Yet, while dressing for dinner, the idea exfoliated as only a living
thing exfoliates. I saw in George Isley this great question mark
that had not been there formerly. All have, of course, some question
mark, and carry it about, though with most it rarely becomes visible
until the end. With him it was plainly visible in his atmosphere at
the hey-day of his life. He wore it like a fine curved scimitar above
his head. So full of life, he yet seemed willingly dead. For, though
imagination sought every possible explanation, I got no further than
the somewhat negative result--that a certain energy, wholly unconnected
with mere physical health, had been withdrawn. It was more than
ambition, I think, for it included intention, desire, self-confidence
as well. It was life itself. He was no longer in the Present. He was no
longer _here_.
‘Some countries give while others take away.... I find Egypt
difficult to deal with. I find it ...’ and then that simple,
uncomplex adjective--‘strong.’ In memory and experience the entire
globe was mapped for him; it remained for Egypt, then, to teach him
this marvellous new thing. But not Egypt of to-day; it was vanished
Egypt that had robbed him of his strength. He had described it
as underground, hidden, waiting.... I was again aware of a faint
shuddering--as though something crept secretly from my inmost heart to
share the experience with him, and as though my sympathy involved a
willing consent that this should be so. With sympathy there must always
be a shedding of the personal self; each time I felt this sympathy, it
seemed that something left me. I thought in circles, arriving at no
definite point where I could rest and say ‘that’s it; I understand.’
The giving attitude of a country was easily comprehensible; but this
idea of robbery, of deprivation baffled me. An obscure alarm took hold
of me--for myself as well as for him.
At dinner, where he invited me to his table, the impression passed off
a good deal, however, and I convicted myself of a woman’s exaggeration;
yet, as we talked of many a day’s adventure together in other lands, it
struck me that we oddly left the present out. We ignored to-day. His
thoughts, as it were, went most easily backwards. And each adventure
led, as by its own natural weight and impetus, towards one thing--the
enormous glory of a vanished age. Ancient Egypt was ‘home’ in this
mysterious game life played with death. The specific gravity of his
being, to say nothing for the moment of my own, had shifted lower,
farther off, backwards and below, or as he put it--underground. The
sinking sensation I experienced was of a literal kind....
And so I found myself wondering what had led him to this particular
hotel. I had come out with an affected organ the specialist promised
me would heal in the marvellous air of Helouan, but it was queer that
my companion also should have chosen it. Its _clientèle_ was mostly
invalid, German and Russian invalid at that. The Management set its
face against the lighter, gayer side of life that hotels in Egypt
usually encourage eagerly. It was a true rest-house, a place of repose
and leisure, a place where one could remain undiscovered and unknown.
No English patronised it. One might easily--the idea came unbidden,
suddenly--hide in it.
‘Then you’re doing nothing just now,’ I asked, ‘in the way of digging?
No big expeditions or excavating at the moment?’
‘I’m recuperating,’ he answered carelessly. ‘I’ve have had two years up
at the Valley of the Kings, and overdid it rather. But I’m by way of
working at a little thing near here across the Nile.’ And he pointed in
the direction of Sakkhâra, where the huge Memphian cemetery stretches
underground from the Dachûr Pyramids to the Gizeh monsters, four miles
lower down. ‘There’s a matter of a hundred years in that alone!’
‘You must have accumulated a mass of interesting material. I suppose
later you’ll make use of it--a book or----’
His expression stopped me--that strange look in the eyes that had
stirred my first uneasiness. It was as if something struggled up a
moment, looked bleakly out upon the present, then sank away again.
‘More,’ he answered listlessly, ‘than I can ever use. It’s much more
likely to use me.’ He said it hurriedly, looking over his shoulder as
though some one might be listening, then smiled significantly, bringing
his eyes back upon my own again. I told him that he was far too modest.
‘If all the excavators thought like that,’ I added, ‘we ignorant ones
should suffer.’ I laughed, but the laughter was only on my lips.
He shook his head indifferently. ‘They do their best; they do wonders,’
he replied, making an indescribable gesture as though he withdrew
willingly from the topic altogether, yet could not quite achieve it. ‘I
know their books; I know the writers too--of various nationalities.’
He paused a moment, and his eyes turned grave. ‘I cannot understand
quite--how they do it,’ he added half below his breath.
‘The labour, you mean? The strain of the climate, and so forth?’ I
said this purposely, for I knew quite well he meant another thing. The
way he looked into my face, however, disturbed me so that I believe I
visibly started. Something very deep in me sat up alertly listening,
almost on guard.
‘I mean,’ he replied, ‘that they must have uncommon powers of
resistance.’
There! He had used the very word that had been hiding in me! ‘It
puzzles me,’ he went on, ‘for, with one exception, they are not unusual
men. In the way of gifts--oh yes. It’s in the way of resistance and
protection that I mean. Self-protection,’ he added with emphasis.
It was the way he said ‘resistance’ and ‘self-protection’ that sent
a touch of cold through me. I learned later that he himself had made
surprising discoveries in these two years, penetrating closer to the
secret life of ancient sacerdotal Egypt than any of his predecessors or
co-labourers--then, inexplicably, had ceased. But this was told to me
afterwards and by others. At the moment I was only conscious of this
odd embarrassment. I did not understand, yet felt that he touched upon
something intimately personal to himself. He paused, expecting me to
speak.
‘Egypt, perhaps, merely pours through them,’ I ventured. ‘They give
out mechanically, hardly realising how much they give. They report
facts devoid of interpretation. Whereas with you it’s the actual
spirit of the past that is discovered and laid bare. You live it. You
feel old Egypt and disclose her. That divining faculty was always
yours--uncannily, I used to think.’
The flash of his sombre eyes betrayed that my aim was singularly good.
It seemed a third had silently joined our little table in the corner.
Something intruded, evoked by the power of what our conversation
skirted but ever left unmentioned. It was huge and shadowy; it was
also watchful. Egypt came gliding, floating up beside us. I saw her
reflected in his face and gaze. The desert slipped in through walls and
ceiling, rising from beneath our feet, settling about us, listening,
peering, waiting. The strange obsession was sudden and complete. The
gigantic scale of her swam in among the very pillars, arches, and
windows of that modern dining-room. I felt against my skin the touch
of chilly air that sunlight never reaches, stealing from beneath the
granite monoliths. Behind it came the stifling breath of the heated
tombs, of the Serapeum, of the chambers and corridors in the pyramids.
There was a rustling as of myriad footsteps far away, and as of sand
the busy winds go shifting through the ages. And in startling contrast
to this impression of prodigious size, Isley himself wore suddenly an
air of strangely dwindling. For a second he shrank visibly before my
very eyes. He was receding. His outline seemed to retreat and lessen,
as though he stood to the waist in what appeared like flowing mist,
only his head and shoulders still above the ground. Far, far away I saw
him.
It was a vivid inner picture that I somehow transferred objectively. It
was a dramatised sensation, of course. His former phrase ‘now that I am
declining’ flashed back upon me with sharp discomfort. Again, perhaps,
his state of mind was reflected into me by some emotional telepathy. I
waited, conscious of an almost sensible oppression that would not lift.
It seemed an age before he spoke, and when he did there was the tremor
of feeling in his voice he sought nevertheless to repress. I kept my
eyes on the table for some reason. But I listened intently.
‘It’s you that have the divining faculty, not I,’ he said, an
odd note of distance even in his tone, yet a resonance as though
it rose up between reverberating walls. ‘There _is_, I believe,
something here that resents too close inquiry, or rather that resists
discovery--almost--takes offence.’
I looked up quickly, then looked down again. It was such a startling
thing to hear on the lips of a modern Englishman. He spoke lightly,
but the expression of his face belied the careless tone. There was no
mockery in those earnest eyes, and in the hushed voice was a little
creeping sound that gave me once again the touch of goose-flesh. The
only word I can find is ‘subterranean’: all that was mental in him had
sunk, so that he seemed speaking underground, head and shoulders alone
visible. The effect was almost ghastly.
‘Such extraordinary obstacles are put in one’s way,’ he went on,
‘when the prying gets too close to the--reality; physical, external
obstacles, I mean. Either that, or--the mind loses its assimilative
faculties. One or other happens--’ his voice died down into a
whisper--‘and discovery ceases of its own accord.’
The same minute, then, he suddenly raised himself like a man emerging
from a tomb; he leaned across the table; he made an effort of some
violent internal kind, on the verge, I fully believe, of a pregnant
personal statement. There was confession in his attitude; I think he
was about to speak of his work at Thebes and the reason for its abrupt
cessation. For I had the feeling of one about to hear a weighty secret,
the responsibility unwelcome. This uncomfortable emotion rose in me, as
I raised my eyes to his somewhat unwillingly, only to find that I was
wholly at fault. It was not me he was looking at. He was staring past
me in the direction of the wide, unshuttered windows. The expression
of yearning was visible in his eyes again. Something had stopped his
utterance.
And instinctively I turned and saw what he saw. So far as external
details were concerned, at least, I saw it.
Across the glare and glitter of the uncompromising modern dining-room,
past crowded tables, and over the heads of Germans feeding
unpicturesquely, I saw--the moon. Her reddish disc, hanging unreal
and enormous, lifted the spread sheet of desert till it floated off
the surface of the world. The great window faced the east, where the
Arabian desert breaks into a ruin of gorges, cliffs, and flat-topped
ridges; it looked unfriendly, ominous, with danger in it; unlike the
serener sand-dunes of the Libyan desert, there lay both menace and
seduction behind its flood of shadows. And the moonlight emphasised
this aspect: its ghostly desolation, its cruelty, its bleak hostility,
turning it murderous. For no river sweetens this Arabian desert;
instead of sandy softness, it has fangs of limestone rock, sharp and
aggressive. Across it, just visible in the moonlight as a thread of
paler grey, the old camel-trail to Suez beckoned faintly. And it was
this that he was looking at so intently.
It was, I know, a theatrical stage-like glimpse, yet in it a
seductiveness most potent. ‘Come out,’ it seemed to whisper, ‘and
taste my awful beauty. Come out and lose yourself, and die. Come out
and follow my moonlit trail into the Past ... where there is peace and
immobility and silence. My kingdom is unchanging underground. Come
down, come softly, come through sandy corridors below this tinsel of
your modern world. Come back, come down into my golden past....’
A poignant desire stole through my heart on moonlit feet; I was
personally conscious of a keen yearning to slip away in unresisting
obedience. For it was uncommonly impressive, this sudden, haunting
glimpse of the world outside. The hairy foreigners, uncouthly garbed,
all busily eating in full electric light, provided a sensational
contrast of emphatically distressing kind. A touch of what is called
unearthly hovered about that distance through the window. There was
weirdness in it. Egypt looked in upon us. Egypt watched and listened,
beckoning through the moonlit windows of the heart to come and find
her. Mind and imagination might flounder as they pleased, but something
of this kind happened undeniably, whether expression in language fails
to hold the truth or not. And George Isley, aware of being seen, looked
straight into the awful visage--fascinated.
Over the bronze of his skin there stole a shade of grey. My own feeling
of enticement grew--the desire to go out into the moonlight, to leave
my kind and wander blindly through the desert, to see the gorges in
their shining silver, and taste the keenness of the cool, sharp air.
Further than this with me it did not go, but that my companion felt the
bigger, deeper draw behind this surface glamour, I have no reasonable
doubt. For a moment, indeed, I thought he meant to leave the table; he
had half risen in his chair; it seemed he struggled and resisted--and
then his big frame subsided again; he sat back; he looked, in the
attitude his body took, less impressive, smaller, actually shrunken
into the proportions of some minuter scale. It was as though something
in that second had been drawn out of him, decreasing even his physical
appearance. The voice, when he spoke presently with a touch of
resignation, held a lifeless quality as though deprived of virile
timbre.
‘It’s always there,’ he whispered, half collapsing back into his chair,
‘it’s always watching, waiting, listening. Almost like a monster of the
fables, isn’t it? It makes no movement of its own, you see. It’s far
too strong for that. It just hangs there, half in the air and half upon
the earth--a gigantic web. Its prey flies into it. That’s Egypt all
over. D’you feel like that too, or does it seem to you just imaginative
rubbish? To me it seems that she just waits her time; she gets you
quicker that way; in the end you’re bound to go.’
‘There’s power certainly,’ I said after a moment’s pause to collect my
wits, my distress increased by the morbidness of his simile. ‘For some
minds there may be a kind of terror too--for weak temperaments that are
all imagination.’ My thoughts were scattered, and I could not readily
find good words. ‘There is startling grandeur in a sight like that,
for instance,’ and I pointed to the window. ‘You feel drawn--as if you
simply _had_ to go.’ My mind still buzzed with his curious words, ‘In
the end you’re bound to go.’ It betrayed his heart and soul. ‘I suppose
a fly does feel drawn,’ I added, ‘or a moth to the destroying flame. Or
is it just unconscious on their part?’
He jerked his big head significantly. ‘Well, well,’ he answered,
‘but the fly isn’t necessarily weak, or the moth misguided.
Over-adventurous, perhaps, yet both obedient to the laws of their
respective beings. They get warnings too--only, when the moth wants
to know too much, the fire stops it. Both flame and spider enrich
themselves by understanding the natures of their prey; and fly and moth
return again and again until this is accomplished.’
Yet George Isley was as sane as the head waiter who, noticing our
interest in the window, came up just then and enquired whether we felt
a draught and would prefer it closed. Isley, I realised, was struggling
to express a passionate state of soul for which, owing to its rarity,
no adequate expression lies at hand. There is a language of the mind,
but there is none as yet of the spirit. I felt ill at ease. All this
was so foreign to the wholesome, strenuous personality of the man as I
remembered it.
‘But, my dear fellow,’ I stammered, ‘aren’t you giving poor old Egypt
a bad name she hardly deserves? I feel only the amazing strength and
beauty of it; awe, if you like, but none of this resentment you so
mysteriously hint at.’
‘You understand, for all that,’ he answered quietly; and again he
seemed on the verge of some significant confession that might ease his
soul. My uncomfortable emotion grew. Certainly he was at high pressure
somewhere. ‘And, if necessary, you could help. Your sympathy, I mean,
_is_ a help already.’ He said it half to himself and in a suddenly
lowered tone again.
‘A help!’ I gasped. ‘My sympathy! Of course, if----’
‘A witness,’ he murmured, not looking at me, ‘some one who understands,
yet does not think me mad.’
There was such appeal in his voice that I felt ready and eager to
do anything to help him. Our eyes met, and my own tried to express
this willingness in me; but what I said I hardly know, for a cloud
of confusion was on my mind, and my speech went fumbling like a
schoolboy’s. I was more than disconcerted. Through this bewilderment,
then, I just caught the tail-end of another sentence in which the
words ‘relief it is to have ... some one to hold to ... when the
disappearance comes ...’ sounded like voices heard in dream. But I
missed the complete phrase and shrank from asking him to repeat it.
Some sympathetic answer struggled to my lips, though what it was I know
not. The thing I murmured, however, seemed apparently well chosen. He
leaned across and laid his big hand a moment on my own with eloquent
pressure. It was cold as ice. A look of gratitude passed over his
sunburned features. He sighed. And we left the table then and passed
into the inner smoking-room for coffee--a room whose windows gave upon
columned terraces that allowed no view of the encircling desert. He
led the conversation into channels less personal and, thank heaven,
less intensely emotional and mysterious. What we talked about I now
forget; it was interesting but in another key altogether. His old charm
and power worked; the respect I had always felt for his character
and gifts returned in force, but it was the pity I now experienced
that remained chiefly in my mind. For this change in him became more
and more noticeable. He was less impressive, less convincing, less
suggestive. His talk, though so knowledgeable, lacked that spiritual
quality that drives home. He was uncannily less _real_. And I went up
to bed, uneasy and disturbed. ‘It is not age,’ I said to myself, ‘and
assuredly it is not death he fears, although he spoke of disappearance.
It is mental--in the deepest sense. It is what religious people would
call soul. Something is happening to his soul.’