"Not at all. A word in season often does good, as in the case of
Stopford. I want to warn the fellows against the mean nature of Browne.
I want to show them what Browne is and how a master may use his power
like a beast, as Browne does."
"If it gets back to him, you're cooked," I said. "And you know how you
work yourself up when you're preaching. I don't think it's at all
wise."
"I've promised," answered Richmond minimus. "I'm going to preach
to-morrow evening in the time after tea before prep.; and all Browne's
house is coming to hear me."
Somehow I felt from the first it would be the undoing of Richmond
minimus. The danger was too frightful. However, of course I went. It
was the biggest congregation Richmond ever had, and he said that he
itched to make a collection as he looked at the chaps--not for himself
but for some good purpose. A crowd was in the chapel before I got
there, and Browne's were all in a knot together, eager and longing to
hear what young Richmond had to say about Browne. A lot of fellows from
the sixth had also come in, and of course all the personal friends of
Richmond minimus were there. Stopford was also there.
Richmond went up to the master's desk at the top of the room, full of
calm cheek, and said a few things of a general sort; then he caught
Stopford's eye. This reminded him and he began.
"Now I want to speak to you of a subject that will especially interest
the boys of Mr. Browne's house, namely, Mr. Browne. My friends, I wish
I could say something hopeful about him; I wish I could tell you that he
was a bright, shining example for us all to follow and imitate; but
alas! you know it is not so. Mr. Browne is a very mean character.
Before saying these words about him I have thought a great deal about
him and studied him very closely, when, I am afraid, dear friends, I
ought to have been studying something else. But I tell you fearlessly to
beware of him. I know he has favourites; I know he encourages the sneak
and the tale-bearer in our midst; I dare say among you at this moment
may be some wretched chap who will go to Browne after my sermon and tell
him what I am saying now; but do I care? No, I do not care. Nobody
need care if they are doing right. Browne has had a good deal of
mystery about him, and I have come to the bottom of it. One among us who
lives where Browne does, knows the truth. I will not name him; but he
had his head slapped by Browne the day before yesterday, though it is
well known Dr. Dunstan won't allow our heads to be slapped, owing to the
danger of hurting the brain. At any rate Browne slapped his, and in a
moment of natural anger, my dear friends, that boy told me the truth.
Browne is a tailor's son! That, of course, is nothing against him. The
shameful and disgusting thing is that Browne is ashamed of it! He hates
to think of it. Oh, my friends, what a paltry nature is this. I dare
say his father is a better man than he is, though he _does_ make
clothes; and I do not hesitate to tell you, my friends, that Browne's
father makes clothes a long sight better than Browne teaches Latin; for
we have all noticed the scabby manner in which he continually sneaks out
of this room during class to rush up to his own study and consult cribs.
I say nothing of his appearance. He cannot help that, though he could
help those pink ties and those horrid boots with pearl buttons; but what
I do say is that with such a lesson in our midst we must learn firstly,
not to be ashamed of our parents, whoever they are; and secondly, not to
make friends of dirty sneaks; and thirdly, not to be a hound in general;
and fourthly, not to pretend we know enough Latin and algebra to teach
it, when really we don't know any worth mentioning; and fifthly, and
lastly, my friends----"
What Richmond minimus was going to say for fifthly, and lastly, against
the wretched Browne, we didn't hear, for at this point a frightful thing
happened. The door of the cupboard on Richmond's right, where the
blackboards were kept, opened violently and out leapt no less a person
than Mr. Browne himself!
A very strange sound went up from the congregation of Richmond minimus,
but he said nothing. For a moment Browne stood at bay, glaring out of
his double eye-glasses, like the picture of a wounded tiger in _C. B.
Fry's Magazine_; then the chaps began to scutter out, and many dived and
proceeded to the door entirely under the desks, hoping they would not be
recognized. In fact, I did this myself. But Browne was not bothering
about us. His eyes, which squint by nature, had turned in upon each side
of his nose and he was darting a horrid glance of rage and scorn at
Richmond minimus.
Then, with dreadful slowness, he raised his hand and took Richmond by
the right ear and said--
"Come!"
And Richmond merely said, "Yes, sir," and went, led by Browne, to the
Doctor. As for me, I felt that Richmond minimus need never have worried
about not being a martyr. He was going to be a martyr all right now.
After the blow had fallen--about two days after--he told me exactly what
happened. By a curious chance the Doctor was writing a sermon himself
when Browne appeared before him. The Doctor always preaches at Merivale
on the first Sunday in the month, and this was the sermon he was
writing, no doubt.
He put down his pen and took off his glasses and stretched his eyes in a
way he has; then he told Browne to speak. And Browne said--
"I have to report this boy for insolence and profanity combined. Never
have I known a boy do such a thing. Before half the school assembled in
the great school-room he stood up and preached."
"Preached!" said the Doctor, looking with great surprise at Richmond
minimus. "What did he preach about?"
"About me!" said Browne furiously. "He dared to preach about my private
affairs--at least----"
"Begin at the beginning," said the Doctor. "How did particulars of this
outrage reach you, Browne?"
"Through the boy Stopford," said Browne; and Richmond minimus fairly
gasped to think how mistaken he had been about converting Stopford.
"Stopford," explained Browne, "came to me and said that he was very much
afraid that liberties were to be taken with my name. I refused to
believe it at first. Then, to satisfy myself, I went into the great
school-room at the time mentioned by Stopford and stood behind the
blackboards in the cupboard."
Browne then related all that he had heard, and Richmond minimus said
that he trembled with indignation and spoke so fast that Dr. Dunstan had
to ask him once or twice to repeat the sentence. But Richmond admitted
that Browne's version of the sermon was very fairly just.