To Mrs. Melmoth, at Montreal.
Silleri, Feb. 19.
My dear Madam,
I am too sensible of the rights of friendship, to refuse answering
your questions; which I shall do in as few words as possible. I have
not the least reason to suppose myself beloved by Colonel Rivers; nor,
if I know my heart, do I _love him_ in that sense of the word
your question supposes: I think him the best, the most amiable of
mankind; and my extreme affection for him, though I believe that
affection only a very lively friendship, first awakened me to a sense
of the indelicacy and impropriety of marrying Sir George.
To enter into so sacred an engagement as marriage with one man, with
a stronger affection for another, of how calm and innocent a nature
soever that affection may be, is a degree of baseness of which my heart
is incapable.
When I first agreed to marry Sir George, I had no superior esteem
for any other man; I thought highly of him, and wanted courage to
resist the pressing solicitations of my uncle, to whom I had a thousand
obligations. I even almost persuaded myself I loved him, nor did I find
my mistake till I saw Colonel Rivers, in whose conversation I had so
very lively a pleasure as soon convinced me of my mistake: I therefore
resolved to break with Sir George, and nothing but the fear of giving
him pain prevented my doing it sooner: his behaviour on the receipt of
his mother's letter removed that fear, and set me free in my own
opinion, and I hope will in yours, from engagements which were equally
in the way of my happiness, and his ambition. If he is sincere, he will
tell you my refusal of him made him happy, though he chuses to affect a
chagrin which he does not feel.
I have no view but that of returning to England in the spring, and
fixing with a relation in the country.
If Colonel Rivers has an attachment, I hope it is to one worthy of
him; for my own part, I never entertained the remotest thought of him
in any light but that of the most sincere and tender of friends. I am,
Madam, with great esteem,
Your affectionate friend
and obedient servant,
Emily Montague.