Let me here remark, as a physician, that, had not my constitution been
faultless, the scarlet fever would have seized on my kidneys or my
heart, and have maimed me for life, allowing me, perhaps, twenty years
in which to complete my survey of the world. But I passed unscathed
through the ordeal, a sort of inoculation that renders one death-proof
so long as it is not worth while to die. How did I get home through that
long journey? In doing so I anticipated a two days’ instalment of my now
near-approaching oblivion.
My recovery was rapid, and, now that I had a brother as my familiar, I
was ready to set him a bad example, and to perpetrate whatever mischief
our united talents could invent. Our most obvious opportunity was, after
we had watched our neighbour at Heavitree sweeping his gravel walks, to
throw rubbish on them over the fence, that he might have the labour in
which he delighted, over again. We would then retire unseen, and, as we
thought, into the security of non-detection, too young to know the value
of circumstantial evidence. But the nonsense of children is little worth
repeating, except to babes, and I cannot emulate those wonderful geniuses
who can even turn metaphysics into fairy tales. I cannot resist giving an
account of the finest ride I ever had in my life.
It was at Heavitree, where, near the churchyard and parsonage, there
was a large meadow, which I and my brother often crossed on our rambles.
One day we encountered a large sow there. I coaxed my way up to it, and
leapt on to its back, when it started off at a tremendous gallop, needing
neither whip nor spur. My seat kept safe, and I was carried round the
meadow at a fabulous pace, no doubt amid gruntings the most terrific.
This ride seemed to realize in me a state of existence surpassing all
common pleasure; it was a taste of glory.
My leave of funereal absence, which was so soon converted into a holiday,
was prolonged without difficulty on the certificate of Mr. Harris, a
leading surgeon of Exeter, who was good nature itself; but he must
have seen that I was malingering. I must have remained at home nearly
a year. By this time I was intelligent enough to understand my mother
and her history, and my brother was not behind me in that respect. She
instilled into our minds a contempt for the Hake family, some of whom
were in trade; but this was most unjust, for their moral tone was high,
and they were a credit to the middle class. Their position in life had
changed since the generation previous; but family pride had remained to
them, and that is sometimes the parent of honour—if not its father, its
mother at least. On the other hand, she was never tired of her own family
distinction; her father and two of her brothers, the third being still a
boy, had in her eyes the attributes of nobility. But all this was in the
warmth of her own imagination and love; for no one else thought so. They
were respectable and respected—that was all. Those who are really great
are not aware of it, for it never occupies their thoughts.
The time came for me to be returned to my owners, the masters of the
school—a change that gave me neither pleasure nor pain. I cannot recall
the time when I did not feel myself the subject of destiny against which
I had no instinct of resistance. So amenable was I to the mastery of
circumstances, that all things happened as a matter of course, and I
knew no protest. When my illnesses began, I was the subject of diarrhœal
disorder, and I was brutally treated. I was put into a room with a tub
of cold water to cleanse my miserable self, when the boys, hearing of
my wretched plight, broke in upon me with a broom, and did the work of
scrubbing me. My feeling was that I must bear it; my consolation was
that it would not last. Soon afterwards I was taken to the sick ward and
treated with humanity.