sledging-party, an awkward man has assigned to him a lady who does not
like him: comically enough, there befalls him, one after another, every
accident that can happen on such an occasion, until at last, as he is
entreating for the sledge-driver's right (a kiss), he falls from the
back-seat; for just then, as was natural, the Fates tripped him up. The
fair one seizes the reins, and drives home alone, where a favored friend
receives her, and triumphs over his presumptuous rival. As to the rest,
it was very prettily contrived that the four different kinds of spirits
should worry him in turn, till at the end the gnomes hoist him
completely out of the saddle. The poem, written in Alexandrines, and
founded on a true story, highly delighted our little public; and we were
convinced that it could well be compared with the "Walpurgisnight" of
Löwen, or the "Renommist" of Zachariä. [Footnote: This word, which
signifies something like our "bully," is specially used to designate a
fighting student.--TRANS.]
While, now, our social pleasures required but an evening, and the
preparations for them only a few hours, I had enough time to read, and,
as I thought, to study. To please my father, I diligently repeated the
smaller work of Hopp, and could stand an examination in it forwards and
backwards, by which means I made myself complete master of the chief
contents of the institutes. But a restless eagerness for knowledge urged
me farther: I lighted upon the history of ancient literature, and from
that fell into an encyclopaedism, in which I hastily read Gessner's
"Isagoge" and Morhov's "Polyhistor," and thus gained a general notion of
how many strange things might have happened in learning and life. By
this persevering and rapid industry, continued day and night, I became
more confused than instructed; but I lost myself in a still greater
labyrinth when I found Bayle in my father's library, and plunged deeply
into this work.
But a leading conviction, which was continually revived within me, was
that of the importance of the ancient tongues; since from amidst this
literary hurly-burly, thus much continually forced itself upon me, that
in them were preserved all the models of oratory, and at the same time
every thing else of worth that the world has ever possessed. Hebrew,
together with biblical studies, had retired into the background, and
Greek likewise, since my acquaintance with it did not extend beyond the
New Testament. I therefore the more zealously kept to Latin, the
masterpieces in which lie nearer to us, and which, besides its splendid
original productions, offers us the other wealth of all ages in
translations, and the works of the greatest scholars. I consequently
read much in this language, with great ease, and was bold enough to
believe I understood the authors, because I missed nothing of the
literal sense. Indeed, I was very indignant when I heard that Grotius
had insolently declared, "he did not read Terence as boys do." Happy
narrow-mindedness of youth!--nay, of men in general, that they can, at
every moment of their existence, fancy themselves finished, and inquire
after neither the true nor the false, after neither the high nor the
deep, but merely after that which is suited to them.
I had thus learned Latin, like German, French, and English, merely by
practice, without rules, and without comprehension. Whoever knows the
then condition of scholastic instruction will not think it strange that
I skipped grammar as well as rhetoric; all seemed to me to come together
naturally: I retained the words, their forms and inflexions, in my ear
and mind, and used the language with ease in writing and in chattering.
Michaelmas, the time fixed for my going to the university, was
approaching; and my mind was excited quite as much about my life as
about my learning. I grew more and more clearly conscious of an aversion
to my native city. By Gretchen's removal, the heart had been broken out
of the boyish and youthful plant: it needed time to bud forth again from
its sides, and surmount the first injury by a new growth. My ramblings
through the streets had ceased: I now, like others, only went such ways
as were necessary. I never went again into Gretchen's quarter of the
city, not even into its vicinity: and as my old walls and towers became
gradually disagreeable to me, so also was I displeased at the
constitution of the city; all that hitherto seemed so worthy of honor
now appeared to me in distorted shapes. As grandson of the
/Schultheiss/ I had not remained unacquainted with the secret
defects of such a republic; the less so, as children feel quite a
peculiar surprise, and are excited to busy researches, as soon as
something which they have hitherto implicitly revered becomes in any
degree suspicious to them. The fruitless indignation of upright men, in
opposition to those who are to be gained and even bribed by factions,
had become but too plain to me: I hated every injustice beyond measure,
for children are all moral rigorists. My father, who was concerned in
the affairs of the city only as a private citizen, expressed himself
with very lively indignation about much that had failed. And did I not
see him, after so many studies, endeavors, pains, travels, and so much
varied cultivation, between his four walls, leading a solitary life,
such as I could never desire for myself? All this put together lay as a
horrible load on my mind, from which I could only free myself by trying
to contrive a plan of life altogether different from that which had been
marked out for me. In thought I threw aside my legal studies, and
devoted myself solely to the languages, to antiquities, to history, and
to all that flows from them.
Indeed, at all times, the poetic imitation of what I had perceived in
myself, in others, and in nature, afforded me the greatest pleasure. I
did it with ever-increasing facility, because it came by instinct, and
no criticism had led me astray; and, if I did not feel full confidence
in my productions, I could certainly regard them as defective, but not
such as to be utterly rejected. Although here and there they were
censured, I still retained my silent conviction that I could not but
gradually improve, and that some time I might be honorably named along
with Hagedorn, Gellert, and other such men. But such a distinction alone
seemed to me too empty and inadequate; I wished to devote myself
professionally and with zeal to those aforesaid fundamental studies,
and, whilst I meant to advance more rapidly in my own works by a more
thorough insight into antiquity, to qualify myself for a university
professorship, which seemed to me the most desirable thing for a young
man who strove for culture, and intended to contribute to that of
others.
With these intentions I always had my eye upon Göttingen. My whole
confidence rested upon men like Heyne, Michaelis, and so many others: my
most ardent wish was to sit at their feet, and attend to their
instructions. But my father remained inflexible. Howsoever some family
friends, who were of my opinion, tried to influence him, he persisted
that I must go to Leipzig. I was now resolved, contrary to his views and
wishes, to choose a line of studies and of life for myself, by way of
self-defense. The obstinacy of my father, who, without knowing it,
opposed himself to my plans, strengthened me in my impiety; so that I
made no scruple to listen to him by the hour, while he described and
repeated to me the course of study and of life which I should pursue at
the universities and in the world.
All hopes of Göttingen being cut off, I now turned my eyes towards
Leipzig. There Ernesti appeared to me as a brilliant light: Morus, too,
already awakened much confidence. I planned for myself in secret an
opposition-course, or rather I built a castle in the air, on a tolerably
solid foundation; and it seemed to me quite romantically honorable to
mark out my own path of life, which appeared the less visionary, as
Griesbach had already made great progress in a similar way, and was
commended for it by every one. The secret joy of a prisoner, when he has
unbound the fetters, and rapidly filed through the bars of his jail-
window, cannot be greater than was mine as I saw day after day
disappear, and October draw nigh. The inclement season and the bad
roads, of which everybody had something to tell, did not frighten me.
The thought of making good my footing in a strange place, and in winter,
did not make me sad; suffice it to say, that I only saw my present
situation was gloomy, and represented to myself the other unknown world
as light and cheerful. Thus I formed my dreams, to which I gave myself
up exclusively, and promised myself nothing but happiness and content in
the distance.
Closely as I kept these projects a secret from every one else, I could
not hide them from my sister, who, after being very much alarmed about
them at first, was finally consoled when I promised to send after her,
so that she could enjoy with me the brilliant station I was to obtain,
and share my comfort with me.
Michaelmas, so longingly expected, came at last, when I set out with
delight, in company with the bookseller Fleischer and his wife (whose
maiden name was Triller, and who was going to visit her father in
Wittemberg); and I left behind me the worthy city in which I had been
born and bred, with indifference, as if I wished never to set foot in it
again.
Thus, at certain epochs, children part from parents, servants from
masters, /protégés/ from their patrons; and, whether it succeed or
not, such an attempt to stand on one's own feet, to make one's self
independent, to live for one's self, is always in accordance with the
will of nature.
We had driven out through the Allerheiligen (/All Saints/) gate,
and had soon left Hanau behind us, after which we reached scenes which
aroused my attention by their novelty, if, at this season of the year,
they offered little that was pleasing. A continual rain had completely
spoiled the roads, which, generally speaking, were not then in such good
order as we find them now; and our journey was thus neither pleasant nor
happy. Yet I was indebted to this damp weather for the sight of a
natural phenomenon which must be exceedingly rare, for I have seen
nothing like it since, nor have I heard of its having been observed by
others. It was this; namely, we were driving at night up a rising ground
between Hanau and Gelhausen, and, although it was dark, we preferred
walking to exposing ourselves to the danger and difficulty of that part
of the road. All at once, in a ravine on the right-hand side of the way,
I saw a sort of amphitheatre, wonderfully illuminated. In a funnel-
shaped space there were innumerable little lights gleaming, ranged step-
fashion over one another; and they shone so brilliantly that the eye was
dazzled. But what still more confused the sight was, that they did not
keep still, but jumped about here and there, as well downwards from
above as /vice versa/, and in every direction. The greater part of
them, however, remained stationary, and beamed on. It was only with the
greatest reluctance that I suffered myself to be called away from this
spectacle, which I could have wished to examine more closely. The
postilion, when questioned, said that he knew nothing about such a
phenomenon, but that there was in the neighborhood an old stone-quarry,
the excavation of which was filled with water. Now, whether this was a
pandemonium of will-o'-the-wisps, or a company of luminous creatures, I
will not decide.
The roads through Thuringia were yet worse; and unfortunately, at night-
fall, our coach stuck fast in the vicinity of Auerstädt. We were far
removed from all mankind, and did every thing possible to work ourselves
out. I failed not to exert myself zealously, and might thereby have
overstrained the ligaments of my chest; for soon afterwards I felt a
pain, which went off and returned, and did not leave me entirely until
after many years.
Yet on that same night, as if it had been destined for alternate good
and bad luck, I was forced, after an unexpectedly fortunate incident, to
experience a teasing vexation. We met, in Auerstädt, a genteel married
couple, who had also just arrived, having been delayed by a similar
accident; a pleasing, dignified man, in his best years, with a very
handsome wife. They politely persuaded us to sup in their company, and I
felt very happy when the excellent lady addressed a friendly word to me.
But when I was sent out to hasten the soup which had been ordered, not
having been accustomed to the loss of rest and the fatigues of
travelling, such an unconquerable drowsiness overtook me, that actually
I fell asleep while walking, returned into the room with my hat on my
head, and, without remarking that the others were saying grace, placed
myself with quiet unconsciousness behind the chair, and never dreamed
that by my conduct I had come to disturb their devotions in a very droll
way. Madame Fleischer, who lacked neither spirit nor wit nor tongue,
entreated the strangers, before they had seated themselves, not to be
surprised at any thing they might see here; for that their young fellow-
traveller had in his nature much of the peculiarity of the Quakers, who
believe that they cannot honor God and the king better than with covered
heads. The handsome lady, who could not restrain her laughter, looked
prettier than ever in consequence; and I would have given every thing in
the world not to have been the cause of a merriment which was so highly
becoming to her countenance. I had, however, scarcely laid aside my hat,
when these persons, in accordance with their polished manners,
immediately dropped the joke, and, with the best wine from their bottle-
case, completely extinguished sleep, chagrin, and the memory of all past
troubles.
I arrived in Leipzig just at the time of the fair, from which I derived
particular pleasure; for here I saw before me the continuation of a
state of things belonging to my native city, familiar wares and
traders,--only in other places, and in a different order. I rambled
about the market and the booths with much interest; but my attention was
particularly attracted by the inhabitants of the Eastern countries in
their strange dresses, the Poles and Russians, and, above all, the
Greeks, for the sake of whose handsome forms and dignified costume I
often went to the spot.
But this animating bustle was soon over; and now the city itself
appeared before me, with its handsome, high, and uniform houses. It made
a very good impression upon me; and it cannot be denied, that in
general, but especially in the silent moments of Sundays and holidays,
it has something imposing; and when in the moonlight the streets were
half in shadow, half-illuminated, they often invited me to nocturnal
promenades.
[Illustration: Woman with birds.]
In the mean time, as compared with that to which I had hitherto been
accustomed, this new state of affairs was by no means satisfactory.
Leipzig calls up before the spectator no antique time: it is a new,
recently elapsed epoch, testifying commercial activity, comfort and
wealth, which announces itself to us in these monuments. Yet quite to my
taste were the houses, which to me seemed immense, and which, fronting
two streets, and embracing a citizen-world within their large court-
yards, built round with lofty walls, are like large castles, nay, even
half-cities. In one of these strange places I quartered myself; namely,
in the Bombshell Tavern (/Feuerkugel/), between the Old and the New
Newmarket (/Neumarkt/). A couple of pleasant rooms looking out upon
a court-yard, which, on account of the thoroughfare, was not without
animation, were occupied by the bookseller Fleischer during the fair,
and by me taken for the rest of the time at a moderate price. As a
fellow-lodger I found a theological student, who was deeply learned in
his professional studies, a sound thinker, but poor, and suffering much
from his eyes, which caused him great anxiety for the future. He had
brought this affliction upon himself by his inordinate reading till the
latest dusk of the evening, and even by moonlight, to save a little oil.
Our old hostess showed herself benevolent to him, always friendly to me,
and careful for us both.
I now hastened with my letters of introduction to Hofrath Böhme, who,
once a pupil of Maskow, and now his successor, was professor of history
and public law. A little, thick-set, lively man received me kindly
enough, and introduced me to his wife. Both of them, as well as the
other persons whom I waited on, gave me the pleasantest hopes as to my
future residence; but at first I let no one know of the design I
entertained, although I could scarcely wait for the favorable moment
when I should declare myself free from jurisprudence, and devoted to the
study of the classics. I cautiously waited till the Fleischers had
returned, that my purpose might not be too prematurely betrayed to my
family. But I then went, without delay, to Hofrath Böhme, to whom,
before all, I thought I must confide the matter, and with much self-
importance and boldness of speech disclosed my views to him. However, I
found by no means a good reception of my proposition. As professor of
history and public law, he had a declared hatred for every thing that
savored of the /belles-lettres/. Unfortunately he did not stand on
the best footing with those who cultivated them; and Gellert in
particular, in whom I had, awkwardly enough, expressed much confidence,
he could not even endure. To send a faithful student to those men,
therefore, while he deprived himself of one, and especially under such
circumstances, seemed to him altogether out of the question. He
therefore gave me a severe lecture on the spot, in which he protested
that he could not permit such a step without the permission of my
parents, even if he approved of it himself, which was not the case in
this instance. He then passionately inveighed against philology and the
study of languages, but still more against poetical exercises, which I
had indeed allowed to peep out in the background. He finally concluded,
that, if I wished to enter more closely into the study of the ancients,
it could be done much better by the way of jurisprudence. He brought to
my recollection many elegant jurists, such as Eberhard, Otto, and
Heineccius, promised me mountains of gold from Roman antiquities and the
history of law, and showed me, clear as the sun, that I should here be
taking no roundabout way, even if afterwards, on more mature
deliberation, and with the consent of my parents, I should determine to
follow out my own plan. He begged me, in a friendly manner, to think the
matter over once more, and to open my mind to him soon; as it would be
necessary to come to a determination at once, on account of the
impending commencement of the lectures.
It was, however, very polite of him not to press me on the spot. His
arguments, and the weight with which he advanced them, had already
convinced my pliant youth; and I now first saw the difficulties and
doubtfulness of a matter which I had privately pictured to myself as so
feasible. Frau Hofrath Böhme invited me shortly afterwards. I found her
alone. She was no longer young, and had very delicate health; was gentle
and tender to an infinite degree; and formed a decided contrast to her
husband, whose good nature was even blustering. She spoke of the
conversation her husband had lately had with me, and once more placed
the subject before me, in all its bearings, in so cordial a manner, so
affectionately and sensibly, that I could not help yielding: the few
reservations on which I insisted were also agreed upon by the other
side.
Thereupon her husband regulated my hours; for I was to hear lectures on
philosophy, the history of law, the Institutes, and some other matters.
I was content with this; but I carried my point so as to attend
Gellert's history of literature (with Stockhausen for a text-book), and
his "Practicum" besides.
The reverence and love with which Gellert was regarded by all young
people was extraordinary. I had already called on him, and had been
kindly received by him. Not of tall stature; elegant without being lean;
soft and rather pensive eyes; a very fine forehead; a nose aquiline, but
not too much so; a delicate mouth; a face of an agreeable oval,--all
made his presence pleasing and desirable. It cost some trouble to reach
him. His two /Famuli/ appeared like priests who guard a sanctuary,
the access to which is not permitted to everybody, nor at every time:
and such a precaution was very necessary; for he would have sacrificed
his whole time, had he been willing to receive and satisfy all those who
wished to become intimate with him.
At first I attended my lectures assiduously and faithfully, but the
philosophy would not enlighten me at all. In the logic it seemed strange
to me that I had so to tear asunder, isolate, and, as it were, destroy,
those operations of the mind which I had performed with the greatest
ease from my youth upwards, and this in order to see into the right use
of them. Of the thing itself, of the world, and of God, I thought I knew
about as much as the professor himself; and, in more places than one,
the affair seemed to me to come into a tremendous strait. Yet all went
on in tolerable order till towards Shrovetide, when, in the neighborhood
of Professor Winkler's house on the Thomas Place, the most delicious
fritters came hot out of the pan just at the hour of lecture: and these
delayed us so long, that our note-books became disordered; and the
conclusion of them, towards spring, melted away, together with the snow,
and was lost.
The law-lectures very soon fared not any better, for I already knew just
as much as the professor thought good to communicate to us. My stubborn
industry in writing down the lectures at first, was paralyzed by
degrees; for I found it excessively tedious to pen down once more that
which, partly by question, partly by answer, I had repeated with my
father often enough to retain it forever in my memory. The harm which is
done when young people at school are advanced too far in many things was
afterwards manifested still more when time and attention were diverted
from exercises in the languages, and a foundation in what are, properly
speaking, preparatory studies, in order to be applied to what are called
"Realities," which dissipate more than they cultivate, if they are not
methodically and thoroughly taught.
I here mention, by the way, another evil by which students are much
embarrassed. Professors, as well as other men in office, cannot all be
of the same age: but when the younger ones teach, in fact, only that
they may learn, and moreover, if they have talent, anticipate their age,
they acquire their own cultivation altogether at the cost of their
hearers; since these are not instructed in what they really need, but in
that which the professor finds it necessary to elaborate for himself.
Among the oldest professors, on the contrary, many are for a long time
stationary: they deliver on the whole only fixed views, and, in the
details, much that time has already condemned as useless and false.
Between the two arises a sad conflict, in which young minds are dragged
hither and thither, and which can scarcely be set right by the middle-
aged professors, who, though possessed of sufficient learning and
culture, always feel within themselves an active desire for knowledge
and reflection.
Now, as in this way I learned to know much more than I could digest,
whereby a constantly increasing uncomfortableness was forced upon me; so
also from life I experienced many disagreeable trifles,--as, indeed, one
must always pay one's footing when one changes one's place and comes
into a new position. The first thing the ladies blamed me for was my
dress, for I had come from home to the university rather oddly equipped.