My dinner partner was a self-made man and not ashamed of it.
"Do you take an interest in china, ma'am?" he asked me.
I felt that if I said "Yes" I should have to buy some. So I said "No,"
but he didn't wait to hear what I said.
"I think I may say," he continued, "that I have the finest collection of
old Dresden china in London."
He went into the figures, explaining the cost price and the difficulty
of storage.
"Oh," said I, "if you find it a nuisance, I've a parlour-maid I could
recommend to you; just the girl to help you to get rid of it."
At this point I think he had some idea of having the finest collection
of parlourmaids in Middlesex, but he made it small dogs instead. Was I
interested in these? No, but I supposed I'd have to be if he insisted.
"I don't think I should be far wrong," he began, but I hustled him
through to the end of his sentence.
"Finest collection in--?" I asked.
"England," he said.
He went over their points, and in an expansive moment I marvelled. This
was imprudent, as it caused him to search his mind for some further
spectacular triumph wherewith to amaze and delight.
"That," he said, looking up the table, "is my wife."
"Marvellous," said I.
He took this in the best part. "You refer to her diamonds?" he said.
"Did I?" said I.
"The finest collection in Great Britain," he declared, and spread
himself over the subject.
Later, in a mood of concession, he inquired as to my specialities. I had
none, at least none that I could think of. Determined to extract
something noteworthy, he questioned me on every possibility. Was I not
married? That was so, I agreed, but then so many women are.
"You have sons, ma'am?" he persisted, with that implacable optimism to
which, among other things, he no doubt owed his success in the world.
I thought of Baby. "Ah yes, of course," I said. "The finest collection
in Europe."
* * * * *
"'In Norway,' she says, 'we do not eat one-third the quantity
that the English eat; our meals are simpler and shorter. I
believe that this is the cause of the enormous amount of
indigestion that is suffered by the English.'"
_Daily News and Leader._
So our doctor, who attributed our indigestion to lobster mayonnaise, was
wrong again.
* * * * *