Two or three hundred yards behind the sandhills, which seem to be deserted
but are really full of sudden hollows, with embarrassing little bathing
tents in them, the village sports have just been held. They took place in a
sloping grass field kindly lent for the occasion by Mr. Bates. This means
that you paid a shilling to enter the field, whereas on other days you can
picnic in it or play cricket in it without paying anything at all. Mr.
Bates is a kind of absentee landlord so far as we are concerned, for he is
the butcher at Framford, four miles away, and only brings the proceeds of
his butchery to us on Tuesdays and Fridays, which is the reason why on
Mondays and Thursdays one usually has eggs and bacon for dinner.
It was an interesting afternoon for many reasons, most of all perhaps
because many of the visitors saw each other for the first time in
clothes--in land clothes, I mean--and it is wonderful how much smarter some
of them looked than when popping red or brown faces, with lank wisps of
hair on them, out of the brine.
Some of the athletic events were open, like the Atlantic Sea, and some
close, like the Conferences at Lympne, but very few of the visitors
competed in any of them. I don't think any of us fancied our chances
overmuch, but personally I was a little bitter about the three-mile bicycle
race, because there were three prizes and only three competitors. I am past
my prime at this particular sport, but as it happened one of the three
broke his gear-chain somewhere about the seventh lap, and it was a long
time before he mended it and rode triumphantly past the finishing flag. I
felt then that I had missed what was probably my first and last chance of
securing an Olympic palm.
The whole affair struck me as being very well managed; dull events, like
the high jump and putting the shot, being held quietly in a corner by the
hedge, whilst the really interesting things, like the sack race and the egg
and spoon race, went on in the middle. We used potatoes instead of eggs,
but whether there was a system of handicapping according to the weight and
age of the potatoes I was unable to determine. I do feel confident,
however, that that girl with the yellow hair and the striped skirt to whom
the first prize was quite incorrectly awarded by the judges had put some
treacle--But there, I will be magnanimous.
The postman was a great success. He had acquired a light suit of overalls,
on which he had painted three large red stars, using, I hope, Government
red ink, and with black cheeks and a floured nose footed it solemnly to the
music of the Framford Comrades' Band. He also ran underneath the lath at
the high jump and tumbled down in trying to put the shot. All round the
field children could be heard asking, "What _is_ he doing, Mummy?" and,
when they were told, "Hush, dears, he's doing it for a _joke_," their eyes
danced and they tried for a moment to control their emotion and then broke
into shrieks of laughter. All the difficult open events which were not won
by a young man in puce-coloured shorts were won by a friend of his in a
yellow shirt. I have an idea that these two young men came from Framford
and go round doing this kind of thing and getting prizes for it, just as
Mr. Bates goes round selling his beef.
Amidst all this fun and frolic, if you went up to the top of one of the
sandhills and looked across the blue bay to the little seaport opposite,
you saw that it was also emptied of its folk this pious afternoon and was
in fact holding aquatic revels. Little fishing-boats with brown sails were
turning about a given mark. There were rowing races and diving competitions
and a greasy pole and very probably a comic man dressed up as a buoy.
I have pondered deeply over these twin feasts, and it has occurred to me
that, whilst land sports and water sports are both of them very good things
in their way, neither expresses the real genius of a maritime resort, and
also that we visitors, if we are too shy to enter with gusto into the local
games, ought to provide some suitable entertainment in return. I have
compiled therefore a programme of a Grand Beach Gala for next week, and
have had a notice put up in the post-office window inviting entries. Not
many people buy stamps at the post-office, but, as you get bacon and spades
and buckets and jam there, it is a pretty popular emporium, and I think my
list of events should prove an attractive one. It runs as follows:--
1. _Pebble and Tent Competition._--Fathers of families only. To be run if
possible at low tide on a wet and windy day. Competitors to leave starting
post in ordinary attire, enter tent, emerge in bathing costume, strike
tents, sprint over shingle to the sea, swim to a given point, return, pitch
tents, dress and run to winning-post.
FIRST PRIZE, a ham sandwich, with real sand.
2. _Sock Race._--Under ten. Competitors to start barefooted in rock-pools
and race at the sound of a dinner-bell to nurses, have feet dried, put on
shoes and stockings and run to row of buns at top of beach. First bun down
wins. Points deducted for sand in socks.
3. _Hundred Yards Paddle Dash._--To be run along the edge of surf. Handicap
by position. Tallest competitor to have deepest station. Open to all ages
and sexes. Feet to be lifted clear of the water at every stride. Properly
raced this is a fine frothy event, productive of the greatest enthusiasm,
especially if the trousers come unrolled.
4. _Sand Castle Contest._--Open to all families of eight. Twenty minutes
time limit. Largest castle wins. Moats must contain real sea-water.
5. _Impromptu Picnic._--Ladies only. Materials must be collected from the
village shops, brought down to beach and spread out at winning flag. For
the purpose of this competition the sports must take place on a Thursday,
when the weekly visit of the greengrocer coincides with one of the
bi-weekly visits of the baker from Framford. Eggs and butter must be
obtained at the Mill Farm, and you can do the rest at the post-office.
6. _Fifty Yards Hat Race._--Under five. Fathers to be seated in a row on
beach. Competitors to remove fathers' hats, run twenty-five yards, fill
hats with sand, return and replace hats.
In order to prevent any ill-feeling that might arise from the thought that
I had practised any of these races in private beforehand I have elected to
be the judge.