Now it chanced that the Post-Office Message-boys' Literary Association
had fixed to hold its first grand soiree on the night of the 15th.
It was a great occasion. Of course it was held in Pegaway Hall, the
shed in rear of Solomon Flint's dwelling. There were long planks on
trestles for tables, and school forms to match. There were slabs of
indigestible cake, buns in abundance, and tea, with milk and sugar
mixed, in illimitable quantities. There were paper flowers, and
illuminated texts and proverbs round the walls, the whole being lighted
up by two magnificent paraffin lamps, which also served to perfume the
hall agreeably to such of the members and guests as happened to be fond
of bad smells.
On this particular evening invitations had been issued to several
friends of the members of the Association, among whom were Mr Enoch
Blurt and Mr Sterling the missionary. No ladies were invited. A
spirited discussion had taken place on this point some nights before the
soiree, on which occasion the bashful Poker opposed the motion "that
invitations should be issued to ladies," on the ground that, being
himself of a susceptible nature, the presence of the fair sex would tend
to distract his attention from the business on hand. Big Jack also
opposed it, as he thought it wasn't fair to the fair sex to invite them
to a meeting of boys, but Big Jack was immediately called to order, and
reminded that the Society was composed of young men, and that it was
unmanly--not to say unmannerly--to make puns on the ladies. To this
sentiment little Grigs shouted "Hear! hear!" in deafening tones, and
begged leave to support the motion. This he did in an eloquent but much
interrupted speech, which was finally cut short by Macnab insisting that
the time of the Society should not be taken up with an irrelevant
commentary on ladies by little Grigs; whereupon Sandy Tod objected to
interruptions in general--except when made by himself--and was going on
to enlarge on the inestimable blessing of free discussion when he was in
turn called to order. Then Blunter and Scroggins, and Fat Collins and
Bobby Sprat, started simultaneously to their feet, but were put down by
Peter Pax, who rose, and, with a calm dignified wave of his hand,
remarked that as the question before the meeting was whether ladies
should or should not be invited to the soiree, the simplest plan would
be to put it to the vote. On this being done, it was found that the
meeting was equally divided, whereupon the chairman--Phil Maylands--gave
his casting vote in favour of the amendment, and thus the ladies were
excluded from the soiree amid mingled groans and cheers.
But although the fair sex were debarred from joining in the festivities,
they were represented on the eventful evening in question by a Mrs
Square, an angular washer-woman with only one eye (but that was a
piercingly black one), who dwelt in the same court, and who consented to
act the double part of tea-maker and doorkeeper for that occasion. As
most of the decorations and wreaths had been made and hung up by May
Maylands and two of her telegraphic friends, there was a pervading
influence of woman about Pegaway Hall, in spite of Phil's ungallant and
un-Irish vote.
When Tottie Bones arrived at the General Post-Office in search of Peter
Pax, she was directed to Pegaway Hall by those members of the staff
whose duties prevented their attendance at the commencement of the
soiree.
Finding the hall with difficulty, she was met and stopped by the
uncompromising and one-eyed stare of Mrs Square.
"Please, ma'am, is Mr Peter Pax here?" asked Tottie.
"Yes, he is, but he's engaged."
Tottie could not doubt the truth of this, for through the half-open door
of the hall she saw and heard the little secretary on his little legs
addressing the house.
"Please may I wait till he's done?" asked Tottie.
"You may, if you keep quiet, but I doubt if he'll 'ave time to see you
even w'en he _is_ done," said the one-eyed one, fiercely.--"D'you like
buns or cake best?"
Tottie was much surprised by the question, but stated at once her
decided preference for cake.
"Look here," said Mrs Square, removing a towel from a large basket.
Tottie looked, and saw that the basket was three-quarters full of buns
and cakes.
"That," said the washer-woman, "is their leavin's. One on 'em called it
the debree of the feast, though what that means is best known to
hisself. For one hour by the clock these literairies went at it, tooth
an' nail, but they failed to get through with all that was purwided,
though they stuffed themselves to their muzzles.--There, 'elp yourself."
Tottie selected a moderate slab of the indigestible cake, and sat down
on a stool to eat it with as much patience as she could muster in the
circumstances.
Peter Pax's remarks, whatever else they might have been considered,
possessed the virtue of brevity. He soon sat down amid much applause,
and Mr Sterling rose to speak.
At this point Tottie, who had cast many anxious glances at a small clock
which hung in the outer porch or vestibule of the hall, entreated Mrs
Square to tell Pax that he was wanted very much indeed.
"I durstn't," said Mrs Square; "it's as much as my sitooation's worth.
I was told by Mr Maylands, the chairman, to allow of no interruptions
nor anythink of the kind."
"But please, ma'am," pleaded Tottie, with such an earnest face that the
woman was touched, "it's a matter of--of--life an' death--at least it
_may_ be so. Oh! do-o-o-o tell 'im he's wanted--by Tottie Bones. Only
say Tottie Bones, that'll be _sure_ to bring 'im out."
"Well--I never!" exclaimed Mrs Square, sticking her fists in her waist
and leaning her head to one side in critical scrutiny of her small
petitioner. "You do seem cock-sure o' your powers. H'm! p'r'aps you're
not far out neither. Well, I'll try it on, though it _may_ cost me a
deal of abuse. You sit there an' see that cats don't get at the
wittles, for the cats in this court are a sharper set than or'nar."
Mrs Square entered the hall, and begged one of the members near the
door to pass up a message--as quietly as possible--to the effect that
Mr Pax was wanted.
This was immediately done by the member shouting, irreverently, that the
secretary's mother "'ad come to take 'im 'ome."
"Order, order! Put 'im out!" from several of the members.
"Any'ow, 'e's wanted by some one on very partikler business," growled
the irreverent member, and the secretary made his way to the door.
"W'y, Tottie!" exclaimed Pax, taking both the child's hands
patronisingly in his, "what brings you here?"
With a furtive glance at Mrs Square, Tottie said, "Oh! please, I want
to speak about something very partikler."
"Indeed! come out to the court then," said little Pax, leading the way;
"you'll be able to air the subject better there, whatever it is, and the
cats won't object. Sorry I can't take you into the hall, little 'un,
but ladies ain't admitted."
When the child, with eager haste, stated the object of her visit, and
wound up her discourse with the earnest remark that her father _must_ be
stopped, and _mustn't_ be took, her small counsellor looked as perplexed
and anxious as herself. Wrinkling up his smooth brow, he expressed the
belief that it was a difficult world to deal with, and he had had some
trouble already in finding out how to manage it.
"You see, Tot," he said, "this is a great evenin' with the literary
message-boys. Not that I care a rap for that, but I've unfortunately
got to move a vote of thanks to our lecturer to-night, and say somethin'
about the lecture, which I couldn't do, you know, unless I remained to
hear it. To be sure, I might get some one else to take my place, but
I'm not easily spared, for half the fun o' the evenin' would be lost if
they hadn't got me to make game of and air their chaff upon. Still, as
you say, your dad must have his little game stopped. He must be a great
blackg--I beg pardon, Tot, I mean that he must be a great disregarder of
the rights of man--woman, as it happens, in this case. However, as you
said, with equal truth, he must not be took, for if he was, he'd
probably be hanged, and I couldn't bear to think of your father bein'
scragged. Let me see. When did you say he meant to start?"
"He said to mother that he'd leave at nine, and might 'ave to be out all
night."
"At nine--eh? That would just give 'im time to get to Charing Cross to
catch the 9:30 train. Solomon Flint's lecture will be over about eight.
I could polish 'im off in ten minutes or so, and 'ave plenty of time to
catch the same train. Yes, that will do. But how am I to know your
father, Tot, for you know I haven't yet had the pleasure of makin' his
acquaintance?"
"Oh, you _can't_ mistake him," replied the child confidently. "He's a
big, tall, 'andsome man, with a 'ook nose an' a great cut on the bridge
of it all down 'is left cheek. You'll be sure to know 'im. But how
will you stop 'im?"
"That is more than I can tell at present, my dear," replied Pax, with a
careworn look, "but I'll hatch a plot of some sort durin' the lecture.--
Let me see," he added, with sudden animation, glancing at the limited
portion of sky that roofed the court, "I might howl 'im down! That's
not a bad idea. Yellin' is a powerful influence w'en brought properly
to bear. D'you mind waitin' in the porch till the lecture's over?"
"O no! I can wait as long as ever you please, if you'll only try to
save father," was Tottie's piteous response.
"Well, then, go into the porch and sit by the door, so that you can hear
and see what's goin' on. Don't be afraid of the one-eyed fair one who
guards the portals. She's not as bad as she looks; only take care that
you don't tread on her toes; she can't stand _that_."
Tottie promised to be careful in this respect, and expressed a belief
that she was too light to hurt Mrs Square, even if she did tread on her
toes accidentally.
"You're wrong, Tottie," returned Pax; "most females of your tender years
are apt to jump at wrong conclusions. As you live longer you'll find
out that some people's toes are so sensitive that they can't bear a
feather's weight on 'em. W'y, there's a member of our Society who riles
up directly if you even look at his toes. We keep that member's feet in
hot water pretty continuously, we do.--There now, I'll be too late if I
keep on talkin' like this. You'll not feel tired of the lecture, for
Solomon's sure to be interesting, whatever his subject may be. I don't
know what it is--he hasn't told us yet. You'll soon hear it if you
listen."
Pax re-entered the hall, and Tottie sat down by the door beside Mrs
Square, just as Solomon Flint rose to his legs amid thunders of
applause.