The German IMPERIAL CHANCELLOR'S Reichstag speech with regard to the
Battle of Jutland was, according to _The Daily Mail_, delivered with
"an eye on Washington." Not GEORGE, of course.
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According to the German official announcement, the sinking of the
_Luetzow_ was concealed for "military reasons." It is only reasonable
to assume that other and larger prevarications concerning the North
Sea battle may be ascribed to "naval reasons."
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A remarkable omission from the German account of the Naval battle off
Jutland is observed. There is no mention of the destruction of H.M.S.
_Blockade_.
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According to the Croydon Public Library Committee, "readers are
turning to Thackeray, Dickens, George Eliot and Jane Austen for relief
from war worry." This authoritative statement will come as a great
shock to Mr. BALFOUR, who appears to have been under the impression
that WINSTON CHURCHILL was the popular author of the moment.
* * *
Under the heading, "Fish-shaped Zeppelin," _The Daily Mail_, quoting
the Zurich correspondent of the _Nieuwe Courant_, describes a monster
supposed to have been recently launched by the Germans, which fires
an aerial torpedo weighing 420 lbs. a distance of nine miles. We
ourselves would have preferred the heading, "Fish-shaped Story."
* * *
An A.B., fresh from the Naval fight, had read a statement in the Press
that the KAISER had given three Hochs! for his Navy. "Well, I don't
give a Dam for it!" said the British tar.
* * *
The President of the Republic of San Domingo has resigned, "to save
the State from armed American intervention." We fear that somebody has
been pulling the gentleman's leg.
* * *
_The Pall Mall Gazette_ on the Jumble Sale at the Caledonian Market:
"But there were bargains for everybody, whether it was an elephant or
a daintily bejewelled carrier, a Paris hat or a three-year-old, or a
motor-car, or an elephant." One of the lady helpers, discovering at
the last moment that she had a duplicate elephant, appears to have
brought it along just in time to catch our contemporary before it went
to press.
* * *
In connection with the occupation of Fort Rupel by the Bulgarians it
is announced that General SARRAIL is taking the "necessary steps." Yet
we cannot be blind to the fact that it would have been better to have
forestalled the enemy and taken the necessary front-door.
* * *
At a meeting of the Church Reading Union at Sion College, Sir FRANCIS
FOX, J.P., said that a boy who was arrested for setting fire to a
church had told him that he "had seen it on the cinematograph." This
statement has drawn a spirited protest from a number of our leading
film manufacturers, who point out that the thing could not possibly
have happened, as in all their dramas they have always made it a rule
never to burn anything less expensive than a cathedral.
* * *
An advertisement from _The Times:_ "Very stout gentleman, ineligible
Army, requires permanent engagement to act for Cinema. Had some
experience in comedy pictures; fatter than any other movey actor;
weight 22 stone; exceptional opportunity for British producers, but
willing go abroad." What about an exchange, on a weight basis, with
America, who might send us Sir HERBERT TREE and CHARLIE CHAPLIN?
* * *
At the Bow County Court a man who was questioned regarding his
occupation said that he was a tinsmith, a carrier, a job-buyer,
a milkman and a general dealer; that he was training about
120 carrier-pigeons for the Government and also did a bit of
prize-fighting. There the matter seems to have ended, but one cannot
help thinking that a really expert cross-examiner would not have let
him go without finding out what he did in his spare time.
* * *
Reports from all the agricultural districts refer in glowing terms to
the cheerful manner in which women workers on the farms are carrying
on their duties. We are, however, informed that in one district a
woman voluntary worker was heard to express the opinion that she
would be more keen upon her part of the work if the ground were not so
horribly far down.
* * *
The popularity of police passes is due to the fact that they can often
be kept and used as a testimonial to character. Thus a well-known
Irishman of county family, on applying for a pass to England, received
the following: "Mr. ---- is known to all the police of the county, and
they consider him a fit man to leave Ireland."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Member of the Royal Flying Corps (first day out of
hospital)._ "SPEED UP, MAN--SPEED UP!"]
* * * * *
The Decline of Chivalry.
"The Minister for Lands, the Minister for Agriculture, and the
Under-Secretary for Agriculture paid a visit to the old Zoo
at Moore Park, and decided to adopt the suggestion that it be
utilised as a horticultural college for women students. It is
expected the animals will take up their new quarters by July
next."--_Australian Paper._
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