*I have at length good news to tell you; I am now a good Protestant,
and am extremely glad of it.[3] I have in all my letters taken
notice of the different movements of my mind. Entirely Catholic
when I came to Lausanne, wavering long time between the two systems,
and at last fixed for the Protestant, when that conflict was over,
I had still another difficulty. Brought up with all the ideas of
the Church of England, I could scarce resolve to communion with
Presbyterians, as all the people of this country are. I at last
got over it in considering that, whatever difference there may be
between their churches and ours in the government and discipline,
they still regard us as brethren, and profess the same faith as us.
Determined, then, in my design, I declared it to the ministers of the
town assembled at Mr. Pavilliard's, who, having examined me, approved
of it, and permitted me to receive the communion with them, which I
did Christmas Day, from the hands of Mr. Pavilliard, who appeared
extremely glad of it. I am so extremely myself, and do assure you
feel a joy pure, and the more so as I know it to be not only innocent
but laudable.*
Could I leave off here I should be very glad, but I have another
piece of news to acquaint you with. Mr. Pavilliard has already hinted
it in the letter you have, I suppose, already received, and which I
have translated into English. Let me tell you the whole fact as it is
really past.
[Sidenote: A GAMBLING SCRAPE.]
One evening I went to see Mr. Gee, one of the English now here. I
found him in his room, playing at Pharaon with some other gentlemen.
I would have retired, but he desiring me to stay, I took a chair and
sat down by the fire. I continued to look at the gamesters about half
an hour, till one of them going away, Gee desired me to take his
place, and I refused; but on his assuring me that I might punt as
low as I would, at last complied, and soon lost about half a guinea;
this vexed me, and I continued upon my word. The play warmed, and
about three o'clock the next morning I found I had lost only forty
guineas. Guess my situation (which I did not dare communicate to any
one); such a loss, and an utter impossibility of paying it. I took
the worst party I could. I demanded my revenge; they gave it me, and
the second meeting was still worse than the first. It cost me 1760
francs, or 110 guineas.
Never have I felt a despair equal to that I had then. I was a great
while hesitating upon the most violent parties. At last I resolved
to go seek my money in England, not doubting to be able to raise
that sum at London. I had not forgot that step would expose me to
all the indignation of my father, but I shut my eyes on all those
considerations, to reflect that it was my only resource to pay my
debt and to disengage my word; in pursuance of this, I bought a
horse, a watch, and some other things of Mr. Gee himself, payable
with the rest in England, and set out proposing to sell those things
to carry me on my journey. Was successful as far as Geneva, but there
the difficulty I found to dispose of my horse having stopped me some
days, Pavilliard, who had perceived my evasion, ran after me, and
half entreaties, half force, brought me back to Lausanne with him.
I am there at present, not knowing what to do; the term given me
almost out, and my creditors extremely pressing. What party can I
take? Should I acquaint my father with it? What first-fruits of a
conversion should I give him? I have then no other resource than you.
Tell me not you are poor, that you have not enough for yourself. I do
not address myself to you as the richest, but as the kindest of my
relations; nor do I ask it you as a gift, but as a loan. If you could
not furnish me the whole sum, let me have at least a part of it. I
know you have thoughts of doing something for me by your will; I beg
you only to anticipate it. I shall make no use of any other prayers
than this plain recite of my situation; if it produces no effect on
you, nothing else would. Remember only that my term finished March
15. I tremble for your answer, but beg it may be speedy. I am too
much agitated to go on. I will tell you something of myself in my
next, _i.e._ very soon.
I am, dear Kitty,
Your unfortunate nephew,
E. GIBBON.
P.S.--I have enclosed a _carte blanche_--write there a promise for
what you send me; it may serve you with my father in case of my death.
P.S.--You may inquire for Grand and Wombwell, bankers, who will give
you bills upon Mr. Grand, banker, at Lausanne for as much as you will.
[1] Judith Porten, the mother of Edward Gibbon, was the third
and youngest daughter of Mr. James Porten, a merchant of London.
She died in December, 1747, leaving the maternal care of her
son to her sister, Miss Catherine Porten, the "Aunt Kitty" of
the later correspondence, to whom this letter is addressed.
After her father's commercial ruin, Miss Catherine Porten opened
a boarding-house for Westminster School, in College Street.
Under her care Gibbon spent the two years which he passed at
Westminster. He entered the school in January, 1748, and was
placed in the second form.
[2] This endorsement is in the handwriting of his stepmother, the
second Mrs. Gibbon.
[3] "M. Pavilliard has described to me the astonishment with
which he gazed on Mr. Gibbon standing before him; a thin little
figure, with a large head, disputing and urging, with the
greatest ability, all the best arguments that had ever been used
in favour of popery." [Lord Sheffield.]
[Sidenote: VOLTAIRE AT GENEVA.]
3.
_To his Father._
March 1st, 1755.