As a rule I am not one to peer over shoulders and read other people's
letters or papers. But when one is in a queue waiting for one's passport
to be _viséd_, and when one has been there for an hour and still seems
no nearer to the promised land, and when it is the second time in the
day that one has been in a queue for the same purpose--once in France
and once in England--why, some little deflection from the narrow path of
perfect propriety may be forgiven.
Moreover in other ways I behaved better than many of my
fellow-travellers, for I stood loyally behind the man in front of me in
my due place, and did not, as others did, insinuate myself from the side
into positions to which, by all the laws of precedence and decency, they
were disentitled. Indeed I even caught myself wondering whether, had I
any preferential opportunities of getting through first, as some Red
Cross and otherwise influential people had, I should make use of them.
To take any advantage of this weary waiting line of suspects, of which I
was one, would have been almost monstrous.
So, standing there all patiently and dejected, moving forward a foot or
so every four or five minutes, no wonder that I found myself reading the
embarkation paper which the gentleman in front of me had filled up and
was holding so legibly before him.
He was tall and solid and calm and French, with a better cut coat than
most Frenchmen, even the aristocrats, trouble about. He was
broad-shouldered and erect, and I was piqued to find him, for all his
iron-grey hair, five years younger than myself. His name was--never
mind; but I know it. His profession was given as publicist--as though he
were Mr. ARNOLD WHITE or Sir HENRY NORMAN, although, for all I know, Sir
HENRY NORMAN may by now be a Brigadier-General. His reasons for visiting
England, given in English, were in connection with his profession. But
after that his English broke down; for when it came to the question what
was his sex, how do you think he had answered it? I consider that his
solution of the difficulty was an ample reward to me--and to you, if you
too have any taste in terminological exactitude--for my fracture of a
social convention. The word he had wanted was either "male" or
"masculine"; but they had evaded him. He had then cast about for English
terminology associated with men, and had thought vaguely of master and
mister. The result was that the line ran thus:--"Sex: Masterly."
And, looking at the publicist's _soigné_ moustache and firm jaw and
broad hands, I could believe it. But what an inspiration! And, dear me!
what will the Panks, if there are any left, say?
* * * * *
"To Teachers and Business Ladies. Heathful Holiday in North
Wales; brainy air."
_Provincial Paper._
Think what it has done for Mr. LLOYD
GEORGE.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _The Judge_. "Three years."
_Optimistic Prisoner_: "Couldn't you make it 'three years or the
duration of the War,' me lud?"]
* * * * *