THE _Eastern Morning News_--what a pretty name--why not the
_Dawn_?--hath a prosaic item: this:--
WANTED, a GROOM and Coachman, and to assist the Gardener. Wages,
18s. per week to commence with, to be advanced 1s. per year for
every year he remains. Must understand horses and pigs, and be
able to drive one, or a pair.
We do not think the wages too high. A celebrated Oxford Don, who could
make Greek verses as fast as mill-wheels strike, yet who was not so
ready with ordinary English, beheld, from the top of a coach, a drover
striving to guide some pigs along the road. Wishing to be
conversational, the Don observed to his neighbour, "A difficult Animal
to drive is a Pig--one man--a good many--very." Here, observe, were the
materials for a pleasing remark, but they needed arrangement. He was
right, however. Pigs are difficult to drive, and the Yorkshire
advertiser who wants a man able to drive one pig, or a pair, is right in
offering him the above noble rise in wage. Correspondents will abstain
from vulgar suggestions about a pig and a "hog"--we don't understand
them.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "HERE BE TRUTHS."
_Mistress._ "BRING SOME MORE BREAD, MARTHA?"
_Maid._ "THERE'S NANE, MEM!"
_Mistress._ "O, NONSENSE! I SAW A LOAF IN THE PANTRY."
_Maid._ "DID YE, MEM? I'M THINKING IT'S TIME YE WERE GETTING SPECS,
THEN, FOR IT'S A CHEESE!"]
* * * * *
"YOUR BONNET TO ITS RIGHT USE."
"LET me use my _biretta_,"
Says CARDINAL CULLEN,
"To fan Ireland's school-lamp,
That burns smoky and sullen."
"No," says England, "your motives
'Twere cruel to doubt,--
But what if your rev'rence
Should put the lamp out?"
* * * * *