SETTING: Interior of Macedonia Baptist Church, a rectangular room,
windows on each side, two "Amen Corners", pulpit with a plush cover
with heavy fringe, practical door in pulpit, practical door in front
of church, two oil brackets with reflectors on each side wall with
lamps missing all but one, one big oil lamp in center.
ACTION: At the rise, church is about full. A buzz and hum fills the
church. Voices of children angry and jeering heard from the street.
The church bell begins to toll for death. Everybody looks shocked.
SISTER LEWIS
Lawd! Is Dave done died from dat lick?
SISTER THOMAS
(to her husband) Walter, go see. (He gets up and starts down the aisle
to front door. Enter Deacon Hambo by front door.)
WALTER
Who dead?[Note: correction to e]
HAMBO
(laughing) Nobody--jus' tollin' de bell for dat Meth'dis gopher dat's
gointer be long long gone after dis trial. (laughter from the Baptist
side)
WALTER
Y'all sho thinks you runs dis town, dontcher? But Elder Simms'll show
you somethin' t'day. If he don't, God's uh gopher.
HAMBO
He can't show us nothin' cause he don't know nothin' hisself.
WALTER
He got mo' book-learnin' than Rev. Singletary got.
HAMBO
He mought be unletter-learnt, but he kin drive over Sims like a
road plow.
METHODIST CHORUS
Aw, naw! Dat's a lie!
(Enter Rev. Simms by front door with open Bible in hand. A murmur of
applause arises on the Methodist side, grunts on the Baptist side.
Immediately behind him comes Lum Boger leading Jim Weston. They parade
up to the right Amen Corner and seat themselves on the same bench, Jim
between the Marshall and the preacher. A great rooster crowing and hen
cackling arises on the Baptist side. Jim Weston jumps angrily to his
feet.)
(Enter by front door Rev. Singletary and Dave. Dave's head is
bandaged, but he walks firmly and seems not ill at all. They sit in
the left Amen Corner. Jeering grunts from the Methodist side.)
SISTER THOMAS
Look at ol' Dave trying to make out he's hurt.
LIGE
Everybody know uh Baptis' head is hardern uh rock. Look like they'd be
skeered tuh go in swimmin', do they heads would drown 'em. (general
laughter on Methodist side)
(Enter Bro. Nixon with his jumper jacket on his arm and climbs over
the knees of a bench full of people and finds seat against the wall
directly beneath empty lamp bracket. He looks around for some place to
dispose of his coat. Sees the lamp-bracket and hangs up the coat,
hitches up his pants and sits down.)
SISTER LEWIS
(rising and glaring at Nixon) Shank Nixon, you take yo' lousy coat
down off these sacred walls. Ain't you Methdis' niggers got no
gumption in de house of Wash-up!
(Nixon mocks her by standing akimbo and shaking himself like a woman.
General laughter. He prepares to resume his seat but looks over and
sees Deacon Hambo on his feet, and glaring angrily at him. He quickly
reaches up and takes the coat down and folds it across his knees.)
(Sister Taylor looks very pointedly at Sister Lewis then takes a dip
of snuff and looks sneering at Lewis again.)
SISTER TAYLOR
Some folks is a whole lot more keerful bout a louse in de church than
[Note: corrected missing space] they is in they house. (Looks
pointedly at Sister Lewis.)
SISTER LEWIS
(bustling) Whut you gazin' at me for? Wid your pop-eyes looking like
skirt ginny-nuts.
SISTER TAYLOR
I hate to tell you whut yo' mouf looks like. I sho do you and soap and
soap and water musta had some words.
SISTER LEWIS
Talkin' bout other folks being dirty--yo' young 'uns must be sleep in
they draws cause you kin smell 'em a mile down de road.
SISTER TAYLOR
Taint no lice on 'em though.
SISTER LEWIS
You got just as many bed-bugs and chinches as anybody else, don't come
trying to hand me dat rough package bout yo' house so clean.
SISTER TAYLOR
Yeah, but I done seen de bed-bugs munchin' out yo' house in de
mornin', keepin' step just like soldiers drillin'. An' you got so many
lice I seen em on de dish-rag. One day you tried to pick up de
dish-rag and put it in de dish water and them lice pulled back and
tole you "Aw naw, damned if I'm going to let you drown me." (Loud
laughter from the Methodist side)
SISTER LEWIS
(furious--rises akimbo) Well, my house might not be exactly clean, but
there's no fly-specks on my character! They didn't have to sit de
sheriff to make Willie marry _me_ like they did to make Tony marry
_you_.
SISTER TAYLOR
(Jumping up and starts across the aisle. She is pulled back out of the
aisle by friends.) Yeah, they got de sheriff to make Tony marry me,
but he married me and made me a good husband, too. I sits in my
rocking cheer on my porch every Sat'day evening and say "here come
Tony and them--
SISTER LEWIS
Them what?
SISTER TAYLOR
Them dollars. Now you sho orter go git de sheriff and a shot-gun and
make some of dese men marry yo' daughter Ada.
SISTER LEWIS
(Jumping up and starting across the aisle. She is restrained, but
struggles hard.) Lemme go, Jim Merchant! Turn me go! I'm going to
stomp de black heifer till she can't sit down.
SISTER TAYLOR
(Also struggling) Let her come on! If I get my hands on her I'll turn
her every way but loose.
SISTER LEWIS
Just come on out dis church, Lucy Taylor. I'll beat you on everything
you got but yo' tongue and I'll bit dat a lick if you stick it out.
(to the men holding her) Turn me go! I'm going to fix her so her own
mammy won't know her. She ain't going to slip _me_ into de dozens and
laugh about it.
SISTER TAYLOR
(Trying to free herself) Why don't y'all turn dat ole twist mouth
'oman loose. All I wants to do is hit her one lick. I betcha I'll take
her 'way from here faster than de word of God.
SISTER LEWIS
(to men holding Mrs. Taylor) I don't see how come y'all want let ole
flat-behind Lucy Taylor aloose--make out she so bad, now. She may be
red hot but I kin cool her. I'll ride her just like Jesus rode a
jackass.
(They have subsided into their seats again, but are glaring at each
other. Enter Mayor Clarke thru the pulpit door and is annoyed at the
clamor going on. He tries to quell the noise with a frown.)
SISTER TAYLOR
Dat ain't nothin' but talk--You looks lak de Devil before day, but you
ain't so bad--not half as bad as you smell.
CLARKE
Order, please. Court is set.
SISTER LEWIS
You looks like all hell and de devil's doll baby, but all I want _you_
to do is to hit de ground and I'll crawl you. Put it where I kin git
it and I'll sho use it.
MAYOR CLARKE
(feeling everywhere for the gavel) Lum Boger! Where's dat gavel I told
you to put here?
LUM
(from beside prisoner) You said _you_ were going to git it yo'self.
CLARKE
I God, Lum, you gointer stand there like a bump on a log and see I
ain't got nothin' to open court wid? Go head--fetch me dat gavel. Make
haste quick before dese wimmen folks tote off dis church house. (Lum
exits by front door)
SISTER TAYLOR
(to Lewis) Aw, shut up, you big old he-looking rascal you! Nobody
don't know whether you'se a man or a woman.
CLARKE
You wimmen, shut up!
SISTER LEWIS
(to Taylor) Air Lawd! Dat ain't _yo_ trouble. They all _knows_ whut
_you_ is--eg-zackly!
LINDSAY
Aw, why don't you wimmen cut dat out in de church-house! Jus' jawin'
and chewin' de rag!
SISTER TAYLOR
Joe Lindsay, if you'd go home and feed dat raw-boned horse of yourn
you wouldn't have so much time to stick yo' bill in business that
ain't yourn.
LINDSAY
You ain't got nairn to feed--You better go hunt another dead dog and
git some mo' teeth. Great big ole empty mouf, and no cheers in de
parlar.
SISTER TAYLOR
I kin git all de teeth I wants--I'd ruther not have no cheers in my
parlor than to have them ole snags you got in yo' mouf. I'd ruther gum
it out.
LINDSAY
You don't _ruther_ gum it out, you _hafta_ gum it out. You ain't got
no teeth. Dey better send out to dat ole mule and git you some
teethes.
SISTER LEWIS
Joe Lindsay, don't you know no better than to strain wid folks ain't
got sense enough to tote guts to a bean? If they ain't born wid no
sense you cna't learn 'em none.
LINDSAY
You sho done tole whut God love now. (Glaring across the aisle) Ain't
got enough gumption to kill a buzzard.
(Enter Lum by front door with gavel in one hand and mule bone in the
other. He walks importantly up the aisles and hands Clarke the gavel
and lays the bone atop the pulpit.)
CLARKE
(rapping sharply with gavel) Here! You moufy wimmen shut up. (to Lum)
Lum, go on back there and shut dem wimmen up or put 'em outa here.
(Lum starts walking importantly down the aisle towards Sister Taylor.
she almost rises to meet him.)
SISTER TAYLOR
Lum Boger, you fresh little snot you! Don't you dast to come here
trying to put _me_ out--Many diapers as I done pinned on _you_! Git
way from me befo' I knock every nap off of yo' head, one by one.
(Lum hurries away from her apologetically. He turns towards Mrs.
Lewis.)
MRS. LEWIS
Deed Godknows you better not lay de weight of yo' hand on _me_, Lum.
Here you ain't dry behind de ears yert and come telling _me_ what to
do. Gwan way from here before I kick yo' clothes up round you' neck
like a horse collar.
(Lum goes on back and takes his seat beside the prisoner.)
CLARKE
(glaring ferociously) This court is set and I'm bound to have some
order or else. (The talking ceases. Absolute quiet)
CLARKE
Now less git down to business. We got folks in dis town dat's just
like a snake in de grass.
SISTER BOGER
Brother Mayor! We ain't got no business going into no trial nor
northin' else 'thout a word of prayer--to be sure de right spirit is
wid us.
VOICE ON METHODIST SIDE
Thass right,--Elder Simms, give us a word of prayer. (He rises
hurriedly.)
VOICE ON BAPTIST SIDE
This is a Baptist Church and de pastor is settin' right here--how come
he can't pray in his own church?
VOICE ON METHODIST SIDE
Y'all done started all dis mess--how you going to git de right spirit
here? Go head, Rev. Simms.
VOICE ON BAPTIST SIDE
He can't pray over me. Dis Church says one Lord, one faith, one
Baptism--and a man that ain't never been baptised atall ain't got no
business praying over nobody.
CLARKE
(rapping with gavel) Less sing! Somebody raise a tune.
(VOICE ON BAPTIST SIDE begins "Onward Christian Soldiers" and the
others join in.)
(VOICE ON METHODIST SIDE begins "All hail the power of Jesus name" and
the Methodists join in. Both shout as loud as they can to the end of
the verse.)
(Mayor Clarke raps loudly for order at the end of the verse and lifts
his hands as if to bless a table)
CLARKE
(praying) Lord be withus and bless these few remarks we are about to
receive, Amen. Now this court is open for business. All of us know we
came here on serious business. This town is bout to be tore up by
back-biting and malice. Now everybody that's a witness in this case
stand up. I wants the witness to take the front seat.
(Nearly everybody in the room rises. Brother Hambo frowns across the
aisle at Mrs. McDuffy, who is standing.)
BROTHER HAMBO
Whut _you_ doing standin' up for a witness? I know you wasn't there.
You don't know one thing about it.
SISTER McDUFFY
I got just as much right to testify as you is. I don't keer if I
wasn't there. Any man that treat they wife bad as _you_ can't tell
nobody else they eye is black. You clean round yo' _own_ door before
you go sweeping round other folks.
SISTER LINDSAY
(to Nixon) What you doin' up there testifying? When you done let yo'
hawg root up all my p'tater patch.
NIXON
Aw shut up woman--You ain't had no taters for no pit to root up.
SISTER LINDSAY
Who ain't had no taters? (To Lige) Look here, Lige, didn't I git a
whole crokus sack full of tater slips from yo' brother Sam?
LIGE
(reluctantly) Yeah.
SISTER LINDSAY
Course I had sweet p'taters! And if you stand up there and tell _me_ I
ain't had no p'taters I'll be all over you just like gravy over rice.
NIXON
Aw shut up--We ain't come here to talk about yo' tater vines, we come--
SISTER LINDSAY
(to her husband) Joe! What kind of a husband is you? Set here and let
Nixon 'buse me out lak dat!
WALTER
How is he going to give anybody a straightening when he needs
straightening hisself. I bought a load of compost from him and _paid
for it in advance_ and he come there when I wasn't home and dumped a
half-a-load in there and drove on off wid my money.
SISTER HAMBO
Aw, you ain't got no right to talk, Walter, not low down as you is--if
somebody stump their toe in dis town you won't let yo' shirt-tail
touch you till you bolt over to Maitland and puke yo' guts to de white
folks--and God knows I 'bominates a white folks nigger.
WALTER
Aw you just mad cause I wouldn't let your old starved-out cow eat up
my cow-peas.
SISTER HAMBO
(triumphantly) Unhumh! I knowed you was the one knocked my cow's horn
off! And you lied like a doodle-bug going backwards in his hole and
made out you didn't do it.
WALTER
I didn't do no such a thing.
SISTER HAMBO
I say you did and belong to Macedonia Baptist Church and I can't lie.
WALTER
Yo' mouf is cut cross ways, ain't it? Well then, yo' mouf ain't no
prayer-book even if yo' lips do flap like a Bible. You kin lie and
then re-lie.
DEACON HAMBO
Walter Thomas talk dat biggity talk to me, not to my wife. Maybe you
kin whip her, but if you can't whip me too, don't bring de mess up.
CLARKE
(rapping) Y'all men folks shut up before I put you both under arrest.
Come to order everybody.
LINDSAY
I just wants say this before we go any further. Nobody bet not slur my
wife in here--do I'll strow 'em all over de county.
MRS. NIXON
Aw, youse de nastiest threatener in three states but I ain't seen you
do nothin'. De seat of yo' pants is too close to de ground for you to
be crowin' so loud. You so short you smell right earthy.
MRS. LINDSAY
De seat of yo' husband's britches been draggin' de ground ever since I
knowed him. Don't like it dontcher take it, here's my collar come and
shake it. (She puts the palms of her hands together and holding the
heels together, flaps the fore part of her hands like a gator opening
and shutting its mouth. This infuriates Mrs. Nixon.
CLARKE
Shut up! We didn't come here to wash and iron niggers. We come here
for a trial. (raps)
MRS. NIXON
(to Clarke) I ain't going to shut up nothin' of de kind. Think I'm
going to let her low-rate me and I take it all? Naw indeed. I'm going
to sack dis female out before we any further go.
MRS. LINDSAY
Aw, I done dished you out too many times. Go head on and try to keep
yo' lil squatty husband away from down on de lake wid wimmens and
you'll have _all_ you can do. How does old heavy-hipted mama talk?
(snaps her fingers)
MRS. NIXON
Nobody wouldn't have you if he could get anybody else.
(She makes a circle with her thum and first finger and
holds it up for Mrs. Lindsay to see.) Come thru--don't
you feel cheap?
CLARKE
Sister Nixon, shut up!
SISTER NIXON
You can't shut me up, not the way you live. When you quit beatin Mrs.
Mattie and dominizing her all de time then you kin tell other folks
what to do. You ain't none of my boss. Don't let yo' wooden God and
corn-stalk Jesus fool you now. Now de way you sells rancid bacon for
fresh.
NIXON
Aw, honey, hush a while, please and less git started.
(A momentary quiet falls on the place. Mayor glowers all over the
place. Turns to Lum.)
CLARKE
Lum, git a piece of paper and a pencil and take de names of all de
witnesses _who was dere while de fight was going on_.
LUM
(Pulling a small tablet and pencil out of his coat pocket) I brought
it with me.
CLARKE
Now everybody who was at de fight hold up yo' hands so Lum can know
who you are.
(Several hands go up. Sister Anderson puts up her hand.)
CLARKE
You wasn't there, Sister Anderson, not at that time.
SISTER ANDERSON
I hadn't been gone more'n ten minutes 'fore Dave come in from de
woods.
CLARKE
But you didn't see it.
SISTER ANDERSON
It don't make no difference--my husband heered every word was spoke
and told me jes' lak it happen. Don't tell _me_ I can't testify.
DEACON HAMBO
Nobody can't testify but de two boys cause nobody wuz at de fight but
dem.
SISTER ANDERSON
Dat's all right too, Brother, but I know whut they wuz fightin' about
an' it wudn't no turkey neither. It wuz Daisy Blunt.
MRS. BLUNT
Just you take my chile's name right out yo' mouf, Becky Anderson. She
wuznt out in dat cypress swamp. Leave her out dis mess.
REV. SIMMS
You ain't got no call to be so touchous bout yo' girl, but you sho
said a mouthful, Sister Blunt. Dis sho is a mess. Can't help from
being uh mess. (glares at Mayor) Holdin' a trial in de Baptist Church!
Some folks ain't got sense enough todo 'em till four o'clock and its
way after half past tree right now.
MAYOR
Shet up, dere, Simms! Set down! Who ast yo' pot to boil, nohow! Court
is de best church they is, anyhow, cause you come in court. You better
have a good experience and a strong determination. (raps vigorously)
Now lemme tell _y'all_ something. When de Mayor sets Court--don't keer
when I sets it nor where I sets it, you got to git quiet and stay
quiet till I ast you tuh talk. I God, you sound lak a tree full uh
blackbirds! Dis ain't no barbecue, nor neither no camp meetin'. We
'sembled here tuh law uh boy on a serious charge. (A great buzz rises
from the congregation. Mayor raps hard for order and glares all about
him.) Hear! Hear! All of us kin sing at de same time, but can't but
one of us talk at a time. I'm doin' de talkin' now, so de rest of you
dry up till I git through. I God, you sound lak uh passle uh dog
fights! We ain't here for no form and no fashion and no outside show
to de world. Wese here to law. (to Lum) You done got all de witnesses
straight--Got they names down?
LUM
Yessuh, I got it all straightened out.
CLARKE
Well, read de names out and let de witnesses take de front seats.
LUM
Mr. Clarke, I done found out nobody wasn't at dat fight but Jim and
Dave and de mule bones. Dere's de bone Dave got hit wid up on de
rostrum and deres Jim and Dave in de Amen Corners.
DAVE
(rising excitedly) Mist' Clarke! Brother Mayor, I wants to ast uh
question right now to git some information.
MAYOR
All right, Dave, go head and ast it.
DAVE
Brother Mayor, I wanted to know whut become of my turkey gobbler?
MAYOR
I God, Dave, youse in order. Lum! I God, I been layin' off to ast you
whut you dont wid dat turkey. Where is it?
(A burst of knowing laughter from the house)
LUM
(very embarrassed) Well, when you tole me to go 'rrest Jim and de
turkey, I took and went on round to his ma's house and he wudnt dere
so I took and turnt round and made it t'wards Daisy's house an' I
caught up wid him under dat China-berry tree jest befo' you gits tuh
Daisy's house. He was makin' it on t'wards her house wid de turkey in
one hand--his gun crost his shoulder when I hailed 'im. I hollered
"Jim, hold on dere uh minute!" He dropped de turkey and wheeled and
throwed de gun on me.
MAYOR CLARKE
I God, he drawed uh gon on de City Marshall?
LUM
Yessir! He sho did. Thought I was Dave. Tole me: "Don't you come
another step unless you want to see yuh Jesus." I hollered back "It's
me, I ain't no Dave Carter." So he took de gun offa me and I went up
to him and put him under arrest, and locked him up in yo' barn and
brought _you_ de key, didn't I?
CLARKE
You sho did, but I God, I ast you whut become of de turkey?
LUM
De turkey wasn't picked or nothin', so I put him under 'rrest too,
jus' lak you tole me. (general laughter)
CLARKE
I God, Lum, whut did you _do_ wid de turkey after you put him under
'rrest?
LUM
Jim, he didn't want to come wid me till he could make it to Daisy's
house to give her det turkey but, bein so close up on him till he
couldn't draw his rifle, I throwed my 32:20 in his face an' tole him I
said "Don't you move! Don't you move uh pig do I'll burn you down! I
got my burner cocked dead in yo' face and I'll keer you down jus' lak
good gas went up. Come on wid me!" So I took his rifle and picked up
de turkey and marched him off to yo' cow-lot. Ast him didn't I do it.
I tole him, I said "I know you Westons goes for bad but I'm yo' match.
I said you may be slick but you kin stand another greasing. Now sir! I
ain't skeered uh nobody. I'll put de whole town under 'rrest.
MAYOR CLARKE
I God, Lum, if you don't tell me whut you done wid dat turkey, you
better! (draws back the gavel as if to hurl it at Lum) I'll lam you
over de head wid dis mallet! Whut did you do wid dat gobbler turkey?
LUM
Being as he wasn't picked or nothin', I know you didn't want to be
bothered wid it, so I took and carried it over to Mrs. Blunt's house
and she put on some hot water and we set up way Sat'day night pickin
de turkey and fixin him so nex' day she cooked him off--just sorta
baked him wid a lil stuffin an' such, so he'd keep.
MAYOR CLARKE
Didn't you know my wife knowed how to cook? Go fetch dat turkey here,
and don't let no dead lice fall off of you on de way.
LUM
(extremely embarrassed) I don't speck he's dere now, Mist' Clarke.
CLARKE
(ferociously) How come?
LUM
I passed by dere on Sunday and et a lil piece of shoulder offa him,
an' being everybody else was eatin' turkey too, I et some breast meat
an' uh mouf ful or two of stuffin' an' uh drum stick wid de ham part
of de leg hung on to it wid a lil gravy. (general laughter) I thought
I was doin' right cause [Note: corrected missing space] de turkey was
kilt for Daisy anyhow. So I jus' took it on to her. Dave was all hurt
up and Jim was locked up so--
CLARKE
Dat'll do! Dat'll do! Dry up, Suh! (turns to Dave) Stand up, Dave.
Since youse de one got hurted, you be de first witness and tell me
just whut went on out dere.
(Dave rises slowly.)
SISTER TAYLOR
Dat's right, Dave. Git up dere and lie lak de cross ties from New York
to Texas. You greasy rascal you! You better go wash yo'self before you
go testifying on people.
DAVE
I'm just as clean as you.
REV. SINGLETARY
(jumping to his feet) Wait a minute! Taint none of y'all got no call
to be throwin' off on dis boy. He come here to git justice, not to be
slurred and low-rated. He ain't 'ssaulted nobody. He ain't stole no
turkeys _nor_ chickens. He's a clean boy. He set at my feet in Sunday
school since he was so high, (measures knee height) and he come thru
religion under de sound of my voice an' I baptized him and I know he's
clean.
SISTER TAYLOR
It'll take more'n uh baptizin' to clean dat nigger.
DAVE
I goes in swimmin' nearly every day. I'm just as clean as anybody
else.
SISTER TAYLOR
(Mayor begins rapping for order. She shouts out) Swimmin! Dat ain't
gointer clean de crust offa _you_. You ain't had a good bath since de
devil was a hatchet. If you ain't been parboiled in de wash pot and
scoured wid Red Seal lye, don't bring de mess up.
CLARKE
I'm goin' to have order here or else! Gwan, Dave.
DAVE
It's just lak I tole you Sat'day night.
CLARKE
Yeah, but dat wuz at de store. Dis is in [Note: corrected missing
space] court and it's got to be tole agin.
ELDER SIMMS
Just uh minute, Brother Clarke, before we any further go I wants to
ast de witness uh question dat oughter be answered before he open his
mouf.
MAYOR CLARKE
Whut _kind_ of a question is dat?
SIMMS
Dave, tell de truth. Ain't yo' heart full of envy and malce 'gainst
dis chile? (Gestures towards Jim. Dave shakes his head and starts to
deny the charge but Simms hurries on.) Wait a minute now! Wait till I
git thru. Didn't y'all used to run around everywhere playin' and
singing andeverything till you got so full of envy and malce and
devilment till y'al broke up? Now, Brother Mayor, make him tell de
truth.
DAVE
Yeah, I useter be crazy bout Jim, and we was buddies till he tried to
back bite me wie, wid my girl.
JIM
Never _was_ yo girl. Nohow I ain't none of yo' buddy. I ain't got no
buddy. They kilt my buddy tryin' to raise me. But I did useter lak you
till you acted so low down tryin' to undermine me and root me out wid
my girl.
MAYOR
Aw, table dat business an' less open up new business. We ain't here to
find out whose girl it is. We wants to know 'bout dis fight and who
hit de first lick and how come. Go head on Dave and talk.
DAVE
Well, jus lak I tole yuh, Sat'day night, I been watchin' dat flock uh
wild turkeys ever since way last summer roostin' in de edge of dat
cypress swamp out by Howell Creek, where Brazzle's ole mule was
dragged out. It was a great, bit ole gobbler leadin' de flock. So last
time I seen him I said I was gointer git him for my girl if it taken
me uh year. So Sat'day, kinda late, I grabs ole Hannah, my gun, I
calls her Old Hannah, and come to de store to buy some shells. Y'all
know whut went on at de store. Well, it made me feel lak I wuz
gointergit dat ole gobbler if I had to follow him clean to Diddy war
Diddy or slap into Ginny-Gall. But I didn't have to do nothin'. When I
got out by de ole mule bones, I seen 'em flyin' round lak buzzards. So
I loaded both barrels, squatted down on uh log where I had dead aim on
dat big ole cypress pine where they roosts at. Sho nuff, soon's de sun
had done set, here dey come followin' de leader'. He lit way out on de
end of de limb kinda off from de rest and I eased ole Hannah up on
him. Man! I got so skeered I wuz gointer miss him till I got de all
overs. He gobbled two three times to see if all his fambly was safed
den he settled down and bam! I let him have it! He spread his wings
lak he wuz gointer fly on off an' I _cried_ lak a chile! But I got him
alright and down he come floppin, and me grabbin him before he quit
kickin. Gee, I was proud. He felt lak he weighed forty pounds. Whilst
I was kinda heftin him in my hands I heard uh rifle fire and I looked
and dere was Jim firin into de turkey flock dat was flyin round
skeered. He didn't hit a God's thing, but he seen me wid my gobbler
and come runnin up talking bout give him his turkey. I ast him "who
turkey you talkin bout?[Note: missing double quote?] He says dat one
of hisn I hed done grabbed. I tole him he must gone crazy in de head.
He says, I better give him his turkey before he beat my head off. I
tole him I wasn't gointer give nobody but Daisy Blunt dat turkey.
Otherwise, if he wanted to try my head, I wasn't runnin uh damn step.
Come on. So he jumped on me and tried to snatch de turkey. We fit all
over de place. First we was just tusslin for de bird, but when he
found out he couldn't take it he hit me wid his fist. Den I ups wid my
African soup bone and I bet I plowed up uh acre uh bushes wid his
head. He hit ker-bam! right in dat pack uh mule bones and I turnt and
started off, when lo and behold, he gits up wid dat hock bone and lams
me in de head and when I come to, him and my turkey was gone. So I
come swore out uh warrant aginst him cause didn't fight fair. I ain't
mad. I always lakted Jim, but he sho done dirty--lammin me wid uh mule
bone and takin' [Note: corrected missing space] my turkey.
(Dave resumes his seat and Jim drops his head for a moment, then
snatches it up arrogantly and glares at the Baptists. The whole place
is very silent for a moment. Then Mayor Clarke clears his throat, raps
with his gavel and looks sternly at Jim.)
CLARKE
Jim Weston, stand up suh! (Jim rises sullenly.) Youse charged wid
'saulting Dave Carter wid uh dangerous weapon and then stealin his
lawful turkey gobbler. You heard de charge--guilty or not guilty?
JIM
(arrogantly) Yeah, I hit him and I'll hit him agin if he crowd me. But
I ain't guilty uh no crime. (He hitches up his pants and sits down
arrogantly.)
CLARKE
(surprised) Whuts dat you say, Jim? (raps sharply) Git up from there
sir! Whuts dat you say?
JIM
(rising) I say, heah, I lammed ole Dave wid de mule bone, but I ain't
guilty uh nothin.
(There is a stark silence for a few seconds. Then Clarke raps
nervously.)
CLARKE
How come you ain't guilty?
(Jim sits down amid jubilant smiles of Methodists. Simms chuckles out
loud and wipes his face with his handkerchief. He gets to his feet
still gloating.)
SIMMS
(to Jim) Set down, Jim, and lemme show dese people dat walks in de
darkness wid sinners an' republicans de light.
SINGLETARY
You just as well tuh hush up befo' you start, then, Simms. You can't
show nobody uh light when you ain't got none tuh show.
HAMBO
Ain't dat de gospel?
NIXON
Aw, let de man talk. Y'all sound lak uh tree full uh blackbirds. Go
head on, Elder Simms.
WALTER
Yeah, you can't teach 'em nothin' but talk on. We know whut you
talkin' about.
CLARKE
(raps once or twice) I God, tell it. Whut ever tis you got tuh tell.
SISTER LEWIS
An yeah, hurry up and tell it. I know it ain't goin' tuh be nothin'
after you git it told but hurry up and say it so yo' egg-bag kin rest
easy.
WALTER
Aw shut up an' give de man uh chance.
SISTER LEWIS
My shetters ain't workin' good. Sposin' you come shet me up, Walter.
Den you'll know it's done right.
LIGE
Aw, whyn't y'all ack lak folks an' leave de man talk.
CLARKE
(rapping repeatedly) Order in dis court, I God, jus' like you was in
Orlando! (Silence falls.) Now, Simms, talk yo' chat.
SIMMS
(glances down into his open Bible then looks all around the room with
great deliberation. It is evident he enjoys being the center of
attraction. He smiles smugly as he turns his face towards the pulpit.
He speaks slowly and accents his words so that none will be lost on
his audience.) De Bible says, be sho' you're right, then go ahead. (He
looks all around to collect the admiration he feels he has earned.)
Now, we all done gethered and 'sembled here tuh law dis young lad of
uh boy on uh might serious charge. Uh whole passle of us is rarin tuh
drive him way from home lak you done done off his daddy an' his
brothers.
HAMBO
We never drove off his pappy. De white folks took an' hung him for
killin' dat man [Note: corrected missing space?] in Kissimmee for
nothin'.
SIMMS
Dat ain't de point, brother Hambo.
HAMBO
It's jes' as good uh point as any. If you gointer talk--tell de truth.
An if you can't tell de truth, set down an' leave Rev. Singletary
talk.
SIMMS
Brother Mayor, how come you let dese people run they mouf
lak uh passle uh cow-bells? Ain't I got de floor? I ain't no
breath-and-britches. I was _people_ in Middle Georgy befo' I ever come
to Floridy. Whut kind of Chairman is you, nohow?
CLARKE
(angrily) Heah! Heah! Don't you come tryin' show yo'self round me! I
God, I don't keer whut you wuz in Georgy. I God, I kin eat fried
chicken when you [Note: corrected missing spaces] caint git rain water
tuh drink. Hurry up an' say dat mess you got in yo' craw an' set down.
We needs yo' space more than we needs yo' comp'ny.
NIXON
Don't let him skeer you, Elder Sims. You got plenty shoulders tuh back
yo' fallin.
HAMBO
Well, each an' every shoulder kin hit de ground an' I'll git wid 'em.
Don't like it dontcher take, here my collar come an' shake it.
WALTER
Hambo, everybody in Orange County knows you love tuh fight. But dis is
uh law hearin'--not no wrassle.
HAMBO
Oh you Methdis' niggers wants tuh fight bad enough, but youse skeered.
Youse jus' as hot as Tucker when de mule kicked his mammy. But you
know you got plenty coolers.
SISTER TAYLOR
Aw, taint nobody skeered uh you half-pint Baptists. God knows Ahm
ready an' willin'. (She glares at Mrs. Lewis.)
(Sister Lewis jumps to her feet but is pulled back into her seat.
Mayor Clarke raps for order and the room gets quiet.)
CLARKE
Aw right now, Simms. I God, git through.
SIMMS
(pompously) Now, y'all done up an' took dis po' boy an' had him locked
up in uh barn ever since Sat'day night an' done got him 'coused uh
assault an' stealing uh turkey an' I don't know whut all an' you ain't
got no business wid yo' hands on him stell. He ain't done no crime,
an' if y'all knowed anything 'bout law, I wouldn't have tuh tell you so.
CLARKE
I God, he is done uh crime and he's gointer ketch it, too.
SIMMS
But not by law, Brother Mayor. You tryin' tuh lay uh hearin' on dis
boy an' you can't do it cause he ain't broke no law--I don't keer whut
he done so long as he don't break no law you can't tetch him.
SINGLETARY
He committed assault, didn't he? Dat sho is breakin' de law.
SIMMS
Naw, he ain't committed no 'sault. He jus' lammed Dave over de head
an' took his own turkey an' come on home, dat's all. (triumphantly)
Yuh see y'll don't knoww whut you talkin' 'bout. Now, I done set in de
court house an' heard de white folks law from mornin' till night. (He
flips his Bible shut.) I done read dis book from lid tuh lid an' I
knows de law. You got tuh have uh weepon tuh commit uh 'sault. An'
taint in no white folks law an taint in dis Bible dat no mule bone is
no weapon. I
CLARKE
(after a moment of dead silence) I God, whut's dat you say?
SIMMS
(sitting down and crossing his legs and folding his hands upon his
Bible) You heard me. I say you ain't got no case 'ginst dis boy an'
you got tuh turn him go.
SINGLETARY
(jumping up) Brother Chairman--
CLARKE
(raps once and nods recognition) You got de floor.
SINGLETARY
I ain't book-learnt an' I ain't rubbed de hair offen my head agin no
college wall, but I know when uh 'sault been committed. I says Jim
Weston did 'sault Davie. (He points at Dave's head.) An' steal his
turkey. Everybody knows Jim can't hunt wid Dave. An' he 'saulted Dave
too.
SIMMS
(arrogantly) Prove it!
(Singletary stands there silent and puzzled. The Methodist side breaks
into a triumphant shout of "Oh Mary, don't you weep, don't you moan,
Pharaoh's army got drownded." Singletary sinks into his seat. When
they have shouted out three choruses, Simms arises to speak.)
I move dat we sing doxology and bring dis meetin' to uh close. We'se
all workin' people, Brother Mayor. Dismiss us so we kin gwan back to
our work. De sun is two hours high yet. (looks towards the Methodist
side) I move dat we adjourn.
WALTER
I second de motion.
SINGLETARY
(arising slowly) Hold on there uh minute wid dat motion. Dis ain't no
lodge meetin'. Dis is uh court an' bofe sides got uh right tuh talk.
(motions towards Simms' Bible) Youse uh letter learnt man but I kin
read dat Bible some too. Lemme take it uh minute.
SIMMS
I ain't gointer do it. Any preacher dat amounts to uh hill uh beans
would have his own Bible.
CLARKE
I God, Singletary, you right here in yo' own church. Come on up here
an' read out yo' pulpit Bible. I God, don't mind me being up here.
Come on up.
(A great buzzing breaks out all over the church as Singletary mounts
the pulpit. Clarke raps for order. Simms begins to turn the leaves of
the Bible.)
SIMMS
Brother Mayor, you oughter let us outa here. You ain't got no case
'ginst dis boy. Don't waste our time for nothin'. Leave us go home.
CLARKE
Aw, dry up, Simms. You done talked yo' talk. I God, leave Singletary
talk his. (to Singletary) Step on out when you ready, Rev.
REV. SINGLETARY
(Reading) It says here in Judges 18:18 dat Samson slewed three
thousand [Note: corrected missing space] Philistines wid de jawbone of
an ass.
SIMMS
(on his feet) Yeah, but dis wasn't no ass. Dis was uh mule, Brother
Mayor. Dismiss dis meetin' and less all go home.
SINGLETARY
Yeah, but he was half-ass. A ass is uh mule's daddy and he's biggern
uh ass, too. (emphatic gestures) Everybody knows dat--even de lil
chillun.
SIMMS
(standing) Yeah, but we didn't come here to talk about no asses,
neither no half asses, nor no mule daddies. (laughter from de
Methodists) We come to law uh boy for 'sault an' larceny.
SINGLETARY
(very patiently) We'se comin' to dat pint now. Dat's de second claw uh
de sentence wese expoundin'. I say Jim Weston did have uh weepon in
his hand when he 'saulted Dave. Cause y'all knows if de daddy is
dangerous, den de son is dangerous too. An' y'all knows dat de further
back you gits on uh mule de more dangerous he gits an' if de jawbone
slewed three thousand people, by de time you gits back tuh his hocks,
its pizen enough tuh kill ten thousand. Taint no gun in de world ever
kilt dat many mens. Taint no knives nor no razors ever kilt no three
thousand people. Now, folkses, I ast y'all whut kin be mo' dangarous
dan uh mule bone? (to Clarke) Brother Mayor, Jim didn't jes' lam Dave
an walk off. (very emphatic) He 'saulted him wid de deadliest weepon
there is in de world an' while he was layin' unconscious, he stole his
turkey an' went. Brother Mayor, he's uh criminal an' oughter be run
outa dis peaceful town.
(Great chorus of approval from Baptist Clarke begins to rap for
order.)
SIMMS
(attending) Brother Mayor, I object. I have studied jury and I know
what I'm talkin' about.
CLARKE
Aw dry up, Simms. Youse entirely out of order. You may be slick, but
you kin stand another greasing. Rev. Singletary is right. I God, I
knows de law when I hear it. Stand up dere, Jim.
(Jim rises very slowly. Simms rises also.)
CLARKE
Set down, Simms. I God, I know where to find you when I want you.
(Simms sits.) Jim, I find you guilty as charged an' I wants you to git
outa my town and stay gone for two years. (to Lum) Brother Marshall,
you see dat he gits outa town befo' dark. An' you folks dats so
anxious to fight, git on off dis church grounds befo' you start. And
don't use no knives and no guns and no mule bones. Court's dismissed.
_CURTAIN_