To Miss Rivers, Clarges Street.
Kamaraskas, March 12.
I have met with something, my dear Lucy, which has given me infinite
uneasiness; Madame Des Roches, from my extreme zeal to serve her in an
affair wherein she has been hardly used, from my second visit, and a
certain involuntary attention, and softness of manner I have to all
women, has supposed me in love with her, and with a frankness I cannot
but admire, and a delicacy not to be described, has let me know I am
far from being indifferent to her.
I was at first extremely embarrassed; but when I had reflected a
moment, I considered that the ladies, though another may be the object,
always regard with a kind of complacency a man who _loves_, as
one who acknowledges the power of the sex, whereas an indifferent is a
kind of rebel to their empire; I considered also that the confession
of a prior inclination saves the most delicate vanity from being
wounded; and therefore determined to make her the confidante of my
tenderness for Emily; leaving her an opening to suppose that, if my
heart had been disengaged, it could not have escaped her attractions.
I did this with all possible precaution, and with every softening
friendship and politeness could suggest; she was shocked at my
confession, but soon recovered herself enough to tell me she was highly
flattered by this proof of my confidence and esteem; that she believed
me a man to have only the more respect for a woman who by owning her
partiality had told me she considered me not only as the most amiable,
but the most noble of my sex; that she had heard, no love was so
tender as that which was the child of friendship; but that of this she
was convinced, that no friendship was so tender as that which was the
child of love; that she offered me this tender, this lively friendship,
and would for the future find her happiness in the consideration of
mine.
Do you know, my dear, that, since this confession, I feel a kind of
tenderness for her, to which I cannot give a name? It is not love; for
I love, I idolize another: but it is softer and more pleasing, as well
as more animated, than friendship.
You cannot conceive what pleasure I find in her conversation; she
has an admirable understanding, a feeling heart, and a mixture of
softness and spirit in her manner, which is peculiarly pleasing to men.
My Emily will love her; I must bring them acquainted: she promises to
come to Quebec in May; I shall be happy to shew her every attention
when there.
I have seen the lands, and am pleased with them: I believe this will
be my residence, if Emily, as I cannot avoid hoping, will make me
happy; I shall declare myself as soon as I return, but must continue
here a few days longer: I shall not be less pleased with this situation
for its being so near Madame Des Roches, in whom Emily will find a
friend worthy of her esteem, and an entertaining lively companion.
Adieu, my dear Lucy!
Your affectionate
Ed. Rivers.
I have fixed on the loveliest spot on earth, on which to build a
house for my mother: do I not expect too much in fancying she will
follow me hither?