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[Illustration: (cover page)]
[Illustration: "MARCHED TILL MY PACK GAINED A HUNDRED AN FIFTY POUNDS"]
"Same old Bill, eh Mable!"
BY
EDWARD STREETER
27TH (N.Y.) DIVISION
Author of "Dere Mable," "Thats me all over, Mable"
_WITH 27 ILLUSTRATIONS IN BLACK-AND-WHITE BY_
G. WILLIAM BRECK
("_Bill Breck_")
27th (N.Y.) DIVISION
[Illustration]
NEW YORK
FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY
PUBLISHERS
_Copyright, 1919, by_
Frederick A. Stokes Company
PREFACE
The rightful place for a preface is at the end of a book or, better
still, the scrap basket. My only reason for setting it here is lest
someone read and, misunderstanding, take offense.
Not for one moment has there been any thought of making light of that
splendid, almost foolhardy, bravery which has characterized the
American soldier. It was he himself who made light of it, as he did of
the whole war, and probably would of doomsday.
Nor is there anything unkind or deprecating in his attitude toward the
Frenchman. He met a race so distinct from his in ideals and customs
that there was no basis for understanding. Failing to understand, he
followed his usual rule in such instances and laughed.
One of those veterans of a dozen battles, chancing to glance over
these pages, may say that the dangers and horrors of those last five
months have been underrated. They, however, belong to a comparatively
small and enviable minority. Those who turned the tide in July, 1918,
and who knocked the line at St. Mihiel into its proper place in
September, also bore the brunt on the Meuse and the dreary
mud-spattered monotony of the Army of Occupation. The great mass of
the American army saw but a few brief weeks of fighting during October
and November. Thousands of other Bills, equally brave and more eager
because it was denied them, never heard the sound of guns except on
the target range.
This is not a treatise on International Relations. It is not a
chronology of battles. It is not a memorial of brave deeds. It is
merely a few impressions of Pvt. William Smith, Buck, placed in a
situation so new, so incomparable, that it had wiser men than he
guessing. He was one of those who left their reasons for being "there"
to be analyzed by men not so occupied in the business of keeping
alive. He would have been bored to death if you had tried to explain
them to him anyway. His loyalty and patriotism were so unquestioned
that its discussion was absurd. Sentimental, yet so sensitive to
obvious sentimentality that he died many times making fun of the
things that he was dying for.
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
"Marched till my pack gained a hundred an fifty pounds"
"Everybody had a beard on both sides of his face"
"Beat the buttons off them with a big board"
"Everyone tucks there napkins under there chins"
"They just ishued us overseers caps an rapped leggins"
"Will have to lean them up agenst something"
"Tyin it under your chin like a bib"
"Mike Whozis, the Captins orderly"
"Ive found the first real use for my tin derby"
"Another boiler blew up right in front of us"
"Lem Wattles what never had his name in the paper"
"Were livin right up in the trenches now"
"It doesnt look as if it had ever exploded"
"There was the Lootenant boostin the Major out of the trench"
"I stuck my head around the bush"
"You ought to have seen those two Lootenants come down"
"'Do you happen to have any lemonade?'"
"Tried to make a blanket roll in six inches of mud"
"All I do is scratch, scratch, scratch"
"The people here wear wooden shoes an have no shapes"
"A German bed is like a loaf of bread thats rose to much"
"They take off there hats to us"
"Levels it off with a piece of bread"
"They lined us all up"
"That little snub nosed thing across the street"
"Im going to be just plain Mr. Bill Smith"
_"Same Old Bill, Eh Mable!"_
_Dere Mable:_
Were in sunny France at last. I cant tell you much about it yet on
account of its avin been so foggy since we got here. We didnt deboat
in Paris as I was expectin. We sailed up a river to a town with a wall
around it and got off there. I dont know what the wall was for unless
to keep people in. They certinly wouldnt need one to keep anybody out
of that place. Were now in what they call a rest camp. If this is
restin then all they say about war is true.
For the last two days weve been unpackin boats. You havnt any idear
how refreshin it is to pile up about 5 milyon cases of corn Willie.
Ive been puttin on weight ever since I got here but its all been on my
back.
Some of the fellos think they got us mixed up with one of these Steva
Dora regiments. It dont seem to worry the Captin much. Theres no
reason it should tho. All he has to do is to sit on a box an keep the
quartermaster from gettin over-stocked on cigars.
The day we got in they tied us out in the middle of the river. They
left us there so long that there was a roomer the war was over an we
was goin to turn around an go home. When it comes to takin that trip
right over agen I say on with the war.
We lay around there so long I was beginnin to feel like the keeper of
a light ship. Then they got into an awful hurry all of a sudden an
piled pretty near the whole boat load onto one coal barge. Our Bilitin
oficer met us at the dock. Hed been over here a month gettin things
fixed up for us. From the way he acted youd think he was the fello
that invented the war.
After that we got out in the country and marched till my pack gained a
hundred an fifty pounds an my tung was lyin on my chest. Joe said we
needed a rest camp after a hike like that. When wed walked about six
miles, or killen meters as they call them over here, we turned into a
bare field. The Bilitin oficer said that was the camp.
Just then it started to rain. The Captin told the Top to make us all
comfortable. Then he remembered some business in town and went away
before he had a chance to hear any first impreshuns about rest camps.
The Bilitin oficer must have wore himself out findin us a nice place
like this with only a month to do it in. Id like to see what hed turn
out if he only had a couple of days. It rained all night. When I get
home Ill be able to put in a good night in the swimmin pool of a Turks
bath.
The next mornin we started in on intensive restin. We unpacked a whole
boat out onto a dock. Then some General came along. I guess he thought
we still looked a little peaked. He says "Just run that stuff into the
shed across the tracks." The place he called a shed would have made a
nice hanger for the New York Central stashun.
They tell me now were not goin right up to the front. We got to go to
school agen to learn something. If I had a diploma for every school I
been to in the last year my room would look like a dentle parlor.
The French seem glad to see us but they cant express themselves very
well. They dont seem to talk the same kind of French the fello learned
us in the Y.M.C.A. last winter. There all mixed up on there money too.
About the only way a fello can buy anything is to hold out all hes got
and let them take what they want. I guess theyll never overcharge me
by takin all I can hold out.
The whole sistem is based on the Sue, Mable. As near as I can make out
a Sue aint worth anything. A hundred Sues make a Centimeter an a
hundred Centimeters make a Frank. Five Franks make a dollar only now
they dont. That gives you an idear how simple it is to go into a store
an figger what you can buy with a quarter.
I hear the battery comin back so I guess Ill quit this and fall in on
the tail of the colyum. It isnt that I wouldnt just as soon have them
all know where Ive been, but it makes the Captin feel a lot better to
have me there at formashuns.
Yours if I survive the rest
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
If you ever have to do any travelin in France, walk. I dont suppose
you ever took a five day trip in an open trolly. We traveled five days
an all the time straight away from the front. First we thought we was
goin to Italy but we must have passed that long ago. They finally
landed us in a little town with about a hundred people, fifty cows an
no pictur show. The more I see of this country the more patriotic I
get.
The train we came down on looked like one I had when I was a kid on
tracks. You felt somebody ought to get out an wind the engine every
time it stopped. Whenever we got to stashuns a lot of fellos in long
coats would come out an blow whissels. Sometimes wed start but most of
the time nothin happened. At last I found a job for the Top sargent
when the war is over.
The cars are marked 1st, 2nd an 3rd class. The difference is that the
wheels on the 1st class has only got one flat side. The 2nd class has
got two, an the 3rd class wheels are square. We ride in the 3rd class.
Luckily the cars has only got four wheels. There so short you couldnt
get any more under them if you wanted to.
There freight cars are all Ford models to. On the doors they got
painted "Hommes 40 Chevaux 8." Thats French for 40 men an 8 horses.
That struck me as funny till I figgered out that they probably pack
five men between each horse sos they wont rattle round so much.
Of course nobody could ever collect tickets on a train like this. So
they got a saloon in every stashun insted of a ticket office. They
make the road pay on those. The first time we stopped Angus got off an
bought a bottle of Vinrooge wine. Thats a drink the French use. They
must wash in it to cause I havnt seen any water since I been here.
Marv Motel, one of the new fellos in the battery, said if you could
get two or three quarts of that under your belt it would act like a
couple of bottles of beer an help you to sleep. So at the next stashun
Angus got enuff for three quarts apiece.
The Vinrooge wine acted the way Marv said it would only he must have
meant two cases of beer insted of two bottles. It put everybody to
sleep like an anisthetic but Angus. He kept awake to finish what was
left. The last I saw of him he was singin Skotch songs out the windo
at the Engineer. One nice thing about these trains is the Top cant get
at you between stashuns.
You ought to have seen that bunch the next mornin. It would have been
an awful encouragin site for the Kiser. Everybody had a beard on both
sides of his face, inside an out an they wasnt talkin any more than
was necessary to call somebody something.
[Illustration: "EVERYBODY HAD A BEARD ON BOTH SIDES OF HIS FACE"]
About noon they got us out at some stashun sos the Captin could give
us the devil for not keepin neat an clean. Nobody minded much cause he
didnt look as tho hed spent the night in no dry cleaners himself.
Well, Mable, we just sat there for three days an three nights. I began
to think we must be goin home by the overland root. The only reason we
didnt murder nobody was because we didnt have room. Every once in a
while wed stop at a stashun an some red cross nurses would bring
around coffee. Only they wasnt red an they wasnt cross. Most of us was
so glad to see a woman that we could say something to besides "Ah We"
that we didnt menshun the coffee. Its funny what youll take from a
woman when it would be death for a mess sargent.
The Captin said wed have to stay in this town a week or two on account
of the school were goin to bein full. The Bilitin oficer came down
ahead as usual. This time he only had two days. After seein what he
could do in a month we didnt expect much. We got it. Ten of us are
roomin in a hay barn. The only good thing about it is that when your
in bed the Top sargent cant tell wether your there or not without
takin out all the hay.
As soon as we got here I noticed something awful strong an it wasnt no
geranium bed ether. Were getting used to it now. You can tell how rich
a Frenchman is by the size of his manure pile. There so proud of them
they set them right outside there windos sos they can sit an watch
them an never forget them. The bigger the pile the bigger man you are
in your home town. All I can say is Im glad the people we live with is
poor. Id hate to be bileted with the Mayor.
I got to quit now. The sensor cuts out most of this anyway. They say
he tears off half of every letter to lighten the mails.
au reservoir as the French say
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
Id have rote you sooner only the sensor wont let me tell where I am an
I couldnt think of nothin else to say. This is the third letter Ive
rote since we landed. Im a little worried about the other two cause
the Captin said we couldnt menshun the names of no places. So I just
addressed them to Mable Gimp, nothin else.
In case you dont receive letters like that I wish youd let me know.
Then I wont be expectin any answer. Ritin letters from here is like
talkin to a fello over the fone that aint there.
Im having a little trouble with the languige. Its tricky. A lot of
these French words is the same as ours only they dont mean the same
thing. Like "Pan" an "We" an "Mercy" an "Toot sweet." As soon as I
find what the words stand for Ill be all right.
Some of the fellos dont seem to get onto the idear of this thing at
all. They think if they talk like they had an egg in there mouth an
put in lots of zs its French. Take Joe Loomis for instance. He talks
like a German thats lived with the French Canadians for a while. Hell
go into a lunch room an say "Geeve me ze beef stak rar, mit ze
on-yon." Then he gets sore when they put the wine list in front of
him.
It aint the wine list that makes him sore of course. He cant get over
the American custom tho of eatin with his meals.
The first three days we was here we didnt have no guns nor horses or
nothin. I thought perhaps the Captin would give us a chance to get
over that rest camp, but he seems to have an idear tho that just so
many of us has got to be killed in the war an the quicker he gets it
over with the better. So every day he walks us about ten killen
meters with the sun hot enuff to boil eggs.
The guns came yesterday. There painted up like a ten cent sunset. They
call them Soizant Cans, whatever kind that is. They look pretty much
in the bean blower class to me. One of those guns we left back in the
States would take care of the four of them. But of course after
polishin those up last winter till I almost wore them out the Captin
had to come off an forget them. I guess now were stuck with these.
No horses came with the guns. I suppose we got to pull them around
ourselves for the rest of the war. I can just here the Captin tellin
Gen. Perishing, "No, no, General. My men havnt got a thing to do.
Outside of a couple of single mounts for the oficers I wont need a
horse."
I wish your mother could see the wimmin wash close over here. She
might get more enjoyment out of that lawndress of hers. There is a lot
of summer houses down beside a creek behind the town. Every day they
go down there an stand in a barrel right in the creek. First they take
the close an drag them around the creek for a while. Then they lay
them on a wooden block an beat the buttons off them with a big board.
A button in a steam lawndry leads a life of quiet ease compared with
these.
[Illustration: "BEAT THE BUTTONS OFF THEM WITH A BIG BOARD"]
After they get them hammered out flat they hang them on a barb wire
fence. In the evening they take home anything the cows has left in
an old wheelbarro. I guess by that time there dirty enuff to wash agen
cause there always washin and you dont see no results.
We spend all our time now drillin with those little guns. Of course
there different from those we had in the States so everything we
learned over there has to be forgot. As far as I can make out we might
as well have learned basket weavin for all the good it did us.
Well, Mable, have as good a time as you can at home. I know how
tiresome those broken-winded fellos must be. Id go around with them
tho once in a while in case they should ask you. Democratic. Thats me
all over, Mable. Its the only thing your father an me has got in
common. Besides it will make it seem all the better when I get home.
Yours in spite of these things
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
I guess your last letter must have been sensored to death cause I
never got it. I been over here three weeks now an the only letter I
got was a bill for some flowers I sent you a year ago. That fello
would make more money as a detective then a flowerist. I bet hed have
found Charlie Ross if Charlied owed him any money. I expect to be
sittin propped up agenst the wall some day in the Old Soldiers Home
an about six postmen will come staggerin in the gate with my mail.
Keep on ritin tho. I can always turn it over to some historical
society.
Saturday an Sunday was the end of the week so the Captin let a few of
us go in to a big town near here to take a bath. Hes always tryin to
stick a little extra duty like that into a mans private time.
Me an Angus an Marv Motel went down together in a truck. I dont
suppose you ever road in a truck with only two other fellos in it. I
bet it goes farther up an down then straight ahead. Angus was all for
seein the town as soon as we got there, that bein about the only thing
that didnt involve spendin money. We compromized by seem the
restawrants first.
Its interesting to lissen to the French eat, they enjoy things so.
Everyone tucks there napkins under there chins like your father used
to before he had a hired girl insted of your mother.
[Illustration: "EVERYONE TUCKS THERE NAPKINS UNDER THERE CHINS"]
The French is awful optimistic eaters. By takin everything separate
they can work themselves into believin theyve had a course dinner. If
they had such a thing as oatmeal an cream I bet theyd make you eat the
oatmeal first an drink the cream afterwards.
Every time you look away you get a clean plate. All you need to start
a restawrant in France is a thousand plates an a dozen eggs. The rest
of the food doesnt matter much. About everything you ask for is
"Defended." That seems to be the same as "Just out" in American. In
most places its just a question of how long you can think of things to
ask for before you end up with an omlet. The only place you can get
real French cookin Mable is in the States.
Theres a bunch of French soldiers in town. Most of them have beards an
little bags hangin all over them. I wish theyd let us wear beards. You
wouldnt have to go round with your collar buttoned all the time then.
When I first got into town I thought it must be a holiday or something
cause the saloons was overflowin right out on the sidewalks. Everybody
was sittin round at little tables drinkin beer. I went in one tho an
there wasnt a soul inside but flies. It certinly is mixin. In one
place a fello wont take a drink unless he can go behind a screen. Over
here he wont have it anywhere but in the middle of the street. I can
see your father sittin out on Main street in a wicker chair with a
stein of beer in his hands.
Well Mable at the rate Im not receivin mail I wont be able to tell
wether its last winter or next winter that your talkin about when I
finally get your letters. Im going to keep on ritin tho just to annoy
the sensor.
Yours in haste
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
In a training camp once more beginin all over agen. If we had a school
system like this in civil life a fello would never live to finish high
school.
Were not livin in stables any more. They got us now in long stone
buildins with wood cots in them. I suppose somebody back at
headquarters heard of soft pine an thought it would be a good thing
for makin beds. I feel as full of bones as an old herrin.
We didnt have to pull the guns over after all. They tied them on
behind trucks. I was makin up a nice bed for myself in the back of a
truck when the Captin stuck his head in. He certinly believes in
exercisin his neck. As soon as he saw I was comfortable he says
"Smith, you ride on the end caisson an watch the brake." There was no
use tellin him Id seen the darn thing every day for two weeks. He
thinks he knows everything.
Of course youve never ridden on a caisson tied behind a truck. You
never went hitchin with a bob sled behind an express train in the
middle of summer nether. It was just luck that the old thing happened
to be under me every time I came down. Some times it would go crazy an
run from one side of the road to the other like it was lookin for a
chance to pass the truck. I dont know what would have happened if the
rope hadnt busted. That caisson must have thought it was a tank. It
turned right off the road, ran over a little ditch an tried to clime
a tree. It didnt have the build tho an quit.
The next thing I remember the Captin was sayin "Smith, what are you
tryin to do with that caisson, smash it?" Just as if Id swiped the
darn thing to go for a joy ride.
Well, Mable, your letter came at last. From the looks of it they must
have dragged the mail bag all the way. That certinly was interestin
about that poor young fello Archie Wainwright. It must be awful to
have a murmur in your heart when you want to go to war so bad.
Tell him not to worry about missin the war cause when I get back Ill
show him so much about it hell feel like a veteran in half an hour an
his family will be hangin out a service flag.
We just got ishued two new Lootenants inside of a week. Its gettin
harder an harder to rite anything interestin that youll understand.
For instance the first Lootenant was a 2nd and the second Lootenant
was a 1st. That shows you how tecknickle it all is but of course its
over your head like a shower-bath.
One of the Lootenants came over as a casulty oficer. He just came now
from Sam Moores College of Artilery over here in France. They turn
them out of there like Fords. If he knows as much as he admits he does
I dont see why they bother to put a high priced fello like Fosh in
command for.
Were bein learned mostly by French oficers. There awful polite. I
wish the Captin could hear them. Joe says he was made a gentleman by
an act of Congress when they made him an oficer. Congress certinly has
a lot of power in war time.
In the army your not supposed to be able to use anything till you know
how its made. You dont know how to put on a gas mask till you know
whats in the tin box an who was the first fello to use it. You cant
talk over a fone till your able to sit down an make one out of an old
cigar box an a piece of balin wire.
I never knew so little about so much in my life. You sit here all day
an lissen to a fello tell you how if you multiply something by enuff
other things you can hit a Fritz in the stummick three miles away.
Everythings tricky about this gun. Insted of shootin where you want to
hit like a man you look at a thermometer an a barometer, add em
together an look up the result in a little pink almanak. That tells
you where to shoot. I dont like this mystick stuff. Frank and
straitforward. Thats me all over, Mable.
They just ishued us overseers caps an rapped leggins. Theres one good
thing about these overseers caps. You cant put them out of shape like
the felt hats cause they never had any shape to begin with. I cant say
much in favor of the rapped leggins tho for a fello that never had any
experience with first aid or nothin.
[Illustration: "THEY JUST ISHUED US OVERSEERS CAPS AN RAPPED LEGGINS"]
I cant see any sense tho in ishuin close like a pictur puzzle. They
might just as well ishue your coat an pants in seckshuns an let you
hook em together every mornin.
I got to quit now. I was left behind to clean out the barracks an I
hear the battery comin in from drill so I got to hussle. Tell Archie
to cheer up about the war. When I come home hell be wearin so many
wound stripes hell be lookin like a zebra.
Yours till Archie gets a service stripe
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
Theyve made me a door tender to a Soizant Cans. All Ive got to do is
to open the door an another fello puts in the shell. Then I close the
door an start the shell on its way with a piece of string. Its a
pretty important job cause if I dont latch the door the whole works
will probably come out the back entrance.
Our horses came today. They must have thought this was a mobile
vetrinary hospittle insted of a battery. Whoever grooms those things
will have to lean them up agenst something. I read somewhere how the
average life of a horse in this war is only 60 days. Accordin to that
this bunch has seen about seven weeks service already.
[Illustration: "WILL HAVE TO LEAN THEM UP AGENST SOMETHING"]
Every mornin we go out to the range an shoot away liberty bonds. The
good part about shootin into a desert like that is that theres nothin
out there to hit so you can call it a bullseye no matter where you
land. The oficers just walk around shakin hands an tellin each other
what good shots they are. They sit up behind the guns in a place that
looks like the press box of a baseball game. It has a nice roof an
everything. When it rains they just pull their toes in sos the water
wont drip offen the roof on them. Then they say "This is war. We cant
stop for a little wet." Every time a fello fires they call it a
problem. About the biggest problem is to figger what their firin at.
In the afternoon we go to school. Yesterday a fello gave us a talk on
the "Art of Handlin Men." Marv Motel says he knew him in New York. He
used to be a rubber in a Turks bath on 42nd street.
Theyve ishued green badges to the fellos that was down on the border.
It looks like St. Patricks day around here. Angus MacKenzie that wasnt
there calls them horse exercise medals. The day I put mine on the
French fello thats learnin us about telefones came up an shook hands
with me. All the Frogs think somebody has sighted us for bravery. Its
a good thing nobody knows enuff French to tell them about it.
The French have a medal they call the Crawdy Gare. If you do something
pretty good like sittin on a hand granade sos it wont go off an bother
the Captin or fieldin a shell right over the kitchin they hang one of
these on you. Then if you do somethin awful good like drivin a General
fast past a place thats been shelled they let you wear a silver rubber
plant on the ribbon.
Were almost ready to go up to the front now. I guess they want to get
us there before the horses 60 days is up to save funeral expenses.
Just at the last minit they ishued us a lot of replacement troops as
if we didnt have enuff to carry. The governmint dont need to waste no
tin derbies on that bunch. They certinly looked as if theyd been doin
some hard fast travelin when they struck here. All they had was what
was on them an that was mostly cooties.
I aint allowed to tell you wether were goin to the front from here or
not. I dont see why its such a secret tho cause were so far in the
rear here that its about the only way we could go. If you dont here
from me for a long time I dont want you to worry cause I may not be
killed but just badly wounded or taken prisoner or something. Or there
might be just a chance that it was because I was to busy to rite. This
door tender job is pretty important. When they get to fightin I guess
Ill have to be around most of the time.
Yours till I leave the door unlatched
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
Were on our way to the front. I bet the Kiser an that funny lookin kid
of his is gettin there pulmoters out. We traveled three days an two
nights on the train an now we been hikin two nights more. I havnt
heard a gun yet. I dont think the Captin knows where the front is.
Theres a roomer around that we got off at the wrong stashun. I suppose
now we got to walk half way across France just because that fello dont
know how to read a time table.
They landed us in a field outside of a town. Youd have thought we got
off right in front of the Fritz trenches the way the oficers acted.
The new Lootenant bawled everybody out for not wearin there gas masks
at the alert. That means tyin it under your chin like a bib.
[Illustration: "TYIN IT UNDER YOUR CHIN LIKE A BIB"]
We didnt lose much time unloadin. Nobody knew then but what the
Fritzes might want to park a few Berthas right where we were. Then we
just sat around in the rain and waited. After about an hour the Captin
came splashin down the road an says "Harness an hitch. Come on. Hurry
up." He always gives an order as tho hed given it an hour before an
nobodied paid any attenshun to him. It didnt sound reasonable to me
cause it was gettin dark then an it would be time to turn in before we
could get any place. Bein a cannon ear tho an not havin anything to do
with the horses I didnt say anything. Willin. Thats me all over,
Mable.
After wed got hitched up we stood around for an hour more blottin up
rain. The Captin just leaned agenst his horse smokin a cigar as tho
that was the best place in the world to spend the evenin. Hes got one
of these Drench coats so it doesnt make any difference to him if
everybody else dissolved. Just as it was gettin dark a fello came up
on a motor cycle an gave him some mail. Then we started. It made the
fellos awful sore cause they say thats all he was waitin for. I
thought of course the Bilitin oficer had found some place that was
worse down the road an was takin us there for the nite. But we just
marched an marched till everybody could see that the Captin didnt know
where he was goin.
We couldnt light a light or scratch matches or nothin. The Captin said
a lot of Dutch airyplanes was out to get us an as soon as we struck a
light theyd drop bums on us. Then he passed the word back that nobody
was to talk above a whisper. The old guns rattle so you couldnt hear
anybody unless he yelled anyway. The Captin means all right but he
read to much cheap literachoor when he was a kid.
Every few minits a string of trucks would go tearin by in the other
direcshun. None of them had any lights. Its lucky they didnt cause if
they could have ever seen how near they came to not missin us they
could never have got there hair to lie down agen. When we were in camp
back in the States you dasnt go over ten miles an hour for fear
somebody would fall down in front of you and get run over. When you
get over here tho the idear seems to be to make the war as dangerous
as you can.
After a while I undid a couple of blanket rolls that didnt seem to
belong to anyone an I was just gettin as comfortable as a fello can on
top of a caisson in the pourin rain. I was dozin off when I heard
someone say "Whos that ridin on that carriage?" There was only one
person could ask a question like that. Right away I started to make
myself uncomfortable cause I knew thats probably what the trouble was.
Then he rode up an says "Is that you Smith? Didnt you hear me order
nobody to ride on any of the carriages?" Theres no use arguin with the
Captin. Its just a case of "All right. Have it my way."
They go to all the trouble of bildin a seat on these wagons. They
spend a year teachin you to sit on it in the most uncomfortable way.
Then when the first possible reason for usin them comes along they
make everybody get off an walk. I spent the rest of the nite kickin
mud puddles off the road.
About dawn we pulled off the road into an orchard an put some branches
over the guns to cover up the camooflage paint. I thought after bein
up all nite on account of his foolishness the Captin would at least
take pity on the horses an let them alone. That would have given us
some chance to sleep. Nothin would do tho but that we spend about half
the day smoothin them out. He says it makes them feel good. Of course
the way we feel hasnt got nothin to do with it.
After wed scoured the horses till they must have been sorer than we
were they gave us some monkey meat an let us turn in. Back to the hay
barns agen. That Bilitin oficer ought to make good on some board of
health when we get home. He can pick out all the worst places in a
town ten minites after he gets there.
Sleepin in the daytime is a kind of a joke anyway in the army. Every
time you get to sleep the horses has to be fed. And when your not
feedin them you got to get up an feed yourself. In the army a fellos
hungry when they tell him to eat an no other time.
After theyd blown a horn at me about eight different times I figgered
I might as well stay up an rite you a letter. Now that were gettin up
near the front Im goin to rite just as much as I can. Thats partly sos
you wont worry an partly so that if I get knocked off you will have
something to amuse you in case you go into a convent.
I had to leave all those sweters an caps an everything that you nitted
me last winter. You dont need to feel bad about that tho cause they
wouldnt let us wear them anyway. If everybody wore all the stuff
thats been nitted for them since the war started this would look more
like an ice carnival than an army. Its sentiment that counts, tho, not
wool.
In the meantime still
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
After travelin for three nites we dont seem to be any nearer the front
than we ever was. Ether the Fritzes are retreatin in trucks or were
goin the wrong way. The only reason were not marchin tonite is because
when we got into this town the Captin found a chatto for his P.C. P.C.
is military, Mable. It means a place for the Captin. Mike Whozis, the
Captins orderly, says hes got one of those limosine beds with a roof
an sides on it. Its so big it dont make any difference how you lie on
it. If all he says about it is true we may stick around for the rest
of the war.
[Illustration: "MIKE WHOZIS, THE CAPTINS ORDERLY"]
Well, never mind. Sailor Gare as the French say. Thats some old pirate
they blame everything on over here.
A bunch of prisoners came in last nite. They must have surrounded half
the German army cause it looked like a decorashun day parade when the
M.P. brought them in. If they make another hawl like that well have
about as much to fire at up at the front as we did back on the range.
Id never seen any Fritzes so Angus an I went down to the pen this
afternoon to see if they were breakin the child labor law or had any
wimmin with machine guns tied to them like you read about.
The pen is just a bunch of barracks not much better than the place
where we sleep. They got a lot of barb wire an an M.P. around it. The
Fritzes didnt look very wild to me. More like a bunch of stashun
porters out of a job. We tried to argu the M.P. into lettin a few of
them go at a time sos we could catch them agen but he took the war
awful serious.
I got in wrong with the Captin agen today. This army is something like
gamblin. Whichever way you decide your bound to lose sooner or later.
Youd think that the only reason a fello would give you food was
because he expected you to eat it. Thats because you dont know the
army. The other day they ishued each fello what they called Irun
Rashuns. That means a can of petrified crackers an a can of gold fish.
Its not a bad name for the crackers. Your supposed to tote around your
Irun Rashuns with you wherever you go. The only thing is that you
mustnt eat them.
When they handed them out the Captin said we wasnt ever to eat them
unless we absolutely had to. As if anybody in his right mind would. Im
all for obeyin orders tho when it dont conflict with my duty. Joe
Balderose ate his half an hour after breakfast and then wanted me to
split with him on mine. I says "No. Not till I absolutely have to. An
then Ill be so far gone that you wont have a look in." I waited till
hap past ten tho I was gettin awful weak the last half hour. Youd
ought to have heard the Captin when he saw me. Youd have thought I was
eatin some of his old harness.
As far as I can see, Mable, its just another of his ways of passin the
buck. If General Perishing should happen to find one of us starved to
death some mornin he wants to be able to show him we had plenty of
food on us when we slipped away. Hes smart all right, that fello.
You cant tell what may happen before I have a chance to rite agen but
we wont cross any bridges before we leap as the poets say.
Yours to the last crum
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
Were on the front at last in what they call a quiet sector. Most of
the soldiers round this place is French. I understand there pretty
sore at the Americans cause some of them came up here and began
shootin up the Germans. Of course you cant have a decent war if
nobodies goin to pay any atenshun to the rules.
The worst part of the war is gettin to it. I been rained on so much
the last week I feel like an old sponge. Every nite weve been marchin
along thru the pitch dark with trucks an guns an everything else that
rattles poundin along on each side.
Nobody could strike a light durin the whole trip. Then when we get to
this place the Frenchmen that we were goin to relieve came out in the
road with lanterns to see who we were. Its a wonder the Captin didnt
make us crawl up on our hands an knees.
We finally got the guns in posishun. How we found the place in the
dark is more than I can tell. Were in the middle of a ruined village.
It looks like those picturs of old Greek office buildins that hangs in
the high school hall. Its funny, Mable, but the first real rest Ive
had since I got in the army is since Ive got to the front. The only
livin thing we see is rats an airyplanes. The archies shoot all day at
the planes but it dont seem to bother them much. They just sail along
like a limosine with a lot of little dogs tryin to bite off the tires.
I guess if they ever hit one the shock would kill the gun crew as
quick as it would the pilot.
Our guns is pointed at a hill right in front of us. Every mornin we
fire a few shots at this an then spend the rest of the day cleanin the
guns. If they used these guns as much as they clean them the war would
have been over long ago. Toward evenin the Fritzes return the
complement. Everybody comes out to see where they land but they must
fire them up in the air cause nobodies ever been able to find out yet.
When your not cleanin the gun or on gard you have to stay down in your
dugout sos the airyplanes wont see you. Theyve got to be awful quick
if they want to get a sight of me. Ive got the deepest dugout except
for the Captin. When the Top sargent wants a detail you can bet hes
not goin to clime down fifty steps after one Buck private.
Ive found the first real use for my tin derby. The fello that invented
these dugouts couldnt seem to decide wether to put in stairs or a
ladder so he split the difference. Right across the top of the
entrance he put a nice sharp beam. Its fixed so that it gets you in
the chin goin down an on the top of the head comin up. Hed have split
more than the difference long ago if it hadnt been for that tin derby
of mine.
[Illustration: "IVE FOUND THE FIRST REAL USE FOR MY TIN DERBY"]
Marv Motel, whats gunner on my piece, is busy all day fixin things up.
He says if were goin to be here the rest of our lives we mights well
have things homelike. He dug up an old rug an a lace curtin somewhere
that the Germans had missed. The rug hes got in the gun pit an the
curtin over the trail of the gun to set the barrage shell on. They
keep a shell ready all the time in case somebody starts a battle
without the usual weeks notice. Marvs got it shined up like a young
doctors door plate. Every nite he raps it up an put an old one in
its place. Angus says when he gets time hes goin to carve the names of
the gun crew on the side sos we can take it back an give it to some
museum.
Well, Mable, you might as well take down your service flag. I guess
the only action Ill ever see is when I get home an meet Archie
Wainwright.
Yours till theres something doin
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
Well, you can take your service flag out of moth balls agen. An if the
Fritzes try any more monkey bisiness like they did this mornin you can
buy a can of radiator paint for the star.
Angus an I was standin outside the dugout finishin our mornin goldfish
an plannin a few correkshuns for the army when a boiler exploshun
happened right behind us. After things had quieted down a bit I looked
out from behind a piece of old stone wall where I seemed to be lyin,
to see if there was anything left for identificashun. I saw a foot
layin outside the dugout. I knew it belonged to Angus cause hes the
only man in the army with one like it. I was just goin to pick it up
thinkin his family might like it to remember him by when another foot
came out. Then the whole of him. Hed crawled under an old pawlin that
had been spread out to dry. This war certinly has proved that fish
aint a brain food. Outside of bein a little mussed up from a mud
pubdle hed found under the pawlin he seemed all right. When I ast him
if he was lookin for anything, tho, he got all worked up. The Skotch
is awful emoshunal.
While we was standin there wonderin wether somebodied been smokin in
bed in the amunishun dug out another boiler blew up right in front of
us. At least I think it was in front as near as I could tell from the
bottom of the dug out stairs. Angus saved my life that time cause we
both happened to go down the stairs together an I went down on top of
Angus.
[Illustration: "ANOTHER BOILER BLEW UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF US"]
Marv Motel was asleep down in the dug out. He got awful sore an wanted
to know how a fello was ever goin to get any rest with a bunch of this
an that fools rough housin around all day. Then came two more black
hand awtrocities. Angus swears the second one rocked the dug out so
his mess kit slid right offen the table. Things quieted down after
that so we went out finally to see if we could pick up any soovenirs
out of the wreck.
Well, Mable, Id have bet anybodies money before I went out that none
of those shots had lit more than ten feet away. It took us half an
hour tho before we could locate all the holes. When we did they was
all about a hundred yards away. The funny part about it was that there
was one in front and back an one on each side of the battery.
The Captin came out of his dug-out while we was lookin at them. I
guess hed been down there doin some deep thinkin. He looked them over
like he was Shylock Homes or somebody. Then he said that was an old
Fritz trick to put a shot on all four sides of a battery. Some day
when he had lots of amunishun hed split the diference. All I can say
is that when he starts splittin Im goin to set a new rekord down these
dug out stairs wether Angus is there to ride on or not.
Nothins happened since so weve all been hopin that those was just four
old shots that the Germans wanted to get rid of. A truck came in last
nite with a lot of bread an a quarter of a cow done up in burlap like
summer furniture so everybodies forgot the war in favor of a roast
beef dinner.
It certinly is goin to make me laugh, Mable, if I should ever get home
an see those sines about bread all done up in tishue paper what aint
never touched human hands since the fello that rapped it up. Over here
they handle bread like coal only a little rougher not havin any shoots
an things.
Our bread comes in round loaves like the French. Its handier to carry
an dont bust so easy when it hits things. Ive seen the doboys bore a
hole in the middle and sling a loaf over there shoulder with a piece
of string like a pair of feel glasse. I suppose theyll be gettin out
an order pretty soon about which side your to wear your bread on.
After all Ive eat tho I aint dead yet. Of course thats no permanent
health certifikate.
I started this letter early this mornin. Now its almost nite agen. A
fello never can get any work done without gettin interupted in the
army. I got to quit now cause I was supposed to relieve Marv Motel on
gard half an hour ago sos he could get his supper. I guess he wont
mind when he finds out weve gone back to gold fish agen.
yours till they split the diference
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
We fooled the Fritzes by pullin out of that last place before theyd
had a chance to split the diference. We came back to this little town
for what they call a rest. That word "rest" dont mean the same thing
as the one we use. For instance when an oficer comes into the room
everybodys supposed to jump up like theyd been sittin on a tack. Then
he says "Rest." Youd naturally think he meant lie down an take it easy
for an hour or so. All he means is that you dont have to stand like a
windo dummie.
An then agen when your standin in line an somebody says "Parade rest."
Insted of lyin down in the grass somewhere an takin a smoke you grab
hold of your thums an stick one foot in front of the other like those
old fotografs of your grandfather in the album.
The worst kind of rest tho is when you get back in a place like this.
That means eight hours a day scrubbin guns an drillin an smoothin out
horses. If that doesnt seem to set you on your feet you stand gard all
nite.
The Bilitin oficer likes this place. Hes got my gun squad in a barn
with half the roof shot off an the other half awful undecided. It isnt
the part thats gone we mind so much as the part thats left. Id hate to
come all this way just to interfere with a brick. Everybody wears
there tin derby to bed at nite.
Payday came along this mornin. In the afternoon a couple of doboys
came along that had just been paid to. Me an Angus took them on for a
friendly game right off the Main street. It was rainin an the wind was
blowin cats an dogs but we had most of the doboys money an they didnt
seem to want to go till we had it all so nobody minded the wether
much. Angus had just passed six times an about all the money we had
was bet when there was a swish like a punctured tire an everything
seemed to blow up all around.
There is times in this world when you dont stop to figger what nobody
owes you. When I looked up agen I could see where it had lit in an old
wreck across the street. The next thing I noticed was that the doboys
an all the money was gone. We never did find out wether they was blown
up or skipped.
Were goin to move out of here now in a day or two. The Captin says
were goin to a more active sector.
Yours till you read it in the papers
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
Were in a new posishun. That sounds like those vawdevel fellos that
paint themselves gold an stand on one leg or a hired girl. It aint
nothin like that tho. In the army a posishun is anywhere your guns
happen to be. Just now ours is in a woods an a couple of feet of mud.
The horses is showin wear to. If theyd done half the work I have theyd
be wearin a tin jacket labeled corn Willie long ago. Most of them is
so thin you could hang your hat on there hips an there ribs would make
a good letter file.
Every horse has got a gas mask tied under his chin. They think there
nose bags an pretty near break there necks tryin to get at them. Ive
showed my horse his mask open an everything. He doesnt seem to catch
on tho. Thats the trouble with these French horses. You cant make them
understand.
The Captin sent me back in the woods on a little undertakin job today.
Lem Wattles horse had succeeded in dyin after bein at it for two
weeks. It was the only thing he ever put any effort in. Just to look
at him you wouldnt see what took him so long. That horse just couldnt
do anything quick tho. It seems Im always buryin horses. There so darn
contrary theyll drag themselves for miles just to die at my feet.
We was sittin on the corps restin a while before we started to work
when we heard one of those high powered wash boilers go off back by
the guns. A minit later another landed. We postponed the funeral an
went back to collect the identificashun tags. One shell had lit right
behind my gun an thrown mud all over it. The other had planted itself
in a field just outside the woods.
Now we got to pull out of here tonite an go somewhere else like a
fello tryin to sleep on a park bench.
A lot of the fellos families is givin there letters to the newspapers.
Sometimes they print there picturs with them. Lem Wattles what never
had his name in the paper before except when he used to get arrested,
showed me a piece about two feet long with his face on top. Of course
none of the things he rote about ever happened. He was back at trainin
camp when he rote them. Lem will fight if you call him a liar tho.
[Illustration: "LEM WATTLES WHAT NEVER HAD HIS NAME IN THE PAPER"]
I dont mean this as a hint to you to give my letters to the papers
cause Im tryin to avoid publicity.
Im goin to turn in now a fighter cant get to much sleep. Besides I
was on gard last nite an my brains seem to be dead today.
as always modist
_Bill_
_Dere Mable:_
I got a new job. Im an artilery runner with the infantry. Dont get the
idear Im on some kind of a track team cause theres one thing a runner
dont do an thats run. Im not sure yet what the jobs all about myself.
I dont seem to be in the artilery any more an Im not in the doboys.
Mugwump. Thats me all over, Mable.
As far as I can make out the artilery send an oficer up to live with
the infantry an keep the doboy majors mind off the war. He plays stud
poker with him an explains that those shells were Fritzes and not ours
that busted all over his prize company the other day. They dont
believe each other cause nether of them thinks the other fello knows
what hes talkin about so they get along pretty good.
The artilery oficer has two runners with him in case he wants a clean
shirt or something from the battery. Me an Joe Mink just lie around
and wait for something to happen. Nothin ever happens tho so we just
lie around an wait.
Were livin right up in the trenches now, Mable. Right down in them
would be more like it. This idear of comin into the war last certinly
has advantages. Every time I look at all these trenches an holes I
feel sorry for the poor fello what had to dig them. Whoever laid em
out didnt seem to have much idear of where he wanted to go. Most of
them wander around awhile an come back to where they started. All of
them are as crooked as a plummers assistant. If anyone asks you where
a place is around here your safe in sayin right around the corner.
[Illustration: "WERE LIVIN RIGHT UP IN THE TRENCHES NOW"]