(_A Sketch in the Lowther Arcade._)
_Between the sloping banks of toys, and under a dense foliage of
coloured rosettes, calico banners, and Japanese-lanterns, the congested
Stream of Custom oozes slowly along, with an occasional overflow into
the backwaters of the shops behind, while the Stall-keepers keep up a
batrachian and almost automatic croak of invitation._
_Fond Grandmother._ So you've chosen a box of soldiers, have you,
FRANKY?--very well. Now what shall we get for little ELSIE and Baby?
_Franky (promptly)._ Another box of soldiers would do nicely for ELSIE,
Grandmamma, and--_I_ know, a fort for Baby!
_Grandm. (doubtfully)._ But they're such _little_ tots--they won't know
how to play with them.
_Franky._ Oh, but I can _teach_ them, you know, Grandmamma.
_Grandm._ That's right--I like to see a boy kind to his little sisters.
[_She adopts_ Master FRANKY'S _disinterested suggestion._
_A Mother._ Now, PERCY, it's all nonsense--you _can't_ want any more
toys--those you've got are as good as new. (_To her Friend._) He's such
a boy for taking care of his things--he'll hardly trust his toys out of
their boxes, and won't allow anyone else to _touch_ them!
_The Friend._ Dear little fellow--then I'm sure he _deserves_ to be
given a new toy for being so careful!
_The Mother._ Well, he'll give me no peace till I _do_ give him
something. I know--but mind this, PERCY, it's only to keep you quiet,
and I'm not going to buy EDDIE anything. _(To Friend.)_ He gives all
_his_ things away as it is! [Master PERCY _takes both these valuable
moral lessons to heart_.
_Mrs. Stilton (to her less prosperous Sister-in-law_, Mrs. BLOOMOLD).
Nonsense, VINNIE, I won't _hear_ of it! REGGIE has more toys already
than he knows what to do with!
_Mrs. Bloom. (apologetically)._ Of course, my dear SOPHIA, I know your
children are born to every----but still, I have no one but myself
_now_, you know--and if I _might_--it would be such a _pleasure_!
_Mrs. Stilton._ I have already told you there is not the slightest
occasion for your spending your money in any such foolish manner. I hope
that is enough.
_Mrs. Bloom._ I'm sure he would like one of these little
water-carts--now _wouldn't_ you, REGGIE? [REGGIE _assents shyly_.
_Mrs. Stilton._ Buy him one, by all means--he will probably take the
colour out of my new carpets with it--but, of course, _that_'s of no
consequence to _you_!
_Mrs. Bloom._ Oh dear, I _quite_ forgot your beautiful carpets. No, to
be sure, that might----but one of those little butcher's shops,
now!--they're really _quite_ cheap!
_Mrs. S._ _I_ always thought cheapness was a question of what a person
could _afford_.
_Mrs. Bloom._ But I _can_ afford it, dear SOPHIA--thanks to dear JOHN'S
bounty, and--and _yours_.
_Mrs. S._ You mustn't thank _me_. _I_ had nothing to do with it. I
warned JOHN at the time that it would only----and it seems I was right.
And REGGIE has a butcher's shop--a really good one--already. In fact, I
couldn't tell you what he _hasn't_ got!
_Reggie._ _I_ can, though, Aunt VINNIE. I haven't got a train, for _one_
thing! (_To his Mother, as she drags him on._) I _should_ like a little
tin train, to go by clockwork on rails so. Do let Auntie----what's she
staying behind for?
_Mrs. Bloom. (catching them up, and thrusting a box into_ REGGIE'S
_hands)._ There, dear boy, there's your train--with Aunt VINNIE'S love!
(REGGIE _opens the box, and discovers a wooden train_.) What's the
matter, darling? Isn't it----?
_Mrs. S._ He had rather set his heart on a clockwork one with
rails--which I was thinking of getting for him--but I am sure he's very
much obliged to his Aunt all the same--_aren't_ you, REGINALD?
_Reggie (with a fortunate inspiration)._ Thank you _ever_ so much,
Auntie! And I like this train better than a tin one--because all the
doors open really--it's _exactly_ what I wanted!
_Mrs. S._ That's so like REGGIE--he never says anything to hurt people's
feelings if he can possibly help it.
_Mrs. B. (with meek ambiguity)._ Ah, dear SOPHIA, you set him such an
_example_, you see! (REGGIE _wonders why she squeezes his hand so_.)
[Illustration: "Er--I want a Toy of some sort--for a _Child_, don't you
know!"]
_A Vague Man (to Saleswoman)._ Er--I want a toy of some sort--for a
_child_, don't you know. (_As if he might require it for an elderly
person._) At least, it's not _exactly_ a child--it can _talk_, and all
that.
_Salesw._ Will you step inside, Sir? We've a large assortment within to
select from. Is it for a boy or a girl?
_The Vague Man._ It's a boy--that is, its name's EVELYN--of course,
that's a girl's name too; but it had better be some thing that
doesn't--I mean something it can't----[_He runs down._
_Salesw._ I _quite_ understand, Sir. One of these little 'orses and
carts are a very nice present for a child--(_with languid
commendation_)--the little 'orse takes out and all.
_The V. M._ Um--yes--but I want something more--a different _kind_ of
thing altogether.
_Salesw._ We sell a great many of these rag-dolls; all the clothes take
off and on.
_The V. M._ Isn't that rather----and then, for a boy, eh?
_Salesw._ P'raps a box of wooden soldiers _would_ be a more suitable toy
for a boy, certainly.
_The V. M._ Soldiers, eh?--yes--but you see, it might turn out to be a
girl after all--and then----
_Salesw._ I see, you want something that would do equally well for
either. _Here_'s a toy now. (_She brings out a team of little tin swans
on wheels._) You fix a stick in the end--so--and wheel it in front of
you, and all the little swans go up and down.
[_She wheels it up and down without enthusiasm._
_The V. M. (inspecting it feebly)._ Oh--the swans go up and down, eh? It
isn't quite--but very likely it won't--May as well have that as
something else--Yes, you can send it to--let me see--is it Hampstead or
Notting Hill they're living at now? (_To the_ Saleswoman, _who naturally
cannot assist him._) No, of course, _you_ wouldn't know. Never mind,
I'll take it with me--don't trouble to wrap it up!
[_He carries it off--to forget it promptly in a hansom._
_A Genial Uncle (entering with Nephews and Nieces)._ Plenty to choose
from here, eh? Look about and see what you'd like best.
_Jane (the eldest, sixteen, and "quite a little woman")._ I'm sure they
would much rather _you_ chose for them, Uncle!
_Uncle._ Bless me, _I_ don't know what boys and girls like
nowadays--they must choose for themselves!
_Salesw. (wearily)._ Perhaps one of the young gentlemen would like a
dredging-machine? The handle turns, you see, and all the little buckets
go round the chain and take up sand or mud--or there's a fire-engine,
_that's_ a nice toy, throws a stream of real water.
[TOMMY, _aged eleven, is charmed with the dredging-machine, while the
fire-engine finds favour in the eyes of_ BOBBY, _aged nine._
_Jane (thoughtfully)._ I'm afraid the dredging-machine is rather a
_messy_ toy, Uncle, and the fire-engine wouldn't do at all, either--it
would be sure to encourage them to play with fire. BOBBY, if you say
"blow!" once more, I shall tell Mother. Uncle is the best judge of
what's suitable for you!
_Uncle._ Well, there's something in what you say, JENNY. We must see if
we can't find something better, that's all.
_Salesw._ I've a little Toy-stige, 'ere--with scenes and characters in
"_Richard Cured o' Lyin'_" complete and ready for acting--how would that
do?
[TOMMY _and_ BOBBY _cheer up visibly at this suggestion._
_Jane._ I _don't_ think Mother would like them to have _that_, Uncle--it
might give them a _taste_ for theatres, you know!
_Uncle._ Ha--so it might--very thoughtful of you, JANE--Mustn't get in
your Mother's bad books; never do! What's in these boxes? soldiers? How
about these, eh, boys? [_The boys are again consoled._
_Jane (gently)._ They're getting _rather_ too big for such babyish
things as soldiers, Uncle! I tell you what _I_ think--if you got a nice
puzzle-map for TOMMY--he's so backward in his Geography--and a drawing
slate for BOBBY, who's getting on so nicely with his drawing, and a
little work-box--not an _expensive_ one, of course--for WINNIE, that
would be _quite_----
[_These sisterly counsels are rewarded by ungrateful and rebellious
roars._
_Uncle._ TOMMY, did I hear you address your sister as a "beast"?
Come--come! And what are you all turning on the waterworks for, eh?
Strikes me, JANE, you haven't _quite_ hit off their tastes!
_Jane (virtuously)._ I have only told you what I know Mother would
_wish_ them to have, Uncle; and, even if I _am_ to have my ankles kicked
for it, I'm sure I'm right!
_Uncle._ Always a consolation, my dear JENNY. I'm sure no nephew of
_mine_ would kick his sister, except by the merest accident--so let's
say no more of that. But it's no use getting 'em what they don't like;
so suppose we stick to the fire-engine, and the other concern--theatre
is it, JOHNNY?--Very well--and don't you get _me_ into trouble over 'em,
that's all. And WINNIE would like a doll, eh?--that's all right. Now
everybody's provided for--except JANE!
_Jane (frostily)._ Thank you, Uncle--but you seem to forget I'm not
_exactly_ a child! [_She walks out of the shop with dignity._
_Uncle._ Hullo! Put my foot in it again! But we can't leave JENNY out of
it--_can_ we? Must get her a present of some sort over the way.... Here,
TOMMY, my boy, you can tell me something she'd like.
_Bobby (later--to_ TOMMY). What did you tell Uncle to get for JANE?
_Tommy (with an unholy chuckle)._ Why, a box with one of those
puff-things in it. Don't you know how we caught her powdering her nose
with Mother's? And Uncle _got_ her one too! _Won't_ she be shirty just!
[_They walk out in an ecstasy of anticipation, as Scene closes._
* * * * *
MR. PUNCH'S Paragraphist says, "he was never good at dates," not even
when served in dishes, for they're dry at the best; but, of the very
newest and best kind of Date Cards, MARCUS WARD & Co. have a capital
selection. Among them the _Grandfather's Clock_ makes a pretty screen,
and, being a clock, is, of course, always up to the time of day.
* * * * *