Yet while I told Monsieur Laurentie seriously that I should go alone to
Ville-en-bois in the autumn, I did not altogether believe it. We often
speak in half-falsehoods, even to ourselves.
Dr. Senior's lawn, in which he takes great pride, slopes gently down to
the river, and ends with a stone parapet, over which it is exceedingly
pleasant to lean, and watch idly the flowing of the water, which seems
to loiter almost reluctantly before passing on to Westminster, and the
wharves and docks of the city. On the opposite bank grows a cluster of
cedars, with rich, dark-green branches, showing nearly black against the
pale blue of the sky. In our own lawn there stand three fine elms, a
colony for song-birds, under which the turf is carefully kept as smooth
and soft as velvet; and seats are set beneath their shadow, where one
can linger for hours, seeing the steamers and pleasure-boats passing to
and fro, and catching now and then a burst of music or laughter,
softened a little by the distance. My childhood had trained me to be
fond of living out-of-doors; and, when the spring came, I spent most of
my days under these elm-trees, in the fitful sunshine and showers of an
English April and May, such as I had never known before.
From one of these trees I could see very well any one who went in or out
through the gate. But it was not often that I cared to sit there, for
Martin came only in an evening, when his day's work was done, and even
then his coming was an uncertainty. Dr. John seldom missed visiting us,
but Martin was often absent for days. That made me watch all the more
eagerly for his coming, and feel how cruelly fast the time fled when he
was with us.
But one Sunday afternoon in April I chose my seat there, behind the tree
where I could see the gate, without being too plainly seen myself.
Martin had promised Dr. Senior he would come down to Fulham with Dr.
John that afternoon, if possible. The river was quieter than on other
days, and all the world seemed calmer. It was such a day as the one in
Sark, two years ago, when I slipped from the cliffs, and Tardif was
obliged to go across to Guernsey to fetch a doctor for me. I wondered if
Martin ever thought of it on such a day as this. But men do not remember
little things like these as women do.
I heard the click of the gate at last, and, looking round the great
trunk of the tree, I saw them come in together, Dr. John and Martin. He
had kept his promise then! Minima was gone out somewhere with Dr.
Senior, or she would have run to meet them, and so brought them to the
place where I was half-hidden.
However, they might see my dress if they chose. They ought to see it. I
was not going to stand up and show myself. If they were anxious to find
me, and come to me, it was quite simple enough.
But my heart sank when Martin marched straight on, and entered the house
alone, while Dr. John came as direct as an arrow toward me. They knew I
was there, then! Yet Martin avoided me, and left his friend to chatter
and laugh the time away. I was in no mood for laughing; I could rather
have wept bitter tears of vexation and disappointment. But Dr. John was
near enough now for me to discern a singular gravity upon his usually
gay face.
"Is there any thing the matter?" I exclaimed, starting to my feet and
hastening to meet him. He led me back again silently to my seat, and sat
down beside me, still in silence. Strange conduct in Dr. John!
"Tell me what is the matter," I said, not doubting now that there was
some trouble at hand. Dr. John's face flushed, and he threw his hat down
on the grass, and pushed his hair back from his forehead. Then he laid
his hand upon mine, for a moment only.
"Olivia," he said, very seriously, "do you love me?"
The question came upon me like a shock from a galvanic battery. He and I
had been very frank and friendly together; a pleasant friendship, which
had seemed to me as safe as that of a brother. Besides, he knew all that
Martin had done and borne for my sake. With my disappointment there was
mingled a feeling of indignation against his treachery toward his
friend. I sat watching the glistening of the water through the pillars
of the parapet till my eyes were dazzled.
"I scarcely understand what you say," I answered, after a long pause;
"you know I care for you all. If you mean, do I love you as I love your
father and Monsieur Laurentie, why, yes, I do."
"Very good, Olivia," he said.
That was so odd of him, that I turned and looked steadily into his face.
It was not half as grave as before, and there was a twinkle in his eyes
as if another half minute would make him as gay and light-hearted as
ever.
"Whatever did you come and ask me such a question for?" I inquired,
rather pettishly.
"Was there any harm in it?" he rejoined.
"Yes, there was harm in it," I answered; "it has made me very
uncomfortable. I thought you were going out of your mind. If you meant
nothing but to make me say I liked you, you should have expressed
yourself differently. Of course, I love you all, and all alike."
"Very good," he said again.
I felt so angry that I was about to get up, and go away to my own room;
but he caught my dress, and implored me to stay a little longer.
"I'll make a clean breast of it," he said; "I promised that dear old
dolt Martin to come straight to you, and ask you if you loved me, in so
many words. Well, I've kept my promise; and now I'll go and tell him you
say you love us all, and all alike."
"No," I answered, "you shall not go and tell him that. What could put it
into Dr. Martin's head that I was in love with you?"
"Why shouldn't you be in love with me?" retorted Dr. John; "Martin
assures me that I am much handsomer than he is--a more eligible _parti_
in every respect. I suppose I shall have an income, apart from our
practice, at least ten times larger than his. I am much more sought
after generally; one cannot help seeing that. Why should you not be in
love with me?"
I did not deign to reply to him, and Jack leaned forward a little to
look into my face.
"Olivia," he continued, "that is part of what Martin says. We have just
been speaking of you as we came down to Fulham--never before. He
maintains he is bound in honor to leave you as free as possible to make
your choice, not merely between us, but from the number of fellows who
have found their way down here, since you came. You made one fatal
mistake, he says, through your complete ignorance of the world; and it
is his duty to take care that you do not make a second mistake, through
any gratitude you might feel toward him. He would not be satisfied with
gratitude. Besides, he has discovered that he is not so great a prize as
he fancied, as long as he lived in Guernsey; and you are a richer prize
than you seemed to be then. With your fortune you ought to make a much
better match than with a young physician, who has to push his way among
a host of competitors. Lastly, Martin said, for I'm merely repeating his
own arguments to you: 'Do you think I can put her happiness and mine
into a balance, and coolly calculate which has the greater weight? If I
had to choose for her, I should not hesitate between you and me.' Now I
have told you the sum of our conversation, Olivia."
Every word Dr. John had spoken had thrown clearer light upon Martin's
conduct. He had been afraid I should feel myself bound to him; and the
very fact that he had once told me he loved me, had made it more
difficult to him to say so a second time. He would not have any love
from me as a duty. If I did not love him fully, with my whole heart,
choosing him after knowing others with whom I could compare him, he
would not receive any lesser gift from me.
"What will you do, my dear Olivia?" asked Dr. John.
"What can I do?" I said.
"Go to him," he urged; "he is alone. I saw him a moment ago, looking out
at us from the drawing-room window. The old fellow is making up his mind
to see you and me happy together, and to conceal his own sorrow. God
bless him! Olivia, my dear girl, go to him."
"O Jack!" I cried, "I cannot."
"I don't see why you cannot," he answered, gayly. "You are trembling,
and your face goes from white to red, and then white again; but you have
not lost the use of your limbs, or your tongue. If you take my arm, it
will not be very difficult to cross the lawn. Come; he is the best
fellow living, and worth walking a dozen yards for."
Jack drew my hand through his arm, and led me across the smooth lawn. We
caught a glimpse of Martin looking out at us; but he turned away in an
instant, and I could not see the expression of his face. Would he think
we were coming to tell him that he had wasted all his love upon a girl
not worthy of a tenth part of it?
The glass doors, which opened upon the lawn, had been thrown back all
day, and we could see distinctly into the room. Martin was standing at
the other end of it, apparently absorbed in examining a painting, which
he must have seen a thousand times. The doors creaked a little as I
passed through them, but he did not turn round. Jack gave my hand a
parting squeeze, and left me there in the open doorway, scarcely knowing
whether to go on, and speak to Martin, or run away to my room, and leave
him to take his own time.
I believe I should have run away, but I heard Minima's voice behind me,
calling shrilly to Dr. John, and I could not bear to face him again.
Taking my courage in both hands, I stepped quickly across the floor, for
if I had hesitated longer my heart would have failed me. Scarcely a
moment had passed since Jack left me, and Martin had not turned his
head, yet it seemed an age.
"Martin," I whispered, as I stood close behind him, "how could you be so
foolish as to send Dr. John to me?"