It was very late before Hope fell asleep that night. Generally sleep
came to her quickly while Myra dawdled and pottered about, until the
lights were put out. But on this night Myra, from her little bed in the
opposite corner of the room, heard her usually quiet room-mate tossing
and turning in a very restless fashion.
"What in the world is the matter with you, Hope?" she asked her at
length. "Are you ill?"
"Ill? Oh, no; I'm only a little restless," Hope answered. "I am sorry I
disturbed you,--I'll try to be quieter."
"Oh, you didn't disturb me, Hope,--such a little thing as that wouldn't
disturb me,--but I thought you must have something the matter with you,
you are such a mouse generally. You're sure there isn't anything the
matter?"
"Yes, quite sure."
"Not even Dorothea?"
"Not even Dorothea? What do you mean?"
"Well, I didn't know but you had Dorothea on your mind,--that you might
be worrying over her persecution of you,--her determination to make you
play that duet with her," said Myra, laughing.
"Oh, no, I don't worry over Dorothea," answered Hope, laughing a little
herself at this suggestion.
"How Kate _does_ dislike her!" exclaimed Myra.
"Dislike Dorothea?" cried Hope, startled at this strong assertion.
"Well, I should say so; and you don't like her any better, either,
Hope-y dear. _I_ think that you and Kate know something about her that
the rest of us don't, for I've noticed from the very first that you were
very distant to her."
"'Know something about her!' Now, Myra, just because I was not pleased
with Dorothea's ways and have held off from playing duets with her, you
take that extraordinary notion into your head. 'Know something about
her!' Of course, you mean by that, something to her disadvantage. I know
just what you all know, that she is the daughter of the Hon. Mr. Dering
of Boston. What I know to her disadvantage is her lack of good manners,
and that you all know. There, if that isn't enough--"
"Oh, it is, it is, Hope-y, do forgive me, that's a dear; I was only half
in fun, anyway. I feel just as you and Kate do about Dorothea; her
manners are horrid, horrid,--so forward and consequential."
"But I do hope _I_ haven't influenced you to feel in this way, Myra;
that is, that my manner--"
"No, no, I didn't like her ways at the very first,--they are so
domineering. I dare say the outside is the worst of her, though, and
that very likely she may be good-hearted. But there's Kate Van der Berg,
_she's_ good-hearted, and has good manners too; and isn't she jolly,
Hope? Wasn't it fun to hear her go on with Anna about the flour and
molasses? And, Hope, I do believe that she would do just as she said, if
_she_ were a new rich person,--that is, if she were the kind of girl she
is now. She would just come right out with the flour and molasses,--talk
about everything perfectly frankly, because she hates anything that
looks like being ashamed, anything that looks like cowardice. Yes, I do
believe she would. But _I_ couldn't, could you?"
There was no answer to this question; and after a moment or two, Myra
looked across at the motionless figure clearly outlined in the
moonlight, and thought, "She's gone to sleep."
But Hope had not gone to sleep. She was never more widely awake in her
life than she was when Myra asked her question,--never more widely awake
and never more unhappy; for as she lay there motionless and silent, she
knew that she was acting a lie because she did not want to answer that
question,--a question that was almost the same that she had been asking
herself ever since she had listened to Kate's emphatic arraignment of
cowards; for from that moment she had said to herself: "I wonder if I am
not just this kind of a coward, because I have kept silent before these
girls,--have not told them that I belonged to the new rich people,--that
my father was a poor mechanic, and that I--had sold mayflowers at the
Brookside station? Kate would have told them long ago, I suppose, if she
had been in my place. She'd say I was 'dirt common' and vulgar not to
speak of father,--that I ought to be so proud of him that I couldn't
help speaking. And I _am_ proud of him,--I am, I am, nobody could be
prouder,--it isn't that I'm in any way ashamed of anything,--of
_anything_,--the engineer cab, the workman's clothes, or the
flower-selling; but--but, oh, I couldn't talk about it to those
girls,--they have never known what it was to live differently from the
way they live now, and they would stare at me, as if I were a curiosity,
something unlike themselves, and they'd have so many questions to ask,
because it would all be so odd to them; and then there is Dorothea now,
to make it worse,--Dorothea would take all the dignity out of anything;
and how she would go on about the mayflowers and our quarrel, and
exclaim and wonder and laugh! No, no, I can't bring all this on
myself,--it may be very cowardly of me, but I can't, I can't."
Agitated by thoughts like these, it was not strange that sleep failed to
come quickly to Hope that night, and that, in consequence, she should
look heavy-eyed and pale the next morning, and that, in further
consequence, Miss Marr, who was very observant, should say: "What is the
matter, Hope? You don't look well." And when Hope had no answer to give
but that she was restless and didn't sleep very well, Miss Marr glanced
at her rather anxiously, and said admonishingly, "I'm afraid you've been
studying too hard, Hope. You haven't? Then you must be homesick." But
when Hope assured her that she couldn't be homesick in _her_ house, Miss
Marr, laughingly declaring that she was a little flatterer, came to the
conclusion that there was nothing amiss that the week's vacation so near
at hand and the New Year festivities would not rectify.
Where Hope was to spend her week's vacation had been a matter of some
consideration. She would have gone to her grandmother Benham up in the
New Hampshire hills if the distance at that season of the year had not
been an objection. Miss Marr, too, would gladly have kept her little
favorite with her; and there was Kate Van der Berg pining for her
company, backed by Mrs. Van der Berg's cordial note of invitation; and
the Sibleys also--the friends whom the Benhams had met abroad, and who
had spoken to Miss Marr so admiringly of John Benham's "dearest little
daughter"--had entreated her to come to them. Another invitation was
from the Benhams' old neighbors and friends,--the Kolbs. All these
invitations had been received by Hope early in November, and she had
immediately sent them to her parents in Paris, with a little note of her
own, that simply said, without a word of her own personal preference: "I
want you to tell me which place you would rather I would choose. _I_
like them all."
Mr. and Mrs. Benham laughed as they read these words. They laughed
because this was so like Hope. When she was quite a little girl, her
mother had thought it would be a good plan to teach her to be careful in
her selections, by making her choose entirely for herself what she would
like, and abiding by that choice for the time being. Hope was delighted
with this plan at first. She fancied that with such liberty she was
going to have a very happy time; but after she had made several
mistakes, had chosen what had brought her, if not serious disappointment
and discomfort, a knowledge that she had much better have chosen
differently, she hit upon a little change of plan; and this was to
submit to her mother and father whatever was set before her for her
choosing, with the provision that they should give her the benefit of
their opinions, while still leaving her her own liberty of choice. They
were very much amused at this proposed change, but readily consented to
its being tried; and the trial, on the whole, had turned out very
satisfactorily, the child only upon rare occasions, when greatly tempted
by some special predilection, going against the parental opinion. The
odd plan thus childishly begun had settled into a fixed habit, though as
Hope had grown older it had become little more than an interchange of
opinions. On the present occasion, however, the girl had very evidently
gone back to her first idea, for it was quite plain to both father and
mother that while she had some special predilection for _one_ of these
invitations, she did not want to betray it, as she wanted a perfectly
unbiassed opinion from them,--or, in other words, wanted to know _their_
preference before she acknowledged her own; and this Mr. Benham decided
at once not to give. "I will write to her that she must make her choice
quite independent of us," he said to his wife. "There can be no harm in
her accepting any one of these invitations, but what we want to know now
is the bias of her own mind."
John Benham, as well as his wife, had tried, from the very first of
their change of fortunes, to keep Hope untouched by the temptations of
sudden wealth; and one of their fears in regard to the New York school
had been that Hope would meet there girls whose influence might be of a
worldly and fashionable nature. But Miss Marr's reputation for right
thinking and right doing had carried the day over all these fears, and
they had seen no reason from term to term to regret this decision. It
was with no little curiosity, then, coupled with some anxiety, that she
and her husband awaited Hope's choice of invitations. She had now been a
pupil of Miss Marr's a year, a year in close association with the young
people in the school. The parents had seen her twice in this time, and
she had seemed to them the same child Hope. Her letters, too, gave them
very satisfactory accounts of her school life and companions. In all
these accounts the name of Kate Van der Berg held a prominent place, and
they could see that this friend was of more importance to Hope than any
of the other girls. When, therefore, they pondered over Mrs. Van der
Berg's invitation, with its hints of luxurious entertainment, they
thought it quite natural that any girl should choose to accept it. Then,
too, there was Mrs. Sibley, with _her_ offer of hospitality in a fine
house where the visitor would be petted and made much of. If not to the
Van der Bergs', would not any ordinary girl choose to go to this
delightsome place? The Kolbs could offer nothing like this hospitality.
Their house at Riverview was small, their means not large, and their
acquaintance, outside the musicians with whom the old violinist was
brought in contact, very limited, and in this limited acquaintance there
were no young people, except Mr. Kolb's nephew and his little German
wife. But the old violinist's heart was full of warm regard for the
little maedchen whom he had taught for love five years ago, and what he
did offer was out of the fulness of this regard, as the following quaint
letter will show:--
MY DEAR LITTLE MAeDCHEN,--The good frau and myself have wondered
for long time if the little maedchen remembers the Christmas Day
when she stood beside Papa Kolb, to help him strip the
Christmas tree; and if she remembers, the good frau and myself
wonders if she would not like to stand by Papa Kolb again and
strip a Christmas Tree that shall grow up purposely for her if
she will come to Papa Kolb's house for the holiday week that is
near at hand. The good frau will take best care of the little
maedchen. She shall have the blue and white chamber with the
little porcelain stove, and the good frau will herself make for
her the little cakes she likes so well, and Papa Kolb will make
his violin sing the music that they both love.
"How _can_ the child resist this letter?" exclaimed Mr. Benham, as he
laid it down after reading it twice over.
"Yes; but you might have asked the same question after reading Mrs.
Sibley's and Mrs. Van der Berg's, with their cordial offers of Christmas
dances and performances," said Mrs. Benham.
"Yes, I might, but I didn't," replied Mr. Benham, with a smile.
"No, you didn't; but you must remember though, John, that to Hope,
Christmas dances and matinee performances in a big city must naturally
be more attractive than they are to you."
"Oh, yes, yes, of course; and it's of course, I suppose, that any young
girl would naturally prefer the fine gay things that fine gay people can
offer to the more humdrum things that the Kolbs can give."
It will readily be seen, from this little conversation, where John
Benham's preference lay in this question of invitations; and as a matter
of fact, Mrs. Benham's interests were in the same quarter. They both
leaned very strongly to Papa Kolb's affectionate home offer, but they
were both agreed in their resolve that they would say nothing to Hope of
their feeling.
In this way they looked to find out the natural bias of the girl's mind,
and ascertain exactly the direction that her tastes and inclinations
were now taking. But as Mrs. Benham read over again the notes from the
Van der Bergs and Sibleys, she felt that it was absurd for her to expect
that a young creature like Hope would turn from such attractions to the
Kolbs, and she told her husband so. Like the man of sense that he was,
Mr. Benham admitted the truth of his wife's conclusions. It was but a
step from this admission to a final agreement that Hope of course, thus
left to herself, would choose the New York gayeties, like any other
girl; and when her next letter arrived, Mrs. Benham ran her little pearl
paper-cutter through the envelope, with the remark, "Now we shall hear
all about the fine preparations for the fine doings at the Van der
Bergs', for I am quite sure it will be to Kate Van der Berg and not to
Mrs. Sibley that the child has chosen to go; and I do hope that Miss
Marr has seen to her preparations, and helped her to choose some new
things, if she needs them. And she must need a new gown or two, and
gloves, and perhaps a fresh wrap, going about as she will with the Van
der Bergs to the holiday entertainments. I told Miss Marr when we came
away, to order anything that Hope needed, if at any time--"
There was a sudden cessation of Mrs. Benham's voice; then after a
moment: "John, John, what do you think!--"
Mr. Benham looked up from his desk, where he was busy studying the plan
of a new French locomotive.
"What do you think, John? She isn't going to the Van der Bergs'!"
"She prefers the Sibleys, then; well, they'll be very good to her."
"No, she doesn't prefer the Sibleys,--it's the Kolbs, after all. Do
listen to her letter!" and Mrs. Benham read aloud:--
DEAR PAPA AND MAMMA,--I'm going to the Kolbs'. I wanted to go
the minute I got Papa Kolb's dear kind invitation; but when on
the very same morning I received the two others, I thought I
would send them all off to you, hoping that you would say that
you would like to have me go to the Kolbs'. But when your
answer came, and I knew that I must make my own choice quite
independently of you, I wrote at once to Mrs. Van der Berg and
to Mrs. Sibley, that I had had an invitation from some old
friends who had known me from a little child and been very kind
to me, and I loved them very much, and felt that I must go to
them.
I told Kate what I had written, and I told her something about
the Kolbs, and that Papa Kolb had been my first teacher; and
she laughed, and said that nobody need expect to get me away
from a fiddler. And she is quite right when the fiddler is Mr.
Kolb. I love Kate Van der Berg dearly, and so would you if you
knew her; and if you had heard her talk the other day about the
right and the wrong kind of pride of ancestry, you would admire
her very much. And I love Mrs. Sibley too, and if there had
been no invitation from the Kolbs, I should have been very glad
to have gone to her or to Kate. But the Kolbs are like--well,
like--like my very own. They have known me so long and I have
known them so long that I feel at home with them all the time;
and then the fiddles and the music and the Christmas
Tree--everything there is what I love best.
Mr. Benham forgot for the moment the locomotive plan that lay before
him, as he listened to this portion of his daughter's letter; and when
his wife put the letter down and said, "We needn't be afraid of Hope's
being spoiled by these fine people, John," his eyes lighted up, as he
replied smilingly,--
"Hope is set to a home tune, Martha, that she is never going to forget."