Durant had not been at Oakley for more than a year. No invitation had
come to him, though he still corresponded with Lady Curtis on the same
confidential and affectionate terms as before; and his heart had grown
sick with this pause of stagnation in his life. There are moments when
that which we have borne with tolerable calm for years, becomes all at
once intolerable to us; and this is especially the case with men who,
having laboured hard and dutifully without much personal recompense, are
suddenly moved by some accidental prick to see that their best years are
floating away from them, without any of the delights that belong to that
crown of existence. Why this feeling should have come upon Durant after
his late visit to Underhayes, and not on previous visits, when he had
seen his friend Arthur, so much younger than himself, enjoying the
happiness which it was not given to him to enjoy, it would be difficult
to tell. Perhaps Arthur’s happiness, while it lasted, was too full of
drawbacks to attract his friend, to whom it never could have been
possible to woo his love in Mrs. Bates’ parlour, behind the backs of the
family. But curiously enough, when the family was swept away, and all
its shabbiness had become pathetic; and when Arthur’s happiness had
fallen into dust, and become apparently a thing beyond restoration or
even hope, then, and only then, did it stimulate the dormant passion in
Durant’s veins. He said to himself that to lose the chance of happiness
altogether by thus passively waiting till it should drop upon him from
the clouds, was, perhaps, in the end a greater foolishness than even the
mad folly which had ruined Arthur. Arthur, at all events, at the worst,
had had his chance; whereas Lewis, so far as appearances went, was
never to have his chance, but only toil and toil on for the benefit of
others till the capacity for joy was exhausted in him. In the grey
autumnal weather, when the rains are falling, and the skies lowering,
and all things settling down to “the dead of the year,” does not
sometimes a longing, insupportable, for sunshine and brightness, cross
us--a longing which has to be satisfied by some lighting up of lamps and
artificial processes of illumination, if not by the natural and blessed
sun? Durant went on for a little, with his heart full of smouldering
fire, reflecting upon his own loneliness amidst all the enjoyments and
fellowships of the world, reflecting upon the manner in which his own
hard earnings melted away, running into the bottomless pit of
improvidence and unlovely waste in his father’s house, with no real
benefit even to the dwellers therein, much less to him whose labours had
no lightening, whatever happened. At last the point of explosion was
reached by the touch of a piece of good fortune. For the first time he
was retained as first counsel in an important case likely to attract
some notice in the world, and at the same time was appointed one of a
commission of investigation into certain legal evils then under the
consideration of Parliament. The sudden pleasure of distinction among
his peers, altogether apart from the profit of it, conveyed a swift and
penetrating pleasure to his mind, and altogether overset the impatient
patience which so many thoughts had already put in jeopardy. A little
success often in such circumstances fires the mine which weariness and
reflection and comparison have been filling with combustibles. Why
should he drag on any longer dully, without even an attempt to brighten
his own life? The man who blacked his shoes, secure of weekly
remuneration, had just “thrown up his place,” and risked his existence,
in order to “better himself;” and why should not the master try to
better himself too? This sudden impulse set him all on fire. What was
the use of his self-denial, his renunciation of all pleasant things?
They who would have them, must seize them, without all this reckoning
of possibilities and counting of cost. Durant was not superior to that
almost fierce independence which, like all good that comes out of evil,
has its false side. The dependence and incessant demands of his family
had made him stern in his resolution to owe no man anything, to struggle
out his own career unaided; and had also made him too proud to ask any
favour in his own person, even a night’s lodging from the friends whom
he had served with all the humbleness of true generosity when occasion
offered. He would have spent time, which was more valuable to him than
money is to most people, or money, of which he did not possess too large
a stock, in the service of the Curtises, whenever they called upon him;
but he would not ask them to invite him, or even suggest that he would
like to be invited. This was one of the _défauts de ses qualités_. So it
took him a little trouble to get himself to Oakley in a roundabout way.
He did this by means of a college friend, who had a living within a
dozen miles, and to whom he had no objection to offer himself for a
short visit; and being there, what so natural as that he should drive
over to Oakley for a few hours? He did this a few days after the visit
of Lady Curtis to Nancy, and appeared suddenly in the morning, conscious
and anxious, while the family were still at breakfast.
“I thought I’d run down and see Cavendish at Stainforth,” he said,
feeling the weakness of the excuse.
“Cavendish at Stainforth!” Lady Curtis echoed, turning pale. She saw
through the pretence, but she did not see through the cause of it. If it
was her son who immediately occurred to her mind, what mother will blame
her? She ignored all motives of his own on Durant’s part with pitiless,
though unconscious cruelty; and left the table precipitately, her heart
beating with sudden agitation. “Oh, Lewis, something has happened to
Arthur; and you have come to break it to me!” she said, turning round
upon him as he followed her into her morning-room.
“No,” he said, with a sheepish air of guilt, feeling himself absolutely
wicked to have thus frightened her for ends of his own.
Lucy had lingered behind, and was following him when she heard this
reply. She turned at once and went away. Her heart had beat even more
wildly than her mother’s at sight of him, but with less simplicity of
feeling. Was it just that Arthur should always be the first thought? If
it was not something which had happened to Arthur that brought Lewis
here, then it was--something else. This conclusion, so very simple when
put into these words, filled Lucy with involuntary excitement. When he
said “No” to her mother’s question, she turned and went away. Was he
going to risk it then, to dare all the dangers of absolute separation?
Lucy had not seen him for more than a year; but she knew what was in his
heart. She had never doubted him; she had been faithful herself to the
undisclosed hope, and so had he. She hurried away to her own room, while
he, she knew it, went to try their fortune, to put it to the test, to
lose or gain everything. Lucy’s heart beat so that she could not think.
And would they be so hard, so cruel as to deny her her happiness, the
father and mother who loved her so dearly? Most probably they would do
so. She could not deceive herself. Most likely he would be sent away
without hope, perhaps with disdain. A girl has a terrible moment to go
through when she knows that her life, and the life of another still more
dear to her, are thus being decided for her without any power of hers to
interfere. If Lewis asked her for her love, she would tell him yes, she
would give it, she had given it; but herself she could not give. She was
free, you may say, of age, fully capable of choosing, and with no law,
human or divine, to prevent her from settling, what was more important
to her than to anyone, her own course and her own companion in life. All
so true, yet so futile in its truth. Lucy was free; yet tied hand and
foot, bound by innumerable gossamer threads of duty and affection, which
she could not, and would not, if she could, attempt to break. It was no
law nor enacted disability, nothing that Parliament could touch, nor
public opinion, nor emancipation of women; but nature, unrepealable,
unchangeable, that bound her. She could not go to her usual occupations,
she could not go downstairs. She sat trembling, scarcely able to think
for the sound in her ears of commotion within her. She had to sit and
wait while he made his venture; she knew there was nothing, for the
moment, in her power.
“Not Arthur!” cried Lady Curtis. “Oh, forgive me, Lewis, that I always
think of my own boy first. You are sure there is nothing that you want
to tell me gently? I know your kind heart--not to frighten me?”
“I want to tell you something--about myself, Lady Curtis.”
“Ah!” she cried in a tone of relief; and then with a perceptible ease
and calm of indifference, “about yourself? I hope it is something very
good, very delightful, something equal to your deserts. There is nothing
I could be so happy to hear.”
“Something of that to begin with,” he said, and told her of the
advantages that had come to him; his appointment on the Commission, and
his first important brief. Lady Curtis was delighted, as she had
promised to be. She threw herself into the discussion of his prospects
with enthusiasm.
“I am as glad as I could be of anything, except good fortune to Arthur,”
she said. “My dear Lewis, you who have been so good to us all! you come
next. And now all the world is before you, and everything that is good.
Thank God for it! though I never had any doubt on the subject,” she
said, smiling at him through tears of pleasure, as she held both his
hands.
How cheering this was! sympathy could not be more warm, more cordial,
more affectionate. It warmed his heart, and brought the tears to his own
eyes.
“Yes,” he said, “it is the beginning, I believe, and hope--. It is the
opening of the door. My career ought to be clear now, if I have courage
and heart to go on.”
“You, courage and heart!” she said, “of course you will have both,
Lewis. You are not the kind of man that fails. I never for a moment
expected anything else. It is not always, to be sure, that men get what
they deserve; but you--you are not of the mettle which fails.”
“But supposing that, and that I succeed, what is it to lead to, Lady
Curtis?” he asked, half-mournfully; for it was evident to him that, as
yet, she had not even the least glimmer of imagination as to what he was
going to ask.
“Lead to?” she said; “the Bench of course, and perhaps the woolsack; you
speak so little of yourself that I scarcely know which way your
ambitions lie, Lewis, whether you care for politics at all; of course
that is the finer career of the two--if you take to it.”
“That is all you give me then,” he said, “my choice of two dignities? I
do not say they are not both great objects of ambition; but is there
nothing sweeter, nothing dearer to come, my lady? You are very kind to
me--kinder than I had any right to expect; but have you nothing more to
wish me in your kind heart than the woolsack and the Bench?”
She looked at him, faltering a little. She began now to see what he
meant.
“What can I say more?” she said, “yes, everything, Lewis. I wish you
all--you can desire.”
“The desire of my heart,” he said, getting up from his seat in his
agitation; “that is the wish in the Psalms, and there is none that goes
so far, or is so sweet. My lady, you have known me almost ever since I
was fit to form a wish. Don’t you know what it is--the desire of my
heart?”
“Lewis--Lewis!” she cried, hastily; then stopped. Had she been about to
warn him to say no more, to stop him in the revelation of his wishes?
but if so she changed her mind, and looked at him eagerly, alarmed, and
wringing her hands.
“You know what it is,” he said, with a smile, turning to her. “I don’t
need to say it, do I? If I cannot have Lucy, what is everything else
worth to me? I know I am not her equal in birth, if you still think that
matters, beyond everything else. But does it, does it? No one else can
have thought of her so long and constantly as I have done. I know all
her tastes, her ways. What she likes I like--and her brother, you know,
Lady Curtis--has been all I have known for a brother.”
“I know, I know,” she said, and the tears in her eyes were not now tears
of pleasure. She shook her head while she looked at him with motherly
tenderness, through her wet eyelashes. “And you have been the best
brother to him, the kindest!” she cried. “Alas!” but with all she shook
her head.
“I did not mean to set up any claim on that score,” he said, quickly;
“but because there has been this constant affection between us, and I
have never thought of any other woman. All the rest of the world has
been naught to me by the side of Lucy. I have thought of no one but her.
And is this all nothing, my lady, worse than nothing, because my
grandfather was a tradesman? It seems hard, don’t you think it is hard,
difficult to bear?”
“Lewis, you know it is not so everywhere,” she cried. “There are
gentlemen in England--the best in the land, who would give their
daughter to you, Lewis Durant, good as you are known to be, the truest
gentleman, and rejoice in her happiness!” She paused, and her voice
fell, and once more she shook her head. “But Sir John--”
“If I have your help, my lady, I will not be afraid of Sir John,” he
said, “he is not like you; but he is good to the bottom of his heart,
good all through and through.”
“Lewis!” cried my lady, with sudden emotion, “do you want me to be in
love with you as well as Lucy? So he is, my dear boy; so he is, my dear
prejudiced narrow-minded old man! he does not understand always--but he
is good, as you say, all good, and no guile in him. But what has that to
do with it after all, my poor boy?” she added, dropping from her
enthusiasm, and shaking her head once more. “He is fond of you too, and
that does not matter either; you will never get him to see it, never! I
know him better than you do.”
“If you will be on my side he will come to see it,” said Durant. She
made him no direct reply, but hurried on.
“And all the more since we have had this disappointment with Arthur. If
Arthur had married happily as we liked--as young Seymour has
done--things might have been different. But now that Arthur has made
such shipwreck, Lucy is all that is left to us. He will not let her
speak to anyone whom he thinks inferior to her. He has almost shut the
house even to his nephew Bertie; he would prefer even that she did not
marry at all.”
“All this will not alarm me,” he said, keeping his eyes upon her, “if
you are on my side.”
“Think!” she said, not paying any attention; “think how bad it is for us
in the county. Arthur thrown away upon a--worse than nobody: a foolish
girl who has not even the wit to hold by him and make him happy--our
only son! and Lucy our only daughter, if she too were to--”
“Marry a nobody!” he said, with a smile, which he could not divest of
some bitterness. “Ah, Lady Curtis! that was what I feared--you are not
on my side.”
“Lewis, only think!” she said; “put yourself in my place! I have been so
proud of my children; perhaps it was foolish, heaven knows one always
suffers for it; but if neither of them--neither of them! is to--have any
_succès_ in marriage, make any brilliant connection. Yes, yes,” she
said, “it is contemptible, I know it, you have a right to scorn me; but,
Lewis, put yourself in my place.”
“I do,” he said; “and if I could I would grudge Lucy to a nobody as much
as you do; but is all my happiness to go for that, my lady? I dare not
speak of hers,” he said, faltering, “if I could hope that her happiness
was concerned, what secondary consideration in the world could be put by
the side of that?”
Lady Curtis shook her head. She clasped and unclasped her hands, with
the nervousness of agitation.
“It is easy for you to say that,” she cried, “very easy for you at your
stage; but happiness is not everything--happiness is not all I have to
look to,” and as she spoke, there flashed across Lady Curtis’s mind a
realization of the time when she should hear her daughter called Mrs.
Durant, and listen to the anxious explanations of society, as to how old
Durant the saddler, was not her father, but her grandfather-in-law. How
could she bear it, how could she bear it? she who had in imagination
seen her pretty daughter the admired of all admirers, at the height of
splendour and fashion, and with a better title than her mother’s. No,
no, no; it was not to be tolerated. She could never permit it! whatever
traitors might fight in her bosom for Lewis and his rights.
“This is how it is then,” he said, sadly, “it is you, my friend, my
kindest patroness and guide, you who have been the help to me that only
such as you could be--that reject me, _my_ lady? Why should I claim you
as _my_ lady--or use such a familiar term at all?”
“Lewis, don’t be cruel to me,” she cried.
“I am not cruel. It is only that it is you, and not Sir John, who
rejects me,” he said.
No intimation was made to Lucy how this interview was going on; she did
not know what form it would take, nor how far Durant would go; and after
the first half hour of suppressed excitement and agitation, her pride
arose against the notion of waiting here for any news that might be sent
her. She would not do it. She went out, rushing along, round by the back
of the house, to avoid being seen from her mother’s windows, and set off
to visit a sick family in the Park, belonging to one of the gamekeepers.
This would occupy her, and prevent her mind from dwelling upon anything
Lewis might have to say to Lady Curtis, and anything my lady might
reply. But it may be imagined how busy her mind was with a thousand
thoughts as she struck across the damp park, upon which the hoarfrost
had melted not very long before. It made her wet, but she did not care.
She did not come back, and this was done with intention, till the bell
was ringing for luncheon. She saw her mother and Durant both looking
anxiously down the avenue as she made her way in by the back entrance as
she had gone out. “My lady wants you, Miss Lucy,” all the maids told her
one after another; but Lucy’s pride was not to be so easily overcome.
She went upstairs and took off her wet shoes and outdoor wraps with the
composure of a Stoic, going down only when the summons of the bell was
no longer to be neglected, for Sir John was not a man to be kept
waiting. When she got down stairs, her colour a little brighter than
usual, and her air perhaps conscious in the very elaboration of
indifference--she found the party already assembled, her father from his
library, and her mother from the morning-room, where she had been shut
up the whole morning with her guest. These two gave her anxious glances,
both the one and the other. Some understanding she felt sure they must
have come to, as, mastering her pride and the sense of injury she felt
in being thus unacquainted with what had been going on, she sat down at
the table. Why did not she know, why was not she the first person to be
considered? To be sure it was her own fault. She had gone away,
concealing herself from them, binding on her armour of pride, pretending
not to know or care. But it was curious even to Lucy in that condition,
and would have been still more curious to a calmer spectator to see Sir
John taking his place in unbroken calm amid a party so agitated. Sir
John knew nothing of what had been going on, of Durant’s presumptuous
hopes, nor of how he had been occupied winning over Lady Curtis to his
side. He was full of something which had happened to himself, a little
adventure which had quite roused him from his habitual calm. He told
them all the story as they sat at the meal, which was little more than a
pretence to the others. While he ate his cutlet he went on with his
tale, telling them how he had driven out to see the state of the
plantations of which Rolt had been talking, and how as they approached
one special spot he sent the groom away to inquire into some changes in
the covers which he had not authorized.
“And when I got as far as Fox’s Hollow,” said Sir John, “I found the
gate shut, which Short had assured me was always open. I was driving the
black colt, Lucy; you know the animal is a restive creature and very
fresh. I don’t know when he had been in harness before. I remember the
time when it would not have cost me much to jump down and open the gate,
too quick to give any horse his head, but that is all over now. I was
reflecting what to do with such a high-tempered brute, and a little
doubtful whether I’d venture to get down--a slow business now, Durant,
as you’ll know when you have come to my years; and as I was thinking
that discretion was the better part of valour, who should rise up
suddenly from the bushes but--no, not a pheasant, not a covey--but a
beautiful young lady. You may well open your eyes--a young creature like
a princess in a strange sort of black dress. I never saw her before.
She opened the gate to me, and she made me a curtsey and gave me a
smile. I can tell you, my lady, it produced such a sensation in me as I
have not felt for long enough. Of course I thanked her--of course I said
everything in the way of gratitude, and regret to have troubled her, and
excuse of myself as an old man. But the wonder is I didn’t know her! A
perfectly charming creature! Could it be young Seymour’s wife, or who
could it be? Upon my honour, though it sounds so strange to say so, I
never saw her before!”
“Then _you_ have seen her, too?” cried Lady Curtis. “Now, Lucy, you
perceive your papa agrees with me--”
“Who is this mysterious princess?” said Durant. He was glad as was my
lady of something that relieved the painful agitation of pre-occupied
thoughts.
“I don’t know who she is, but she is a very charming person,” said Sir
John, helping himself to another cutlet. “One would think you had all
lunched in secret while I have been having my adventure. Durant, you
don’t eat anything. If it had been you who had seen this vision, we
should have drawn our own conclusions; but it has not taken away my
appetite,” the old man said with a smile. “If it was young Seymour’s
wife, young Seymour is a lucky fellow. I can’t think otherwise who she
could be.”