A Fellow of the Royal Society states that, as a result of radium
activity, the end of the world, which had been estimated to arrive in a
few thousand years, may be postponed for a million aeons. It is hoped
that this will allay the anxiety of those soldiers who were nervous
about their chances of being demobilized.
***
It is reported that when asked his impression of President WILSON Mr.
BALFOUR remarked, "Gee! He's the top shout and the main squeeze. And
then some."
***
"How much water," asks a technical journal, "does it take to make a
gallon of Government ale?" We do not profess to be expert, but we should
say about a gallon.
***
There is no truth in the rumour that TROTSKY has written to President
WILSON offering to execute the Peace Conference at any time within the
next three months at half the usual rates.
***
A case which has been puzzling the medical authorities is reported from
Warwickshire. After acting strangely for several days a boy named TOMMY
SMITH asked his parents if he could have rice pudding instead.
***
"Great Britain," says an essayist, "has come out of the war with flying
colours." No blame, we understand, attaches to Mr. PHILIP SNOWDEN for
this.
***
A large marrow has been washed ashore at Lowestoft bearing a name and
address and the words, "Please write." It is not known why the marrow
left home.
***
A report comes from Berlin that Dr. SOLF has resigned. It is expected
that he will be succeeded by Dr. SOLF.
***
The greengrocer who deliberately attempted to spoil President WILSON'S
welcome by exhibiting American apples for sale on Boxing Day is
suspected of being a naturalised German.
***
A North of England widower would like to meet lady possessing in her own
right a bottle of whisky. Object, matrimony.
***
The largely increased number of unemployed politicians is causing the
country great concern.
***
Heavy falls of snow have occurred in the Midlands, where the people say
they have not had such a winter since last summer.
***
Described as the tallest soldier in Ireland, MICHAEL GRADY, of County
Mayo, who is seven feet two inches in height, hopes to settle down on a
farm. It is expected that he will shortly be measured for a village.
***
"To improve the appetite," says a Health Culture journal, "one should
salute the morn by throwing open the windows, lay on the bedroom floor
with the feet in the air and breathe deeply." This method of saluting is
not recommended to recruits.
***
The latest Sunday newspaper reminds us that it prints all the news.
It must do better than this if it is to keep pace with some of our
contemporaries.
***
Charged at Carmarthen with bigamy a soldier said he had no recollection
of his second marriage. Once again we feel compelled to point out the
advantage of keeping a diary.
***
It appears that one burglar has claimed his discharge from the Army
on the ground that he is a pivotal man and that several policemen are
waiting for him.
***
It is wrong to suppose, says the Coal Control Department, that
anthracite is injurious to health. The little ones all declare that its
flavour compares favourably with that of Brazil nuts.
***
Three cases of mince-pie shock are reported from the Westbourne Grove
district.
***
A woman has been fined ten shillings at Birmingham for putting cold tea
in bottles and selling it as whisky. One of the purchasers, it appears,
had his suspicions aroused by the peculiar taste of the liquid.
***
The KAISER'S health, says a contemporary, is still a cause of anxiety.
Not to us.
***
"SHOOTINGS WANTED.
"Woman (middle-aged, respectable) would give services for home and
small wage."
_Scottish Paper_
She would probably be quite effective at ordinary ranges.
***
"Would the Party who removed Petticoat from the Railway Fence,
between 11th and 12th, kindly return same and save further
exposure."--_Provincial Paper._
In the interests of propriety we trust this appeal has been responded
to.
* * * * *