A mere accident decided it. Near the fore-part of the train I saw the
broad, tall figure of my new friend, the seaman, making his way across
to the boat for the Channel Islands; and almost involuntarily I made up
my mind to go on board the same steamer, for I had an instinctive
feeling that he would prove a real friend, if I had need of one. He did
not see me following; no doubt he supposed I had left the train at
Southampton, having only taken my ticket so far; though how I had missed
Southampton I could not tell. The deck was wet and slippery, and the
confusion upon it was very great. I was too much at home upon a steamer
to need any directions; and I went down immediately into the ladies'
cabin, which was almost empty, and chose a berth for myself in the
darkest corner. It was not far from the door, and presently two other
ladies came down, with a gentleman and the captain, and held an anxious
parley close to me. I listened absently and mechanically, as indifferent
to the subject as if it could be of no consequence to me.
"Is there any danger?" asked one of the ladies.
"Well, I cannot say positively there will be no danger," answered the
captain; "there's not danger enough to keep me and the crew in port; but
it will be a very dirty night in the Channel. If there's no actual
necessity for crossing to-night I should advise you to wait, and see how
it will be to-morrow. Of course we shall use extra caution, and all that
sort of thing. No; I cannot say I expect any great danger."
"But it will be awfully rough?" said the gentleman.
The captain answered only by a sound between a groan and a whistle, as
if he could not trust himself to think of words that would describe the
roughness. There could be no doubt of his meaning. The ladies hastily
determined to drive back to their hotel, and gathered up their small
packages and wrappings quickly. I fancied they were regarding me
somewhat curiously, but I kept my face away from them carefully. They
could only see my seal-skin jacket and hat, and my rough hair; and they
did not speak to me.
"You are going to venture, miss?" said the captain, stepping into the
cabin as the ladies retreated up the steps.
"Oh, yes," I answered. "I am obliged to go, and I am not in the least
afraid."
"You needn't be," he replied, in a hearty voice. "We shall do our best,
for our own sakes, and you would be our first care if there was any
mishap. Women and children first always. I will send the stewardess to
you; she goes, of course."
I sat down on one of the couches, listening for a few minutes to the
noises about me. The masts were groaning, and the planks creaking under
the heavy tramp of the sailors, as they got ready to start, with shrill
cries to one another. Then the steam-engine began to throb like a pulse
through all the vessel from stem to stern. Presently the stewardess came
down, and recommended me to lie down in my berth at once, which I did
very obediently, but silently, for I did not wish to enter into
conversation with the woman, who seemed inclined to be talkative. She
covered me up well with several blankets, and there I lay with my face
turned from the light of the swinging lamp, and scarcely moved hand or
foot throughout the dismal and stormy night.
For it was very stormy and dismal as soon as we were out of Southampton
waters, and in the rush and swirl of the Channel. I did not fall asleep
for an instant. I do not suppose I should have slept had the Channel
been, as it is sometimes, smooth as a mill-pond, and there had been no
clamorous hissing and booming of waves against the frail planks, which I
could touch with my hand. I could see nothing of the storm, but I could
hear it: and the boat seemed tossed, like a mere cockle-shell, to and
fro upon the rough sea. It did not alarm me so much as it distracted my
thoughts, and kept them from dwelling upon possibilities far more
perilous to me than the danger of death by shipwreck. A short suffering
such a death would be.
My escape and flight had been so unexpected, so unhoped for, that it had
bewildered me, and it was almost a pleasure to lie still and listen to
the din and uproar of the sea and the swoop of the wind rushing down
upon it. Was I myself or no? Was this nothing more than a very coherent,
very vivid dream, from which I should awake by-and-by to find myself a
prisoner still, a creature as wretched and friendless as any that the
streets of London contained? My flight had been too extraordinary a
success, so far, for my mind to be able to dwell upon it calmly.
I watched the dawn break through a little port-hole opening upon my
berth, which had been washed and beaten by the water all the night long.
The level light shone across the troubled and leaden-colored surface of
the sea, which seemed to grow a little quieter under its touch. I had
fancied during the night that the waves were running mountains high; but
now I could see them, they only rolled to and fro in round, swelling
hillocks, dull green against the eastern sky, with deep, sullen troughs
of a livid purple between them. But the fury of the storm had spent
itself, that was evident, and the steamer was making way steadily now.
The stewardess had gone away early in the night, being frightened to
death, she said, to seek more genial companionship than mine. So I was
alone, with the blending light of the early dawn and that of the lamp
burning feebly from the ceiling. I sat up in my berth and cautiously
unstitched the lining in the breast of my jacket. Here, months ago, when
I first began to foresee this emergency, and while I was still allowed
the use of my money, I had concealed one by one a few five-pound notes
of the Bank of England. I counted them over, eight of them; forty pounds
in all, my sole fortune, my only means of living. True, I had besides
these a diamond ring, presented to me under circumstances which made it
of no value to me, except for its worth in money, and a watch and chain
given to me years ago by my father. A jeweller had told me that the ring
was worth sixty pounds, and the watch and chain forty; but how difficult
and dangerous it would be for me to sell either of them! Practically my
means were limited to the eight bank-notes of five pounds each. I kept
out one for the payment of my passage, and then replaced the rest, and
carefully pinned them into the unstitched lining.
Then I began to wonder what my destination was. I knew nothing whatever
of the Channel Islands, except the names which I had learned at
school--Jersey, Guernsey, Alderney, and Sark. I repeated these over and
over again to myself; but which of them we were bound for, or if we were
about to call at each one of them, I did not know. I should have been
more at home had I gone to Paris.
As the light grew I became restless, and at last I left my berth and
ventured to climb the cabin-steps. The fresh air smote upon me almost
painfully. There was no rain falling, and the wind had been lulling
since the dawn. The sea itself was growing brighter, and glittered here
and there in spots where the sunlight fell upon it. All the sailors
looked beaten and worn out with the night's toil, and the few passengers
who had braved the passage, and were now well enough to come on deck,
were weary and sallow-looking. There was still no land in sight, for the
clouds hung low on the horizon, and overhead the sky was often overcast
and gloomy. It was so cold that, in spite of my warm mantle, I shivered
from head to foot.
But I could not bear to go back to the close, ill-smelling cabin, which
had been shut up all night. I stayed on deck in the biting wind, leaning
over the wet bulwarks and gazing across the desolate sea till my spirits
sank like lead. The reaction upon the violent strain on my nerves was
coming, and I had no power to resist its influence. I could feel the
tears rolling down my cheeks and falling on my hands without caring to
wipe them away; the more so as there was no one to see them. What did my
tears signify to any one? I was cold, and hungry, and miserable. How
lonely I was! how poor! with neither a home nor a friend in the
world!--a mere castaway upon the waves of this troublous life!
"Mam'zelle is a brave sailor," said a voice behind me, which I
recognized as my seaman of the night before, whom I had wellnigh
forgotten; "but the storm is over now, and we shall be in port only an
hour or two behind time."
"What port shall we reach?" I asked, not caring to turn round lest he
should see my wet eyes and cheeks.
"St. Peter-Port," he answered. "Mam'zelle, then, does not know our
islands?"
"No," I said. "Where is St. Peter-Port?"
"In Guernsey," he replied. "Is mam'zelle going to Guernsey or Jersey?
Jersey is about two hours' sail from Guernsey. If you were going to land
at St. Peter-Port, I might be of some service to you."
I turned round then, and looked at him steadily. His voice was a very
pleasant one, full of tones that went straight to my heart and filled me
with confidence. His face did not give the lie to it, or cause me any
disappointment. He was no gentleman, that was plain; his face was
bronzed and weather-beaten, as if he often encountered rough weather.
But his deep-set eyes had a steadfast, quiet power in them, and his
mouth, although it was almost hidden by hair, had a pleasant curve about
it. I could not guess how old he was; he looked a middle-aged man to me.
His great, rough hands, which had never worn gloves, were stained and
hard with labor; and he had evidently been taking a share in the toil of
the night, for his close-fitting, woven blue jacket was wet through, and
his hair was damp and rough with the wind and rain. He raised his cap as
my eyes looked straight into his, and a faint smile flitted across his
grave face.
"I want," I said, suddenly, "to find a place where I can live very
cheaply. I have not much money, and I must make it last a long time. I
do not mind how quiet the place, or how poor; the quieter the better for
me. Can you tell me of such a place?"
"You would want a place fit for a lady?" he said, in a half-questioning
tone, and with a glance at my silk dress.
"No," I answered, eagerly. "I mean such a cottage as you would live in.
I would do all my own work, for I am very poor, and I do not know yet
how I can get my living. I must be very careful of my money till I find
out what I can do. What sort of a place do you and your wife live in?"
His face was clouded a little, I thought; and he did not answer me till
after a short silence.
"My poor little wife is dead," he answered, "and I do not live in
Guernsey or Jersey. We live in Sark, my mother and I. I am a fisherman,
but I have also a little farm, for with us the land goes from the father
to the eldest son, and I was the eldest. It is true we have one room to
spare, which might do for mam'zelle; but the island is far away, and
very _triste_. Jersey is gay, and so is Guernsey, but in the winter Sark
is too mournful."
"It will be just the place I want," I said, eagerly; "it would suit me
exactly. Can you let me go there at once? Will you take me with you?"
"Mam'zelle," he replied, smiling, "the room must be made ready for you,
and I must speak to my mother. Besides, Sark is six miles from Guernsey,
and to-day the passage would be too rough for you. If God sends us fair
weather I will come back to St. Peter-Port for you in three days. My
name is Tardif. You can ask the people in Peter-Port what sort of a man
Tardif of the Havre Gosselin is."
"I do not want any one to tell me what sort of a man you are," I said,
holding out my hand, red and cold with the keen air. He took it into his
large, rough palm, looking down upon me with an air of friendly
protection.
"What is your name, mam'zelle?" he inquired.
"Oh! my name is Olivia," I said; then I stopped abruptly, for there
flashed across me the necessity for concealing it. Tardif did not seem
to notice my embarrassment.
"There are some Olliviers in St. Peter-Port," he said. "Is mam'zelle of
the same family? But no, that is not probable."
"I have no relations," I answered, "not even in England. I have very few
friends, and they are all far away in Australia. I was born there, and
lived there till I was seventeen."'
The tears sprang to my eyes again, and my new friend saw them, but said
nothing. He moved off at once to the far end of the dock, to help one of
the crew in some heavy piece of work. He did not come hack until the
rain began to return--a fine, drizzling rain, which came in scuds across
the sea.
"Mam'zelle," he said, "you ought to go below; and I will tell you when
we are in sight of Guernsey."
I went below, inexpressibly more satisfied and comforted. What it was in
this man that won my complete, unquestioning confidence, I did not know;
but his very presence, and the sight of his good, trustworthy face, gave
me a sense of security such as I have never felt before or since. Surely
God had sent him to me in my great extremity.