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CONVERSATION
_What to Say and How to Say It_
CONVERSATION
_What to Say and How to Say It_
BY
MARY GREER CONKLIN
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
NEW YORK AND LONDON
1912
COPYRIGHT, 1912, BY
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
All rights reserved for all countries
[_Printed in the United States of America_]
Published November, 1912
IN LOVING MEMORY
TO
A. E. C.
WHOSE DELIGHTFUL CONVERSATION STIMULATED MY YOUTH
AND
IN GRATEFUL ACKNOWLEDGMENT
OF THEIR SEVERE CRITICISM AND FRIENDLY AID
TO
CHARLES TOWNSEND COPELAND
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH AT HARVARD COLLEGE
AND
FRANK WILSON CHENEY HERSEY
INSTRUCTOR IN ENGLISH AT HARVARD COLLEGE
PREFACE
"The best book that was ever written upon good breeding," said Dr.
Johnson to Boswell, "the best book, I tell you, _Il Cortegiano_ by
Castiglione, grew up at the little court of Urbino, and you should read
it." _Il Cortegiano_ was first published by the Aldine Press at Venice,
in 1528. Before the close of the century more than one hundred editions
saw the light; French, Spanish, English, and German versions followed
each other in rapid succession, and the _Cortegiano_ was universally
acclaimed as the most popular prose work of the Italian Renaissance.
"Have you read Castiglione's _Cortegiano_?" asks the courtier
Malpiglio, in Tasso's dialog. "The beauty of the book is such that it
deserves to be read in all ages; as long as courts endure, as long as
princes reign and knights and ladies meet, as long as valor and courtesy
hold a place in our hearts, the name of Castiglione will be held in
honor."
In his _Book of the Courtier_, Castiglione said very little about
perfection of speech; he discust only the standard of literary language
and the prescribed limits of the "vulgar tongue," or the Italian in
which Petrarch and Boccaccio had written. What he says about grace,
however, applies also to conversation: "I say that in everything it is
so hard to know the true perfection as to be well-nigh impossible; and
this because of the variety of opinions. Thus there are many who will
like a man who speaks much, and will call him pleasing; some will
prefer modesty; some others an active and restless man; still others one
who shows calmness and deliberation in everything; and so every man
praises or decries according to his mind, always clothing vice with the
name of its kindred virtue, or virtue with the name of its kindred vice;
for example, calling an impudent man frank, a modest man dull, an
ignorant man good, a knave discreet, and so in all things else. Yet I
believe that there exists in everything its own perfection, altho
concealed; and that this can be determined through rational discussion
by any having knowledge of the thing in hand."
If this superb courtier could not reach decisions regarding perfection
in matters of culture and polish, I could scarcely hope to have entirely
reconciled the contending phases of conversation, even if I have
succeeded in impressing positively the evident faults to be avoided,
and the avowed graces of speech to be attained. With Castiglione as a
model I can only say regarding conversation what he said about the
perfect courtier: "I praise the kind of courtier that I most esteem, and
approve him who seems to me nearest right, according to my poor
judgment.... I only know that it is worse not to wish to do well than
not to know how."
Those heretofore interested in agreeable speech will at once recognize
my obligation to the few men and women who have written entertainingly
on conversation, and from whom I have often quoted. My excuse for
offering a new treatment is that I may perhaps have succeeded in
bringing the subject more within the reach of the general public, and to
have written more exhaustively. The deductions I have made are the
result of an affectionate interest in my subject and of notes taken
during a period of many years. If the book affords readers one-half the
pleasure and stimulus it has brought to me, my labors will be happily
rewarded.
Beyond my chief critics, to whom I dedicate this volume, I express my
gratitude to Mrs. Fannie Bloomfield Zeisler, the pianiste, and to Dr.
Henrietta Becker von Klenze, formerly of the University of Chicago,
whose interest in all I have ever attempted to do has been an unfailing
support, and whose suggestions have added value to this work; to Dr.
Gustavus Howard Maynadier, of Harvard College, for friendly assistance
in many ways; and to Mr. George Benson Weston, of Harvard College, who
has been kind enough to read the manuscript, and by whose knowledge of
the literature of many languages I have greatly profited.
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS,
August, 1912.
CONTENTS
Chapter I
_INTRODUCTORY_
WHAT CONVERSATION IS AND WHAT IT IS NOT
PAGE
What is the aim of conversation?--The talk of Coleridge and
Macaulay--Browning's delightful conversation--Why we go into
society--The elements of good conversation--What it is not--Genius
and scholarship not essential to good conversation 21