_Through a glass clearly. July, and hot._
If you put your eye to the glass (said Hugh John) you will see where one
of my greatest friends lives--Mr. Butcher Donnan. Or rather he used to
be a butcher. For now he has given up his trade to his son Nipper, and
regrets it every minute of his waking day.
Yes, that two-storied cottage with the garden in front, ablaze with
flowers, with creepers clambering as high as the roof, that is "New Erin
Villa," and the home of the most discontented man in Edam. Butcher
Donnan has nothing to do. He hangs over his gate, and almost prays stray
passers-by to stop and gossip. He has nothing to say to them or they to
him. But when they are gone, he will pull out his big gold watch with a
cluck like the cork drawn from a bottle, and say, "Thank God! Five
minutes gone!"
Then he will stroll down the lanes towards Nipper's shop, making
butcher's eyes at all the cows which look at him over the hedges. He is
secretly calculating how they will cut up--jealous of Nipper, who has it
to do really every day.
He lounges into his son's shop--where not long ago he ruled supreme.
Nipper, serving a customer, nods cheerfully to his father, and the
Butcher, whose fingers itch for the apron and the swinging steel,
clutches the gold head of his cane more tightly to keep him from
applying the supple part of it to "every lazy man-Jack" in the
establishment. Ah, things are not as they were in his time. The floor is
not so clean and cool, in spite of the black and white marble squares on
which Nipper had insisted. The eye of "Mister" Donnan could detect signs
of wasteful cutting-up in the dismembered animals a-swing on the hooks.
But Nipper was now "Butcher" Donnan, while he is no more than proprietor
of "New Erin Villa," with nothing to do, and too much time and too much
money to do it on.
Sadly he goes out again. His place is not there. He could not stay in
that shop ten minutes without breaking the head of one of these stupid
"assistants." Even Nipper might not get off scot-free. But Butcher
Donnan knows that his son Nipper is of his own temper, a true Donnan,
and, young as he is, will be master within his own gates.
So he says sadly, "So long, Nipper!" And, what is the greatest proof of
his changed condition, goes out without offering any criticism. Then he
"troddles" round the village on the look-out for little jobs, which he
considers as his specialities, or even perquisites--though he takes no
money for doing them. He can graft rose-trees better than any gardener
in the parish. At least he _says_ he can, and by reason of his repeating
it often enough and offering to fight anybody who thinks otherwise,
people have got to say so too. You believe an old middle-weight champion
when he tells you a thing like that, his little eyes twinkling out
suspiciously at you, and a fist the size of a mutton ham thrust under
your nose.
Just now--"Watch him, Sis!" he is on the look-out for wasp nests. Edam
is the most wasp-free parish for miles, all owing to him. He marks them
down in the daytime, and then in the evening he will come with his
utensils and a dark lantern to make an end. With hung nests under eaves,
or attached to branches of trees, he deals by drenching them with
petroleum and setting a match to them. Sometimes he will drop a big one
into a pail of water and stand ready to clap on the lid. The swarming
deep-sunk nests in dry banks he attacks more warily. He brings a little
apparatus for heating pitch, and pours it, liquid and sinuous, into the
hole till the startled hum sinks into silence. Since an accident which
happened last year (owing to the wasp-nest operated upon having a
back-door) Butcher Donnan has always taken a quick-sighted boy or two to
spy out the land. I suspect our Sir Toady has acted as scout pretty
often. Do you remember when he came home all bulgy about the eyes and
with one of his ears swelled up double? _He_ said he thought he must
have taken cold, and I saw from the twinkle in Fuz's eye that he thought
he had been fighting. But _I_ took my magnifying glass and got out two
of the wasp-stings. Sir Toady had been doing "scout" for Butcher Donnan.
He had not "scouted" quite quick enough--that was all.
Butcher Donnan, born Irish, had spent some time in America. So he
started politics here, and as he hoists the green flag with a harp, and
hauls down the Union Jack on the occasion of every Irish debate in
Parliament, you may be sure that he gets his windows broken.
He does not object. He likes putting the panes in again himself, because
it is something for him to do. Sometimes he catches some local Unionist
patriot and (what he calls) "lathers" him! Afterwards he supports him
liberally during a prolonged convalescence. It is counted rather a good
thing to be loyal and get battered by that furious Irish Revolutionary,
Butcher Donnan. He has illuminations, too, and has stood for the School
Board and County Council on purely Fenian lines. He said nothing,
however, when young Nipper was elected instead of him, on that most
popular of all municipal tickets which consists in "keeping down the
rates."
In despair of other employment Butcher Donnan has married a second time,
and his wife is a buxom woman, overcome with the glory of living in a
villa. But she makes regular first-class custards, I tell you. And for
toffee and shortcake there is not the like of her in the whole village
of Edam. If it were not for Butcher Donnan's (senior's) dignity, he
might be a happy man. For Mrs. Donnan could conduct the finest
confectioner's shop that ever was, and if the Butcher could be kept
from cutting up a mince-pie with a cleaver, and sharpening a jelly-spoon
on a "steel," he might be the best of salesmen and the happiest of men.
Meanwhile, he has found the big wasp-nest behind the Mains entrance
gate, and he will be off to get his pitch-kettle ready, the mask for his
face, and the gloves for his hands. He does not mean to suffer if he can
help it.
His wife, who cannot be all the time in the kitchen, is miserable
because she has to do fancy work and receive callers (or at least sit
waiting for them) in the fruit season, which is a clear waste of time.
She has been so long making a green Berlin wool cushion for a
bazaar--the "Sons of Clan-na-Gael Mutual Assistance Sale"--that it is
just chock-full of moths, and in time will pollute the entire household
into which it is "raffled." It is wrong to raffle, anyway, says the
chief of police, so it will serve them quite right--_I_ shall not take a
ticket. Now (said Hugh John, shaking his wise head) if they would only
listen to me and start a confectioner's shop, they would both be chirpy
as the day is long, and in the winter time long after dark--she over her
dishes and patty-pans in the kitchen, and he in a white cap and apron
behind the counter, talking to everybody, busy as honey-bees in
clover-time, radiating sweetness and coining money.
And underneath the white apron Donnan could wear the butcher's "steel"
if he liked, just to make him feel like himself.
Oh, I could arrange for people to be happy if they would only let me!
"And why don't you tell him?" I said to Hugh John, a little impatiently.
"Oh," said Hugh John, "you see, I have fought Nipper so long that there
is a kind of hereditary household enmity."
"Nonsense," I said; "why, I saw Fuz talking to the old fellow for an
hour the other day, the two of them sitting and smoking as thick as
thieves. Besides, there's Toady!"
"Yes," said Hugh John. "Father has no sense of the dignity of the house
or of what a 'vendetta' means. He always says that if he has a chance of
getting to heaven on that clause about forgiving your enemies, he does
not care a dump. Or words that mean just the same. And as for Sir
Toady--well, give him liberty to go into the woods at night--only an
excuse, mind you, and there is no sin that he will not commit--short,
that is, of mutiny. Neither of them knows how to conduct a family
quarrel on proper lines. I--you and I, I mean, have to sustain the honor
of the house, eh, Sis?"
"Oh, nonsense, Hugh John," I said; "you know you have always been good
friends with Nipper. And it was you that brought the whole of them here
to listen to the Scott Redcap Tales at the Feudal Tower!"
"_That_ was quite another matter," said Hugh John, hard pushed for an
explanation. "It was a sort of Ossianic gathering where all the chiefs
came to Morven, and made truce to listen to the tales and songs of the
minstrel!"
"Oh, very likely," I said; "but why not put father or Sir Toady on to
advise Butcher Donnan? There is need of such a shop as that in Edam. I
have often felt the want myself."
Hugh John agreed, and added that he had too. But he said that Sir Toady
could not be expected to act, seeing that he had already "sucked up" to
the maker of the strawberry shortcake, not to mention the maple-sugar
toffee. He could therefore get as much as he wanted for himself without
paying, owing to Mrs. Donnan's weakness!
"And do you think that a young dev--imp like Sir Toady does not know
when he is well off?" concluded Hugh John. "As for father, he has too
much to do to bother his head about things like that--at least I shan't
ask him; no, Sis, if anybody, it is you who ought to suggest to Butcher
Donnan, or better, to Mrs. Donnan----"
"But," said I, "he is a violent man, and would not listen to a word his
wife says. You know that very well!"
Hugh John considered, throwing his chin into the air with a gesture
which, if he had not worn his hair of military shortness, would have
cast it back elegantly and poetically. But he disdained such things.
"Oh, yes," he said, "Donnan makes a lot of noise, I know. He pretends to
authority, but--don't tell anybody--he has it not. _His wife can wear
him down!_ She seems to submit. His authority at home is undisputed. So
he tires of it, and finishes by letting her have her own way. That is
the secret. Of course at the least word of objection it would be, 'What
ho! my highest of high horses!' And crying aloud he would mount and
ride. But Mrs. Donnan never gives him a chance. She knows better. And as
he is really a good-hearted man--if he does bully, she just waits till
he is sorry for it! It does not take long."
Thus in the depths of the cave, his chin on his hands and his eye glued
to the telescope, spake the Philosopher of Esk Water Side.
I could not but admit that in the main he was right. Hugh John follows a
truth with a certain slow, patient, tireless, sleuth-hound trot, which
never puts him out of breath. But in the end he finishes by getting
there. And now without ever moving he extorted from me the promise that,
when I could (and as soon as I could) I should take in hand the task of
restoring the married happiness of Mr. and Mrs. Donnan--retired from
business, and fallen into the practice of idleness as a profession, and
unhappiness as the wages thereof.