As I asked myself this question, with an unerring premonition that the
time would soon come when my mother and I would be separated, I heard
her tapping lightly at the door. She was not in the habit of leaving her
guests, and I was surprised and perplexed at seeing her.
"Your father and Mrs. Murray are having a game of chess," she said,
answering my look of astonishment. "We can be alone together half an
hour. And now tell me what is the matter? There is something going wrong
with you."
She sank down weariedly into a chair, and I knelt down beside her. It
was almost harder to tell her than to tell Julia; but it was worse than
useless to put off the evil moment. Better for her to hear all from me
before a whisper reached her from any one else.
"Johanna came here," she continued, "with a face as grave as a judge,
and asked for Julia in a melancholy voice. Has there been any quarrel
between you two?"
She was accustomed to our small quarrels, and to setting them right
again; for we were prone to quarrel in a cousinly fashion, without much
real bitterness on either side, but with such an intimate and irritating
knowledge of each other's weak points, that we needed a peace-maker at
hand.
"Mother, I am not going to marry my cousin Julia," I said.
"So I have heard before," she answered, with a faint smile. "Come, come,
Martin! it is too late to talk boyish nonsense like this."
"But I love somebody else," I said, warmly, for my heart throbbed at the
thought of Olivia; "and I told Julia so this afternoon. It is broken off
for good now, mother."
She gave me no answer, and I looked up into her dear face in alarm. It
had grown rigid, and a peculiar blue tinge of pallor was spreading over
it. Her head had fallen back against the chair. I had never seen her
look so death-like in any of her illnesses, and I sprang to my feet in
terror. She stopped me by a slight convulsive pressure of her hand, as I
was about to unfasten her brooch and open her dress to give her air.
"No, Martin," she whispered, "I shall be better in a moment."
But it was several minutes before she breathed freely and naturally, or
could lift up her head. Then she did not look at me, but lifted up her
eyes to the pale evening sky, and her lips quivered with agitation.
"Martin, it will be the death of me," she said; and a few tears stole
down her cheeks, which I wiped away.
"It shall not be the death of you," I exclaimed. "If Julia is willing to
marry me, knowing the whole truth, I am ready to marry her for your
sake, mother. I would do any thing for your sake. But Johanna said she
ought to be told, and I think it was right myself."
"Who is it, who can it be that you love?" she asked.
"Mother," I said, "I wish I had told you before, but I did not know that
I loved the girl as I do, till I saw her yesterday in Sark, and Captain
Carey charged me with it."
"That girl!" she cried. "One of the Olliviers! O Martin, you must marry
in your own class."
"That was a mistake," I answered. "Her Christian name is Olivia; I do
not know what her surname is."
"Not know even her name!" she exclaimed.
"Listen, mother," I said; and then I told her all I knew about Olivia,
and drew such a picture of her as I had seen her, as made my mother
smile and sigh deeply in turns.
"But she may be an adventuress; you know nothing about her," she
objected. "Surely, you cannot love a woman you do not esteem?"
"Esteem!" I repeated. "I never thought whether I esteemed Olivia, but I
am satisfied I love her. You may be quite sure she is no adventuress. An
adventuress would not hide herself in Tardif's out-of-the-world
cottage."
"A girl without friends and without a name!" she sighed; "a runaway from
her family and home! It does not look well, Martin."
I could answer nothing, and it would be of little use to try. I saw when
my mother's prejudices could blind her. To love any one not of our own
caste was a fatal error in her eyes.
"Does Julia know all this?" she asked.
"She has not heard a word about Olivia," I answered. "As soon as I told
her I loved some one else better than her, she bade me begone out of her
sight. She has not an amiable temper."
"But she is an upright, conscientious, religious woman," she said,
somewhat angrily. "She would never have run away from her friends; and
we know all about her. I cannot think what your father will say, Martin.
It has given him more pleasure and satisfaction than any thing that has
happened for years. If this marriage is broken off, it upsets every
thing."
Of course it would upset every thing; there was the mischief of it. The
convulsion would be so great, that I felt ready to marry Julia in order
to avoid it, supposing she would marry me. That was the question, and it
rested solely with her. I would almost rather face the long, slow
weariness of an unsuitable marriage than encounter the immediate results
of the breaking off of our engagement just on the eve of its
consummation. I was a coward, no doubt, but events had hurried me on too
rapidly for me to stand still and consider the cost.
"O Martin, Martin!" wailed my poor mother, breaking down again suddenly.
"I had so set my heart upon this! I did so long to see you in a home of
your own! And Julia was so generous, never looking as if all the money
was hers, and you without a penny! What is to become of you now, my boy?
I wish I had been dead and in my grave before this had happened!"
"Hush, mother!" I said, kneeling down again beside her and kissing her
tenderly; "it is still in Julia's hands. If she will marry me, I shall
marry her."
"But then you will not be happy?" she said, with fresh sobs.
It was impossible for me to contradict that. I felt that no misery would
be equal to that of losing Olivia. But I did my best to comfort my
mother, by promising to see Julia the next day and renew my engagement,
if possible.
"Pray, may I be informed as to what is the matter now?" broke in a
satirical, cutting voice--the voice of my father. It roused us both--my
mother to her usual mood of gentle submission, and me to the chronic
state of irritation which his presence always provoked in me.
"Not much, sir," I answered, coldly; "only my marriage with my cousin
Julia is broken off."
"Broken off!" he ejaculated--"broken off!"