EXAMINE A SPECTRE OF HIMSELF
Dudley rode back to Cronidge with his thunderstroke. It filled him, as
in those halls of political clamour, where explanatory speech is not
accepted, because of a drowning tide of hot blood on both sides. He
sought to win attention by submitting a resolution, to the effect, that
he would the next morning enter into the presence of Mr. Victor Radnor,
bearing his family’s feelings, for a discussion upon them. But the
brutish tumult, in addition to surcharging, encased him: he could not
rightly conceive the nature of feelings: men were driving shoals; he had
lost hearing and touch of individual men; had become a house of angrily
opposing parties.
He was hurt, he knew; and therefore he supposed himself injured, though
there were contrary outcries, and he admitted that he stood free; he had
not been inextricably deceived.
The girl was caught away to the thinnest of wisps in a dust-whirl.
Reverting to the father and mother, his idea of a positive injury, that
was not without its congratulations, sank him down among his disordered
deeper sentiments; which were a diver’s wreck, where an armoured livid
subtermarine, a monstrous puff-ball of man, wandered seriously light in
heaviness; trembling his hundredweights to keep him from dancing like
a bladder-block of elastic lumber; thinking occasionally, amid the
mournful spectacle, of the atmospheric pipe of communication with the
world above, whereby he was deafened yet sustained. One tug at it, and
he was up on the surface, disengaged from the hideous harness, joyfully
no more that burly phantom cleaving green slime, free! and the roaring
stopped; the world looked flat, foreign, a place of crusty promise.
His wreck, animated by the dim strange fish below, appeared fairer; it
winked lurefully when abandoned.
The internal state of a gentleman who detested intangible metaphor as
heartily as the vulgarest of our gobblegobbets hate it, metaphor only
can describe; and for the reason, that he had in him just something
more than is within the compass of the language of the meat-markets.
He had--and had it not the less because he fain would not have
had--sufficient stuff to furnish forth a soul’s epic encounter between
Nature and Circumstance: and metaphor, simile, analysis, all the
fraternity of old lamps for lighting our abysmal darkness, have to be
rubbed, that we may get a glimpse of the fray.
Free, and rejoicing; without the wish to be free; at the same time
humbly and sadly acquiescing in the stronger claim of his family
to pronounce the decision: such was the second stage of Dudley’s
perturbation after the blow. A letter of Nesta’s writing was in his
pocket: he knew her address. He could not reply to her until he had seen
her father: and that interview remained necessarily prospective until he
had come to his exact resolve, not omitting his critical approval of the
sentences giving it shape, stamp, dignity--a noble’s crest, as it were.
Nesta wrote briefly. The apostrophe was, ‘Dear Mr. Sowerby.’ She
had engaged to send her address. Her father had just gone. The Miss
Duvidneys had left the hotel yesterday for the furnished house facing
the sea. According to arrangements, she had a livery-stable hack, and
had that morning trotted out to the downs with a riding-master and
company, one of whom was ‘an agreeable lady.’
He noticed approvingly her avoidance of an allusion to the ‘Delphica’ of
Mr. Durance’s incomprehensible serial story, or whatever it was; which,
as he had shown her, annoyed him, for its being neither fact nor fun;
and she had insisted on the fun; and he had painfully tried to see it
or anything of a meaning; and it seemed to him now, that he had been
humiliated by the obedience to her lead: she had offended by her harping
upon Delphica. However, here it was unmentioned. He held the letter out
to seize it in the large, entire.
Her handwriting was good, as good as the writing of the most agreeable
lady on earth. Dudley did not blame her for letting the lady be deceived
in her--if she knew her position. She might be ignorant of it. And to
strangers, to chance acquaintances, even to friends, the position, of
the loathsome name, was not materially important. Marriage altered the
view. He sided with his family.
He sided, edgeing away, against his family. But a vision of the earldom
coming to him, stirred reverential objections, composed of all which
his unstained family could protest in religion, to repudiate an alliance
with a stained house, and the guilty of a condonation of immorality. Who
would have imagined Mr. Radnor a private sinner flaunting for one of the
righteous? And she, the mother, a lady--quite a lady; having really
a sense of duty, sense of honour! That she must be a lady, Dudley
was convinced. He beheld through a porous crape, woven of formal
respectfulness, with threads of personal disgust, the scene, striking
him drearly like a distant great mansion’s conflagration across moorland
at midnight, of a lady’s breach of bonds and plunge of all for love. How
had it been concealed? In Dudley’s upper sphere, everything was exposed:
Scandal walked naked and unashamed-figurante of the polite world. But
still this lady was of the mint and coin, a true lady. Handsome now,
she must have been beautiful. And a comprehensible pride (for so would
Dudley have borne it) keeps the forsaken man silent up to death:...
grandly silent; but the loss of such a woman is enough to kill a man!
Not in time, though! Legitimacy evidently, by the mother’s confession,
cannot protect where it is wanted. Dudley was optically affected by a
round spot of the world swinging its shadow over Nesta.
He pitied, and strove to be sensible of her. The effort succeeded so
well, that he was presently striving to be insensible. The former state,
was the mounting of a wall; the latter, was a sinking through a chasm.
There would be family consultations, abhorrent; his father’s agonized
amazement at the problem presented to a family of scrupulous principles
and pecuniary requirements; his mother’s blunt mention of the abominable
name--mediaevally vindicated in champions of certain princely families
indeed, but morally condemned; always under condemnation of the Church:
a blot: and handed down: Posterity, and it might be a titled posterity,
crying out. A man in the situation of Dudley could not think solely of
himself. The nobles of the land are bound in honour to their posterity.
There you have one of the prominent permanent distinctions between them
and the commonalty.
His mother would again propose her chosen bride for him: Edith Averst,
with the dowry of a present one thousand pounds per annum, and prospect
of six or so, excluding Sir John’s estate, Carping, in Leicestershire; a
fair estate, likely to fall to Edith; consumption seized her brothers as
they ripened. A fair girl too; only Dudley did not love her; he wanted
to love. He was learning the trick from this other one, who had become
obscured and diminished, tainted, to the thought of her; yet not
extinct. Sight of her was to be dreaded.
Unguiltily tainted, in herself she was innocent. That constituted the
unhappy invitation to him to swallow one half of his feelings, which
had his world’s blessing on it, for the beneficial enlargement and
enthronement of the baser unblest half, which he hugged and distrusted.
Can innocence issue of the guilty? He asked it, hopeing it might be
possible: he had been educated in his family to believe, that the laws
governing human institutions are divine--until History has altered them.
They are altered, to present a fresh bulwark against the infidel. His
conservative mind, retiring in good order, occupied the next rearward
post of resistance. Secretly behind it, the man was proud of having
a heart to beat for the cause of the besiegeing enemy, in the present
instance. When this was blabbed to him, and he had owned it, he
attributed his weakness to excess of nature, the liking for a fair
face.--Oh, but more! spirit was in the sweet eyes. She led him--she did
lead him in spiritual things; led him out of common circles of thought,
into refreshing new spheres; he had reminiscences of his having relished
the juices of the not quite obviously comic, through her indications:
and really, in spite of her inferior flimsy girl’s education, she could
boast her acquirements; she was quick, startlingly; modest, too, in
commerce with a slower mind that carried more; though she laughed
and was a needle for humour: she taught him at times to put away his
contempt of the romantic; she had actually shown him, that his expressed
contempt of it disguised a dread: as it did, and he was conscious of the
foolishness of it now while pursuing her image, while his intelligence
and senses gave her the form and glory of young morning.
Wariness counselled him to think it might be merely the play of her
youth; and also the disposition of a man in harness of business,
exaggeratingly to prize an imagined finding of the complementary
feminine of himself. Venerating purity as he did, the question, whether
the very sweetest of pure young women, having such an origin, must not
at some time or other show trace of the origin, surged up. If he could
only have been sure of her moral exemption from taint, a generous
ardour, in reserve behind his anxious dubieties, would have precipitated
Dudley to quench disapprobation and brave the world under a buckler of
those monetary advantages, which he had but stoutly to plead with the
House of Cantor, for the speedy overcoming of a reluctance to receive
the nameless girl and prodigious heiress. His family’s instruction of
him, and his inherited tastes, rendered the aspect of a Nature stripped
of the clothing of the laws offensive down to devilish: we grant her
certain steps, upon certain conditions accompanied by ceremonies; and
when she violates them, she becomes visibly again the revolutionary
wicked old beast bent on levelling our sacredest edifices. An alliance
with any of her votaries, appeared to Dudley as an act of treason to his
house, his class, and his tenets. And nevertheless he was haunted by a
cry of criminal happiness for and at the commission of the act.
He would not decide to be ‘precipitate,’ and the days ran their course,
until Lady Grace Halley arrived at Cronidge, a widow. Lady Cantor spoke
to her of Dudley’s unfathomable gloom. Lady Grace took him aside.
She said, without preface: ‘You’ve heard, have you!’
‘You were aware of it?’ said he, and his tone was irritable with a
rebuke.
‘Coming through town, for the first time yesterday. I had it--of all
men!--from a Sir Abraham Quatley, to whom I was recommended to go, about
my husband’s shares in a South American Railway; and we talked, and it
came out. He knows; he says, it is not generally known; and he likes,
respects Mr. Victor Radnor; we are to keep the secret. Hum? He had heard
of your pretensions; and our relationship, etc.: “esteemed” it--you know
the City dialect--his duty to mention, etc. That was after I had spied
on his forehead the something I wormed out of his mouth. What are you
going to do?’
‘What can I do!’
‘Are you fond of the girl?’
An attachment was indicated, as belonging to the case. She was not a
woman to whom the breathing of pastoral passion would be suitable; yet
he saw that she despised him for a lover; and still she professed to
understand his dilemma. Perplexity at the injustice of fate and persons
universally, put a wrinkled mask on his features and the expression
of his feelings. They were torn, and the world was torn; and what he
wanted, was delay, time for him to define his feelings and behold a
recomposed picture of the world. He had already taken six days. He
pleaded the shock to his family.
‘You won’t have such a chance again,’ she said. Shrugs had set in.
They agreed as to the behaviour of the girl’s mother. It reflected on
the father, he thought.
‘Difficult thing to proclaim, before an engagement!’ Her shoulders were
restless.
‘When a man’s feelings get entangled!’
‘Oh! a man’s feelings! I’m your British Jury for, a woman’s.’
‘He has married her?’
She declared to not knowing particulars. She could fib smoothly.
The next day she was on the line to London, armed with the proposal of
an appointment for the Hon. Dudley to meet ‘the girl’s father.’