. Nothing can happen until father
comes back."
As Hilda went away, Jean had a delicious feeling of detachment. She
would be alone in the house with her thoughts of Derry.
She got out of bed to say her prayers. With something of a thrill she
prayed for Derry's father. She was not conscious as she made her
petitions of any ulterior motive. Yet a placated Providence would, she
felt sure, see that the General's sickness should not frustrate the
plans which she had quite daringly made for his son.