_Etna Lodge, W._
Mrs. Bangham Smasher, having entered into partnership with the Misses
Burnham Blazer, as General Agents of Destruction, begs to inform the
public that the firm will prepared to execute commissions of all kinds,
at the shortest notice, on the very moderate terms given below:--
£ s. _d_.
For breaking windows, per window 0 7 6
For howling, kicking, or biting during service
in church, per howl, kick, or bite 0 10 6
For sitting on doorsteps of obnoxious persons,
per hour, if fine 0 15 0
For sitting on doorsteps of obnoxious persons,
per hour, if wet 1 1 0
For damaging golf greens, per green 1 11 6
For throwing shoes at magistrates in court,
according to size and weight of shoe,
from 2 2 0
For beating officials connected with gaols 3 3 0
For slashing and hacking valuable pictures,
from 7 7 0
For bombs not intended to explode 8 8 0
For burning down a house, according to value
and social position of owner, from 10 0 0
For insulting exalted Personages, per insult 10 10 0
For burning down a modern red-brick
church 15 15 0
For burning down a specially valuable and
interesting ancient one (eleventh and
twelfth centuries extra) 21 0 0
For bombs warranted to destroy an ordinary
church. 30 0 0
For bombs suited to wreck really superior
Buildings, such as Westminster Abbey
and St. Paul's 50 0 0
For disturbing public meetings and the
general harassing and annoyance of all
peaceable and decent people No charge.
Bangham Smasher, Burnham Blazer & Co. beg to assume their patrons that
all the choppers, hammers, bombs, stones, etc., employed in their
business are of the very best quality, and only refined paraffin and wax
matches will be used in burning down any building.
Being in a position to offer such exceptional advantages they trust to
receive a large measure of support in their elevating and enlightening
work.
If none of the above is found suitable to the needs of intending
clients, a further list of assorted outrages will be supplied on
application.
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