I did not wait for my father to commit the irreparable folly of his
second marriage. Guernsey had become hateful to me. In spite of my
exceeding love for my native island, more beautiful in the eyes of its
people than any other spot on earth, I could no longer be happy or at
peace there. A few persons urged me to stay and live down my chagrin and
grief, but most of my friends congratulated me on the change in my
prospects, and bade me God-speed. Julia could not conceal her regret,
but I left her in the charge of Captain Carey and Johanna. She promised
to be my faithful correspondent, and I engaged to write to her
regularly. There existed between us the half-betrothal to which we had
pledged ourselves at my mother's urgent request. She would wait for the
time when Olivia was no longer the first in my heart; then she would be
willing to become my wife. But if ever that day came, she would require
me to give up my position in England, and settle down for life in
Guernsey.
Fairly, then, I was launched upon the career of a physician in the great
city. The completeness of the change suited me. Nothing here, in
scenery, atmosphere, or society, could remind me of the fretted past.
The troubled waters subsided into a dull calm, as far as emotional life
went. Intellectual life, on the contrary, was quickened in its current,
and day after day drifted me farther away from painful memories. To be
sure, the idea crossed me often that Olivia might be in London--even in
the same street with me. I never caught sight of a faded green dress but
my steps were hurried, and I followed till I was sure that the wearer
was not Olivia. But I was aware that the chances of our meeting were so
small that I could not count upon them. Even if I found her, what then?
She was as far away from me as though the Atlantic rolled between us. If
I only knew that she was safe, and as happy as her sad destiny could let
her be, I would be content. For this assurance I looked forward through
the long months that must intervene before her promised communication
would come to Tardif.
Thus I was thrown entirely upon my profession for interest and
occupation. I gave myself up to it with an energy that amazed Jack, and
sometimes surprised myself. Dr. Senior, who was an old veteran, loved it
with ardor for its own sake, was delighted with my enthusiasm. He
prophesied great things for me.
So passed my first winter in London.