Now that petrol is being increased by eightpence a gallon, pedestrians will
shortly have to be content to be knocked down by horsed vehicles or hand
trucks.
* * *
Moleskins, says a news item, are now worth eighteen-pence each. It is only
fair to add that the moles do not admit the accuracy of these figures.
* * *
Three hundred pounds is the price asked by an advertiser in _The Times_ for
a motor-coat lined with Persian lamb. It is still possible to get a
waistcoat lined with English lamb (or even good capon) for a mere fraction
of that sum.
* * *
Charged with impersonation at a municipal election a defendant told the
Carlisle Bench that it was only a frolic. The Bench, entering into the
spirit of the thing, told the man to go and have a good frisk in the second
division.
* * *
"Steamers carrying coal from Dover to Calais," says a news item, "are
bringing back champagne." It is characteristic of the period that we should
thus exchange the luxuries of life for its necessities.
* * *
Charged at Willesden with travelling without a ticket a Walworth girl was
stated to have a mania for travelling on the Tube. The Court missionary
thought that a position could probably be obtained for her as scrum-half at
a West End bargain-counter.
* * *
A correspondent writes to a London paper to say that he heard a lark in
full song on Sunday. We can only suppose that the misguided bird did not
know it was Sunday.
* * *
A medical man refers to the case of a woman who has no sense of time,
proportion or numbers. There should be a great chance for her as a
telephone operator.
* * *
"Owing to its weed-choked condition," says _The Evening News_, "the Thames
is going to ruin." Unless something is done at once it is feared that this
famous river may have to be abolished.
* * *
As the supply of foodstuffs will probably be normal in August next, the
Food Ministry will cease to exist, its business being finished. This seems
a pretty poor excuse for a Government Department to give for closing down.
* * *
"Music is not heard by the ear alone," says M. JACQUES DALCROZE. Experience
proves that when the piano is going next door it is heard by the whole of
the neighbour at once.
* * *
A weekly paper points out that there are at least thirty thousand
unemployed persons in this country. This of course is very serious. After
all you cannot have strikes unless the people are in work.
* * *
It appears that the dog (since destroyed) which was found wandering outside
No. 10, Downing Street, had never tasted Prime Minister.
* * *
It is reported that when Sir DAVID BURNETT put up Drury Lane Theatre for
sale under the hammer the other day one gentleman offered to buy it on
condition that the vendor papered the principal room and put a bath in.
* * *
A Bolton labourer who picked up twenty-five one-pound Treasury notes and
restored them to the proper owner was rewarded with a shilling. It is only
fair to say that the lady also said, "Thank you."
* * *
Asked what he would give towards a testimonial fund for a local hero one
hardy Scot is reported to have said that he would give three cheers.
* * *
We learn on good authority that should a General Election take place during
one of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE'S visits to Paris _The Daily Mail_ will undertake
to keep him informed regarding the results by means of its Continental
edition.
* * *
A sad story reaches us from South-West London. It appears that a girl of
twenty attempted suicide because she realised she was too old to write
either a popular novel or a book of poems.
* * *
The Guards, it is stated, are to revert to the pre-war scarlet tunic and
busby. Pre-war head-pieces, it may be added, are now worn exclusively at
the War Office.
* * *
At the Independent Labour Party's Victory dance it was stipulated that
"evening dress and shirt sleeves are barred." This challenge to the upper
classes (with whom shirt-sleeves are of course _de rigueur_) is not without
its significance.
* * *
As much alarm was caused by the announcement in these columns last week
that the collapse of a wooden house was caused by a sparrow stepping on it,
we feel we ought to mention that, owing to a sudden gust of wind, the bird
in question leaned to one side, and it was simply this movement which
caused the house to overbalance.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE WAVE OF CRIME.
_Gent._ "WHAT MADE YOU PUT YOUR HAND INTO MY POCKET?"
_Doubtful Character._ "JUST ABSENT-MINDEDNESS. I ONCE 'AD A PAIR OF PANTS
EXACTLY LIKE THOSE YOU'RE WEARING."]
* * * * *
"The eternal combustion engine has become recognised the world over as
a factor in modern civilisation."--_Provincial Paper._
But surely it is many years since Lord WESTBURY in the GORHAM case was said
to have "dismissed h---- with costs?"
* * * * *