It was many months after this last adventure before I saw my friend Shin
Shira again.
The summer was past, and it was the time of fires and warm drawn
curtains. One evening, after dinner, I was sitting alone in my study,
puzzling over a chess problem, when the servant brought me a card on
which I read--
"DR. SHIN SHIRA SCARAMANGA MANOUSA YAMA HAWA."
"Oh!" I laughed, "show him in at once, please." For I had been longing
for an opportunity of thanking the gallant little fellow for the bravery
he had shown in the matter of the mad bull--a bravery to which some of
us, at all events, probably owed our lives.
"Come in, come in! Delighted to see you!" I cried, getting up and
making him comfortable in "the Toad," the chair which I know he likes
best. I got out the tobacco jar, and we were soon chatting comfortably
over our pipes.
"By the way," I said, picking up his card again and looking at it, when
we had exhausted most of the topics of conversation which came to our
minds, "I didn't know before that you were a doctor."
"Oh, I don't practise, and I seldom use the title except on my cards. It
was given to me by the King of Hearts very many years ago. Ha-ha-ha!"
And Shin Shira laughed heartily at what was evidently a humorous
recollection.
"Won't you tell me about it, please?" said I.
"I don't know," replied the Dwarf, "that there is much to tell.
"It was while I was travelling round the world in my earlier days, and I
had come, in the course of my wanderings, upon the country ruled over by
the King of Hearts and his most charming Queen.
"Talk about turtle-doves! I had never seen such a perfectly devoted
couple before in my life. They were like a pair of happy lovers,
although they must have been married several years before I knew them.
"I happened to appear at their Majesties' dinner-table one evening when
they were dining alone, just as dinner was being served.
"Of course they were greatly astonished at seeing me suddenly appear in
their presence, especially as I arrived at a particularly awkward
moment, when, the servants being busy with the dishes and having their
backs turned, the King was squeezing her Majesty's hand under the table,
and looking lovingly into her eyes.
"The King turned to the Lord Chief Butler, when that official returned,
and looking at me curiously, said, 'It's very thoughtless of me, but I
do not remember that I invited any guests for this evening.'
"'I had heard nothing of it either, your Majesty,' said the Lord Chief
Butler, pursing up his lips and looking at me severely. 'Shall I request
the Lord High Footman and the Lord Under Footman to remove the person?'
"'By no means,' said the King kindly; 'I will ask him myself what brings
him here.'
"'It was a matter of compulsion, rather than of inclination, your
Majesty,' said I. And I explained as well as I was able the curious
affliction from which I suffer, of having to appear and disappear at the
fairies' pleasure.
"'Most interesting--most!' said the Queen, smiling sweetly, 'and we
should be most inhospitable if we did not make you welcome here for so
long as the fairies will spare you to us.'
"This gracious speech, and the Queen's beauty, quite won my heart, and
putting my hand on my heart, I bowed in the most graceful manner that I
could command.
"The Lord Chief Butler, seeing that I was in favour with their
Majesties, now brought me a plate, and some glasses, and waited upon me
most obsequiously.
"'Tarts, my lord!' he announced, handing me a silver dish on which were
piled some rather stodgy-looking jam affairs.
"'No thank you,' I replied.
"The man looked horrified, and the King and Queen greatly embarrassed by
my refusal. 'Er--tarts--er--your Highness,--er--her Majesty's own make,'
whispered the Lord Chief Butler.
"'Oh, then by all means I will change my mind,' said I gallantly, and I
took two of the tarts on my plate, while the King and Queen looked on
approvingly.
"I can safely say that in all my wanderings, through all these years, I
have never before or since tasted such exceedingly unpleasant tarts.
"I hesitate to say more, out of respect to the most beautiful and
gracious Queen who ever lived, but I could say a great deal.
"However, I managed to get through them, even to the bitter end, and
had the satisfaction of seeing her Majesty look greatly delighted.
"'I really must have another one, my love,' declared the King; 'they are
most delicious, made as they were by your own royal and beautiful
hands.'
"'No--no--dearest,' smiled the Queen, her pride in her pastry battling
with her consideration for her husband's health, 'you have already had
two.'
"'Perhaps, my darling, you are right,' replied the King, with a sigh of
relief, and hurriedly motioning to the Lord Chief Butler to remove his
plate.
"'Perhaps our guest, though--' began the Queen sweetly.
"'No--no--thank you, your Majesty,' I hastened to say. 'I
never--_never_--by any chance indulge in more than two, under doctor's
strict orders.'
"'Very well then,' said her Majesty, 'we will have dessert.'
"The rest of the dinner was uneventful, and I was more and more
impressed as the time went on with the gracious and simple bearing of
the exalted personages of whom I was an uninvited guest.
"At last her Majesty rose, gave me a bow, and was led with old-fashioned
courtesy by his Majesty to the door, which was thrown open by the
servants, and the King and I were left alone to our coffee and cigars.
After we had talked on various subjects for some time, I ventured to
express my admiration of, and devotion to, the gracious lady who had
just left us, and the King's eyes sparkled with delight.
"'You may well admire her, sir; she is rightly beloved for her
graciousness and beauty from one end of my kingdom to the other, and her
thoughtfulness and kindness to myself are beyond expression.
"'I _must_ tell you of a little incident (which you have just shared in)
to prove to you how wholly devoted she is to my interests.
"'I have, as many other royal personages have at times, some difficulty
in regulating my affairs so as to make both ends meet comfortably.
"'Her Majesty knew of this, and immediately began to take cooking
lessons with a view to cooking for us when we are alone, and thus saving
expenses in the kitchen. The tarts you tasted to-day are her Majesty's
first attempt.'
"'R-eally!' I murmured, seeing that the King paused as though he
expected me to say something.
"'Yes,' continued his Majesty, 'and to-morrow she has made me promise
to catch her some blackbirds, with which to make a pie.'
"'Catch them?' I cried; 'why not shoot them?'
"'Oh! the Queen wouldn't think of letting me do anything so cruel, she
is _so_ tender-hearted. But you'll come with me to-morrow, and help me
to catch some, won't you?'
"I assured his Majesty that unless I had unfortunately to disappear
before then, I should be delighted, and we went up to join her Majesty
in the drawing-room.
"We found the Queen surrounded by her Maids of Honour, of whom some were
sitting at the tambour frames, others doing fine embroidery, while two
of their number were at the piano playing and singing.
"I was presented to these ladies, and, at the Queen's request, related
some of the extraordinary adventures which, as you know, have, at one
time or another in my long career, befallen me. The evening was quite a
success, and I felt that I had indeed fallen upon my feet in such
charming company.
"At a moderately early hour we retired, and in the morning, soon after
breakfast, his Majesty and I started on our expedition in quest of
blackbirds for the Queen's pie.
"Her Majesty and the Maids of Honour watched us start off from the
balcony, and several retainers followed at a respectful distance,
carrying various bags and implements of which I could not even imagine
the uses.
"When we had got some distance from the Castle, his Majesty whispered to
me confidentially that he must confess that he didn't know much about
this sort of thing.
"'Er--do you recommend--er--_salt_ for blackbirds?' he inquired
anxiously.
"'What for?' I asked.
"'To put on their tails, you know,' said the King. 'I have a
recollection of hearing something, somewhere, about catching birds by
putting salt on their tails. But perhaps that doesn't refer to
blackbirds?' he added.
"I couldn't help smiling a little at the simple, good-natured,
inexperienced King, but suggested immediately afterwards that some grain
scattered before and inside a sieve propped up with a stick, to which
some string was attached, would probably be a more effectual way of
catching the birds.
"'What a brilliant idea!' said the King. 'I'll send the salt back and
order some sieves, grain, sticks and string, as you suggest. Is there
anything else?'
"'Something to put the birds in if we catch any, your Majesty,' said I.
"'Oh! I've thought of that,' said the King, 'and have several baskets
ready.'
"The men were soon back with the sieves, and I quickly rigged up two of
them as traps; and having baited them, I showed the King how to hide and
pull the string directly one of the birds was under the sieve.
"Fortunately, blackbirds seemed to abound in that country, and there
were soon several fluttering about, pecking at and picking up the grain.
"Presently, one got under my sieve, and pulling the support away by the
string, I was fortunate enough to catch it. The King was delighted, and
the more so when a few minutes afterwards he trapped two at once, in the
same manner.
"After this, the 'sport,' if it could be called so, became fast and
furious, and ended in our catching four-and-twenty birds between us.
"This the King considered would be sufficient, so we set off to the
Castle again, the men bearing the baskets in triumph before us.
"'Oh! the dear, sweet little things!' cried Her Majesty, when she was
shown our captives, 'and how clever of you to have caught them all!
They'll make a perfectly lovely pie!' And she set off in high glee to
the kitchens, to try her hand at the culinary art again.
[Illustration: "This was carefully set before the King."]
"The afternoon was spent in the beautiful gardens surrounding the
Castle, playing fives, for which there was a specially built court, and
practising at archery, so that the time quickly passed, till we were
called in by the first dinner gong.
"The Maids of Honour, together with some of the State Ministers, joined
us at dinner, and I could see that the Queen, though sweet and gracious
as ever, was very anxious as the dinner proceeded.
"Presently there was a flourish of trumpets heard at the door, and two
pages appeared, bearing a silver salver upon which was an enormous pie.
This was carefully set before the King, and his Majesty, after smiling
at the Queen rather nervously, put the knife into the crust and removed
a portion of it.
"Immediately afterwards, there was a great commotion heard from inside
the pie, and first one bird and then another began to sing, hopping out
of the pie and on to the table, evidently delighted at regaining its
liberty.
"Finally, amid the breathless silence of all about the table, they flew
off through the open window, and nothing was left but the crust.
"The Queen sat back in her chair looking half-triumphant and
half-ashamed.
"'I'm afraid it isn't a very satisfactory pie, from the eating point of
view,' she faltered, 'but I _couldn't_ have the poor pretty little
things killed, and so I put them in the dish alive, and when the crust,
which I baked separately, was nearly cold, I cut a hole in the top, so
that they could breathe, and put it over them.'
"'It does your heart much credit, my love,' cried the King, 'and, the
thought of cutting a hole in the crust was a very kind one.'
"And indeed, wherever and in whatever country I have been since that
time, many years ago, and have related the story, the ladies of that
country have always made a hole in the top of their pies, in honour of
the beautiful and kind Queen who first invented it.
"I did not hear much more of the conversation which followed this
episode, for unfortunately, just then, I felt myself disappearing, and
had only just time to incline my head respectfully to the King and Queen
before I had vanished."
"But," I remarked, when Shin Shira left off speaking, "you haven't told
me yet how you came to get the title of 'Doctor.'"
"Oh, that's all part of the same story," said Shin Shira, refilling his
pipe; "it has a sequel. About seven months after the events which I have
narrated" (you'll have noticed that Shin Shira loved using long words
when he could), "I found myself again in the same country, and I thought
I could not leave it without paying my respects to the amiable King and
Queen; so, one fine afternoon, I made my way up to the Castle.
[Illustration]
"I found the King in his counting-house, industriously counting out his
money. He left off when he saw me, though, and came forward to greet me
heartily.
"'The Queen, bless her! will be as delighted to see you as I am,' said
he; 'we'll go and find her. I fancy I know where she is.'
"He led the way at once to the parlour, and there we found her Majesty
looking sweet and amiable as ever.
"She was rather confused at being discovered in the act of eating some
bread and honey.
"'I am suffering from a very poor appetite,' her Majesty explained,
after she had made me welcome, 'and have eaten nothing at all to-day,
and just now I fancied a little honey, for which I have a great liking.'
"'I hope your Majesty is not unwell, that your appetite is so feeble?' I
inquired with great solicitation.
"'Oh no!' replied the Queen, with an effort at brightness; 'I'm a little
worried, that's all.'
"'We're all worried, more or less,' chimed in the King. '_You_ remember
that blackbird pie, don't you?'
"'Yes, your Majesty, of course I do,' said I, smiling at the
recollection.
"'Well, those birds, the ones which were put into it, have become very
spiteful and dangerous. They have taken to haunting the precincts of the
Castle, and attack the servants when they go into the garden,
particularly the laundry maids; for, when they go into the garden to
hang out the clothes, they have to use both hands to do so, and then
these wretched birds fly down and peck at their noses. One poor creature
lost hers altogether, with the result that all of the maids have given
notice, and we can't get laundry maids for love or money.'
"'It's very trying,' said the Queen; 'the poor King has to wear his
things much longer than he should, and I have a difficulty in even
getting a clean pocket-handkerchief.'
"It was a curious difficulty to be in, certainly, and I felt very
anxious to help them if I could, so I asked permission to be allowed to
visit the servants' hall, and talk to the maids on the subject.
"This was readily given, and I spoke to them as earnestly as I could
about their good Queen and mistress, and how willing and eager they
ought to be to do everything they could for her.
"I could see that they felt this keenly themselves, for some of them
were in tears when I spoke of the Queen's goodness to everybody about
her.
"'B--but our precious noses, sir!' sobbed one good-natured girl; 'we
can't afford to lose them, can we now?'
"'No,' I said, 'but I have thought of a way by which it will be quite
safe for you to go into the garden.
"'Now, like good creatures, the first thing in the morning, set to and
get some laundry work done, and I'll go out and hang up some of the
clothes, and you'll see that the birds won't hurt me.'
"They all agreed to this, and the good-natured girl who had been crying
said, 'I'll come with you, if you like, and show you how to hang the
things up.'
"'So you shall,' said I, and went up to my room to make preparations for
the morning.
"It was quite simple. I sent for some coloured wax, and having made a
wooden model of a nose, I made on it some little waxen cases which could
be worn over one's own nose, and _then_, if the birds pecked at it, it
wouldn't matter in the least.
"In the morning, the wax cases were quite set and hard, and when the
maid and I went out to hang up the clothes, it was great fun to see the
bewilderment of a large blackbird when he flew away with the maid's
false nose, and she calmly stuck on another.
"The birds soon gave up their evil ways after that, but for some months,
as a precaution, the maids never ventured out without a nose protector.
"It was for this useful invention that the King of Hearts bestowed on
me the title of 'Doctor to His Majesty's Household.'"
"H'm!" I remarked, when he had finished, "it's a very remarkable story.
I seem to have heard of some of the incidents before, somehow."
"Very likely, very likely," said Shin Shira, "Well, I must be going
now." And he shook hands and went out by the door, in a sensible way for
once.