TELLS HOW AND WHY I SET FORTH UPON THE QUEST IN QUESTION
"Ladylike!" said I to myself, leaning forth from my chamber window
into a fragrant summer night radiant with an orbed moon. But for once
I was heedless of the ethereal beauty of the scene before me and felt
none of that poetic rapture that would otherwise undoubtedly have
inspired me, since my vision was turned inwards rather than out and my
customary serenity hatefully disturbed.
"Ladylike!"
Thus, all unregarding, I breathed the incense of flowery perfumes and
stared blindly upon the moon's splendour, pondering this hateful word
in its application to myself. And gradually, having regard to the
manifest injustice and bad taste of the term, conscious of the affront
it implied, I grew warm with a righteous indignation that magnified
itself into a furious anger against my two uncles.
"Damn them! Damn them both!" exclaimed I and, in that moment, caught
my breath, shocked, amazed, and not a little ashamed at this outburst,
an exhibition so extremely foreign to my usually placid nature.
'To swear is a painful exhibition of vulgarity, and passion
uncontrolled lessens one's dignity and is a sign of weakness.'
Remembering this, one of my wonderful aunt's incontrovertible maxims,
I grew abashed (as I say) by reason of this my deplorable lapse. And
yet:
"'Ladylike!'"
I repeated the opprobrious epithet for the third time and scowled up
at the placid moon.
And this, merely because I had a shrinking horror of all brutal and
sordid things, a detestation for anything smacking of vulgarity or bad
taste. To me, the subtle beauty of line or colour, the singing music
of a phrase, were of more account than the reek of stables or the
whooping clamour and excitement of the hunting-field, my joys being
rather raptures of the soul than the more material pleasures of the
flesh.
"And was it," I asked myself, "was it essential to exchange buffets
with a 'Camberwell Chicken,' to shoot and be shot at, to spur sweating
and unwilling horses over dangerous fences--were such things truly
necessary to prove one's manhood? Assuredly not! And yet--'Ladylike!'"
Moved by a sudden impulse I turned from the lattice to the elegant
luxuriousness of my bedchamber, its soft carpets, rich hangings and
exquisite harmonies of colour; and coming before the cheval mirror I
stood to view and examine myself as I had never done hitherto,
surveying my reflection not with the accustomed eyes of Peregrine
Vereker, but rather with the coldly appraising eyes of a stranger, and
beheld this:
A youthful, slender person of no great stature, clothed in garments
elegantly unostentatious.
His face grave and of a saturnine cast--but the features fairly
regular.
His complexion sallow--but clear and without blemish.
His hair rather too long--but dark and crisp-curled.
His brow a little too prominent--but high and broad.
His eyes dark and soft--but well-opened and direct.
His nose a little too short to please me--but otherwise well-shaped.
His mouth too tender in its curves--but the lips close and firm.
His chin too smoothly rounded, at a glance--but when set, looks
determined enough.
His whole aspect not altogether unpleasing, though I yearned mightily
to see him a few inches taller.
Thus then I took dispassionate regard to, and here as dispassionately
set down, my outer being; as to my inner, that shall appear, I hope,
as this history progresses.
I was yet engaged on this most critical examination of my person when
I was interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the flagged terrace
beneath my open window and the voices of my two uncles as they passed
slowly to and fro, each word of their conversation very plain to hear
upon the warm, still air. Honour should have compelled me to close my
ears or the lattice; had I done so, how different might this history
have been, how utterly different my career. As it was, attracted by
the sound of my own name, I turned from contemplation of my person
and, coming to the window, leaned out again.
"Poor Peregrine," said my uncle George for the second time.
"Why the pity, George? Curse and confound it, wherefore the pity? Our
youth is a perfect ass, an infernal young fish, a puppy-dog--pah!"
"Aye, but," quoth my uncle George (and I could distinguish the faint
jingle of his spurs), "we roasted him devilishly to-night between us,
Jervas, and never a word out o' the lad--"
"Egad, Julia did the talking for him--"
"Ha, yes--dooce take me, she did so!" exclaimed uncle George. "What an
amazingly magnificent creature she is--"
"And did ye mark our youth's cool insolence, his disdainful airs--the
cock of his supercilious nose--curst young puppy!"
"Most glorious eyes in Christendom," continued my uncle George,
"always make me feel so dooced--er--so curst humble--no, humble's not
quite the word; what I do mean is--"
"Fatuous, George?" suggested Uncle Jervas a trifle impatiently.
"Unworthy--yes, unworthy and er--altogether dooced, d'ye see--her
whole life one of exemplary self-sacrifice and so forth, d'ye see,
Jervas--"
"Exactly, George! Julia will never marry, we know, while she has this
precious youth to pet and pamper and cherish--"
"Instead of us, Jervas!"
"Us? George, don't be a fool! She couldn't wed us both, man!"
"Why, no!" sighed uncle George. "She'd ha' to be content wi' one of
us, to be sure, and that one would be--"
"Myself, George!"
"Aye!" quoth uncle George, sighing more gustily than ever. "Begad, I
think it would, Jervas."
"Though, mark me, George, I have sometimes thought she has the
preposterous lack of judgment to prefer you."
"No--did you though!" exclaimed my uncle George, spurs jingling again.
"B'gad, and did you though--dooce take me!"
"Aye, George, I did, but only very occasionally. Of course, were she
free of this incubus Peregrine, free to live for her own happiness
instead of his, I should have her wedded and wifed while you were
thinking about it."
"Aye," sighed my uncle George, "you were always such an infernal
dasher--"
"As it is, the boy will grow into a priggish, self-satisfied
do-nothing, and she into an adoring, solitary old woman--"
"Julia! An old woman! Good God! Hush, Jervas--it sounds dooced
indecent!"
"But true, George, devilish true! Here's Julia must grow into a
crotchety old female, myself into a solitary, embittered recluse, and
you into a lonely, doddering old curmudgeon--and all for sake of this
damned lad--"
At this, stirred by sudden impulse, I thrust my head out of the window
and hemmed loudly, whereupon they halted very suddenly and stood
staring up at me, their surprised looks plain to see by reason of the
brilliant moon.
"Pardon me, my dear uncles," said I, bowing to them as well as I
might, "pardon me, but I venture to think not--"
"Now 'pon me everlasting soul!" exclaimed my uncle Jervas, fumbling
for his eyeglass. "What does the lad mean?"
"With your kind attention, he will come down and explain," said I, and
clambering through the casement, I descended forthwith, hand over
hand, by means of the ivy stems that grew very thick and strong
hereabouts.
Reaching the terrace, I paused to brush the dust from knee and elbow
while my uncle Jervas, lounging against the balustrade, viewed me
languidly through his glass, and uncle George stared at me very round
of eye and groped at his close-trimmed whisker.
"Sirs," said I, glancing from one to other, "I regret that I should
appear to you as a 'fish,' a 'puppy' and a 'self-satisfied
do-nothing,' but I utterly refuse to be considered either an 'incubus'
or a 'damned lad'!"
"Oh, the dooce!" ejaculated uncle George.
"To the which end," I proceeded, "I propose to remove myself for a
while--let us say for six months or thereabouts--on a condition."
"Remove yourself, nephew?" repeated uncle Jervas, peering at me a
little more narrowly. "Pray where?"
"Anywhere, sir. I shall follow the wind, tramp the roads, consort with
all and sundry, open the book of Life and endeavour to learn of man by
man himself."
"Very fine!" said my uncle Jervas,--"and damned foolish!"
"In a word," I continued, "I propose to follow your very excellent
advice, Uncle Jervas, and go out into the world to find my manhood if
I can! That was your phrase, I think?"
"Ah, and when, may I ask?"
"At once, sir. But, as I said before--on a condition."
"Hum!" quoth my uncle Jervas, dropping his glass to tenderly stroke
his somewhat too prominent chin.
"And might we humbly venture to enquire as to the condition?"
"Merely this, sir; so soon as Aunt Julia is freed of her incubus--so
soon as I am gone--you will see to it she is not lonely. You will woo
her, beginning at once, both together or turn about, because I would
not have her--this best, this noblest and most generous of
women--forfeit anything of happiness on my account; because, having
neither father nor mother that I ever remember, the love and reverence
that should have been theirs I have given to her."
"Lord!" exclaimed my uncle George, clashing his spurs suddenly. "Lord
love the lad--begad--oh, the dooce!"
As for uncle Jervas, forgetting his languor, he stood suddenly erect,
frowning, his chin more aggressive than ever.
"You haven't been drinking, have you, Peregrine?" he demanded.
"No, sir!"
"Then you must be mad!"
"I think not, sir. Howbeit, I shall go!"
"Preposterousandamridiculous!" he exclaimed in a breath.
"Possibly, sir!" quoth I, squaring my shoulders resolutely. "But my
mind is resolved--"
"Julia--your aunt, will never permit such tom-fool nonsense, boy!"
"I am determined, sir!" said I, folding my arms. "I go for her
sake--her future happiness--"
"Happiness?" cried my uncle George, pulling at his whisker, "'t would
break her heart, Perry; she'd grieve, boy, aye, begad she would--she'd
grieve, as I say, and--grieve, d'ye see--"
"Then you must comfort her--you or Uncle Jervas, or both! Woo her, win
her whoever can, only make her happy--that happiness she has denied
herself for my sake, all these years. This you must do--it is for this
I am about to sacrifice the joy of her companionship, the gentle quiet
and luxury of home to pit myself, alone and friendless, against an
alien world. This, my dear uncles," said I, finding myself not a
little moved as I concluded, "this is my prayer, that, through one of
you she may find a greater happiness than has ever been hers
hitherto."
"Tush, boy!" murmured my uncle Jervas, lounging gracefully against the
balustrade of the terrace again, "Tush and fiddle-de-dee! If you have
done with these heroics, let us get to our several beds like
common-sense beings," and he yawned behind a white and languid hand.
His words stung me, I will own; but it was not so much these that
wrought me to sudden, cold fury, as that contemptuous yawn. Even as I
stood mute with righteous indignation, all my finer feelings thus
wantonly outraged, he yawned again.
"Come, Peregrine," he mumbled sleepily, "come you in to bed, like a
sensible lad."
"Uncle Jervas," said I, smiling up at him as contemptuously as
possible, "I will see you damned first!"
"Good God!" exclaimed my uncle George, and letting go his whisker he
fell back a step, staring down at me as if he had never seen me before
in all his life. Uncle Jervas, on the contrary, regarded me silently
awhile, then I saw his grim lips twitch suddenly and he broke into a
peal of softly modulated laughter.
"Our sucking dove can roar, it seems, George--our lamb can bellow on
occasion. On me soul, I begin to hope we were perhaps a trifle out in
our estimation of him. There was an evil word very well meant and
heartily expressed!" And he laughed again; then his long arm shot out,
though whether to cuff or pat my head I do not know nor stayed to
enquire, for, eluding that white hand, I vaulted nimbly over the
balustrade and, from the flower bed below, bowed to him with a
flourish.
"Uncle Jervas," said I, "pray observe that I bow to your impertinence,
by reason of your age; may God mend your manners, sir! Uncle George,
farewell. Uncles both, heaven teach you to be some day more worthy my
loved aunt Julia!" Saying which, I turned and strode resolutely away
across the shadowy park, not a little pleased with myself.
I was close upon the gates that opened upon the high road when,
turning for one last look at the great house that had been my home, I
was amazed and somewhat disconcerted to find my two uncles hastening
after me; hotfoot they came, at something betwixt walk and run, their
long legs covering the ground with remarkable speed. Instinctively I
began to back away and was deliberating whether or not to cast dignity
to the winds and take to my heels outright, when my uncle George
hailed me, and I saw he flourished a hat the which I recognised as my
own.
"Hold hard a minute, Perry!" he called, spurs jingling with his haste.
"My good uncles," I called, "you are two to one--two very large,
ponderous men; pray excuse me therefore if I keep my distance."
"My poor young dolt," quoth uncle Jervas a trifle breathlessly, "we
merely desire a word with you--"
"Aye, just a word, Perry!" cried uncle George. "Besides, we've brought
your hat and coat, d'ye see."
"You have no other purpose?" I enquired, maintaining my rearward
movement.
"Dammit--no!" answered uncle Jervas.
"Word of honour!" cried uncle George.
At this I halted and suffered them to approach nearer.
"You do not meditate attempting the futility of force?" I demanded.
"We do not!" said uncle Jervas.
"Word of honour!" cried uncle George.
"On the contrary," continued uncle Jervas, handing me my
silver-buttoned, frogged surtout, "I for one heartily concur and
commend your decision in so far as concerns yourself--a trifle of
hardship is good for youth and should benefit you amazingly, nephew--"
"B'gad, yes!" nodded uncle George. "Fine thing, hardship--if not too
hard. So we thought it well to see that you did not go short of
the--ah--needful, d'ye see."
"Needful, sir?" I enquired.
"Rhino, lad--chink, my boy!"
"Ha, to be sure," sighed uncle Jervas, noting my bewilderment. "These
coarse metaphors are but empty sounds in your chaste ears,
nephew--brother George is trying to say money. Do you happen to have a
sufficiency of such dross about you, pray?" A search of my various
pockets resulted in the discovery of one shilling and a groat.
"Precisely as I surmised," nodded my uncle Jervas, "having had your
every possible want supplied hitherto, money is a sordid vulgarity you
know little about, yet, if you persist in adventuring your precious
person into the world of men and action, you will find money a
somewhat useful adjunct. In this purse are some twelve guineas or
so--" here he thrust the purse into the right-hand pocket of my coat.
"And six in this, Perry!" said uncle George, thrusting his purse into
my left pocket.
"So here are eighteen-odd guineas," quoth uncle Jervas, "a paltry and
most inadequate sum, perhaps, but these should last you a few
days--with care, or at least until, wearying of hardship, you steal
back into the silken lap of luxury."
"And look 'ee, Perry lad," added uncle George, clapping me on the
shoulder and eyeing me a little anxiously, "come back soon, boy--soon,
d'ye see--"
"He will, George, he will!" nodded uncle Jervas.
"He looks damnably solitary, somehow, Jervas."
"And small, George."
"Sirs," said I, "for my lack of size, blame nature. As to
loneliness--'my mind to me my kingdom is,' and one peopled by a
thousand loved friends, or of what avail the reading of books?"
"Books? M--yes, precisely!" quoth my uncle George, ruffling up his
thick curls and eyeing me askance. "But what are we to tell your aunt
Julia?"
"Nothing, sir. At the first inn I stop at I will write her fully
regarding my departure and future plans--"
"But--oh, curse it. Perry," exclaimed uncle George, fumbling for his
whisker, "she'll be sure to blame us, aye, she will so, b'gad d'ye
see--"
"Not when she reads my letter, sir. Indeed I feel--nay, I know that my
absence will but serve to draw you nearer together, all three, and I
look forward with assured hope to seeing her happily wedded to--to one
or other of you when--when I return--"
"Lord love me!"
"Now on me immortal soul!" exclaimed my two uncles in one breath.
"My dear sirs," I continued, "I have long suspected your passion for
my peerless aunt, nor do I venture to blame you--"
"Blame, b'gad!" exclaimed my uncle George faintly.
"To-night I chanced to overhear words pass between you that put the
matter beyond doubt--"
"Impertinent young eavesdropper!" exclaimed my uncle Jervas, very red
in the face.
"Thus, in taking my departure, I can but wish you every happiness. But
before I go, I would beg of you to satisfy me on a point of family
history--if you will. My parents died young, I believe?"
"They did!" answered my uncle Jervas in strangely repressed voice.
"Very young!" sighed my uncle George.
"And what--how came they to die?" I questioned.
"Your mother died of--a broken heart, Peregrine," said uncle Jervas.
"Sweet child!" added uncle George.
"Then I pray that God in His mercy has mended it long ere this," said
I. "And my father, sirs,--how came he by death so early?"
Here my two uncles exchanged looks as though a little at a loss.
"Has your aunt never told you?" enquired my uncle Jervas.
"Never, sir! And her distress forbade my questioning more than the
once. But you are men and so I ask you how did your brother and my
father die?"
"Shot in a duel, lad, killed on the spot!" said my uncle George, and I
saw his big hand clench itself into a quivering fist. "They fought in
a little wood not so far from here--such a lad he was--our fag at
school, d'ye see. I remember they carried him up these very steps--and
the sun so bright--and he had scarcely begun to live--"
"And the bullet that slew him," added my uncle Jervas, "just as surely
killed your mother also."
"Yes!" said I. "And whose hand sped that bullet?"
"He is dead!" murmured my uncle Jervas, gazing up at the placid moon.
"Dead and out of reach--years ago."
"Aye--he died abroad," added uncle George, "Brussels, I think, or
Paris--or was it Vienna--anyhow he--is dead!"
"And--out of reach!" murmured uncle Jervas, still apparently lost in
contemplation of the moon.
"As to yourself, dear, foolish lad," said uncle George, laying his
hand upon my shoulder, "if go you will, come back soon! And should you
meet trouble--need a friend--any assistance, d'ye see, you can always
find me at the Grange."
"Or a letter to me, Peregrine, directed to my chambers in St. James's
Street, will always bring you prompt advice in any difficulty and,
what is better, perhaps--money. Moreover, should you wish to see the
town or aspire socially, you will find I can be of some small
service--"
"My dear uncles," I exclaimed, grasping their hands in turn, "for this
kind solicitude God bless you both again and--good-bye!"
So saying, I turned (somewhat hastily) and went my way; but after I
had gone some distance I glanced back to behold them watching me,
motionless and side by side; hereupon, moved by their wistful
attitude, I forgot my dignity and, whipping off my hat, I flourished
it to them above my head ere a bend in the drive hid them from my
view.