The Tennessee Shad, reclining in an armchair softened by sofa
cushions, gave critical directions to Dink Stover and Dennis de Brian
de Boru Finnegan, to whom, with great unselfishness, he had
surrendered all the privileges of the hanging committee.
"Suppose _you_ agitate yourself a little," said Dink, descending from
a rickety chair which, placed on a table, had allowed him to suspend a
sporting print from the dusty moulding.
"The sight of you at hard labor," said Finnegan, from a bureau on the
other side of the room, "would fill me with cheer, delectation and
comfort."
The Tennessee Shad, by four convulsive processes, reached his feet.
"Oh, very well," he said carelessly. "Thought you preferred to run
this show yourselves."
Picking up a poster, he selected with malicious intent the most
unsuitable spot in the room and started to climb the bureau,
remarking:
"This is about it, I should say."
The artistic souls of Dink and Dennis protested.
"Murder, no!"
"You chump!"
"Too big for it."
"Well, if you know so much," said the Tennessee Shad, halting before
the last upward struggle and holding out the poster, "where would you
put it?"
Stover and Dennis indignantly bore the poster away and with much
effort and straining tacked it in an appropriate place.
"Why, that is better," said the Tennessee Shad admiringly, regaining
his chair, not too openly. "Much better. Looks fine! Great! Say, I've
got an idea. Stick the ballet girl under it."
"What?"
"You're crazy!"
"Well, where would you put it?"
"Here, you chump."
"Why, that's not half bad, either," said the Tennessee Shad, once more
back among the cushions. "A trifle more to the left, down--now
up--good--make fast. First rate; guess you have the best eye. Now
where are you going to put this?"
By this process of self-debasement and generous exterior admiration
the Tennessee Shad successfully perceived the heavy hanging and
arranging brought to a satisfactory conclusion.
The vital touches were given, the transom was hung with heavy black
canvas; a curtain of the same was so arranged as to permit its being
drawn over the telltale cracks of the door. Dennis and Stover, sent to
reconnoiter from the hall, waited while the Tennessee Shad passed a
lighted candle back and forth over the sealed entrance. One traitor
crack was discovered and promptly obliterated.
"Now we're secure," said the Tennessee Shad. "Cave of Silence and all
that sort of thing. The Old Roman would have to smell us to get on."
"How about the windows?" said Dink.
"They're a cinch," said the Shad. "When you get the shade down and the
shutters closed a blanket will fix them snug as a bug in a rug. Now,
at nine o'clock we can go to bed without suffering from drafts. Ha,
ha--joke."
"Burn the midnight oil, etceteray--etcetera."
"To-morrow," said the Tennessee Shad, "Volts Mashon is going to
install a safety light for us."
"Elucidate," said Dink.
"A safety light is a light that has a connection with the door. Shut
door, light; open door, where is Moses? Midnight reading made a
pleasure."
"Marvelous!"
"Oh, I've heard of that before," said Finnegan.
The Tennessee Shad, meanwhile, had been busy stretching a string from
his bed to the hot-air register and from a stick at the foot of his
bed to a pulley at the top.
Stover and Finnegan waited respectfully until the Shad, having
finished his operations, deigned to give a practical exhibition.
"This thing is simple," said he, stretching out on his bed and pulling
a string at one side. "Opens hot-air register. No applause necessary.
But this is a little, comforting idea of my own. Protection from
sudden change of temperature without bodily exposure." Extending his
hand he pulled the other rope, which, running through the pulley over
his head, brought the counterpane quickly over him. "How's that? No
sitting up, reaching down, fumbling about in zero weather."
"That's good as far as it goes," said Dennis, whose natural state was
not one of reverence; "but how about the window? Some one has to get
up and shut the window."
"Simple as eggs," said the Shad, yawning disdainfully. "A string and a
pulley do the trick, see? Down comes the window. All worked at the
same exchange. Well, Dink, you may lead the cheer."
Now, Stover suddenly remembered a device he had been told of, and,
remembering it, to give it the appearance of improvisation he
pretended to deliberate.
"Well," said the Tennessee Shad, surprised, "my humble little
inventions don't seem to impress you."
"Naw."
"They don't, eh! Why not?"
"Oh, it's the right principle," said Stover, assuming a deliberate
look; "but crude, very crude, backwoods, primitive, and all that sort
of thing."
The Tennessee Shad, amazed, looked at Finnegan, who spoke:
"Crude, Dink?"
"Why, yes. All depends on whether the Shad wakes up or not. And then,
why hand labor?"
"I suppose you have something more recherche to offer," said the
Tennessee Shad cuttingly, having recovered.
"Why, yes, I might," said Stover coolly. "A real inventor would run
the whole thing by machinery. Who's got an alarm clock?"
Dennis, mystified, returned running with his.
Stover, securing it with strings, fastened it firmly on the table,
which he moved near the scene of operations. He then lowered the upper
half of the window, assuring himself that a slight impetus would start
it. To the sash he attached a stout string which he ran through a
pulley fixed to the top of the window frame; to the string he fastened
a weight which he carefully balanced on the edge of a chair; to the
weight, thus fastened, he attached another string which he led to the
clock and made fast to the stem that wound the alarm. Then he
straightened up, cast a glance over the Shad's handiwork and went to
the register.
"When the window shuts it should open the register, of course--first
principles," he said crushingly. He disconnected the string from the
bed and arranged it on the window. Having wound the clock he addressed
his audience:
"It's a simple little thing," he said with a wave of his hand. "I
happened to remember that the key of an alarm clock turns as the alarm
works. That's all there is to it. Set the alarm when you want to wake
up--see--like this. Alarm goes off, winds up spring, throws weight off
balance, weight falls, shuts the window, opens the register and you
stay under the covers. Practical demonstration now proceeding."
The mechanism worked exactly as he had predicted. The Tennessee Shad
and the Wild Irishman, transfixed with awe, watched with dropped
mouths the operation. Finnegan, the first to recover, salaamed in true
Oriental fashion.
"Mr. Edison," he said in a whisper, "don't take advantage of two
innocent babes in the wood. Did you honestly just work this out?"
"Oh, no, of course not," said Dink loftily. "My father told me,--it
cost him a fortune; he gave years of his life to perfecting it!"
"And this to me!" said the exponent of the superlative reproachfully.
The Tennessee Shad rose and offered his hand with a gesture worthy of
Washington.
"Sir to you. I am your humble servant. Wonderful! Marvelous! Smashing!
Terrific! Sublime!"
"Do it again," said Dennis de Brian de Boru.
The alarm being wound and set, the operation was repeated with the
same success, while Dennis danced about excitedly and the Tennessee
Shad contemplated it with dreamy absorption.
"Jemima!" said Dennis. "And it works for any time?"
"Any time," said Dink, with one hand gracefully resting on his hip.
"Cracky!" exclaimed Dennis, prancing excitedly toward the door. "I'll
get the whole House up."
"Dennis!"
Finnegan stopped, surprised at the note of authority in the Tennessee
Shad's voice.
"Dennis de Brian de Boru Finnegan; back and sit down."
"What's wrong?"
"You would call in the whole House, would you?"
"Why not?" said Dink, thirsting for the applause of the multitude.
"Dink, oh, Dink!" said the Shad, in profound sorrow. "You would throw
away a secret worth millions, would you?"
Dink looked at Dennis, who returned the look, and then with a
simultaneous motion they sat down.
"This invention has millions in it, millions," said the Tennessee
Shad, promoter. "It is simple, but revolutionary. Every room in the
school must be equipped with it."
"Then there's all the apartment houses," said Dennis eagerly.
"That will come later," said the Tennessee Shad.
"We'll patent it," said Stover, seeing clouds of gold.
"Certainly," said the promoter. "We will patent the principle."
"Let's form a company."
The three rose and solemnly joined hands.
"What shall we call it?"
"The Third Triumvirate?" said Dennis.
"Good!" said the Tennessee Shad.
"What shall we charge?" said Dink.
"We must make a dollar profit on each," said the Tennessee Shad. "That
means--four hundred fellows in the school--allowing for roommates;
we should clear two hundred and ten dollars at the lowest. That means
seventy dollars apiece profit."
"Let's begin," said Dennis.
"I'm unalterably opposed," said Dink, "to allowing Doc Macnooder in
the firm."
"Me, too," said Dennis.
"Doc is strong on detail," said the Tennessee Shad doubtfully.
"I'm unalterably opposed," said Dink, "to allowing Doc Macnooder to
swallow this firm."
"Me, too," said Dennis.
"Doc has great business experience," said the Tennessee Shad;
"wonderful, practical mind."
"I'm unalterably----" said Dink and stopped, as the rest was
superfluous.
"Me, too," said Dennis.
"Some one's got to work for us in the other Houses."
"Make him our foreign representative," said Stover.
"And give him a commission?"
"Sure--ten per cent."
"No more," said Dennis. "Even that cuts down our profits."
"All right," said the Tennessee Shad. "As you say, so be it. But
still I think Doc Macnooder's business sagacity----"
At this moment Doc Macnooder walked into the room. The three future
millionaires responded to his greeting with dignity, keeping in mind
that distance which should separate a board of directors from a mere
traveling man.
"Hello," said Macnooder glibly. "All ship-shape and ready for action.
Tea served here and chafing-dish ready for the midnight rabbit. Ha,
ha, Dink, still got the souvenir toilet set, I see."
"Still, but not long," said Dink. "But that story comes later. Sit
down, Doc, and pay attention."
"Why so much chestiness?" said Doc, puzzled. "I haven't sold anything
to any of you, have I?"
"Doc," said Stover, "we have formed a company and we want to talk
business."
"What company?"
"The Third Triumvirate Manufacturing Company," said Dennis.
"What does it manufacture?"
"This," said Stover, indicating the appliance. "A combined window
closer and alarm clock that also opens the register."
"Let's see it," said Macnooder, all excitement.
The demonstration took place. Macnooder the enthusiast was conquered,
but Macnooder the financier remained cold and controlled. He sat down,
watched by three pairs of eyes, took from his pocket a pair of
spectacles, placed them on his nose and said indifferently:
"Well?"
"What do you think of it?"
"It's a beaut!"
"I say, Doc," said Finnegan, "now, won't every fellow in the school be
crying for one, won't be happy till he gets it, and all that sort of
thing?"
"Every fellow in the school will have one," said Macnooder carefully,
making a distinction which was perceived only by the Tennessee Shad.
"Now, Doc," said Dink, still glowing with his triumph over the
Tennessee Shad, "let's talk business."
Macnooder took off the glasses and minutely polished them with his
handkerchief.
"You've formed a company, eh?"
"The Third Triumvirate--the three of us."
"Well, where do I come in?"
"You're to be our foreign representative."
"Commission ten per cent," added Finnegan carefully.
The Tennessee Shad said nothing, waiting expectantly. Macnooder rose
whistling through his teeth and stood gazing down at the alarm clock.
"Foreign representative, commission ten per cent," he said softly.
"We thought we'd give you first whack at it," said Stover in a
careless, business-like way.
"So. What's your idea of developing it?"
"Why, we thought of installing it for a dollar."
"With the clock?"
"Oh, no! The clock extra."
"Charging a dollar for string and pulley?"
"And the invention."
"Humph!"
"Well, Doc, is it a go?" said Dink, observing him fall into a revery.
"No, I guess I'm not much interested in this," said Macnooder, taking
up his hat. "There's no money in it."
"Why, Doc," said Finnegan, aghast, "you said yourself every fellow
would have to have it."
"Would have it," said Macnooder in correction. "The invention's all
right, but it's not salable."
"Why not?"
"Nothing to sell. First fellow who sees it can do it himself."
Finnegan looked at Stover, who suddenly felt his pockets lighten.
"Doc is very strong on detail," said the Tennessee Shad softly, in a
reminiscent way.
"You might sell it to one fellow," said Macnooder, "without telling
him. But soon as you set it up every one will copy it."
"Great business head," continued the Tennessee Shad.
"It's a good idea," said Macnooder condescendingly. "You might get a
vote of thanks, but that's all you would get. Do you see the rub?"
"I see," said Dink.
"Me, too," said Dennis.
"And a wonderful practical mind," concluded the Tennessee Shad
dreamily.
"Well, let's be public benefactors then," said Dennis in a melancholy
tone.
"And such a beautiful idea," said Dink mournfully.
"I move the Third Triumvirate disband," said the Tennessee Shad; and
there was no objection.
"Now," said Doc Macnooder briskly, sitting down, "I'll put my own
proposition to you amateurs. There's only one way to make the thing
go, and I've got the way. I take all responsibility and all risks. All
I ask is control of the stock--fifty-one per cent."
Ten minutes later the Third Triumvirate Manufacturing Company was
reformed on the following basis:
PRESIDENT Doc Macnooder, 51 shares.
ADVISORY BOARD The Third Triumvirate.
TREASURER Doc Macnooder.