"I come," said Mr. LLOYD GEORGE last week, "from a farming stock right
down from the Flood. The first thing a farmer wants is to be secure." It
was of course during the Flood that the insecurity of land tenure was
most noticeable.
***
Lord CARRICK, who a few months ago was appearing in a sketch at the
Coliseum, seconded the Address in the House of Lords. We are glad to
note the growth of ties between Parliament and the Stage, and we are not
without hope that before long a further link will be added in the person
of SIR GEORGE ALEXANDER.
***
A new form of flying boat is being built in America, in which it is
hoped that somebody may fly from Newfoundland to Ireland in fifteen
hours. In the event of Home Rule, we trust, for the sake of the intrepid
aviator, that a still fleeter flying boat will be designed for the
return journey.
***
A resident of Waltham Abbey has just received a letter with a Waltham
Cross post-mark on the back of the envelope dated February, 31, 1914. We
understand that the recipient proposes to return the letter to the Post
Office marked "Date unknown."
***
With reference to the Old Time Supper which is to be a feature of the
Chelsea Arts Club Ball we are requested to state that it must not be
taken that all the food offered for consumption on that occasion will
bear the stamp of antiquity.
***
An enterprising publisher has, it is rumoured, persuaded no less a
personage than Mr. LLOYD GEORGE to write some books for him, and we are
promised at an early date, "Essays on Lamb (shorn)," "The Fortunes of
Montrose," and other works of creative fancy.
***
"I was shaved yesterday by a highly intelligent young Pole," says a
writer in _The Express_. The Barber's Pole is of course a very old
institution.
***
"Old Masters--VELASQUEZ and so on--what are they?" said Mr. Justice EVE
last week during a case dealing with pictures. "I should turn them into
cash if they were mine." Seeing how often the old fellows painted EVE'S
portrait, this _dictum_ of his Lordship strikes one as ungracious.
***
Messrs. BRYANT AND MAY have issued a brochure describing how little
houses may be made out of matches. A companion volume, entitled "How to
light them," by a Suffragette, may be expected shortly.
***
It is sometimes asked, Why do so few individuals when sentenced to death
for murder take advantage of their right to appeal? The answer is,
Because the Court of Criminal Appeal has the power of increasing a
sentence.
***
"Samuel, in the spirit of a notorious member of his race, one
Pontius Pilate, disavows all responsibility in the matter of the
shooting of Englishmen in the Transvaal."
_New Witness._
_Mr. Punch_ (to Mr. SAMUEL) _Ave! Civis Romane!_
***
[Illustration: _Butler_ (_to new servant from the country_). "When
you've quite finished cleaning next door's steps perhaps you would
kindly begin on our own."]
***
"BRIC-A-BRAC.--'My Somali Book' is a work by Captain Mosse, who
spent a considerable time in the country, which Sampson Low is
about to publish."--_Daily Chronicle._
Modesty is all very well in its place, but to publish an area of over
400,000 square miles and then call the feat "Bric-a-Brac"--well!
***
"The full penalty of L20 and costs was imposed at Croydon
Borough Police-court upon Ernest Montefiore de Wilton, of St.
James's-street, W., for exceeding the ten-mile limit at Southend
on Jan. 25.
Burroughes & Watts' Billiard Tables for Speed."--_Daily
Telegraph._
Mr. DE WILTON, reading the advertisement: "No, thanks. A really slow
table for me."
***