We have had a poetical fit gradually growing upon us for some time--
'tis of no use to resist-- so here goes--
Oh! Muse, thine aid afford to me,
Inspire my Ideality;
Thou who, benign, in days of yore,
Didst heavenly inspiration pour
On him, who luckily for us
Sang Propria Quæ Maribus;
Teach me to sound on quiv'ring lyre,
Prosodial strains in notes of fire;
Words' ends shall be my theme sublime,
Now first descanted on in rhyme.
Come, little boys, attention lend,
All words are long in a that end:
(In proof of which I'll bet a quart,)
Excepting those which must be short--
As put{a}, it{a}, poste{a}, qui{a},
Ej{a}, and every case in i{a};
Or _a_, save such as we must class
With Grecian vocatives in as,
And ablatives of first declension--
Besides the aforesaid, we may mention
Nouns numeral that end in ginta,
Which common, as a bit of flint are.
Some terminate in _b_, _d_, _t_;
All these are short; but those in _c_
Form toes-- I mean, form ends of feet
As long-- as long as Oxford Street.
Though n{e}c and don{e}c every bard
Hath written short as Hanway yard,
Fac, hic, and hoc are common, though
Th' ablative hOc is long you know.
Now "_e_ finita" short are reckon'd,
Like to a jiffey or a second,
Though we must call the _Gradus_ wrong,
Or these, of fifth declension, long.
As also particles that come
In mode derivative therefrom.
Long second persons singular
Of second conjugation are,
And monosyllables in _e_.
Take, for example, mE, tE, sE,
Then, too, adverbial adjectives
Are long as rich old women's lives--
If from the second declination
Of adjectives they've derivation:
PulchrE and doctE, are the kind
Of adverbs that I have in mind.
FermE is long, and ferE also--
Ben{e}, and mal{e}, not at all so.
Lastly, each final _eta_ Greek,
Is long on all days of the week--
To wit-- (for thus we render nempe)
LethE, AnchisE, cetE, TempE.
Those words as long we classify
Which end, like _egotists_, in _i_,
Rememb'ring mihi, tibi, sibi
Are common, so are ubi, ibi;
Nis{i} is always short, and quas{i}'s
Short also, so are certain cases
In i-- Greek vocatives and datives
(At least if we may trust the natives;)
Making their genitives in os,
For instance-- Phyllis, Phyllidos.
(A name oft utter'd with a sigh,)
Whereof the dative ends in {i}.
Words in _l_ ending short are all,
Save nIl for nihil, sAl, and sOl,
And some few Hebrew words t'were well
To cite; as MichaEl, RaphaEl.
Your n's are long, save forsit{a}n
{I}n, tam{e}n, attam{e}n, and {a}n
Veruntam{e}n and fors{a}n, which
Are short as any tailor's stitch;
These, therefore, we except, and then
Contractions "per apocopen"--
As vid{e}n'? m{e}n'? and aud{i}n?-- so in
Ex{i}n' and sub{i}n', de{i}n', pro{i}n'.
_An_, from a nominative in _a_
Ending a word is short, they say,
But every _an_ for long must pass
Derived from nominative in as.
Nouns, too, in en are short whose finis
Doth in the genitive make _inis_.
And so are n's that do delight {i}n
An _i_ and _y_-- Alex{i}n, It{y}n.
Greek words are short I'd have you know,
That end in _on_ with little _o_,
Common are terminating o's,
Cases oblique except from those,
Adverbial adjectives as falsO
Are long,-- take tantO,-- quantO also;
Save mutuo, sedulo, and crebro.
Common as vestment vending Hebrew.
Mod{o} and quomod{o} among
Short o's we rank-- nor to be long.
Nor cit{o}, eg{o}, du{o}; no nor
Amb{o} and Hom{o} ever prone are;
But monosyllables in _o_,
Are counted long. Example-- stO.
And omega, the whole world over,
'S as long as 'tis from here to Dover.
If _r_ should chance a word to wind up,
'Tis short in general, make your mind up;
But fAr, lAr, nAr, and vIr, and fUr
PAr, compAr, impAr, dispAr, cUr,
As long must needs be cited here,
With words from Greek that end in er;
Though 'mong the Latins from this fate are
These two exempted-- pat{e}r, mat{e}r;
Short in the final _er_ we state 'em,
Namely, "auctoritate vatum."
Now, s, the Eton Grammar says,
Ends words in just as many ways
As there are vowels-- five-- as thus
In order, _as_, _es_, _is_, _os_, _us_.
As, in a general way appears
Long unto all but asses' ears,
But some Greek words take care to mark as
Short,-- for example-- Pall{a}s, Arc{a}s--
And nouns increasing plural sport
An _as_ accusative that's short.
Es in the main's a long affair,
AnchisEs, such, and patrEs are,
Though of the third declension you
As short such substantives must view,
The genitives of which increase,
Derived from nominatives in es,
And have an accent short upon
The syllable that's last but one.
As mil{e}s, seg{e}s, div{e}s, (which
Means what a Poet is n't,)-- rich:
But pEs is long, with bipEs, tripEs,
Like to a hermit munching dry pease.
To these add CerEs, Saturn's cub,
(Name of a goddess, and for grub
The figure Metonymy through,)
And ariEs, abiEs, pariEs, too.
Sum with its compounds forming {e}s, }
Are short, join pen{e}s, if you please, }
Item Cyclop{e}s Naiad{e}s. }
Greek nominatives and plural neuters,
For lists of which consult your tutors.
Is, we call short, as Par{i}s, trist{i}s,
Save all such words as mensIs, istIs.
Plurals oblique that end in _is_,
Adding thereto for quibus quIs.
The _is_ in SamnIs long by right is
Because its genitive's SamnItis,
Where you observe a lengthened state
Of syllable penultimate.
The same to all such words applies,
And Is contracted, meaning _eis_,
Long too,-- and pray remember this
Are monosyllables in _is_.
Save {i}s the nominative pronoun,
And qu{i}s, and b{i}s, which last is no noun.
When verbs by _is_ concluded are,
In second person singular;
But in the plural _itis_ make,
The _is_ is long, and no mistake--
Provided always that the pe-
Nultimate plural long shall be.
Os, saving comp{o}s, imp{o}s, {o}s
Is long-- as honOs dominOs.
The Greek omicron 's short, and that in
All conscience must be so in Latin.
Words should be short in _us_, unless
Authority has laid a stress
On the penultimate of any
Word that increases in the geni-
Tive case when us is long, the same
Pronunciation nouns may claim--
Declined like gradUs or like manUs
Though here exceptions still detain us.
The first case and the fifth are those
Singular; short as monkey's nose.
Long are mUs, crUs, and thUs and sUs
All monosyllables in Us,
And Grecian nouns by diphthong _ous_,
Translated _us_ by men of _nous_.
Lastly, all words in _u_ are long,
And so we end our classic song.
And not our song only, but our work-- the companion of our solitude--
the object of our cares-- for which alone we live, for which we consumed
our midnight oil; and not only that, but also burnt a great deal of
daylight.-- Our work, we say, is ended-- and such as it is we commit it
to the world. Horace says Carm. Lib. iii, Ode XXX. (an ode which by some
strange association of ideas, is always connected in our mind with the
visionary image of a jug of ale,) "Exegi monumentum ære perennius,"
I have perfected a work more durable than brass. Whether our production
is characterized by the _durability_ of that metal or not, is a question
which we leave to the decision of posterity; we cannot, however, help
thinking that, considering the boldness of our attempt, it possesses
figuratively at least, something in common with the substance in
question-- and we would fain hope that that something does not consist
in _hardness_.
And now farewell to the reader-- farewell, "a word that must be and hath
been"-- said a great many times when once would have been quite
sufficient. We need not, therefore, repeat it; nor need we say how much
we hope that we have amused, instructed him, and so forth; that being as
much an understood thing to put at the end of a book, as "Love to papa,
mamma, brothers and sisters," in a holiday letter.