It was four days after Althea's arrival in London that Gerald stood in
Helen's sitting-room and confronted her--smoking her cigarette in her
low chair--as he had confronted her that summer on her return from
Paris. Gerald looked rather absent and he looked rather worried, and
Helen, who had observed these facts the moment he came in, was able to
observe them for some time while he stood there before her, not looking
at her, looking at nothing in particular, his eyes turning vaguely from
the mist-enveloped trees outside to the flowers on the writing-table,
and his eyebrows, always very expressive, knitting themselves a little
or lifting as if in the attempt to dispel recurrent and oppressive
preoccupations. It would have been natural in their free intercourse
that, after a certain lapse of time, Helen should ask him what the
matter was, helping him often, with the mere question, to recognise that
something was the matter. But to-day she said nothing, and it was her
silence instead of her questioning that made Gerald aware that he was
standing there expecting to have his state of mind probed and then
elucidated. It added a little to his sense of perplexity that Helen
should be silent, and it was with a slight irritation that he turned and
kicked a log before saying--'I'm rather bothered, Helen.'
'What is it?' said Helen. 'Money?' This had often been a bother to them
both.
Half turned from her, he shook his head. 'No, not money; that's all
right now, thanks to Althea.'
'Well?' Helen questioned.
He faced her again, a little quizzical, a little confused and at a loss.
'I suppose it's Althea herself.'
'Oh!' said Helen. She said it with a perceptible, though very mild
change of tone; but Gerald, in his preoccupation, did not notice the
change.
'You've seen her several times since she came back?' he asked.
'Yes, twice; I lunched with her and these American friends of hers
yesterday,' said Helen.
'Well, I've seen her three times,' said Gerald. 'I went to her, as you
know, directly I got back to London on Saturday; I cut my visit at the
Fanshawes two days shorter on purpose. I saw her on Sunday, and I'm just
come from her now. No one could say that I didn't show her every
attention, could they?' It hardly seemed a question, and Helen did not
answer it. 'I don't think she's quite pleased with me,' Gerald then
brought out.
Still silent, Helen looked at him thoughtfully, but her gaze gave him no
clue.
'Can you imagine why not?' he asked.
She reflected, then she said that she couldn't.
'Well,' said Gerald, 'I think it's because I didn't go to meet her at
Liverpool; from something she said, I think it's that. But I never
dreamed she'd mind, you know. And, really, I ask you, Helen, is it
reasonable to expect a man to give up a long-standing engagement and
take that dreary journey up to that dreary place--I've never seen the
Liverpool docks, but I can imagine them at six o'clock in the
morning--is it reasonable, I say, to expect that of any man? It wasn't
as if I wasn't to see her the next day.'
Again Helen carefully considered. 'I suppose she found the docks very
dreary--at six o'clock,' she suggested.
'But surely that's not a reason for wanting me to find them dreary too,'
Gerald laughed rather impatiently. 'I'd have had to go up to Liverpool
on Thursday and spend the night there; do you realise that?'
Helen went on with the theme of the docks: 'I suppose she wouldn't have
found them so dreary if you'd been on them; and I suppose she expected
you not to find them dreary for the same reason.'
Gerald contemplated this lucid statement of the case. 'Has she talked to
you about it?' he asked.
'Not a word. Althea is very proud. If you have hurt her it is the last
thing that she would talk about.'
'I know she's proud and romantic, and a perfect dear, of course; but do
you really think it a ground for complaint? I mean--would you have felt
hurt in a similar case?'
'I? No, I don't suppose so; but Althea, I think, is used to a great deal
of consideration.'
'But, by Jove, Helen, I'm not inconsiderate!'
'Not considerate, in the way Althea is used to.'
'Ah, that's just it,' said Gerald, as if, now, they had reached the
centre of his difficulty; 'and I can't pretend to be, either. I can't
pretend to be like Mr. Kane. Imagine that quaint little fellow going up
to meet her. You must own it's rather grotesque--rather tasteless, too,
I think, under the circumstances.'
'They are very old friends.'
'Well, but after all, he's Althea's rejected suitor.'
'It wasn't as a suitor, it was as a friend he went. The fact that she
rejected him doesn't make him any less her friend, or any less
solicitous about her.'
'It makes me look silly, her rejected suitor showing more solicitude
than I do--unless it makes him look silly; I rather feel it's that way.
But, apart from that, about Althea, I'm really bothered. It's all right,
of course; I've brought her round. I laughed at her a little and teased
her a little, and told her not to be a dear little goose, you know. But,
Helen, deuce take it! the trouble is----' Again Gerald turned and kicked
the log, and then, his hands on the mantelpiece, he gazed with frowning
intentness into the flames. 'She takes it all so much more seriously
than I do,' so he finally brought out his distress; 'so much more
seriously than I can, you know. It's all right, of course; only one
doesn't know quite how to get on.' And now, turning to Helen, he found
her eyes on his, and her silence became significant to him. There was no
response in her eyes; they were veiled, mute; they observed him; they
told him nothing. And he had a sense, new to him and quite inexpressibly
painful, of being shut out. 'I may go on talking to you--about
everything--as I have always done, Helen?' he said. It was hardly a
question; he couldn't really dream that there was anything not to be
talked out with Helen. But there was. Gerald received one of the ugliest
shocks of his life when Helen said to him in her careful voice: 'You
may not talk about Althea to me; not about her feeling for you--or yours
for her.'
There was a pause after this, and then Gerald got out: 'I say--Helen!'
on a long breath, staring at her. 'You mean----' he stammered a little.
'That you owe it to Althea--just because we had to talk her over once,
before you were sure that you wanted to make her your wife--not to
discuss her feelings or her relation to you with anybody, now that she
is to be your wife. I should think you would see that for yourself,
Gerald. I should think you would see that Althea would not marry you if
she thought that you were capable of talking her over with me.'
Gerald had flushed deeply and vividly. 'But Helen--with _you_!' he
murmured. It was a helpless appeal, a helpless protest. His whole life
seemed to rise up and confront her with the contrast between their
reality--his relation and hers--and the relative triviality of this new
episode in his life. And there was his error, and there her inexorable
opposition; the episode was one no longer; he must not treat it as
trivial, a matter for mutual musings and conjectures. His 'With you!'
shook Helen's heart; but, looking past him and hard at the fire, she
only moved her head in slow, slight, and final negation.
Gerald was silent for a long time, and she knew that he was gazing at
her as a dog gazes when some inexorable and inexplicable refusal turns
its world to emptiness. And with her pain for his pain came the rising
of old anger and old irony against him; for whose fault was it that even
the bitter joy of perfect freedom was cut off? Who had been so blind as
not to see that a wife must, in common loyalty, bring circumspection and
a careful drawing of limits? Who was it who, in his folly, had not known
that his impulsive acquiescence, his idle acceptance of the established
comfort and order held out to him, had cut away half of their
friendship? Absurd for Gerald, now, to feel reproach and injury. For
when he spoke again it was, though in careful tones, with uncontrollable
reproach. 'You know, Helen, I never expected this. I don't know that I'd
have been able to face this----' He checked himself; already he had
learned something of what was required of him. 'It's like poisoning part
of my life for me.'
Helen did not allow the bitter smile to curl her lips; her inner
rejoinder answered him with: 'Whose fault is it that all my life is
poisoned?'
'After all,' said Gerald, and now with a tremor in his voice, 'an old
friend--a friend like you--a more than sister--is nearer than any new
claims.' She had never heard Gerald's voice break before--for anything
to do with her, at least--and she felt that her cheek whitened in
hearing it; but she was able to answer in the same even tones: 'I don't
think so. No one can be near enough to talk about your wife with you.'
He then turned his back and looked for a long time into the fire. She
guessed that there were tears in his eyes, and that he was fighting with
anger, pain, and amazement, and the knowledge filled her with cruel joy
and with a torturing pity. She longed to tell him that she hated him,
and she longed to put her arms around him and to comfort him--comfort
him because he was going to marry some one else, and must be loyal to
the woman preferred as wife. It was she, however, who first recovered
herself. She got up and pinched a withered flower from the fine azalea
that Franklin Kane had sent her the day before, and, dropping it into
the waste-paper basket, she said at last, very resolutely, 'Come,
Gerald, don't be silly.'
He showed her now the face of a miserable, sulky boy, and Helen, smiling
at him, went on: 'We have a great many other subjects of conversation,
you will recollect. We can still talk about all the things we used to
talk about. Sit down, and don't look like that, or I shall be angry with
you.'
She knew her power over him; it was able to deceive him as to their real
situation, and this was to have obeyed pity, not anger. Half unwillingly
he smiled a little, and, rubbing his hand through his hair and sinking
into a chair, he said: 'Laugh at me if you feel like it; I'm ill-used.'
'Terribly ill-used, indeed,' said Helen. 'I shall go on laughing at you
while you are so ridiculous. Now tell me about the ball at the
Fanshawes, and who was there, and who was the prettiest woman in the
room.'