"You spoke, a little while since, of my personating Oscar to her. I
personated him, on the occasion I have just mentioned, for the first
time. You were present and heard me. Did you care to speculate on the
motives which made me impose myself on her as my brother?"
"As well as I can remember," I answered, "I made the first guess that
occurred to me. I thought you were indulging in a moment's mischievous
amusement at Lucilla's expense.
"I was indulging the passion that consumed me! I longed to feel the
luxury of her touching me and being familiar with me, under the
impression that I was Oscar. Worse even than that, I wanted to try how
completely I could impose on her--how easily I might marry her, if I
could only deceive you all, and take her away somewhere by herself. The
devil was in possession of me. I don't know how it might have ended, if
Oscar had not come in, and if Lucilla had not burst out as she did. She
distressed me--she frightened me--she gave me back again to my better
self. I rushed, without stopping to prepare her, into the question of her
restoration to sight--as the only way of diverting her mind from the vile
advantage that I had taken of her blindness. That night, Madame
Pratolungo, I suffered pangs of self-reproach and remorse which would
even have satisfied _you._ At the very next opportunity that offered, I
made my atonement to Oscar. I supported his interests; I even put the
words he was to say to Lucilla into his lips.
"When?" I broke in. "Where? How?"
"When the two surgeons had left us. In Lucilla's sitting-room. In the
heat of the discussion whether she should submit to the operation at
once--or whether she should marry Oscar first, and let Grosse try his
experiment on her eyes at a later time. If you recall our conversation,
you will remember that I did all I could to persuade Lucilla to marry my
brother before Grosse tried his experiment on her sight. Quite useless!
You threw all the weight of your influence into the opposite side of the
scale. I failed. It made no difference. I had done what I had done in
sheer despair: mere impulse--it didn't last. When the next temptation
tried me, I behaved like a scoundrel--as you say."
"I have said nothing," I answered shortly.
"Very well--as you _think,_ then. Did you suspect me at last--when we met
in the village, yesterday? Surely, even your eyes must have seen through
me on that occasion!"
I answered silently, by an inclination of my head. I had no wish to drift
into another quarrel. Sorely as he was presuming on my endurance, I
tried, in Lucilla's interests, to keep on friendly terms with him.
"You concealed it wonderfully well," he went on, "when I tried to find
out whether you had, or had not discovered me. You virtuous people are
not bad hands at deception, when it suits your interests to deceive. I
needn't tell you what my temptation was yesterday. The first look of her
eyes when they opened on the world; the first light of love and joy
breaking on her heavenly face--what madness to expect me to let that look
fall on another man, that light show itself to other eyes! No living
being, adoring her as I adored her, would have acted otherwise than I
did. I could have fallen down on my knees and worshipped Grosse, when he
innocently proposed to me to take the very place in the room which I was
determined to occupy. You saw what I had in my mind! You did your
best--and did it admirably--to defeat me. Oh, you pattern people--you can
be as shifty with your resources, when a cunning trick is to be played,
as the worst of us! You saw how it ended. Fortune stood my friend at the
eleventh hour; fortune can shine, like the sun, on the just and the
unjust! _I_ had the first look of her eyes! _I_ felt the first light of
love and joy in her face falling on _me! I_ have had her arms round me,
and her bosom on mine--"