into early history for my purpose, which is to show that the notions
about apparitions which prevailed at that period are the same as those
of the present day, that is, of their _appearing in the dresses they
wore in their life-time, in every minute particular_, as to _form_,
_colour_, and _condition_, _new_ or _old_, as the case might be; but to
prevent any mistake upon this head, I will just add some few words from
that _reliable_ authority, Defoe, who, you will have already remarked,
is _exceedingly particular_ as to the exactness of every article of
dress; but in what follows he goes far beyond any other writer on this
subject, for instance he says, "We see them dressed in the very clothes
which we have _cut_ to _pieces_, and given away, some to one body, some
to another, or applied to this or that use, so that we can _give an
account of every rag of them_. We can hear them speaking with the same
voice and sound, though the organ which formed their former speech we
are sure is perished and gone."
From the various instances of the appearance of apparitions which have
been brought before the reader, it will, I presume, be admitted that
abundant and sufficient proof has been given that the writers about
ghosts, and all those who have professed to have seen ghosts, declare
that _they appear in the dresses which they wore in their lifetime_;
but from all I have been able to learn, it does not appear that from
the days of Pliny the younger down to the days of Shakespeare, and from
thence down to the present time, THAT ANY ONE HAS EVER THOUGHT OF THE
GROSS ABSURDITY, AND IMPOSSIBILITY, OF THERE BEING SUCH THINGS AS
GHOSTS OF WEARING APPAREL, IRON ARMOUR, WALKING STICKS, AND SHOVELS!
NO, NOT ONE, except myself, and this I claim as my DISCOVERY CONCERNING
GHOSTS, and that therefore it follows, as a matter of course, that as
ghosts _cannot_, _must not_, _dare not_, for decency's sake, appear
WITHOUT CLOTHES; and as there can be no such things AS GHOSTS OR
SPIRITS OF CLOTHES, why, then, it appears that GHOSTS NEVER DID APPEAR,
AND NEVER CAN APPEAR, at any rate not in the way in which they have
been hitherto supposed to _appear_.
And now let us glance at the _material_ question, or question of
_materialism_.
In the year 1828, a work was published, entitled "PAST FEELINGS
RENOVATED; or, IDEAS occasioned by the perusal of DR. HIBBERT'S
PHILOSOPHY of APPARITIONS," which the author says were "written with
the view of counteracting any sentiments approaching _materialism_,
which that work, however unintentional on the part of the author, may
have a tendency to produce." The author of "Past Feelings Renovated" is
a firm believer in apparitions, who generally "come in their _habits_
as they lived;" and in his preface he says, "The general tendency of
Dr. Hibbert's work, and evident fallacy of many of the arguments in
support of opinions too nearly approaching '_materialism_,' induced me
to give the subject that _serious consideration_ which it imperatively
demands."
This author, it will be perceived, is very much opposed to anything
like "_materialism_" in relation to this question, and is strongly in
favour of "_spiritualism_," but will he be so good as to tell us what
"A PAIR OF BUCKSKINS" are made of? and what A PAIR OF TOP-BOOTS are
made of? and whether these materials are _spiritualized_ by any
process, or whether THE CLOTHES WE WEAR ON OUR BODIES BECOME A PART AND
PARCEL OF OUR SOULS? And as it is clearly impossible for spirits to
wear dresses made of the _materials_ of the _earth_, we should like to
know if there are spiritual-outfitting shops for the clothing of ghosts
who pay visits on earth, and if empty, haunted houses are used for this
purpose, in the same way as the establishments, and after the manner of
"Moses and Son," or "Hyam Brothers," or such like houses of business,
or if so, then there must be also the _spirit_ of woollen cloth, the
_spirit_ of leather, the _spirit_ of a coat, the _spirit_ of boots and
shoes. There must also be the _spirit_ of trousers, _spirits_ of
gaiters, waistcoats, neckties, _spirits_ of buckles, for shoes and
knees; _spirit_ of buttons, "bright gilt buttons;" _spirits_ of hats,
caps, bonnets, gowns, and petticoats; _spirits_ of hoops and crinoline,
and _ghost's_ stockings. Yes; only think of the _ghosts_ of stockings,
but if the ghost of a lady had to make her appearance here, she could
not present herself before company without her shoes and stockings, so
_there must be_
GHOSTS OF STOCKINGS.
Most persons will surely feel some hesitation in accepting the
assertions made by Defoe, that ghosts appear in clothes that have been
cut up, or distributed in different places, or destroyed, or that they
come in the same garments that are being worn at the same moment by
living persons, or which are at the time of appearing, in wardrobes or
old clothes shops; or, perhaps, thousands of miles away from the spot
where the ghost pays his unwelcome visit, or worn or torn into rags,
and stuck upon a broomstick "to frighten away the crows." No, no, I
think we may rest assured that ghosts could not appear in these
dresses, or shreds and patches; in fact, that they could not show
themselves in any dress made of the materials of the earth as already
suggested; and, therefore, if they did wear any dresses they must have
been composed of a _spiritual material_, if it be possible to unite, in
any way, two such opposites. Then comes the question, from whence is
this spiritual material obtained, and also if there are spirit
manufactories, spirit weavers and spinners, and spirit tanners and "tan
pits?"
If this be so, then there must, of course, be ghost tailors, working
with ghosts of needles (how sharp _they_ must be!), and ghosts of
threads (and how fine _they_ must be!), and the ghost of a "sleeve
board," and the ghost of the iron, which the tailors use to flatten the
seams, called a "goose" (only think of the ghost of a tailor's
"goose!") Then there must be the ghost of a "bootmaker," with the ghost
of a "lapstone," and a "last," and the spirit of "cobbler's wax!" Ghost
of "button makers," "wig makers," and "hatters;" and, indeed, of every
trade necessary to fit out a ghost, either lady or gentleman, in order
to make it appear that they really did appear "in their habits as they
lived."
There are, I know, many respectable worthy persons even at the present
day who believe they sometimes see apparitions, and I would here take
the liberty to advise such persons to ponder a little upon the above
remarks relative to the clothing of spirits, and, when again they think
they see a GHOST, recollect that with the exception of the _face_ and a
little bit of the _neck_ perhaps, and also the _hands_, if without
gloves, that _all the other parts are_ CLOTHES. And I would also take
the liberty to suggest that he should ask the ghost these
questions:--"Who's your tailor?" and "Who's your hatter?"
Whatever the belief of the "Bard of Avon" might have been with respect
to ghosts, it is quite clear that in these cases he was merely
exercising his great poetical talent to work out the several points of
popular belief in apparitions, for the purpose of producing a striking
"stage effect;" but all that he brings forward, goes to prove the
long-established faith in these aerial beings, and the general and
almost universal requisites of character and costume. But it probably
never entered the great mind of this great poet that there could be no
such thing as a ghost of IRON, for if it had, he would, no doubt, have
dressed up the ghost of Hamlet's father in some sort of suit rather
more aerial than a suit of steel armour. There may be "more things
'twixt heaven and earth" than were dreamt of in Horatio's philosophy;
but the ghost of _Iron_ armour could not be one of these things, be
included in the list, and on reverting to this ghost, the reader will
observe that I have given no figure in that suit of armour, and no head
to the figure of Napoleon the First, and for this reason, the art of
drawing, you will please to observe, is a severe critical test in
matters of this sort. For suppose an artist is employed to make a
drawing of this ghost of Hamlet's father, he will begin, or ought to
begin, first to sketch out, very lightly, the size and attitude of the
figure required; then suppose he makes out the face; and then begins to
work on the helmet, but here he stops--why? because if he has any
thought, he will say this is not _spirit_, this is manufactured iron!
And so with the other parts of the figure, all except the face is
_material_; and then to my old enemy in one sense, and _friend_ in
another--Napoleon, for I volunteered, and armed myself to assist to
keep him from coming over here before I was twenty years of age; and as
a caricaturist, what by turning him, sometimes into ridicule, and
sometimes, in fact very often I may say, killing him with my sharp
etching needle, "little Boney" used very frequently to give me a good
solid bit of meat, and make my "pot boil." But with respect to this
headless figure, if the artist is requested to make a drawing of the
spirit of this great general, he would, after making out the face,
begin with the collar of the coat, and then stop--and why? Because the
coat is no part of a _spirit_, and if the whole of the figure were
finished with the face in, what would that be but the spirit of the
_face_ of Napoleon; all the rest would consist of a cocked-hat, with
tricolored cockade; a military coat, with buttons; a waistcoat, a sword
and sash, leather gloves, and leather pantaloons, jack-boots, and
spurs! Are, or can these things be _spiritual_? If the end of the
finger is placed over the space which is left for the face of Napoleon,
the figure will be recognized as _his without the head_; and so with
Hamlet's father, place the end of the finger in front of the helmet,
and the armour will pass for the ghost; and do the like with the figure
of Daniel Lambert, put the head out of sight, _all the rest_ is
neck-handkerchief, a bit of shirt, a coat, a waistcoat, a pair of
gloves, small clothes (not very _small_ by the by), an immense pair of
stockings, and the points of a pair of shoes; and as to the headless
ghost of the gentleman in the _blue_ coat and gilt buttons, that is
also NOTHING BUT A SUIT OF CLOTHES.
The reader will recollect that Daniel Defoe, Mrs. Crowe, and Mr. Owen,
and other authors have all introduced GHOSTS OF WIGS amongst their
facts, in support of spiritual apparitions, so if there are ghosts of
"wigs," there must also be GHOSTS OF "PIGTAILS," because they were
sometimes a part of a wig; and in taking leave of the reader, I take
the liberty of introducing a ghost of a wig and pigtail, who will make
a polite bow for the humble author and artist of this "DISCOVERY
CONCERNING GHOSTS."
ADDENDA.
Just as I depicted the ghost of the wig and pigtail to bow out all
the OLD-FASHIONED GHOSTS, methought I heard a voice say, "Well, sir,
suppose it _granted_ that you _have_ shown the UTTER IMPOSSIBILITY
of there being such things as GHOSTS of HATS, COATS, STICKS, and
UMBRELLAS; admitting that you really have "laid" all these ghosts of
the old style, what say you to the "spirit manifestations" of the
present day?"
Well, this does certainly seem to be putting rather a "_Home_
question"--a "Home thrust," if you please; but sharp as the question
may be, and difficult as it may seem to answer, I am not going to shirk
the question.
In the first place, this _inquiring_ spirit must please to recollect
that these "spirit-rappers" of the present day are almost an entirely
_new-fashioned_ spirit, a different sort of ghost altogether, or ghosts
in "piecemeal;" only _bits_ of spirits, who _never come of their own
accord_, and have to be _squeezed_ out of a table bit by bit, when they
do hold up a hand, or tap or touch people's legs under the table with
their hand, or a bit of one. But never having attended a "_seance_," I
cannot give the _inquiring_ spirit any information about these spirits
from my own personal knowledge. If the inquirer wishes to know "all
about" these spirits, he had better apply to Mr. D. D. Home, who is
quite "at home" with these spirits, upon the most "familiar" terms! in
fact, "hand and glove" with them; and they feel so much at home with
Mr. Home, that they are constantly putting their _hands_ and _arms_, if
not their _legs_, "under his mahogany." I therefore take the liberty of
referring "Inquirer" to this Home medium, or any other medium, Home or
foreign, for a "full, true, and particular account" of the character
and conduct of these new-fashioned, New-found-_land_ ghosts or
spiritual _gentlefolk_, for it does not appear that there are any of
the "working-class" amongst them.
It has been asserted by Mr. Home, that he has seen "full length"
ghosts. These I shall put to the _test_ a little further on.
As I intend putting a few _questions_ myself to these "mediums," or
through this medium, to the spirits, I have to hope that these
questions of mine will be taken by the _inquiring_ spirits who question
me as an answer to _their_ question upon what may be at present
considered upon the whole as almost, if not entirely, _unanswerable_,
at least with the ordinary natural organs of thought and judgment, and
therefore it must be left to these tabular spirits or their mediums to
explain (that is, if they can) that which, to the "outsiders," as the
affair stands at this moment, is an _inexplicable puzzle_.
In bringing forward my questions, I will take the liberty of making an
extract from the "Times," of the 9th of April last, where Mr. D. D.
Home's book of "Incidents in my Life," is reviewed with considerable
acumen and ability; and wherein the writer states that a Dr. Wilkinson
was desirous of obtaining some information and explanations respecting
the "ways and means" of these spirits. The Doctor asked Mr. Home why
the effects (that is, the manifestations) "took place _under_ the table
and not _upon_ it." Mr. Home said, that "in habituated circles the
results were easily obtained above board, visibly to all, but that at
the first sitting it was not so; that scepticism was almost universal
in men's intellects, and marred the forces at work; that the spirits
accomplish what they do through our _life sphere_, or _atmosphere_,
which was _permeated at our wills_, and if _the will_ was _contrary_,
the _sphere_ was unfit for being operated upon." Moreover, allowance
must be made for a certain indisposition on the part of the spirits (as
we infer a sort of spiritual bashfulness), "which deters them from
exhibiting their members in a state of imperfect formation." When some
had merely a _single finger_ put upon their knees, "Mr. Home said that
the presenting spirits could often make _one finger_ where they could
not _make two_, and two where they could not form an _entire hand_,
just as they could form a hand where they could not realize a whole
human figure" (for there seems never to have been life sphere at a
_seance_ adequate to the exhibition of an entire figure, "THOUGH MR.
HOME HAS FREQUENTLY SEEN SPIRITS IN THEIR FULL PROPORTIONS WHEN
ALONE").
And now for one of my questions, which question is not only _my_
question, but a public question, and one which Mr. Home is bound to
answer, if he can. I therefore publicly call upon that gentleman to
inform the public if these SPIRITS, which he saw in their "FULL
PROPORTIONS," were in a state of NUDITY, or if they had CLOTHES on? and
if CLOTHED, of what those CLOTHES WERE MADE? If he does not know these
particulars of his own knowledge, as he has the _ear_ of these spirits,
their _entire_ confidence, and as they have _his_ ear, let him call
upon them to let him into the secret of the manufacture of their
garments, or how the spirits procure them; and until Mr. Home explains
this satisfactorily to the public, we have a right to suspect that
either he has been himself deceived, or that he----Perhaps I had better
not finish the sentence.
The "_inquiring_ spirit" will see that the _clothes_ are the test, and
this test stands good here, as well as with the _old_ fashioned ghosts,
and this, I presume, will be allowed as rather a "Home question" to Mr.
Home; a Home thrust which he can only parry by giving the information
asked; which, if he does not, I will not say "Britons, _strike_ Home,"
but unless he or the spirits "rap" out a satisfactory answer, he may
rely upon it that he will feel the weight of public opinion, which will
weigh rather heavily upon him. But I give him a first-rate chance of
becoming exceedingly popular, for the mass, the millions, are ready to
believe anything in the _shape_ of a fact, and I am confident that the
whole world would be delighted to get hold of such a secret as this. It
would be, perhaps, extreme cruelty to put this gentleman _quite_ "out
of spirits;" but unless he tells us what the clothes of spirits are
made of, I should say that he will stand in rather an awkward position
before the bar of public opinion.
Another question here I'll put, about this spirit "D D outfit,"
Which I fear that the spirits won't answer, just as yet--
It is a question, I grant, that looks _rather_ queer,
Which is--are their "togs" made out of our _atmosphere_?
If the cloth is made out of stuff "_permeated by our wills_"--
And further, if these ghosts are honest, and pay their tailors' bills?
And then, as to the handy craft and crafty hands--
Oh tell us if warm hands, and cold--
So cold! so cold! oh dear!--
Are made in any kind of mould,
Or how they trick 'em out of our "life sphere?"
Now supposing, nay even admitting, that the _hands_ of spirits are
exhibited at these _seances_, does it not really seem to be impossible
to believe that they are made out of the air that surrounds the persons
who surround the table!!!
Making fingers and hands out of our "life-sphere" or "atmosphere!"
"permeated by our wills!" Well, I was going to say, "after that comes
in a horse to be shaved," but really I hardly know what to say; for
whilst reading the accounts of these spirits, I feel almost bewildered,
and as the mediums say that there is what they call "spirit-writing,"
and that spirits seize the person's wrist, and make them write just
what they wist, I suspect that the spirit of botheration has got hold
of my hand, and is making me write what it pleases; and I therefore
hope the "gentle reader" will excuse me if I write down here "Handy
pandy, Jack a dandy," or any other childish nonsense; for as this table
lifting and turning seems to alter and set aside altogether the law of
gravitation and all the universal laws of the universe, that used to be
thought by simple people as fixed and unalterable, so likewise these
"spirit hands" and "spirit rapping" seem to put reason and rationality
entirely out of the field. Therefore, as common sense cannot be used in
any sense on this question, as it is utterly useless in the present
state of affairs to attempt to "chop logic" with "raps," and their
mediums upon such tables as these, it will be here quite in place to
talk a little nonsense. The reader will therefore, I am sure, bear with
me if I make two or three silly suggestions upon this phenomena of
moving tables.
Under ordinary circumstances, when persons who are not "habituated"
have any natural substance to deal with--say, for instance, a _deal_
table--the mind naturally endeavours to account in a natural way for
such a piece of furniture moving or being moved without any assignable
natural cause. Common sense in this case being "put out of court," and
the scientific world having seemingly "given it up," there is no other
source left but to deal with the spirits or their mediums in this
matter; and I would here ask if these _tables_, heavy or light, are
moved by this "life-sphere" or "atmosphere" which is "permeated by our
wills;" or if the hands made out of this airy nothing move and lift the
furniture? As _they can_ give an answer to the query, we shall all
surely be very much obliged to them if they will do so; and whilst they
are preparing their answer, I will go on with a little more nonsense,
and make a most ridiculous suggestion upon the table lifting, quite as
ridiculous perhaps as anything that has emanated from the spirits or
their mediums. It may seem absurd to bring "Dame Nature" into this
"circle," but nevertheless it does seem true that animals who are
associated with man seem to partake, to a very large extent, of man's
intelligence. Dogs particularly so, cats pretty well, and even pigs
have been known, when domesticated, to be cleanly and polite, and of
course we have all heard of the "learned pig." Dear little birds, and
even asses and geese, have been known to share in this "life sphere" or
"atmosphere" of man's brain. I knew a man who was educating and
training a goose, to come out before the public as a performer as a
_learned_ goose, which intention was unfortunately not carried out, in
consequence of an accident which happened to the poor bird about
"Michaelmas" time. It appears that he got placed so near a large fire
that he was very soon "_done brown_," and upon a "post mortem"
examination it was discovered that he was stuffed full of _sage_ and
onion.