A Newcastle miner who was stated to be earning a pound a day has been fined
ten pounds for neglecting his children. The idea of waiting till September
20th and letting Mr. SMILLIE neglect them does not seem to have occurred to
him.
* * *
"Beyond gardening," says a gossip writer, "Mr. SMILLIE has few hobbies." At
the same time there is no doubt he is busy getting together a fine
collection of strikes.
* * *
It is said that AMUNDSEN will not return to civilisation this year. If he
was thinking of Ireland he isn't missing any civilisation worth mentioning.
* * *
"The POET LAUREATE," says a weekly paper, "has not written an ode to
British weather." So that can't be the cause of it.
* * *
A Wolverhampton man weighing seventeen stone, in charging another with
assault, said he heard somebody laughing at him, so he looked round. A man
of that weight naturally would.
* * *
"There is work for everybody who likes to work," says Mr. N. GRATTAN DOYLE,
M.P. It is this tactless way of rubbing it in which annoys so many people.
* * *
A contemporary has a letter from a correspondent who signs himself "Tube
Traveller of Twenty Years' Standing." Somebody ought to offer the poor
fellow a seat.
* * *
In connection with the case of a missing railway-porter one railway line
has decided to issue notices warning travellers against touching porters
while they are in motion.
* * *
"The United States," declares the proprietor of a leading New York hotel,
"is on the eve of going wet again." A subtle move of this kind, with the
object of depriving drink of its present popularity, is said to be making a
strong appeal to the Prohibitionists.
* * *
One London firm is advertising thirty thousand alarum-clocks for sale at
reduced prices. There is now no excuse for any workman being late at a
strike.
* * *
A centenarian in the Shetlands, says a news agency, has never heard of Mr.
LLOYD GEORGE. We have no wish to brag, but we have often seen his name
mentioned.
* * *
Professor PETRIE'S statement that the world will only last another two
hundred thousand years is a sorry blow to those who thought that _Chu Chin
Chow_ was in for a long run. Otherwise the news has been received quietly.
* * *
"Nothing useful is ever done in the House of Commons," says a Labour
speaker. He forgets that the cleaners are at work in the building just now.
* * *
We are informed that at the Bricklaying contest at the Olympic Games a
British bricklayer lost easily.
* * *
"A dress designer," says a Camomile Street dressmaker in _The Evening
News_, "must be born." We always think this is an advantage.
* * *
A gossip-writer points out that Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL'S earliest ambition
was to be an actor. Our contemporary is wise not to disclose the name of
the man who talked him out of it.
* * *
"Whatever price is fixed it is impossible to get stone in any quantity,"
says a building trade journal. They have evidently not heard of our
coal-dealer.
* * *
"Nothing of any value has been gained by the War," complains a daily paper.
This slur on the O.B.E. is in shocking taste.
* * *
A Sunday newspaper deplores that there seems to be no means of checking the
crime-wave which is still spreading throughout the country. If only the
Government would publish the amount of American bacon recently purchased by
the Prisons' Department things might tend to improve.
* * *
"There is still a great shortage of gold in the country," announces a
weekly paper. It certainly seems as if our profiteers will soon have to be
content with having their teeth stopped with bank-notes.
* * *
We regret to learn that the amateur gardener whose marrows were awarded the
second prize for cooking-apples at a horticultural show is still confined
to his bed.
* * *
A neck-ruffle originally worn by QUEEN ELIZABETH has been stolen from a
house in Manchester and has not yet been recovered. Any reader noticing a
suspicious-looking person wearing such an article over her _décolleté_
should immediately communicate with the nearest police-station.
* * *
Hair tonic, declares the Washington Chief of Police, is growing in
popularity as a beverage. The danger of this habit has been widely
advertised by the sad case of a Chicago man who drank three shampoo
cocktails and afterwards swallowed a hair in his soup.
* * *
The mystery of the City gentleman who has been noticed lately going up to
public telephones and getting immediate answers is now solved. It appears
that he is a well-known ventriloquist with a weakness for practical jokes.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "I NEVER ORDERED IT--AND I WON'T PAY FOR IT."]
* * * * *
"According to the latest census returns, the population of New York
City is now £5,621,000."--_Indian Paper._
In dollars, of course, it would be considerably more.
* * * * *
"The Royal Dutch Mail steamer Stuyvesant will leave on Monday at 5 a.m.
for Havre and Amsterdam. The tender leaves the Lighthouse Jetty at 8
a.m. punctually with passengers."--_West Indian Paper._
Rather a mean trick to play on them.
* * * * *
"The Chairman said the Council had never paid one penny for the oiling
and washing of the fire brigade."--_Local Paper._
It is understood that while the noble fellows do not object to washing at
reasonable intervals, they strongly deprecate oiling as unnecessarily
adding to the risks of their dangerous calling.
* * * * *