(_Or what it has nearly come to in Judges' Chambers._)
SCENE--_Room in Royal Courts divided by railing into two parts. First
part occupied by_ Chief Clerk _seated in front of table covered with
papers. Second part filled with_ Solicitors' Clerks _hustling one
another in the endeavour to attract attention. List for the day's causes
about six yards long._
_Chief Clerk_ (_after three hours' hard work_). Now, Gentlemen, one at a
time. SMITH _versus_ BROWN!
_Six Solicitors' Representatives_ (_speaking together_). Won't take a
minute in--only an order to----
_Chief Clerk._ One at a time, Gentlemen! Who has the conduct of this
matter?
_First Solicitor's Representative._ I have, Sir. It's an order to sell
some freehold land. We have half a dozen valuations, and we want you to
decide the conditions of sale.
_Chief Clerk._ Hand in the documents, and let the matter be submitted to
the conveyancing counsel for a draft. Adjourned for a week. Next,
please! JONES _versus_ ROBINSON!
_Second Solicitor's Representative_ (_forcing his way to the front_). This
suit has been going on for six years, and we have got to second further
consideration. By the recent statute, Sir, you now have to tax the
costs.
_Chief Clerk._ Very well; hand them in, and when I have looked through
them I will give you an appointment to proceed. Next, please! SNOOKS
_versus_ TOMPKINS!
_Third Solicitor's Representative._ Settlement of certificate. There are
eighteen parties to this suit, and we have seventeen present--the
eighteenth would be here, but I fancy the gentleman in charge of the
matter has the influenza, and----
_Chief Clerk_ (_relieved_). Oh, very well, then; as we can't proceed
behind his back, we must adjourn it. SHRIMP _versus_ LAMBKIN!
_Fourth Solicitor's Representative_ (_promptly_). Rather a hard case, Sir.
One of the beneficiaries, who presumably is entitled to the interest on
£20,000 for six years, is in urgent need of five pounds, and----
_Chief Clerk_ (_looking at summons_). Are you opposed?
_Fifth Solicitor's Representative._ Certainly, Sir; although my client
instructs me to say that he too considers it a hard case, and----
_Chief Clerk_ (_interrupting_). I have no power, then, to make an order;
but, of course, if you like, I will put it in the Judges' list.
Application refused. BUNKUM _versus_ TINSEL!
_Sixth Solicitor's Representative._ Remuneration of Receiver, Sir. You
have the papers.
_Chief Clerk_ (_glancing at documents_). I think the Receiver had some
special trouble in the matter.
_Sixth Solicitor's Representative._ Yes, Sir. I appear for him, and he
tells me he has employed six clerks.
_Chief Clerk._ Quite so--commission at seven per cent. PEACE _versus_
GOODWILL!
_Seventh Solicitor's Representative._ Proceed with accounts. We object
to item 29--grave-stone to testator. Will said that the funeral was to
be of the simplest character, and----
_Chief Clerk._ I see. Disallowed. What other items are objected to?
_Seventh Solicitor's Representative._ Nos. 33, 44, 87, 136, 150 to 506
inclusive: but, Sir, as some of these may take some time, and we are not
quite prepared----
_Chief Clerk._ Very well. Adjourned for three months. WYLD _versus_
SHEPHERD and Others!
_Eighth Solicitor's Representative._ We wish to suspend the Manager of
the Restaurant in this matter. It is alleged that he----
_Chief Clerk_ (_who has glanced at the papers_). I shall not deal myself
with this matter, but put it in the Judges' list. And now, Gentlemen, as
I have to attend his Lordship in his own Chambers, I am afraid the other
matters must be adjourned to another occasion.
[_Exit into inner Apartment hurriedly._
_Ninth Solicitor's Representative._ And he has only got to number
seventeen on the 11:30 list! Too bad!
_Chorus of Solicitors' Representatives._ Another morning wasted! But
it's not _his_ fault; _he_ works hard enough! But, why don't they get
enough men to do the business?
[_Exeunt to appease their clients, who are impatiently waiting to hear
the result of their various applications. Forcible language, and
Curtain._
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