"You'll still have to tell the Director," the Lab Coat Man. "I'm not
going to!"
"Tell me what?" asked a voice. The men turned as the Manager walked in.
"We have bad news," the Lab Coat Man said.
"Or good news, depending on your point of view," Denny muttered. He
avoided the stern look that the Lab Coat Man gave him momentarily.
"We've lost Sigger," the Lab Coat Man said.
"So? Get him back," the Manager/Director replied. "It's not like you
need a travel voucher."
"No, we lost him," Denny said. "He's lying in Seltsam Way after
falling from... a great height."
The Director paused. "How did he get to a great height in the first
place?"
"He must have ignored the information on the second page," Denny said.
"I sent him out of town to... to cool off. He decided to come back the
easy way, and then --" Denny slapped his hand on the table.
"Oh dear," the Director replied.
"Indeed," the Lab Coat Man added.
"Indeed what?" the Director asked.
"Nothing," the Lab Coat Man muttered, turning away.
"I see you don't know, then," the Director said.
"Know what?" Denny asked.
The Manager swung his hands apart and then together in loud clap.
"They're right outside."
"Who?" asked the Lab Coat Man.
"All of them. Justin, Julia, Tom, Alona, Ritchie, Betty..."
"Outside?"
"Nearing the front doors as we speak."
Denny muttered a curse, stood up, tossed his cigarette to the floor,
and crushed it under his foot.
"Get Kurt," he said to the Lab Coat Man, "Neoldner, anybody.
Extra-Short Notice Emergency Meeting, or whatever the hell Forrester
would call it. Whoever's available. No, I take that back. Whoever's
available and sober."
"That leaves out Rhonda, then," the Lab Coat Man sighed.
"But what could they do?" asked the Director. "We've got almost the
entire town on our side."
"Why do you think we take new recruits by surprise? It comes down to
willpower. A willing or unsuspecting subject is a lot easier to move
than someone who's fighting you. You'd have known that if you'd bother
to read what we sent you!"
"I financed what I could, gave us a place to work, but I left it up to
Forrester to --"
"Never mind," Denny said. "Let's get up there before anything else
happens." He brushed past the Director and the Lab Coat Man, past open
cardboard boxes that contained their extra supplies, including
clipboards, paper, and lab coats still wrapped in plastic.
28. Breaking the Law
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
-- Albert Einstein
"Where's Julia?" Uncle Justin asked. Tom's hand had just reached the
door of the theater, and everyone looked around.
"I thought she was behind me," Betty said.
"Did you see her?" Tom asked Alona, thankful for the excuse to gaze
into her eyes.
"No," she replied, gazing back.
They heard footsteps, and Julia came jogging up to them from around the
theater.
"Where have you been?" asked Uncle Justin, the concern evident in his
voice.
"Thinking," she replied, brushing the hair out of her eyes.
"Couldn't you do that without waiting behind?"
"Like you should talk," Julia mumbled to herself.
The rest of the group began looking around at the other shops on the
street. For some reason, they were all closed. Traffic had dwindled
down to nothing. The street-lights had come on early, revealing a
deserted town.
"We'd better hurry," Ritchie said. "Is the door open?"
"I think so," Tom replied, reaching for the door again.
"Wait," Julia said. "That's what I wanted to say. Something is wrong."
"What?" they asked.
"I don't know."
They stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was being
serious. "Did you see something?" Uncle Justin asked, wondering if
there was some danger that he had missed.
"No, that's just it. There's something wrong here. And it's more than
this conspiracy."
"That may be," Ritchie began, "but right now we have to see what
they're up to and where Kurt is. Try the door, Tom."
"But --" Julia began.
Tom pulled at the door, which swung silently open. The lights were on,
but the lobby was deserted. A large sign rested on an easel announced
the films of the evening. Tom walked up to it and gave it a kick,
toppling the stand and sending the sign into the corner.
"That's theater property," said the Director, somehow stepping out from
behind the concession counter.
"It's the Manager!" Tom said.
"No, not the Manager. I'm the Director. I have been for some time."
"Why doesn't he have a name?" muttered Julia to no one but herself.
"You've been directing this outfit?" Ritchie asked.
"About as well as Ed Wood," Tom scoffed.
The Director reddened.
"Hold on, let's remember why we're here," Justin began.
"Where's Kurt?!" Ritchie shouted.
"I'm right here," Kurt said, stepping out of the doors that led to the
bigger screen.
"Kurt!" Alona said.
"Alona!" Kurt said, almost simultaneously.
"Butthead!" Julia said.
"Don't call me that!" Kurt said, and gave Julia a stare that meant only
one thing.
"Move!" Uncle Justin yelled, pushing Julia out of the way. She
stumbled and fell against the ticket counter. The artificial plant
that had been just behind her disappeared.
"Hold it!" the Director shouted. "Let's not get violent."
"Why not?" asked Denny, stepping out of the emergency exit. "Did you
think we'd get what we want by being nice?"
"We want a better world, Denny! I'm sure these people can be made to
understand what we're trying to do."
"And what exactly is that?" Ritchie asked.
"We're going to move the town to a better place," the Director replied.
"Northern Wisconsin?" Alona asked.
"Minnesota?" Betty asked.
"Somewhere where they run bad movies 24/7?" Tom asked with a smirk.
"Somewhere that's not here!" replied Shenika, as she stepped out
magically from behind the ticket counter. "Do you want to be stuck in
this backwater state forever?!"
Julia stood up and tried to work out the kink in her back. "You hate
Wisconsin, is that it? What kind of an excuse is that to start a
conspiracy?"
"Most people know that everyone in Wisconsin hates Wis-" Kurt began.
"I like this state!" Ritchie said, Betty nodding in the affirmative by
his side.
"It's not about this state!" Denny yelled. "Why stay in a world
where..." He couldn't finish, but the nightmare he'd had since he was
six flashed before his eyes anyway. A bang. Everyone jumps and covers
their ears. She's sprawled on the floor. Blood running from her body.
A man with a gun by the door. Another shot outside, and he falls.
"Where what?" Julia asked when Denny didn't continue. "Where on Earth
were you planning to go?" Julia asked.
"That's just it!" the Director exclaimed. "Not on Earth! Somewhere
else!"
There was a pause, and then Tom said: "You've been watching too many of
your own movies. You're full of crap."
"We can do it whenever we want to, numb-nuts!" Kurt shot back.
"Then why haven't you?" Betty asked.
"Because we can't do it whenever we want to," Denny admitted, giving
Kurt a dark look. "It takes planning, preparation... recruitment,
teamwork. And it's going to be a lot more difficult if you stand in
our way. So..."
"You want us to agree with you?" Ritchie asked. "To send this whole
town to Fairy-Land just because you don't like it here? Why not just
move?!"
"It's not the state that's the problem," said the Lab Coat Man,
stepping out from the doors leading to the smaller theater. "That
point has been exaggerated by one or two of my colleagues. It's this
world that's the problem. Who would ever choose to live in a world
like this? No one, in truth, and we've found a way out and want to
take the town with us. You ought to be thanking us for our generosity,
really."
"No wonder you recruited Sigger," Alona said. "You are such an ass...
although I respect your right to religious difference."
"I'll have you know -- !" began the Lab Coat Man, his hand moving to
cover his forehead.
"Never mind all that," Justin interrupted, "it won't work."
All turned to him. The Director and Denny took a step forward.
"Like hell it won't," Denny said. "You should know that."
"Whoever wrote these formulas had a lot of insight... Had to. They
solved the big mystery in physics: how gravity relates to the other
fundamental cosmic forces."
The Director grinned. "Well, I'm not at liberty to say where they came
from, but thank-you!"
"Like you had anything to do with it," Denny grumbled.
Kurt giggled until the Director gave him a scowl.
"Oh, I'm not saying it doesn't work. It does. But there's a flaw
here."
"If this turns into a science class," said Zeke, who had appeared just
inside the main doors, "I'm leaving."
"Don't be rude, Ezekiel," said the old lady, who appeared in a corner
along with her rocking chair. "Go on, Mr. Nelson."
Justin scratched his head and went on. "You seem to be violating the
Law of Conservation of Energy."
"I told you he was a nutcase!" said the police officer, who had
appeared at the Director's side.
"Seem to be violating...?" Denny said. "Either we are or we aren't."
"Which law is that again?" Tom asked.
"The Law of Conservation of Energy," Alona repeated.
"You're so smart," Tom replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"How does it work?" the Lab Coat Man asked. "And don't pretend I'm the
only one who doesn't know how it works!" he added, rubbing the spot on
his forehead in agitation.
"It's a law in the strictest sense. There's no way around it," Justin
said.
"This is a science class!" moaned Zeke.
"Oh, have a seat and be quiet!" the Director snapped. "If there is a
flaw in the formula, we have to know about it!"
"Assuming he's not lying," the cop said.
"Physics can't lie!" Justin bellowed. "Now listen! Think of it in
terms of simple math. You all can do simple math, right?"
There were a few faces that fell and began examining the carpet.
"Well, listen anyway!" Justin began, back in his classroom for the
first time in years. "You got a set of Legos. Twenty, fifty, a
hundred, it doesn't matter. You make a car out of them for your
grandchild, then take it apart. You have the same number as you've
started. Those Legos represent energy. They can't be created or
destroyed."
"What if the Legos get lost?" Kurt asked.
"Then the energy went somewhere else, but the block is still around
somewhere. They can be moved around all you want, but the Legos
themselves are indestructible."
"OK, that's fairly simple," said the Director.
"Now here's the problem. We have a kind of energy called potential
energy, and specifically I mean gravitational potential energy. All
potential energy is based on position, right?"
"I know where you're going with this," Shenika said. "Gravity pulls on
us all the time, so the higher we are, the more potential energy we
have, right?"
"Basically. So, with this instant movement of yours, it all seems to
work except for one thing..."
"Boy, you really get into your explanations, don't you?" Denny muttered.
"Just hurry up," Zeke moaned.
"It would take too long to explain in detail, but with these equations,
you shouldn't be able to move up or down."
"What?" Shenika said.
"Huh?" Zeke said.
"Pardon?" the Director said.
"You're magically creating and destroying energy when you blip from one
place to another and change energy states!" Justin said.
"I'm lost," Kurt said.
"No surprise," Tom muttered.
"It's in the math! You're using the same energy going laterally as you
are going up or down! It's like an elevator that doesn't need power to
move! It can't work!"
"But it does!" Denny said.
"That's why I said it appears you're violating Conservation of Energy.
Maybe you are, but it's more likely that you're drawing energy from
somewhere else."
"From where?" the Director asked, suddenly looking pale and slightly
older.
"Oh Lord," Tom said, "it's Ed Wood time, again, isn't it? They're
getting it from another dimension, and there's going to be this
disastrous consequence, and the whole Earth will be get swallowed up,
and yadda yadda yadda..."
Now it was Uncle Justin's turn to study the carpet.
"Well?" Ritchie asked.
"Well it's coming from somewhere...! I don't know where, but the more
energy you use, the greater the problems you'll have when it's time to
pay the bill!"
The conspirators turned to the Director.
"So that means if we try to move the town..." he began.
"There's no way to say," Justin said. "But it probably won't be
pretty."
Just then, a dark wind blew against the building. The glass doors
popped open momentarily and then locked back into place. The widows
high above the lobby rattled ominously. The lights, for a moment,
flickered.
"Woah," Kurt muttered, "how's that for coincidence?"
"Do that again," Tom prompted.
"Do what?" Justin asked.
"That wind thing."
"I didn't do it!"
"Well, just say something like 'the world is doomed' and see what
happens..."
Justin opened his mouth, then thought better of it and closed it again.
"Say what you want," Shenika said, "but that's enough to convince me
that this has been nothing but a big waste of my time." And with that,
she disappeared.
"Where'd she go?!" Zeke asked. "Who did that?"
"She did," Justin said. "I think she's left your conspiracy."
"Now wait a minute --" the Director began.
"Where's the cop?" Tom asked. He had disappeared too. So had the old
lady. And, when they turned around, so had Zeke.
"They're running out on you," Ritchie said, taking a step forward.
"Didn't need them anyway," Denny said, stepping toward Ritchie.
"I thought you said --"
"We need a lot of help to move the town, but not as much to move a
building. Say, a theater..."
"Denny, I don't think this is- --" the Director began.
"Why not?" Kurt said, moving toward him. "Let's just get the hell out
of this town while we can!"
"You're not taking anything!" Ritchie said. "This ends right here,
right now."
"Why?" Julia asked.
All turned to her, equally shocked and stunned.
"What do you mean why?!" Ritchie demanded.
29. Behind the Curtain
"Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream."
-- Mark Twain
"Does that mean you're on our side?" the Director asked with
uncertainty.
Uncle Justin, with a stunned expression, asked: "What are you saying,
Julia?"
"Is that what all this has been leading up to?" she asked. "The
coincidences? The odd connections? Six people running across each
other in order to quash some silly, escapist conspiracy?"
"It's not silly!" the Director objected.
"It is escapist," the Lab Coat Man admitted.
"What brought us here?" Julia asked. "To this lobby, at this time,
facing off over something that seems like a weird dream?"
"Oh cripes," Denny said. "Don't get metaphysical on us."
"Mathematical innovations always seemed unreal at first --" Uncle
Justin began.
"The math doesn't matter. It never did," Julia said flatly. "It was
all part of the same thing."
Justin's jaw opened and closed silently several times as he grasped a
bench to keep himself vertical.
"What the heck is she getting at?" Ritchie asked Betty.
"I think you're over-thinking it, dear," Betty said to Julia.
Tom and Alona exchanged confused looks. Kurt scratched an itch that
had appeared on his hand.
"Why this conspiracy?" Julia demanded of the Director, (who had seemed
to suddenly age five years).
"To take this town to a better place," he said, attempting to remain
calm.
"Why not just go there, then?"
"We, uh, as I said, we wanted to take the town with us."
"What for?! What would you need to take with you if it's already a
'better world'? Wouldn't you make that better world worse just by
taking the town with you?"
The remains of the conspiracy looked at each other.
"I don't know, I just joined up," Kurt said.
"I wasn't privy to those early meetings, remember?" the Lab Coat Man
said. "I joined after Frank left."
"I thought it was your idea," Denny said to the Director.
"I thought it was... group consensus," he replied vaguely.
"So instead of just taking off for your new world, you do the one thing
that would eventually expose your plans to the rest of us?"
The Director looked to his co-conspirators for answers, but they were
looking back at him. He finally turned to Julia and shrugged.
"So where does that leave us?" Julia asked, turning on her companions.
"Do we defeat this conspiracy, save the town, and live happily ever
after? Is that what we're supposed to do?"
"Don't be silly!" Ritchie said. "They have to be stopped!"
"Why?! Because they kidnapped Kurt? Well, he's happy to be with them,
so that can't be the issue. They've harmed you? If they leave for
their New World with this theater, what do we lose? We can rent
videos, you know! Why exactly are you doing this?"
"They're evil!" Tom exclaimed.
"Oh, please! Where did you get that word from? From the films you run
here that you hate so much?"
"Look!" Ritchie bellowed. "You just get out of the way unless you want
to be considered one of them!"
"How did we all come together at just the right moment?" Julia
demanded. "All finding out the right information on the right day,
appearing in the same alleyway at the same time, divided conveniently
into two sides just to fight out... what? Some badly written
melodrama, where we're the cavalry and they're the Three Stooges?"
Denny had had enough. He leaped for Julia. Luckily, she had turned
just enough to see him in her peripheral vision, and she threw herself
to the floor. Denny flew straight over her and into Ritchie. Betty
screamed and began hitting Denny (and every so often her husband),
while Tom tried to try to pull them off each other. Kurt tossed his
clipboard aside and jumped on Tom. A magnificent brawl had begun in
the theater lobby.
"Stop! Stop!" Julia yelled, as she pulled herself up. "This isn't
worth it!" But every time one of them tried to stop fighting, someone
from the other side would clout them over the head, assault their shin
with a shoe, or engage in some other act of miscellaneous violence.
Denny finally managed to crawl away from the mob and stood up. He held
his side and smiled grimly: "Let's face it... Any coincidence between
this conspiracy and a real conspiracy is entirely accidental." At
least, that was what he meant to say, and would have, had not Tom
tackled him just after the word "is". The phrase stuck in Julia's
mind, reduced to essentials and repeating: "Any coincidence is... Any
coincidence is..."
"Is what?" Julia asked, as she crawled to the corner to get away from
the escalating melee. "Knowing that would solve everything."
She stood, watching Uncle Justin, one of the kindest men she had ever
known in her life, shove Kurt into a plastic, potted plant. In a
moment, Tom was on top of his cousin, swinging wildly. Denny took a
swing at Justin and missed, but he didn't see Alona, who came up behind
him and kicked the back of his knee. Denny went down, where Betty was
trying to revive Ritchie. She rubbed his face and his hands as he sat
dazed against the opposite wall. The Director stood against the
concession counter, trying to concentrate in order to send everyone
home, but unable to stay calm long enough to do any good.
Julia looked around for the other one, the nerdy looking guy in the lab
coat, but was distracted by something coming up behind her. Julia
turned to see the Lab Coat Man holding a two-by-four in both hands.
"I don't want to hurt you. Just don't move! You can't stop us now!"
"What do you mean?!"
"Who'd want to live in this world a moment longer than we have to?! I
can't take it here any more! We need to go! Please, let us go!"
"I'm not stopping you!" she yelled, moving slowly along the wall toward
the ticket counter. The Lab Coat Man followed her.
"You'll stop us! I know you will!" Julia could see that he was being
overcome with fear and anxiety. She watched as he began to raise the
beam higher. She involuntarily closed her eyes only to hear the man
scream. When she looked, she saw him stagger back and drop the board,
his face red with claw marks. She looked down in time to see Cecil
jump into her arms.
"Cecil?" she asked.
Cecil licked her nose.
"How did you get here?"
Denny's phrase echoed again in her head. It reminded her of
something... What was it that she had read? "Nobody ever said a day
has to be juggled into any kind of sense at day's end.'" What kind of
crap was that! Would a fight like this be taking place if life was
meaningless? Was it just by pretending that there was no structure to
the world that got you through, detached and senseless to the lower
orders of people beneath you? If that were true (she noted as Denny
brought a framed poster over the top of Ritchie's head), this lobby
would be a lot easier to clean up in the morning.
But what if it was all just coincidence? The last twenty-four hours
being nothing but a protracted example of how some fool can carve the
world into some semblance of order because one thing happens
chronologically after another? No reason for Kurt to have his butt
kicked by Alona, for Denny to land on Tom after tripping over the Lab
Coat Man, for Ritchie to sock the Manager in the jaw, or for a thick
gray mist to begin sweeping across the lobby floor?
Julia blinked and rubbed her eyes. It was still there. The mist was
rolling across the floor at ankle level. She tried to move out of its
way, but it wrapped around her feet, and she could no longer move.
Whatever was really going on, if there really was a pattern hidden
behind the curtain, behind the screen, from somewhere beneath the
lowest pit in the theater, it was slowly creeping across the room.
None of the others noticed it as they kept up their insane combat,
pounding each other as if the future of the world depended on this last
battle. Outside, the city lights were fading in the fog, shimmering
and melting in what seemed less like air and more like the bottom of a
gray sea.
What kind of author would treat their characters this way? Julia
wondered, as she felt her shins being enveloped by whatever it was.
She struggled, but her legs would not move. She tried walking,
running, kicking. All equally useless. That is, until Cecil rubbed
his head against her chin and began to purr.
Her left foot suddenly came loose, and she was able to take a step.
Then her right. This couldn't be happening, she thought. Totally
irrational. This doesn't make sense! But she found herself muttering
these thoughts as her legs carried her slowly toward the doors.
Outside the gray light had grown dark, as if the theater had been cut
off from the rest of the world. Perhaps the conspiracy had done it:
perhaps they had moved the theater to that 'somewhere else'. Or maybe
it was just payback time. Julia didn't know, but she did know that,
for this moment, the answer did not matter.
As the fog swirled and filled the lobby, and as the muffled sounds of
fighting echoed dully in her ears, she found herself at the doors. She
reached out and pushed them, and they swung open without resistance.
Behind her, she heard Uncle Justin call her name from somewhere in the
lobby. She looked back, but the room was completely filled by the
nothing that had blown in. Nothing was behind her, not even the lobby.
Her hand held the door open, as if the rest of them were about to
follow her outside.
Cecil hopped out of her arm and landed at her feet. He walked ahead
into the darkness and looked back. She could hear the others making
their way toward her, but something was wrong. It didn't sound like
them anymore. The footsteps were slow and heavy, and she could no
longer hear any voices. The room had suddenly become so cold that
Julia could see her breath. She began to shiver, and the sounds of the
footsteps were nearing.
So Julia did the only thing she could do: she stepped outside and
allowed the door to close on its own, and she followed Cecil away from
wherever it was she had been.
30. What happens next?
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."
-- Socrates
Oh great, Julia thought, a light at the end of the tunnel. And it was
a tunnel, completely dark, with only the theater doors behind her.
Cecil was ahead of her but getting farther away. Julia tried to keep
up but couldn't keep her footing on what seemed to be a slope toward
the white light in the distance.
Venus?, she thought. God? Swamp gas? The end of a dream? If this
were the end of one of those novels she had been reading, she figured
that there wouldn't be an ending. All a trick by some smart-ass author
who wanted the audience to put all the pieces together, figure it out,
write papers, hold seminars about 'what he really meant', provoke
arguments, inspire entire schools of thought... all of that crap. It
would have to be this.... stuck in-between the two possible answers to
the question... whether this had all happened for a purpose or had all
just happened.
Nuts, she thought. I bet it's one of those. I wouldn't be lucky
enough to have this turn out to be just a regular, old-fashioned,
story. The kind that people actually read. Then it would at least
have an ending. Nothing to figure out. All in-your-face, like
television. A movie would be better, though... at least there'd be a
budget. Hopefully a good soundtrack, too. Who would play her and
Uncle Justin? Would the director cast real actors or some muscle-bound
and double-D bearing gimps who would have a few lines of dialog between
shoot-outs? Would it even matter? Because, Julia noted, the light was
getting larger... and brighter. Cecil was lost from sight.
Great, I'm about to meet God. Or just wake up. Or just keep going
like this forever. Great choices. I suppose if it's all been a
comedy, I just wake up right there next to Auntie Em. If it's a
tragedy, I'm dead, right? That's how they all have to end -- it's in
the union rules. Unless there's a twist right after that ending, where
the good ending turns sour or vice verse... if it's a comedy, who
writes God's lines? Or a dark comedy. Then I'd just keeping walking
forever and ever... and bitching about it every step of the way.
Waiting for God, you know... Good grief, I hope whoever is behind this
has a better sense of humor than that.
Good, the light's still getting bigger. I suppose it's close to the
end now. Hopefully not 'The End' but just the 'end' of whatever kind
of weird day this has been. Too much for me, I can tell you. Like
this tunnel... Oh great, what if it just looks like I'm getting closer
but in fact the tunnel just stretches on forever? It wouldn't be so
bad if this were just a dream... I'd have to wake up eventually.
Thank God for bladders.
Well, I guess I have my three choices... I go on forever, I wake up, or
I die. Unless the author is so far-gone that he won't even stop at
three choices! My God, what would be the fourth? How weird could this
get?! Maybe this is like one of those art projects where the artist
gets stoned and paints with bear snot? Oh, who cares?! Can't this
come to a conclusion one way or another? That would be the worst.
Never knowing one way or the other. That would be a fate worse than
death. Oh... good phrase. I bet it's in the title of whatever this
is. I wonder what it means... I bet anything the author doesn't know.
Oh, my feet! I should have worn sneakers today. It's so bright up
there! Is this it coming up? Is this my answer to everything? That
moment of truth? If it's not, where I am supposed to be looking if not
here? Maybe I'm supposed to just stop worrying about and just take
whatever it is as it is...? You know, just let go of the preconceptions
and see what's in front of me for the first time?
Oh God, I sound like such an idiot I should be on a talk show! There
might as well be a white rabbit up there, for all the good I'm doing.
Or Oz! Oh great, I'll escape from Wisconsin and end up in Kansas.
Think positive: maybe I'll end up wherever those romance novels take
place. Maybe I could do some passionate heaving for a while instead of
all this walking.
Is this tunnel ever going to end? The light is just ahead! Is it
supposed to get harder to reach the closer you are? Is all this
supposed to be metaphysical or just plain impossible? And how did that
cat get through all of this while I'm still here? Is that God's
message to me? The cat gets nirvana while I trudge up this incline
forever? It's so bright -- what if he's waiting for me in there and I
step on him? The cat, I mean, not God. Oh, this is ludicrous! Isn't
this ever going to end?!