Before you leave town, I cannot refrain from applying to you on a
very interesting subject, and I trust that you will excuse either my
past silence or my present importunity. The former has not been the
effect of presumption, nor does the latter proceed from any want of
confidence in your friendship.
[Sidenote: UNCERTAINTY OF HIS SEAT.]
It seems to be universally understood that this parliament will be
dissolved in a few months and perhaps in a few days--and you are
not ignorant how much the whole colour of my future life depends
on your resolution. Unless I obtain a seat in the next parliament,
I cannot flatter myself with a hope of remaining at the board of
trade; such is the unpleasant state of my private affairs, that I
must resign with my office all prospect of living in England, and
the discontinuance of your favours will therefore be a sentence
of banishment from my native country. My firm assurance that your
kindness will allow some weight to these personal considerations will
teach me to acquiesce, whatever may be your designs, with sincere and
grateful resignation. I could not even lament that I was not sooner
apprized of your intention to withdraw this mark of your friendship
at the time when it became the most valuable. The largest notice
would not perhaps have enabled me to take any other measures for the
attainment of the same object, and your silence, though it may have
excited some anxious thoughts or nourished some delusive hopes, has
not made any real difference in my situation.
It gives me pain at the same time to mention another topic. Various
circumstances of public and private distress have hitherto prevented
me from disposing of my Buckinghamshire Estate, from whence I may
expect to derive a considerable supply, and I shall find myself under
the necessity of soliciting your indulgence till I can discharge what
I shall always esteem a very small part of my obligations.
401.
_To Mrs. Holroyd._
August 31st, Bentinck Street, 1780.
The Colonel left town about seven o'clock. Could he have held a
pen with each finger and each toe, at the same time, he would have
found employment for them all. He therefore named me his Secretary
to signify to Sheffield Place his health, duty, impatience, &c.--The
_Intrigue du Cabinet_ shall not be neglected. But the _Intrigue
du Parlement_ is now the universal pursuit. It will be dissolved
to-morrow,[461] the Writs will be out Saturday night, and a few days
will terminate the business. You probably receive my last frank. I
have _found_ reason to believe that I shall never rise again, and
I submit to my fate with Philosophic composure. If any parcels or
letters directed to me should arrive at Sheffield you will be so good
as to return them by the Coach.--Adieu.