(_a_) to show how poetry is written;
(_b_) to write poetry;
and it is no good his attempting (_a_) in the absence of (_b_). It is no
good teaching a man to slope arms if you are unable to slope arms yourself,
because a moment will come when he says, "Well, how the dickens _do_ you
slope them?" It is no good professing lawn-tennis and saying, "Top-spin is
imparted by drawing the racquet up and over," and so on, if, when you try
to impart top-spin yourself, the ball disappears on to the District
Railway. Still less is it useful if you deliver a long address to the
student, saying, "H.L. DOHERTY was a good player, and so was RENSHAW, and I
well remember the game between MCLOUGHLIN and WILDING, because WILDING hit
the ball over the net more often than MCLOUGHLIN did."
Those students who have attended my lectures more regularly than others--
and I am sorry there are not more of them--will do me the justice to
remember that I have put forward no theory of writing which I was not
prepared to illustrate in practice from my own work. My colleague, so far
as I can discover, makes one single attempt at practical assistance; and
even that is a minor plagiarism from one of my own lectures. He makes a
good deal of play with what he calls the principle and influence of the
Italian Canzone, which simply means having a lot of ten-syllable lines and
a few six-syllable ones. Students will remember that in our second lecture
we wrote a poem on that principle, which finished:--
Toroodle--umti--oodle--umti--knife (or strife)
Where have they put my hat?
That lecture was prepared on May 27th; my colleague's lecture was delivered
on June 5th. It is clear to me that in the interval--by what discreditable
means I know not--he obtained access to my manuscript and borrowed the
idea, thinking to cloak his guilt by specious talk about the Italian
_Canzone_. The device of offering stolen goods under a new name is an old
one, and will help him little; the jury will know what to think.
Apart from this single piece of (second-hand) instruction, what
contribution does he make to the student's knowledge of the Art of Poetry?
He makes no reference to comic poetry at all; apparently he has never
_heard_ of the Limerick, and I have the gravest doubts whether he can write
one, though that, I admit, is a severe test. I am prepared however to give
him a public opportunity of establishing his fitness for his post, and with
that end I propose to put to him the following problems, and if his answers
are satisfactory I shall most willingly modify my criticisms; but he must
write on one side of the paper only and number his pages in the top
right-hand corner.
_The Problems._
(1) What is the metre of:--
"And the other grasshopper jumped right over the other grasshopper's
back."
(2) Finish the uncompleted Limerick given in my Second Lecture, beginning:
There was a young man who said "_Hell!_
I don't think I feel very well."
(3) In your inaugural lecture you ask, "Is it true, or not, that the great
triumphs of poetical art often come suddenly?" The answer you give is most
unsatisfactory; give a better one now, illustrating the answer from your
own works.
(4) Write a Ballade of which the refrain is either--
(_a_) The situation is extremely grave;
or
(_b_) The Empire is not what it was;
or
(_c_) We lived to see Lord Birkenhead.
NOTE.--Extra marks will be given for an attempt at (_b_) because of the
shortage of rhymes to _was_.
(5) What would you do in the following circumstances? In May you have sent
a poem to an Editor, ending with the lines--
The soldiers cheered and cheered again--
It was the PRINCE OF WALES.
On July 20th the Editor writes and says that he likes the poem very much,
and wishes to print it in his August number, but would be glad if you could
make the poem refer to Mr. or Mrs. DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS instead of the PRINCE.
He must have the proof by the first post to-morrow as he is going to press.
Show, how you would reconstruct your last verse.
(6) Consider the following passages--
(i) I love little pussy,
Her coat is so _warm_,
And if I don't hurt her
She'll do me no _harm_.
(ii) Who put her _in_?
Little Tommy _Green_.
(_a_) Carefully amend the above so that they rhyme properly.
(_b_) Do you as a matter of principle approve of these kinds of rhyme?
(_c_) If not, do you approve of them in (i) SHAKSPEARE, (ii) WORDSWORTH,
(iii) SHELLEY, (iv) Any serious classic?