[Illustration: THE WESTERN TYPE]
L
[Illustration: L]ong, long ago, the God of Love was supposed to dwell in
the Moon and was called Lameck (the Moon God). From the sometimes
startling effect moonlight had upon the sentimental, it was believed that
the moon-beams were the arrows of the God of Love (Cupid’s Arrows). Hence
this symbol (see cut) came to mean affection, and from it came the letter
L, ranking very high in Cupid’s Alphabet, beginning, as it does, the most
important word in the history of the world, Love. This symbol was usually
found, as in Cupid’s Alphabet, following the symbol of Kubid, and meaning
that Love follows in the path of Cupid.
[Illustration]
The neo-Babylonian characters are the most sentimental ever known, as
they are made up almost entirely of arrangements of this symbol slightly
conventionalized.
Lois, Laura, Leonora, Lucy, Lydia, Lucretia, Louise, and Lucinda, the
women under this sign, are Languid, Luscious, Lackadaisical, and Loving;
while the men are usually named Lionel and are Light-hearted, and Lazy.
NOTE:—It is interesting to note the Chinese use of the same symbol
surrounded by tears [Illustration], pronounced sim, meaning Heart.
LAP. A pillow. See Gray.
“Here rests his head upon the lap of earth.”
LIPS. The two edges or borders of the mouth; the two fleshy or
muscular parts composing the opening of the mouth. Generally
used for kissing, cussing, and conversation.
LONELINESS. An instigation. The married man’s meat, the single
man’s poison.
LOTTERY. From _lot_, state; _awry_, askew. A cynical definition
of marriage.
LOVE. A transitory derangement of all the five senses. The
chemistry of attraction.
LURE. Cupid’s signposts, not always safe to follow. They may be
found in many and fantastic shapes, such as a bow of ribbon,
a stray ringlet, a side-long glance, a sigh, or a breath of
heliotrope.
M
[Illustration: M] is so ancient that no one really knows where it came
from. However, because of the fragment of the jar shown here (see cut),
found just outside the Garden of Eden and representing two outsiders
bargaining, the origin of this letter has been credited to the Hebrews,
and is interesting in showing the politeness of these early people.
Money, Moses, and Mercantile all strengthen this theory.
[Illustration]
Girls of this letter will be Modest and will have Merry and Magnetic
dispositions, and will be most happy when married to Masterful, Manly men
of Means.
The one thing to mar this letter is its connection with the word _Mitten_.
MARRIAGE. The conventional ending of a love affair. A lonesome
state.
MEMORY. A thing to forget with.
MIRROR (her mirror). Cupid’s cook stove.
MISERY. Lover of Company.
MODESTY. Conscious purity.
MOLE. The exception that proves the rule.
MONEY. See Uncle.
MONOGAMY. Sometimes spelling _monotony_.
MOON. A planetary old maid who busies herself about other
people’s love affairs and the recipient of love confidences.
MRS. The O. K. of respectability.
MUSTACHE. As Kipling says: “Kissing a man without a mustache is
like eating an egg without salt.” (?) The question was recently
put before the Ten Million subscribers of _The Perfectlady’s
Home Journal_, every one of whom, without a single exception,
replied that she did not know—never having eaten an egg without
salt.
A MASCULINE NOTE:—If SHE is an M girl you will be lucky if HER
name is Malinda or Miriam or Mabel or Miranda or Melicent or
Maud or Mehetabel or Magdalene or Maria or Minerva or Marion or
Minna or Margaret or Matilda or Marcia or Marianne or Melissa
or Martha or Mary.
[Illustration: TYPE FOUND AT FIFTH AVENUE AND 34th STREET ABOUT 4
O’CLOCK]
N
[Illustration: N] is the sign of the negative, and is found first in the
form of an eel on an ancient Egyptian tablet from a lady refusing her
hand in marriage and slipping out of it in a nice and graceful manner.
Evidently the symbol of polite refusal.
N girls, like Nora and Nancy and Nell will be Nice and Naïve and
sometimes Naughty. It is not a popular letter with men because of its
association with Nervous, No, Never, and Numb.
[Illustration]
NATURE. Dame Nature. The mistress of the House of Life, in
which Love is ever the favored guest.
NEGLECT. A breakfast food of Love.
NEVER! A feminine sign of yielding.
NO. Feminine for _Yes_.
NOTHING. The boundaries of the Universe and of Love.
NUMBER. (Cupid’s Lucky Number) 2.
O
[Illustration: O] has its origin in the Wedding Ring and is the symbol of
Eternity. It seems to have been used by all the peoples of the Earth, as
we find it in the Babylonian, Archaic, Old Aramæan, Cypriote, and
practically in all writings of all times.
[Illustration]
From its very shape it means happiness and content.
O girls will be Orderly, and in olden times were fond of Osculation. The
men are often Odd, Ostentatious, and Overbearing.
OCEANS. A minute measure of Love.
OH! An exclamation meaning “this is so sudden.”
ONIONS. Should never be eaten alone.
OPPORTUNITY. An invitation of Fate.
OSCULATION. A game of chance.
OWN. To possess. From _onus_, a burden.
[Illustration]
P
[Illustration: P] in its primitive form was the symbol of pairing, being,
as the cut shows, a combination of U and I. The sort of thing a bashful
lover would carve on a tree or stone or scratch in the sand when taking
a walk with his adored one.
It seems natural that it should stand for Perfume, Poetry, Pastime,
Pleasure, Passion, Panacea, Paradise, and Peace.
In Cupid’s Alphabet, to prevent the slightest breath of scandal, it is
always placed after the symbol of the wedding ring.
[Illustration]
The girls who come within the pale of this letter (see Phyllis, Prudence,
Pearl, Penelope, Pauline, Philippa, Phœbe, or Priscilla), will be Petite
and Pretty and will have perfect Poise. While the men will be Polite and
Polished, great Posers and Poker Players, but Pliable in the hands of
woman.
PASSION. The father of Tenderness.
PURITY. The mother of Tenderness. Unconscious modesty. (See
Modesty.)
PAST. Something to be forgotten.
PATIENCE. The tip Time gives to the waiter.
PITY. Love’s half brother.
PLEASURE. True Love’s shadow.
PRUDENCE. “Said Love: ‘How strange we never met before;
But now we’ve met, I hope we’ll meet no more!’”
Q
[Illustration: Q], as shown by this ancient bit of sculpture, in its
original hieroglyphical form represented a lover’s quarrel, and, from
the cast of features, presumably an Amorite. This proves it of very
ancient origin, as in the early times the Amorites were the dominant
race of Syria and Canaan, which are named on the oldest Babylonian
monuments “the land of the Amorites.” (See map of Amouria.) There are
plenty of Amourites in the world to-day, but they show not the slightest
desire to congregate, but, quite to the contrary, can be found wandering
off in pairs at the slightest pretext.
[Illustration]
Such words as Quibble, Quirk, Quiz, Quip, and Querulous seem to
strengthen the unpleasant features of this letter.
Fortunately there are no Q girls; they would be very Queer if there were.
QUESTION. Woman.
[Illustration: TYPE (A WIDOW) FOUND THE WORLD OVER VERY DANGEROUS TO MAN]
R
[Illustration: R] This form we find first used as the symbol on the seal
of Rabsaris, chief of the eunuchs, in the reign of Sennacherib, King of
Assyria. The symbol evidently represents Rabsaris at his daily task of
watching the ladies of the Royal Harem to see that they did not indulge
too freely in sweetmeats. Some wit of the day twisted _Rabsaris_ into
_Rabari_, in Assyrian, to stretch, to Rubber, and so a new symbol in the
writing of the times was born and _we_ have the letter R.
[Illustration]
Not the most cheerful letter in Cupid’s Alphabet, bringing with it as it
does, Refusal, Regret, Remorse, Revenge, “Please Remit,” and that great
hindrance to Lovers, Reason.
Girls under this sign combine the sweetness of the Rose with the fire and
depth of the Ruby, and will be most attracted to those in the opposite
sex of Reckless and Roving disposition.
RELIGION. “In the religion of Love the courtesan is a heretic;
but the nun is an atheist.”—_Richard Garnett._
RIBBON. A rope in disguise.
RICE. The confetti of matrimony.
RING. Symbol of slavery.
ROMANCE. _Once_ upon a time. Seldom twice.
ROSE. The hardest working flower in Love’s Garden.
RUFFLE. A frill on the outskirts of good form.
RULE, Golden Rule. “Do unto others,” etc. Canonical extenuation
of Osculation.
S
[Illustration: S] The story of S is Sadness.
_Monday_ in the Garden and a lovely day. Just enough air stirring to
rustle the leaves soothingly.
_Tuesday_, another such day.
_Wednesday_, if anything better.
[Illustration]
_Thursday_, a wonderful day, languorous with the perfume of flowers. The
birds never sang so sweetly, the butterflies never seemed so brilliant.
The little silver brook fell into the lake with so soothing a sound and
the drowsy hum of the bee was like a lullaby. Such a dreamy contentment
seemed to pervade the whole Garden. Like the breath of a rose a caressing
zephyr sighed overhead and creaked ever so little the old signboard
nestled among the leaves. The old signboard with this inscription in
quaint characters, “_Quamdiu se bene gesserit_.” Adam looked up from
where he lolled in the soft grass and smiled as at an old friend. He
stretched and drew a deep breath of content. The day seemed the most
wonderful he had known.
_Friday_, Black Friday they called it afterward, broke clear and bright,
but on the horizon great piles of black cloud and far off the ominous
muttering of thunder. All nature seemed nervous and a-tremble. The breeze
was fitful and petulant and the hush of some impending evil hung over the
Garden. The old signboard creaked sharply. Poor Adam! (Poor Us!!!) There
confronting him was this word in fresh bright paint,
“SKYDDU”
(See Note)
That night it rained. Oh, how it rained!
Because this symbol (see cut), pronounced _es_ like the hiss of a
serpent, can be traced back to the day the Adams moved, and which stood
for Sin, Scandal, Shame, Sorrow, Scorn, Satire, Suspicion, Scowl, and
Selfishness, people have been willing to accept Adam’s story, and the
poor old serpent has been made the scapegoat in the whole affair.
We have gone very carefully into this matter, and we find that Adam was a
lazy poet and dreamer and was put out of Eden for not paying his rent.
The girls under S will be Stylish, Sentimental, Sincere, and Simple in
their tastes, while the men will be Silver-tongued and Smooth.
NOTE:—This quaint form of Dispossess Notice we find used all through the
Stone and Iron Ages.
SECRET. A feminine invention for the rapid dissemination of
news.
SENSE. The safest fuel for the flame on Love’s Altar.
SENSITIVENESS. A symptom.
SENTIMENT. Baedeker to the Land of Love. Tells you what to
admire.
SIGH. The rustle of a caged cupid’s wings.
SILENCE. If silence gives consent, how is it women marry?
SIN. A matter of opinion. What other people do and we talk
about.
SOFA. A receptacle for spoons.
SPOON. An arrangement for supplying nourishment to the lovesick.
SUSPICION. A hair of the wrong color.
SYMPATHY. Love’s sister.
T
[Illustration: T] In Adam’s Autobiography we find, toward the end of
the sojourn in the Garden, this symbol (see cut on this page) often
used and always in this sense, “And being an-hungered we went to the
[Illustration] and ate.” Poetic translators of these lines have been
pleased to call this symbol “The Tree of Life,” and weave a pretty
story around it which fits in with Adam’s folderol about the snake.
[Illustration]
We find, however, much used in the Phœnician hieroglyphics, the most
ancient of all languages, this symbol, [Illustration] the sign of the
usurer or pawn-shop. This unquestionably establishes our version of
this garden story. (_See S._) The variation in Adam’s way of writing
the symbol is due either to that extreme sense of delicacy which would
naturally make him wish to disguise the unpleasant, or to sheer laziness.
He was such a poet.
Girls fortunate enough to come under this letter will be Tender and True,
and will be most attracted by Tall, Talented, Temperate men.
TELEPHONE. Love’s Telephone Number:—Two Won, O Heaven!!
TEMPTATION. Woman. Anything forbidden. A challenge. An
invitation to don’t.
TENDERNESS. Moonlight.
THREE. A crowd. Love’s unlucky number.
TIME. Woman’s worst enemy. A cure-all.
TRUE LOVE. An old-fashioned sentiment.
TRUST. A love-preserver on the Ship of Joy.
TRUTH. A very painful irritant.
TWO. Company.
[Illustration: TYPE FOUND FRIVOLLING ON THE STAIRS AND IN CONSERVATORIES]
U
[Illustration: U] The old Assyrians, needing men for their many wars, did
not believe in Race Suicide. The law therefore was that all men arriving
at the age of twenty-three and not married must wear a yoke of wood about
the neck until such time as they should wed. (Old bachelors were rare in
Assyria.)
[Illustration]
It is natural then that the yoke should have become the symbol of
bachelorhood. The cut herewith shows this symbol from a tablet from the
Epic of Nimrod. U takes its form from this yoke and its sound from the
Assyrian _UN_, implying negation, as shown in such words as Unit, Until,
Unsafe, Unacceptable, Un-amiable, Unblemished, Unbroken, Uncalled,
Undutiful, Unburied, Unfashionable, Unfeeling, Unfruitful, Unpoetic,
Unmarried, and Unwise.
U girls are usually Unsophisticated and Unaffected, and the men for them
to marry should be Useful, Upright, and Urbane.
UN. A cantankerous prefix which contradicts every adjective it
meets.
UNION. A combination of at least two unmarried states.
US. The plural of U.
V
[Illustration: V] originated from an early representation of Venus rising
from the sea.
This symbol was used upon the “Ladies’ Entrance” to all the public baths
of the ancients.
In Cupid’s Alphabet, in honor of his mother, this symbol was the last
and stood for Veneration and Virtue, but as customs changed it became
necessary to add the Wedding symbol.
From the fact that Venus had five sweethearts, came the use of this
symbol to denote 5.
[Illustration]
Valeria, Victoria, Virginia, Vivian, Vera, and Violet, the lucky girls
under this sign, will be as sweet as the Verbena and Versed in every art
to make the male heart Vibrate Violently. The men will be Vigorous but
Visionary, and inclined to be fond of the Vine.
VANITY. Everything.
VARIETY. Is the spice of Love.
VICTIM. Bridegroom.
W
[Illustration: W] comes from the very sacred and beautiful symbol of
Wedlock. One cannot realize, unless quite familiar with these ancient
peoples, with what reverence they held this symbol. What poetry and
romance surged through the mind of him who gazed upon it, what fluttering
of heart, what dizziness. Yes, the ancients loved marriage. They adored
it! Some of them were so devoted to it that they did it over and over
again, Solomon for instance. At times the rush was so great that the
clerks in the Office of Record would get behind in their work, and in
their haste would neglect to make the hole in the wedding ring, showing
the Bridegroom’s hand so [Illustration] in the symbol and giving the
opportunity for some one to advance the theory that this symbol did not
mean marriage, but represented the doctor offering a pill to his patient,
meaning sickness. This is absurd!
[Illustration]
W girls will be Wholesome, Winning, and Wise, and will be most happy when
Wedded to men of Wealth.
WAIST. The equator of Heaven.
WEB. A net. An entanglement. Doubtless from the German _weib_,
woman.
WEDDING. A necessary formality before securing a divorce.
WIDOW. The most dangerous variety of unmarried female.
WIFE. A darning attachment for the domestic machine.
WOMAN. The last but not the least of all created things, an
afterthought.
[Illustration]
[Illustration: TYPE FOUND IN THE SOUTHERN STATES]
X
[Illustration: X] comes from Cupid’s own mark, used by him in the days
before writing was invented and every one had his or her own particular
mark to sign checks, I. O. U’s, and Love Letters.
We are indebted to the British Museum for allowing us access to their
treasure chambers. There we find this mark on many dainty billet-doux
left upon Psyche’s dressing table by Cupid.
[Illustration]
The symbol, for many centuries, of True Love, and many variations of it
were used; such as:
[Illustration: I am overjoyed.]
[Illustration: I have the blues.]
[Illustration: Fly with me.]
[Illustration: Meet me.]
[Illustration: Meet me by moonlight.]
[Illustration: Let us be married.]
[Illustration: I love you not.]
[Illustration: Do you think you can support a wife?]
[Illustration: I will come to-night.]
[Illustration: I leave town to-morrow.]
[Illustration: Come back, I love you.]
X girls are usually thought of with great tenderness by a man, but they
are sometimes a considerable annoyance, as, for example, Xanthippe.
[Illustration: THE CHORUS GIRL
A MORE OR LESS NOCTURNAL TYPE. LIKE THE ENGLISH SPARROW, NOW VERY
PLENTIFUL ON MANHATTAN ISLAND WHILE AT THE TIME OF THE SETTLING BY THE
DUTCH THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY UNKNOWN TO THE LOCALITY. THE MOST WONDERFUL
TRAIT OF THIS TYPE IS ECONOMY]
Y
[Illustration: Y] A derivative of Wise.
We show here the central figure from a decoration over the entrance to
the Temple of Cupid, and naturally supposed to represent the High Priest
pronouncing the Wedding Blessing. With this before us it is easy to
understand why Y is the parent of such words as Yearn, Yea, Yielding,
Yes, and Yoking.
Another poetic minded archæologist has tried to persuade us to his theory
that the romantic ancients, who were forever giving human form to things,
symbolized in this figure the Waterfall. His theory is without foundation.
[Illustration]
Y girls will be ever Youthful and are rare as Yttrium. They should be
much sought after by You men.
YES. Cupid’s password.
YESTERDAY. Regret.
YOU. Whoever you are.
YOUTH. The time we wasted. Cupid’s holiday season.
Z
[Illustration: Z] The symbol, shown herewith, from an ancient roller seal
dating back to the earliest days of the Turkish race, shows its owner
worshipping at the shrine of Kupid. (Hence the word Zealot.) The
arrangement of his hair shows him to be a bachelor, so presumably he is
beseeching Cupid’s aid in some amour.
A very similar figure is used in later symbolic writings, supposed to
represent Zeuxis kneeling before one of his own paintings, and stood for
egotism and conceit.
[Illustration]
We also have the same form used so [Illustration] symbolizing the Path of
True Love, originally written [Illustration].
_AMORIA_
(_SEE MAP_)
Amoria is the most ancient and honorable country upon the earth’s
surface and is without question the most intensely populated. It is a
green and fertile country, and the principal occupation of its people
is hearticultural husbandry. The form of government is Home Rule, and
to become a citizen, although born in the country, it is required that
at least one complete journey be made from end to end of the country’s
principal highway. This at first seems an odd requirement, but there is
good reasoning behind it. First, as this great highway, known as the Path
of True Love, in its devious windings touches practically every portion
of the kingdom—the trip is likely to open the traveller’s eyes and teach
him much of the resources and conditions of the country he wishes to call
his own. Second, as the road is rough and in places sometimes seemingly
impassable, the trip will test the determination and stability of the
most hearty.
Turn to the map and we find Amoria bounded on three sides by
Misanthropia, the State of Indifference, and the Sea of Oblivion,
emptying into which the Quarrel River forever pours its flotsam and
jetsam. On the upper side you will see it is bounded by the edge of the
map; this is because it is too cold in that direction to sustain human
life.
[Illustration: _Map of the Ancient and Marvellous Countrie of AMORIA_
SHOWING THE DEVIOUS WINDINGS OF THE PATH OF TRUE LOVE WITH THE MANY
DANGERS AND OBSTACLES THAT BESET THE WAY, AND SHOWING, LIKEWISE, THE
SEVERAL UNFORTUNATE BY-PATHS LIKELY TO MISLEAD THE WAYFARER TO A WRONG
TURNING. WHEREBY MUCH VALUABLE TIME MIGHT BE LOST AND A LARGE DEGREE OF
UNHAPPINESS ENCOUNTERED, BESIDES A RETRACING OF MANY SAD AND FATIGUING
STEPS]
Let us now follow, upon the map, the course of this historic road.
Far up in the corner of the map we find Mount Curiosity—its snow-capped
peaks lost in the soft gray veil of mist that has prevented the
scientists from determining its greatest heights. The ascent of the
mountain is usually made on the side where it comes nearest to the State
of Indifference (see note Y); here a well-worn path, known as the Path
of Least Resistance, takes one by such a gradual and agreeable route
that little or no effort is realized in the climb, and it is usually a
surprise when, just a little below the frost line, one comes suddenly
upon a little plateau high, high, in the heavens. Here the air is
salubrious and the temperature even. The view is so wonderful in the
early Dawn that the most phlegmatic will become enthusiastic. This little
plateau is known as the Plateau Platonic and is quite flat. In spite of
its beauty and charm few travellers are satisfied to rest here long.
In leaving the plateau one must have a care, for there are two paths
quite similar in appearance—one leading up the mountain to nowhere and
loneliness, and the other the commencement of the Path of True Love. The
careful traveller need not mistake the path, for beside the entrance,
at about the height of a man’s heart and nailed to a great Oak, is a
crudely fashioned hand with finger pointing the way. This is called the
Hand of Fate. Alas, too few take the trouble to look for this guide, and
many take the wrong path; while those who, by sheer luck, take the right
one are easily discouraged because of the very uncertain condition of
mind they soon find themselves in. These usually lose heart before going
a great way, or in their careless method of progress take some wrong
turning and come to a swift and bad end.
But we will follow the progress of the traveller who believes in signs.
It is hard to describe those first impressions as one comes swinging down
the mountainside and sees winding far out and across the verdant Valley
of Dreams, dotted here and there with its picturesque castles, the Path
of True Love like a silver thread. It seems so bright and pure, and off
to the right there is such a happy pink glow in the sky, that one usually
finds himself humming some old love song.
Lucky the traveller who puts a clover in his buttonhole, while crossing
the Valley of Dreams, for all too soon the cold winds that sweep
across Lake Indifference, and make the trip around it a perilous and
discouraging one, will be chilling his marrow. He will need both courage
and luck when, rounding the upper end of the lake, he comes upon the
rough and rocky stretch of road running along the edge of a fearful
precipice which overhangs the lake, and is known as the Height of
Indifference; here one false step and all is lost. Past this danger
the road turns from the lake, but the traveller has hardly time to
congratulate himself upon the warmer conditions when he is confronted
by a most disconcerting range of mountains known as the Mountains of
Opposition. If you do not cross the mountains the mountains will double
cross you, so push on and with tact and determination they will be
overcome.
The mountains passed, a smooth bit of road is reached and brighter
weather, that, after the lowering clouds, the storms and many obstacles
met with in the mountains, will likely mislead the traveller into
thinking his troubles over. Light-hearted he will push forward hurriedly,
taking little heed of the fast increasing cold. Fortunately, just at
the edge of the map and just upon the longitude of Respect, the road
takes a sudden sharp turn, but it is almost from bad to worse, for it
plunges the traveller into the Forest of Misunderstanding, a dark and
dismal place that will fill the strongest with misgivings. The only way
is to stick close to the road. This is sometimes hard in the darkness
as there are many by-paths. Travellers once off the correct road have
been known to wander for years without once seeing the sunlight. About
half way through the forest there is a road turning to the right; it
seems the easier way, dipping down, as it does, into a little valley and
across a turbulent little stream, beyond which it disappears from sight
in the tangle of brilliant foliage covering Mount Folly. Unhappy he who
takes this turn, for there is many a slippery stone in the bed of this
stream and the crossing is not a happy one. If one would turn back at the
first slip, but human nature is stubborn and few do; besides there seems
little choice between the dismal forest behind and the lure of Mt. Folly
ahead. Folly lasts but a day, however, and the foliage soon loses its
attractive coloring. The foolish wayfarer then pushing on finds himself
again confronted by the turbulent stream, but easier to cross this time.
A little way further the path ends at what appears to be a refreshing
spring; it is the Spring of Untruth, and he who lies to drink of its
waters will ever be a slave of the drug.
Again as one is nearing the edges of the Black Forest is another road
leading off to the left and to the Spring of Mistrust. Turn not aside nor
drink of this spring; its waters are bitter and this turning but takes
one back into the depths of the dismal forest.
Emerging from the Black Forest of Misunderstanding the road winds across
a fertile and easy-going prairie land, twice crossing the acid waters of
Bicker Brook (see note 23), and crossing the Quarrel River takes its
course along the foot of what, by many, is considered the most beautiful
mountain in Amoria, Mount Unselfishness. The going is easy here, and
when one comes to a little road branching off and running right up the
mountain side he is apt to feel very little inclination to take it.
Nearly every traveller knows by hearsay that this is a short-cut one
should take, but standing at the foot of the mountain, with a broad
smooth road on one hand and this little used difficult mountain path
(it is hardly more than a blazed trail) on the other, it is much to the
traveller’s credit who attempts it at all. Quite a few do, however,
begin the ascent, but almost without exception have not the strength to
continue and turn back to the main highway, only to be shortly plunged
again and again in the cold and caustic waters of the Quarrel River as
the road crosses and recrosses it. There are no bridges here, and many
a poor traveller becoming exhausted in the mad battle with the current
hopelessly loses all self-control and is carried away to be lost in the
Sea of Oblivion. At the river’s mouth is Lost Hope Island; this is really
nothing more than a bar, and superstition has it that there, on stormy
nights when the tide is coming in, congregate those poor lost souls, and
it is claimed, on good authority, that the discords of their mournful
songs can be heard even as far as to the edges of the Desert of Absence.
After these several crossings of the Quarrel River the road again becomes
easy and travel should be a pleasure, but the traveller is weary from
the recent struggle with the river, and is almost thankful for the
flat stretch of road where it first crosses the Desert of Absence.
It were often better if this bit of road were longer, for before the
traveller entirely regains his former vim he is deep in the unhealthy
mists and quicksands of the Slough of Despond, and it is in a very
weakened condition that he commences the second crossing of the Desert of
Absence. In this condition is it strange that one loiter in the Oasis of
Flirtation—the one bright spot in an otherwise dull desert? But an oasis
and a flirtation have their limits, and when one’s thirst is satisfied
one wants to move on. And well this is for the traveller on the Path
of True Love, for only a little and the desert is passed, and the road
leads for many happy miles through the sweetest and most beautiful meadow
land where the warm sunlight, the songs of the birds, and the sweet
odor of new-mown hay repay one for all the hardships of the past, and
so stimulate the traveller that he strikes out upon the third crossing
of the Desert of Absence with a light step and a song in his heart,
and though the trip is longer it seems far shorter than either of the
previous crossings. So happy indeed has he been and, with the soft airs
of the desert making his heart grow fonder, the way seems so easy that
the sudden obstruction of two of the lesser spurs of the Mountains of
Opposition fill him with misgiving, and the valley between them is well
named Blue Valley. (See note 13.)
In such a condition of mind the traveller plunges down the mountain
side and is soon deep in a great gloomy forest, not likely to raise his
spirits, but rather calculated to depress them still more.
Imagine then the elation when bursting at length from the depression of
the Forest of Gloom the traveller sees before him that transcendently
beautiful mountain, Mount Hope. Well may he hold his breath and gaze in
rapture, for before him rises the most beautiful mountain in all the
world and will ever be as long as life lasts. With its velvety slopes and
shaded dells, its little silver rills tinkling down the mountain side,
sounding like fairy laughter through the trees, the gently stirring air
freighted with the perfume of myriads of fragrant blossoms, and over all
a tender rose-colored glow reflected from the soft pinky clouds that
forever tenderly rest upon the mountain’s top, it is indeed the most
beautiful of nature’s jewels. So it seems, with Hope so long deferred,
to that tired-eyed struggler upon Love’s Highway, often heartsick and
oppressed by the vicissitudes of the way, for here he may rest and,
gazing again out over the dear Valley of Dreams, rejuvenate the Yearning,
the Ambition, and the Determination that have brought him through so much.
To these he may now add Hope, and so equipped and refreshed he dashes
a second time through the Forest of Gloom, and though confronted by
the most stubborn and rocky section (known as the Parent Peak) in the
entire range of the Mountains of Opposition, his past experience and
his added strength carry him over with little effort, and, coming down
the last steep slope, his heart gives a bound as his eye follows the
smooth roadway stretching invitingly across a nearly level expanse of
well-cultivated country thickly dotted with the happy homes of those
who had once been travellers like himself. If he be not short-sighted,
he is able to see even as far ahead as to where the road and his lonely
journey end in heavenly Mount Heart’s Desire. As he passes along many a
cheerful face smiles out at him from the doorways, and many a cheerful
word of welcome and greeting encourages him to hasten. The smiles of the
rosy-cheeked children seem especially sweet to him.
The journey’s end! The goal is reached! Naught remains further for the
traveller now except the Oath of Allegiance which is performed with
considerable ceremony in the little church just around the corner to the
left.
NOTE:—Mount Heart’s Desire is of an attractive shape and thickly
surrounded by orange blossoms. No two travellers agree as to its height,
but we are of the opinion that it _must_ be about five feet, three or
four inches. Within it is a little shrine called Trust, which it is the
duty of every worshipper to protect.
NOTE Y. It seems more than mere coincidence that the Path of Least
Resistance should run up Mount Curiosity on the side nearest to the
borders of the State of Indifference, and there is a very ancient
tradition that the first person to make the ascent came from that
easy-going country.
We believe this tradition to be another version of the Adam and Eve
story, and feel that it conclusively proves us right in our calculations
as to the exact location of the Garden of Eden. We claim it was situated
in that part of the State of Indifference near to and in full view of
Mount Curiosity, and that Adam was the first man to make the climb. We
also believe that Adam became lost on the mountainside and never returned
to Eden, and that the Path of True Love gives a pretty good idea of his
subsequent wanderings, of which so little heretofore has been known.
At any rate, vast numbers from the State of Indifference make the ascent
of Mount Curiosity every year, and many of our best citizens have come
from that state.
NOTE 23. At this point, after the more or less extended journey through
the unhealthy Forest of Misunderstanding, the traveller must have a
care, especially if he be of a sensitive nature, for the shock of the
first plunge through Bicker Brook will often throw one into a distemper
or fever. Some, going absolutely out of their heads, wander far afield.
Herein lies a grave danger because of the nearness of the road at this
point to the boundaries of Misanthropia, which state is little more than
a barren waste. The peculiar mental attitude of its inhabitants gives
strength to the theory advanced in Amoria that its population is made up
of those poor fever-ridden souls who have wandered from the Path of True
Love and gone quite mad.
NOTE 13. The higher one climbs the duller the thud. So with the traveller
who has been dreaming across sweet meadow land and balmy wastes when
suddenly confronted by a renewal of obstacles which his optimism had made
him believe passed forever, and it is in a nervous and uncertain state of
mind we find him groping his way through the mists that always fill Blue
Valley. Here is a great danger, for with the steep mountains on three
sides the traveller, if he once stumble from the road, is apt to follow
the depression of the valley until morbid and benumbed he wander into the
State of Indifference.
The same danger, in a lesser degree, is lurking in the Forest of Gloom.
_APPENDIX_
The Appendix has been removed.